


Bad Blood

by RensSaxophone



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:00:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 87,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25378786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RensSaxophone/pseuds/RensSaxophone
Summary: a vampire au
Relationships: Hijirikawa Masato/Jinguuji Ren/Kurosaki Ranmaru
Comments: 10
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to try to write a longer fic  
> I'm not sure how long this will be, but I definitely still have quite a few more chapters planned out!

When Ranmaru hit the age of seventeen, he had left his home with his mother and sister. His father had died a few years earlier, and Ranmaru had only stayed as long as he had because he had no way out of his situation. 

Ranmaru genuinely held no hatred for his mother or sister- but they weren’t enough of a reason for him to stay. His mother and sister were, of course, a part of his life, but when Ranmaru had left with the little bit of money he had saved, bringing nothing but his bass, his clothes and a large amount of debt, he found that his life hadn’t changed much without them. 

Ranmaru had chosen a place in a town that wasn’t exactly safe, but Ranmaru was never that worried. He carried around a small pocket knife with his initials carved into the blade, a present he had gotten at the age of sixteen, and he was trained in judo. It wasn’t any type of assurance that he’d be safe, but it gave him some peace of mind. He lived in a studio apartment that was pretty bare, and he worked as a cook in a restaurant run by an old couple that he had grown very fond of. 

Ranmaru had worked at the restaurant for a year before he had been approached and asked to work a night shift. The shift ran from about ten at night to six in the morning when the old man would take over for Ranmaru and keep the place running until the next cook and server set came in. The place only sat about fifty, so each shift had two workers, and the day shift had the couple helping where they were able to. For the next year that Ranmaru worked during the night, his coworker was a shy girl with pale pink hair and eyes that reminded Ranmaru of a dead fish. 

Haruka was a nice enough girl, but a few months in for at least a month her face would flush when Ranmaru would look at her, and her pale, slender hands would twist in front of her when she spoke to him in a very soft and gentle voice. When he spoke back her head would duck, and finally her soft-spoken star-struck nature had started to grate on Ranmaru’s nerves- and his purposeful ignoring of her very obvious crush had been doing nothing. He finally stepped up to tell her in a very direct way that he wasn’t into girls, and she should stop looking at him the way that she was. Her pale skin had turned a shade of red, burning all the way down to the collar of her dress shirt and to the tips of her ears and she had bowed and apologized profusely. 

For the rest of that year, they had worked just a bit better. Ranmaru was more comfortable when she wasn’t looking at him with hope in her eyes, even if the next month held a level of embarrassment that irked Ranmaru almost as much as her flustered shyness had. 

But then she had actually found someone- a boy that would often drop by late at night when they were dead, a boy with bright red hair, puppy dog eyes and a bright smile that annoyed Ranmaru on sight. It was too late to be that excitable, but it never stopped the kid. 

Ranmaru guessed that the late night routine was probably difficult on both of them, because Haruka ended up leaving the night shift. Ranmaru had originally assumed that she left, but when he had passed the schedule sheet he noticed that her name was now in the afternoons, just before his own shift. For the next few days, it was difficult, because Ranmaru was both the chef and the server, and Ranmaru _hated_ serving. 

Nighttime was usually dead, but the customers he did have weren’t typically thrilled with his customer service and Ranmaru never was the best actor. Ranmaru was, at first, relieved, when he learned that they had hired a new server. 

Ranmaru doesn’t intend to stop to introduce himself to the boy that arrives just a few minutes before Ranmaru himself does, but when he passes the man, the man follows him into the kitchen. 

Ranmaru finally scowls, stopping to lean against one of the counters to cross his arms and give the new man an annoyed look, also inadvertently taking in the man for the first time. He had orange hair that Ranmaru at first found fairly feminine- but then again, Ranmaru’s first thought when he takes in the man’s sapphire eyes, his tanned skin and his sharp features against his soft, introductory smile, his first thought is _pretty_. “What?”

“I’m Ren.” The man, Ren’s, voice is friendly, not put off in the slightest by Ranmaru’s attitude. “I’m the server that’s going to be helping you.” His smile turns into a grin, and he gives Ranmaru a two finger salute. “You’re Ranmaru, yes? I saw your name on the schedule sheet. Six nights?”

Ranmaru clicks his tongue. At least Haruka didn’t pry. Ranmaru already wasn’t sure how this was going to go. “Look. If you’ve got any questions, ask the owners in the morning ‘r figure it out. When you get orders, you just put ‘em in the window. Your space is the dining room ‘n mine is the kitchen, so stay outta it. Now get out of ‘ere so I can work.”

Ranmaru doesn’t think that Ren would actually listen to him if not for the chime of the bell, signifying a new customer. 

“I guess that’s my cue.” Ren just smiles. He doesn’t sound nearly as intimidating as Ranmaru wishes he had. This was going to hell, Ranmaru decides, working with this guy. It’s a quick and immediate assumption, and it turns out that he’s _right_. 

Ren doesn’t stay out of the kitchen. He’s already back inside of it during the first night, while Ranmaru is cleaning the kitchen, Ren comes in to lean his hips against the counter. 

“Don’t you ‘ave somethin’ better ‘t be doin’?” Ranmaru’s scowl is back. There’s quiet rock music playing from the speaker that’s set up in the kitchen- left for the entirety of the kitchen by one of the morning workers. It’s not loud enough to be heard in the dining room, and it’s not loud enough to drown out Ren and Ranmaru’s conversation. 

“Everything’s clean.” Ren assures. “And my one customer is still eating.” Ren’s elbow lowers onto the counter which makes Ranmaru click his tongue. He had just wiped that down a minute ago. “You’re not exactly a night owl, are you?”

“‘M not into slow days. And every fuckin’ night is a slow day.” 

“Then why take this shift? If you like busy, surely a morning or afternoon shift would be better.”

“‘Cause I was asked ‘t be ‘ere. Didn’t I kick you outta the kitchen?”

Ren laughs. “I’m just trying to get to know my new coworker. We’re going to be spending a lot of time together, you know.”

Ranmaru rolls his eyes, and he goes back to clean the counter Ren had just dirtied. It wasn’t that bad, and it was still almost entirely clean, but it was a message. Ren’s amused expression doesn’t fade, even when he relents and moves his elbows before Ranmaru drags the rag into them. 

This wasn’t the only night Ren went into the kitchen. By the fourth night, Ranmaru stops, leaning near the stoves and crossing his arms. “There’s no way the dining room’s always clean.”

“It is.” Ren assures. “If you really don’t believe me, you can always check.” Ranmaru glances towards the window. “There are no customers right now.” 

Ranmaru clicks his tongue, glancing away from the window but also away from Ren’s face. He hadn’t ever expressly mentioned his distaste for interacting with the customers, but Ren had picked up on it easily. After a long second, Ranmaru just lets out a grumble. “‘M guessin’ if it never got cleaned the owner’s would’a said somethin’.”

Ren hums in agreement. 

“But why’re you still in ‘ere?”

“Can you really tell me you enjoy standing in an entirely clean kitchen by yourself for five hours a night? I’m just alleviating boredom.”

“Yours?”

“Well, I’m trying to help yours, too. You did say you liked busy. I can’t change _that_ -”

Ranmaru’s eyes roll. “I’ve got music.”

Ren’s smile is definitely amused. “It’s a short playlist, isn’t it? I think this is the third time this song has played tonight.”

Ranmaru doesn’t have an outward response, but he’s surprised. Ren had only just entered the kitchen, but Ren was right. Ranmaru’s current playlist was less than fifty songs- just ones that he felt like listening to right now. But he wasn’t sure how Ren had noticed. “You been payin’ attention?”

“I’m fairly attuned to music.” Ren admits. “The owner’s are sweet, but the music they play in the dining room isn’t my type of thing, so when I’m near enough to the window I like to listen to yours.”

Ranmaru just makes a noise. 

Ren continues entering the kitchen, and Ranmaru slowly stops bothering telling him to leave. 

Ranmaru convinces himself it’s because he knows Ren won’t listen, but Ranmaru thinks Ren sees through it- because Ranmaru won’t admit that he enjoys the company, but Ren _is_ starting to become just a bit more standable. 

“How do you stand to work six nights a week?” Ren asks. His elbows are back on the counter but Ranmaru has given up passive-aggressively cleaning it while Ren is leaning against it. 

“Why’re you askin’ me? You work six nights, too.”

“I do it for you.” Ren answers smoothly. “You obviously hate dealing with the customers, and we’re the only night workers.”

“Not really. Haruka’s got the last night.”

“I suppose. But she doesn’t ever work with you anymore, yes?”

Ranmaru stills. “I never said I worked with her.” He says flatly.

Ren just hums. Nothing about him changes. “Ah, you haven’t? Perhaps it was just a lucky guess, then.”

Ranmaru’s eyes narrow, but Ren switches the topic. “I see you’ve switched playlists tonight.”

Ranmaru hasn’t forgotten the topic Ren’s switched away from, but he chooses to let Ren change it. He’s not going to forget that Ren clearly knows more than he should- but he knows he isn’t going to get Ren to admit to how he knows something he shouldn’t. “Switch ‘em every once in a while. Even I get bored of the same song.”

“It’s always rock ‘n roll, though.”

“‘S most of what I’m interested in.” Ranmaru says gruffly. “You got a problem with it?”

“Of course I don’t.” Ren quiets, his eyes glancing to the speaker, and they sit in silence for a long few seconds. “What is this song? I’ve yet to hear it.”

Ranmaru sighs, but he still gives an answer. The song itself is an instrumental. “It’s an original. I record my own pieces sometimes, ‘t make sure I remember the melodies and they stick in my playlists every once in a while.”

“Original?” Ren perks up at this. He listens to the end of the instrumental as it fades out, clearly thinking. “So you play. Some type of guitar?”

“Bass.” Ranmaru grunts. 

“Ah.” Ren smiles. It’s a genuinely interested smile- no teasing, amusement, or any other kind of edge. Ranmaru doesn’t like Ren’s double-bladed smiles, because he can’t figure out what’s all behind them. “You’re talented.” He compliments. 

“I guess.”

“I play the saxophone myself. An old hobby, I suppose.”

“Didn’t ask.”

Amusement begins to color Ren’s smile, and Ranmaru almost regrets his smart-ass comment. He preferred the smile before it. “You didn’t. But it’s difficult to continue a conversation if I don’t fill in the gaps. You don’t give me much to work with.”

“Ever think that’s because I don’t want to?”

“Don’t want to _what_?” Ren tilts his head. “Give me more to work with, or continue our conversation?”

“Both.”

“Then I’d say you’re a liar.” Ren’s smile turns into a grin. “I believe that you’re awkward.” Ranmaru’s eyes narrow, but his wordless threat is entirely ignored by Ren. “And I think that’s why you don’t continue conversations. I think you’re unfamiliar with them, and I think you’re not very good at small talk. And I don’t think you _want_ me to leave you alone. I think I really do bug you, but I think that if I stopped showing up in this kitchen every night that you’d _miss_ me.”

“Pretty bold fuckin’ assumptions.”

“But you didn’t tell me I was wrong.”

Ranmaru’s saving grace is the bell. 

“Leave.” Ranmaru grunts, turning to the stove. He hears Ren’s bright, amused, melodic laugh echo shortly in the kitchen as he leaves.

Ren continues bothering Ranmaru, and Ranmaru continues allowing it. They’ve been working together for months, and despite Ranmaru trying to fight himself on it, he’s getting used to it. There’s a comfortable pattern- Ranmaru and Ren spend the first hour or so taking care of customers and cleaning their areas, and then Ren and Ranmaru speak in the kitchen, only pausing for customers and to tidy up that mess, and then towards the last half an hour they do what they need to do by themselves. Sometimes Ren will stand in the kitchen and watch Ranmaru do necessary prepwork, and sometimes Ranmaru leans against the wall near the kitchen door, standing in the dining room, sipping on a glass of coke or black coffee and watches Ren remove specials and stuff the menus with the new ones. 

“Hey, Ran?” 

Ranmaru can’t remember when he stopped being Ranmaru. Ranmaru can’t remember how many times he corrected Ren, only to be ignored, before he finally just accepted the new nickname. Right now Ren was in his usual spot against the counter, his eyes on Ranmaru’s hands as he chopped carrots into identical, thin slices. Ranmaru just grunts. 

“Can I have your number?”

Ranmaru has to stop chopping to look up at Ren. There’s a very long moment where Ranmaru just watches Ren’s face and Ren just meets his gaze, steady and unwavering. Ranmaru finally glances back down to his board, but both men are very aware that the knife has yet to keep moving. Ranmaru’s voice still comes out deep and unbothered. 

“Why?”

“Is it really a crime to want a way to contact you?”

“We spend six nights a week together.”

“Are you complaining about the idea of spending more time together? Perhaps time where we’re _not_ standing around in a kitchen?”

“You’re sayin’ that like I’m gonna agree ‘t hang out with you.”

“Wouldn’t you?”

Ranmaru scowls. “Shut up.” His knife finally starts moving again. 

“That wasn’t a no.” Ren’s voice sounds too smug. Ranmaru huffs as he lifts the cutting board and uses the back of the knife to push the cut carrots into a sixth pan. He takes his time to fix the lid and place it in the line. Ren speaks again as Ranmaru takes the board and knife to the three sink, and Ren trails after him to still be heard. “But is it a no to receiving your number?”

“Dishes first.” Ranmaru grunts. He doesn’t need to turn to see Ren’s smile. In his mind, he can still sense the smugness- he has no idea that it isn’t actually there. If he had actually bothered to check, Ren’s smile is entirely genuine. 

Ranmaru makes Ren wait until they’re about to leave. Ranmaru doesn’t keep his phone on him during work for multiple reasons- the first being respect. Even when he was alone he never went on his phone if it weren’t a break, because he wasn’t being paid to play on his phone. He had noticed that Ren never took out his own phone either. The second was that he knew he wouldn’t receive any important calls or texts. Even if it weren’t the middle of the night, he had a total of four numbers on it- his mother, his sister, and both the husband and wife of the elderly couple he worked for. Ranmaru _was_ a shift lead, so if he needed a sick day, though he rarely ever took them, it was his responsibility to get someone to cover him, not the couple. His mother and sister never contacted him, and he didn’t contact them either. He wouldn’t be receiving any calls. 

Though, at six ‘o five AM, Ranmaru has five numbers in his phone. Ren had insisted they do a phone trade, and Ranmaru agreed, faking his begrudging attitude towards it. Ren saw right through it. 

Ranmaru hadn’t gotten any sort of contact from Ren until their next, shared day off. 

**Ren**

_**Ren;**_ ran!   
**_Ren;_** are you a texter or do you call?

_depends_   
_neither i guess_   
_but call if its important and text if its stupid_

_**Ren;**_ and what falls under what category then?

_most of what you say is probably gonna be stupid_   
_but i know youre smart enough to figure it out yourself_

**_Ren;_** so you admit it. :)  
 ** _Ren;_** but what i really wanted to ask you is if you wanted to spend some time together next weekend? 

_depends_   
_give me a reason id want to_

**_Ren;_** ive heard quite a lot about your bass  
 ** _Ren;_** i think that its a crime that i havent gotten to hear you play it yet ;)

_so a jam session_   
_next time you can just cut to the point_   
_but fine i guess i can handle that_   
_we goin to my place or yours?_

**_Ren;_** i have a big place, but if youre more comfortable at your home, im very happy to oblige

_pretty sure i asked you_

**_Ren;_** then your place it is  
 ** _Ren;_** send me your address 

_youre real demanding you know_

**_Ren;_** i try <3

Ranmaru rolls his eyes, but he puts his phone to sleep. Ren doesn’t text him again, until he texts his address nearly an hour later and Ren sends him a quick ‘thank you’. 

Ranmaru is surprised to find, a week later, that he’s _unsure_. His place is nearly barren- with only the basic necessities. In the main area, he only has a couch, a bed, a bookshelf and a side table. The bookshelf is the entirety of his gathered music collection, and the side table has his cheap, thrift-store record player. On the other side of his bed is his main bass, but he has two more further in the room. His kitchenette is the most stocked place, however, because he has a full set of knives, pots, pans and he always has ingredients in his fridge to cook with. 

Ranmaru finds himself uncertain enough to actually leave his apartment with the plan to catch Ren before he can enter. Ranmaru wasn’t really _embarrassed_ , but it felt weird, to invite Ren into his tiny, personal area that he’s never let _anyone_ else into. 

Ranmaru doesn’t find Ren immediately, but he walks down the only obvious pathway to his place. 

Ranmaru wouldn’t admit that he was a little worried for Ren, walking alone in this part of town. It was really obvious that he didn’t live in the best place, but the thought of Ren getting jumped or attacked made his heart beat just a little too fast. 

When Ren catches the too familiar head of sunset orange hair disappear down an alley, his heart only beats faster, but he can feel the confusion creeping in. What in the hell was Ren thinking?

Ranmaru follows him down the alley, but he stops at the end to squint his eyes, trying to take in the scene in front of him, because he _doesn’t get it._

There’s a man at the end of the alley, in front of Ren- and it does look like a thug, from what Ranmaru can tell. He can’t see much of the man because Ren is hovering over him, and Ren’s head is tilted. At first, Ranmaru wonders if Ren is kissing the man’s neck, and he almost steps back- and the entire reason he doesn’t is his own feelings. 

Ranmaru was almost… hurt? 

That can’t be right. Awkward, Ranmaru would tell himself. He felt awkward, because for whatever reason, Ren’s boyfriend liked to meet him in an alley and Ranmaru was watching something he shouldn’t be. That was it. The man that Ren is hooked onto has a dazed expression on his face, but Ren’s head snaps up, and that’s when Ranmaru realized that he wasn’t right. 

Ranmaru really does take a step back, his face incredulous as he takes a step back, seeing blood smeared across Ren’s lips like some type of sick, shiny, dark red lipstick. 

“What the fuck?” When Ren takes a step forward, Ranmaru trips, the loose pebble under his foot scattering as he loses his balance. He tries to get up, to scramble away, and when he can’t get up fast enough his hand goes to his blade. 

Of course he didn’t want to stab Ren- but what else was he going to do? Ren’s eyes were strange, the blue darker than he had ever seen them, and while Ren brings his hands up to use the black sleeves of his coat to wipe away the blood, it really only smears it and brings some of it across the corner of his mouth and up to his cheek. 

“Ran-” Ren sounds desperate. Ranmaru almost stills, but he knows he shouldn’t. 

In fight or flight, Ranmaru was a fighter. But he didn’t _want_ to fight Ren. 

When Ranmaru was a child, it wasn’t the same. Ranmaru would run from anything that posed as a problem to him. He fled from classes, and his father and his instructors and servants. He fled from trouble, climbing out of windows, running- Ranmaru still ran. Ranmaru jogged almost daily, but the way Ranmaru runs now is different. 

Ranmaru lunges up, scrambling to his feet as he runs like a bat out of hell. 

“Ran!” Ranmaru can hear Ren running after him. Ranmaru was fast. 

Ranmaru had a lead, Ranmaru could make it to his apartment- he just had to make it to his apartment, and he could lock his door and figure out what the _fuck_ was going on and

Ren catches up. 

Ren is impossibly fast. It’s dark outside, and it’s cold but Ren’s skin is colder as he catches Ranmaru’s hand, the one still holding the closed switchblade. Ranmaru can’t pull his arm back from the grip, as unyielding as a marble statue, and when Ranmaru looks at Ren, Ren’s breathing is no heavier than it always was. It seemed calmer, compared to Ranmaru’s rapid breathing and his racing thoughts- Ranmaru thinks he might even be shaking. 

What was wrong with him?

No, Ranmaru decides in his panic. The real question is what was wrong with Ren. 

Ranmaru’s face starts aggressive, but it flickers, unsure. He tries to pull up an intimidating look, but the fear, and panic and _hurt_ shows on his face and he just can’t hide it. 

Ren takes the switchblade, and the fear is the heaviest feeling that settles in Ranmaru’s chest. 

Ranmaru wants to think this through- or he wants to act. But his head is going in every direction it can, and Ranmaru can’t wrestle his hand from Ren’s grip, not without breaking it and he isn’t sure if that would be enough to free him anyways.

“Ran, let’s go inside.” Ren’s voice is pleading. “I’ll explain everything, I promise, but please-”

Ranmaru tries to pull back, but he can’t stop Ren from leading him. If Ranmaru weren’t bristled, preparing himself for the worst- for pain, or death. For the same fate that the man in the alley had almost met, then Ranmaru might be able to tell that Ren was careful to not pull Ranmaru’s wrist in the wrong way. 

It doesn’t escape Ranmaru, even in his panic, when Ren leads Ranmaru to his apartment. Ranmaru hadn’t told Ren which apartment Ranmaru lived in, he had only told Ren the complex. Ren takes Ranmaru to his door. 

Ren finally lets him go, to unlock the door, but the way he’s hovering makes it clear that Ranmaru can’t run. Ranmaru’s heart hammers in his chest. 

Ranmaru can’t even remember the last time he had felt _afraid_. Not like this. 

Ren’s hand lands on Ranmaru’s door before Ranmaru can try to close it on him. Not that Ranmaru believes that a door would do much to stop Ren. 

Ranmaru heads further into his apartment quickly, and he ends up bracing himself against the counter in his kitchen, near his knife block. Ren had no issues disarming him before, but Ranmaru felt safer, near a weapon. 

Ren stops by the door, after he closes it. He only moves far enough into the apartment to make sure that he can keep his sight on Ranmaru. 

Ren gives Ranmaru a very long moment to process what he’s thinking, though his heart rate never calms and his hands are gripping the counters so tight that it’s almost painful. He can feel the bruise forming on his wrist from how hard he had fought Ren’s grip. 

Ranmaru goes through each emotion in his head. 

Fear. 

Ranmaru had seen Ren _attack_ someone. Someone that hadn’t fought Ren. But Ren had no obvious weapon- he had drawn that man’s blood with his own mouth. He was _drinking_ it. Like a vampire from a horror movie. And the man himself had just taken it with a lost look in his eyes. That wasn’t normal. Ranmaru was stuck in an apartment with someone that had just attacked someone else. Someone that had strength that clearly surpassed Ranmaru’s and speed that did as well. Ranmaru had no escape. Ranmaru wasn’t sure that he’d be making it out. 

Panic. 

How would he get out of this situation? His heart was beating so fast that he was afraid that he may be having a heart attack, and his breath wasn’t coming easy. Could this be a panic attack? If he hadn’t felt like he were in danger, he might be having one. But he can’t stop to actually go through it, because that would leave him more vulnerable than he already was. 

Anger. 

He needed to pull himself together. If he were going to die, he wanted to die with a fight. He didn’t want to die, trembling and scared. He didn’t want to _allow_ his death. Ranmaru hated himself right now. He hated how afraid he was. He hated how _weak_ he felt.

Hurt. 

This one was incredibly strong, but it was hardest to pinpoint, too. It almost borderlined on betrayal. This wasn’t some stranger that had threatened Ranmaru. It wasn’t a thug, that led him here to kill or rob him- this was _Ren_. This was the man that had brewed coffee for him on nights when he was so exhausted that he didn’t even feel like making his own. This was the man that urged Ranmaru out of the kitchen and into the empty dining room during his break so that _he_ could make Ranmaru his lunch. The man that had gotten Ranmaru’s _trust_. The only person that Ranmaru had invited to his home in the last few _years_ and the only person that didn’t need Ranmaru’s number that still had it. Ranmaru had yet to really consider how he actually felt about Ren, but he knew that he liked him- as a friend, or maybe even as more. 

And now, here Ranmaru was. 

Thinking about how Ren was going to kill him. Thinking about how he’d have to defend himself against the first person he had trusted in a long time. 

And Ren still had blood smeared across his face. 

“Ran, please let me explain.” Ren sounds so desperate. He only speaks when Ranmaru’s face has changed into something guarded. 

“What the fuck was that?” Ranmaru’s voice is too thick. It doesn’t shake, but Ranmaru can feel how close it is. 

“This is going to be hard to believe.” Ren’s voice actually breaks. Ranmaru can actually read the hurt on Ren’s face, but it’s not the same kind that Ranmaru is feeling. “But I’m… I’m not human.” 

Ranmaru doesn’t speak. He isn’t sure what to say. He could tell Ren that he’s lying- and Ranmaru won’t completely rule that out. But there’s evidence against it, too, and Ranmaru can’t confidently say that he’s right. Ren takes a step closer, and Ranmaru’s already stiff posture turns ramrod straight. 

“This isn’t a perfect term, but it’s the term that you’d know.” Ren’s voice is too gentle. “But I’m very close to a vampire. I suppose that just is what I am. I can see it in your eyes, but please believe me-” Ren stops at Ranmaru’s island, leaving the fake granite counter in between them. “I won’t hurt you. I’d never, Ran. I’ve never had any intentions to hurt you, I promise. I know you’re afraid, but I’m the same person that I was yesterday.”

“You weren’t…” Ranmaru’s tongue doesn’t want to work. He’s struggling to find the right words- because what kind of situation was this? Ranmaru’s trying to remember if he had woken up from the nap he had taken earlier. He wants this to be a dream. “You weren’t fuckin’ _attacking_ people last night, Ren.”

“It looks bad. I know it does- feeding always does, but he wasn’t hurt.” Ren pleads. “Believe me. I don’t kill anyone, Ran, I was trying to make this _safer_ for you.”

“What does that even mean?” Ranmaru’s frustration comes easier, without Ren’s grip on him. 

“I was worried I hadn’t fed enough. I can control myself, but it’s so much easier when I’m well fed. I was feeding, but I was only feeding just enough to make sure I wasn’t hungry in the slightest, coming here. But I’ve made it every night that we’ve worked together and I’ve never had a single incident!” 

Ranmaru’s first question is a resounding _why_ , but Ranmaru’s not stupid. If Ren were being honest, and Ranmaru had no idea why he’d lie when he _had_ been drinking blood in an alley, it only makes sense that Ren wouldn’t tell Ranmaru. It wasn’t something Ranmaru would have believed, and it isn’t something that it seems like Ren would want out in the open, either. 

“You knew where I lived.” Ranmaru’s voice is so empty it almost sounds like an echo. “And a while ago. It was months. I don’t remember exactly what it was, but you knew somethin’ then, too. Somethin’ I never told you.”

Ren’s face turns a bit nervous, and he glances away, guilty. “I was watching you.” Ren admits quietly. “Before I began working with you. I’ve… I’ve owned blood pets before-”

“Blood pets?” Ranmaru demands. Ren winces. 

“Humans that vampires keep to feed from. Feeding is enjoyable to humans- and if you treat a human just right, they can become… hooked. You were… you were a good option.” Ren hangs his head. “You lived alone, and you had no contact outside of work. I was trying to get closer to you, to take you as a pet.” Ren’s head finally snaps up, and Ranmaru presses himself further into the counter at the wild desperation in Ren’s eyes. “That changed. I swear that it did. I started to speak to you, and I started to like you, Ran. I don’t want to make you a pet. I haven’t, for a very long time now. Please. I tried to hide it because I can’t change what I am- but I view you differently. I really do.”

“Leave.” Ranmaru swallows hard. “I want you ‘t get out.”

Ren’s expression changes. It becomes something that’s almost _crushed_. But with a long pause, Ren steps backwards. “Please, Ran.” Ren’s voice is a whisper. Ranmaru only manages to shake his head. Ranmaru closes his eyes and hangs his head. 

If he looks at Ren, he’s going to cave. 

Ranmaru can’t hear Ren’s footsteps, but he hears the door close. When Ranmaru looks up, Ren is gone from his apartment. Ranmaru stays still for a very long time. 

Ranmaru finally pushes away from the counters, idly massaging his stiff fingers. 

Ranmaru doesn’t go through his emotions now. Right now, he can’t possibly begin to understand them, and he doesn’t think he wants to. He manages to slip off his shoes, leaving them just outside of the kitchen, before he heads to his bed. His makeup was on, his contact was in, his hair was styled and he was still fully dressed, but none of that stops him from collapsing into his bed. 

Ranmaru expects to be up for a long time- between everything going through his head and the realization that his lights had never been turned off, but he’s out faster than he expects. 

Ranmaru almost sleeps through his alarm, but he forces himself to get up. He’s sore, and he feels gross, and he only just barely remembers to take out his contact when he stumbles his way into the bathroom, and when he looks in the mirror he winces. He looks like shit. 

Ranmaru remedies it in the shower, scrubbing off the makeup and getting out the gel. When he’s out, he redoes his hair and makeup, but he skips his contact. He hates doing it- but it was the repercussions for sleeping with it in. He needed to give himself time before putting it back in.

Ranmaru doesn’t check his phone until he’s gotten himself dressed, but he notices messages when he checks it.

**Ren**

**_Ren;_** im sorry about last night. i didnt want this to happen  
 ** _Ren;_** if the thought of working with me is too much, i wont show up

Ranmaru has to take a long moment, looking at the messages. 

Everything in him that feels rational is telling him to tell Ren not to show up. But Ranmaru decides to settle with his gut feeling- survival instincts be damned. 

_its fine_   
_you can come to work_

Ranmaru slides his phone into his pants pocket before he grabs his bag near the door. 

When Ranmaru gets to work, Ren is already there. When it comes to actual work, Ren is the same. He’s charming to the few customers that come in- but he’s keeping his distance. He hangs his tickets in the window instead of entering the kitchen to give it to Ranmaru himself. He spends time just cleaning the dining room, even after it’s already clean. When six comes around, the kitchen door hadn’t opened once. 

Ranmaru finds himself unable to sleep that night, and he finally forces himself to understand what he’s feeling. 

Ranmaru wants to believe Ren. He wants to believe that Ren wouldn’t have killed that man, if Ranmaru hadn’t stopped him. Ren _had_ left Ranmaru, when Ranmaru told him to leave. Ren’s pained expression was too easy for Ranmaru to recall. 

And while Ranmaru still wouldn’t let himself consider in what way he liked Ren, he knew that he trusted Ren before this. Ren was undeniably his friend, and Ranmaru begrudgingly admits that he _did_ miss Ren today, when Ren avoided him. 

It should be what Ranmaru wanted- to have Ren still making Ranmaru’s job easier but not interfering with Ranmaru’s. But it was more than just Ranmaru being bored- Ranmaru wanted Ren to bother him. He missed Ren’s interference. He missed the normality that Ren’s presence had become. 

It still continues on for an entire week. Ranmaru can’t convince himself to speak to Ren about it during the week, because the restaurant just doesn’t feel like a safe place to speak about something like this, and Ren hadn’t directly said anything about sunlight, but Ranmaru could only assume that Ren shared this similarity with the vampires that Ranmaru knew of, too. Ranmaru could have asked Ren to act like things were normal, or he could have invited Ren into the kitchen, but Ranmaru wasn’t the type to ignore the problem. 

Which meant that they had to actually speak about this, and work wasn’t the right place to do it. 

Ranmaru’s message to Ren is sent when he gets home from work the day before he’s off. 

**Ren**

_will you come over to my place tomorrow?_   
_we need to talk about this_

**_Ren;_** alright

Ranmaru hadn’t slept well at all during the week. He hadn’t taken naps, and he hadn’t slept comfortably through the night. He isn’t happy to learn that he really hadn’t felt right, being so isolated, but he’s positive the extra layer of discomfort comes from it being Ren. 

Ranmaru isn’t sure that he believes Ren sees him as a friend, but he’d like to. It’s better than the alternative. 

And it was too late, anyways, if Ren’s plan was to gain Ranmaru’s trust, because he had. Ranmaru had fallen right into the palm of Ren’s hand. 

Ranmaru is still clearly restless when the next night rolls around and there’s a knock on his door. This time, Ranmaru had stayed in his apartment. In fact, he hadn’t even bothered to change from his sleep clothes, with the exception of donning a sweatshirt instead of his usual shirtless sleep attire. Ranmaru opens the door. 

“You can come in.” Ranmaru grunts, heading into the room. He hears Ren close the door behind him. Ranmaru sits on one end of the couch, and after a moment, Ren sits on the other side. Ranmaru runs his hands over his face. “Look.” He finally looks up. “‘M just gonna be real fuckin’ honest here. I dunno if you’re lyin’ to me. You could be. About all ‘a this, but I mostly mean not seein’ me as a fuckin’ meal, I guess.” Ren winces, and it doesn’t escape Ranmaru’s attention. He keeps going anyways. “‘N my decision is probably really fucking stupid, but I… fuck. I don’t wanna stop being your friend. I just want you ‘t stop walkin’ on eggshells ‘n ignorin’ me at work. It’s been stressin’ me out ‘n I don’t like it. I don’t like that face you wear when you look at me, either. That whole kicked puppy look you keep sendin’ me when you think I’m not lookin’. If yer whole plan was ‘t get me ‘t _want_ you ‘t talk to me, it worked. I feel like I’m playin’ into your trap, but it’s too fuckin’ late at this point.” Ranmaru shrugs, but his tensed jaw and dark eyes hint to more than the indifference that he’s sharing. “So that’s that. Just wish you’d stop actin’ like that. I’m whipped.”

“I wasn’t lying.” Ren’s voice is soft and quiet. Ranmaru feels Ren’s eyes on the side of his face. “I doubt this will make you feel any better, but if I were trying to make you into a pet, I’d have made a move by now.” Ren looks back down, his head lowering. When they worked, Ren’s hair was always pulled up, though Ren switched between a ponytail and a braid. Ranmaru had found it feminine, at first, but now, when he looked at Ren, that wasn’t his main thought. It just… fit. It was just Ren’s hair, at this point. But now, outside of work, his hair was down, and it hung over his face like a curtain. “And I won’t change my mind. I don’t want to lose you as a friend, Ran-”

That pang has returned. Ranmaru doesn’t mention it, but Ren’s eyes slide over to Ranmaru’s at the increased beating of his heart. Ranmaru felt almost hurt, but that didn’t make sense. 

Ranmaru was obvious, even to himself. He still continued to deny. 

Ren continues. 

“-But I don’t want you to be afraid of me.”

“I don’t know what I feel.” Ranmaru grumbles. “But it’s not strong enough ‘t want to avoid you, obviously, ‘n that’s the best I can do right now.”

“...Alright.” Ren says finally, after a long pause. “I’ll… return to the kitchen.”

“I just wanna go back ‘t how we were before this shit.” Ranmaru sighs. He can feel a headache growing and he isn’t sure if it’s this conversation or if it’s his lack of sleep. “Y’told me that you were the same Ren I knew, so now it’s up ‘t you to just prove it. I’m not gonna feel any better about any ‘a this if you keep actin’ weird.”

“Okay.” Ren says, just a bit more firmness to his tone. “Let’s do that.”

Ranmaru is actually relieved, when Ren enters the kitchen the next night. It’s not perfect, but it’s better. 

It only takes a few days for their conversations to return back to their normal, fluid conversations. Ren stops flinching at Ranmaru’s natural gruff nature. Ranmaru no longer tenses when Ren gets too close. 

Neither man comments on the fact that Ranmaru’s heart still beats too fast when Ren enters the room. 

They’re both well aware that it isn’t fear. 

Not anymore. 

Ren begins showing up to Ranmaru’s apartment. Ranmaru starts him off by having Ren come over every other weekend. 

The first visit really had been a jam session. 

It often was- during at least part of it. The rest had usually been filled with conversation. 

The conversations had often carried on too long, and a few times had forced Ren to spend the day at Ranmaru’s- because it turned out that Ren really couldn’t be out in the sun. 

“Damnitt.” Ren curses under his breath in one of the short breaks in conversation, when his eyes had caught the window. The curtains were drawn, but the sunlight was obvious. 

Ranmaru’s eyes follow Ren’s. “Shit.” Ranmaru scowls- though it isn’t at Ren and Ren doesn’t react to it. “‘M guessin’ you can’t just go home when it’s light out?”

“In theory, I could.” Ren says, but his voice is grim. “It isn’t as if I’ll burst into flames- but it’s painful.”

“Then stay the night here.” 

Ranmaru can’t ignore the pang of anxiety that shoots through his stomach. He didn’t feel scared of Ren- but he can’t ignore the warning that rings through his head. Ranmaru couldn’t stay up all day, because he needed to work that night. He’d have to sleep in the same apartment as Ren, and this would be the first time that Ranmaru had openly put himself in a position _this_ vulnerable. 

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Ren says firmly. 

“It’s fine.” Ranmaru shrugs, standing up. “‘M not gonna ask you ‘t go through hell ‘t get back to your own house when you can just sleep here. You can take the couch.”

Ren hesitates, but he nods. Ranmaru isn’t positive that Ren can actually hear his heart beating, but over time, he’s grown to believe that Ren can. Ren’s reactions seem to fluctuate when Ranmaru can feel his heart pounding in his chest. 

Ranmaru gets himself ready for bed, and by the time he’s out of the bathroom, Ren is already lying on the couch. Ranmaru grabs his one spare blanket from his closet, and he approaches Ren. Ren’s eyes are closed, but Ranmaru knows he isn’t asleep yet. It doesn’t keep Ranmaru from laying the blanket over Ren. 

Ren smiles, but his eyes stay closed. “I’m not nearly as sensitive to temperatures as you are, Ran. As humans are.”

“Well you’ve got the blanket now.” Ranmaru grumbles. It gets an almost fond chuckle out of Ren. 

“Goodnight, Ran.”

“Y’mean good mornin’.” Ranmaru rolls his eyes. “But yeah. You too.”

When Ranmaru wakes up, unbothered and unmarked, he’s no longer hesitant in keeping Ren at his apartment when their stay lasts too long. 

A few things change as time does- and the first is Ren’s visits. They’ve changed from every other week to every week without fail, and should Ren stay too early, Ranmaru’s stopped making him take the couch. 

“It’s fine, Ren. My bed’s big enough. You can just sleep there.”

“Ran-”

Ranmaru’s eyes roll. “I’m not uncomfortable.”

Ren’s expression changes, a few times. It starts unsure, and then it turns into something almost a bit mischievous. 

Challenging. 

Ren approaches Ranmaru, and his hand lands in the middle of Ranmaru’s chest. Ranmaru’s eyes are too wide- both grey, at the moment, his contact still in its case. He’s decided to stop bothering with everything extra he does when Ren comes over. 

“Your heart is pounding.” 

Ren leans in, and when he gets close enough, Ranmaru snaps. 

It’s stupid, it’s dangerous, and his survival instinct is at an all time low- but everything in Ranmaru is telling him to kiss Ren. 

And that’s exactly what he does. 

Ren’s hands twitch at his side, but while he doesn’t reach up to touch Ranmaru, he _does_ respond to the kiss, and that’s enough to get Ranmaru to reach up, cupping Ren’s face. That’s what breaks Ren, and Ren’s hands find their way to Ranmaru’s hips, to pull him closer. Ranmaru pulls back to breathe, and Ren waits a few impatient seconds and then pulls him in for another. 

The next time Ranmaru pulls back, Ren slowly releases Ranmaru, and Ranmaru’s hand lowers just as slowly. 

“Fuck.” Ranmaru’s confused. He turns, to run his hand over his face. What had gotten into him?

“Do you regret it?” Ren’s voice is quiet. There’s nothing in his face or voice that shows exactly what he thinks. There’s no telling what he feels. 

Ranmaru doesn’t face Ren, but his answer seems to ring louder in the quiet apartment. “No. I don’t.”

“Good.” Ren’s voice softens. “I don’t either.”


	2. Chapter Two

Ren and Ranmaru don’t pull back, though their relationship continues to progress slowly at first.

There were areas around the town that were open late. Ranmaru had chosen this place by coincidence, but Ren had explained to him that this town was frequented by vampires because of all of the locations that were open all night. 

Ranmaru usually kept his eye out, admittedly a bit nervous, but it was impossible to tell a night owl from a child of the dark. 

“Relax, Ran.” Ren’s hand squeezes Ranmaru’s bicep. “No one’s going to attack you. It’s the same as it’s always been.”

 _I won’t let anything happen, anyways._

It was unspoken, because it wasn’t something Ranmaru liked to hear aloud. 

It was too soon to apply labels to their relationship, but Ranmaru had never assumed he’d be alone for his entire life. Of course he thought he’d eventually find a partner- but he was a protective partner. It was a fact of himself. But Ranmaru knew that if things came down to it, Ranmaru stepping into a situation would only get in Ren’s way. 

It made him feel _helpless_. 

It made him feel like shit. 

“The important thing-” Ren says gently, taking Ranmaru out of his thoughts, “Is that we have plenty of date spots open.” Ren chuckles, and he squeezes Ranmaru’s bicep one more time before retracting his hand. “We can’t just spend the rest of forever in your apartment.”

“Dunno that I’d go that far.” Ranmaru grumbles. 

It makes Ren laugh. Ren’s laughs were still too edged for Ranmaru’s liking, but he understood more of the emotions behind them now. Many were amused, many were _fond_. Sometimes they still held something that Ranmaru didn’t understand, and Ranmaru had begun to hate those even more. “Why don’t we go get something to eat?” Ren suggests. 

Ranmaru doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t need to. 

Ren was fully aware of Ranmaru’s weakness to food. He wasn’t likely to say no- and if he did, there was something wrong. 

This time, Ranmaru doesn’t say no.

The other new location they visit is actually Ren’s home. Ren certainly wasn’t lying, when he had told Ranmaru that it was large. Ranmaru looks at the two story house with a raised eyebrow. Ren glances at Ranmaru’s face, with a bit of a muted smile. 

“Let me guess. How do I afford this?”

“That’s one of ‘em.” Ranmaru confirms. 

Ren’s voice gentles. It was clear that speaking about himself as a species didn’t often come easy, despite how hard he tried to make it seem like it did. “This house was far cheaper a couple hundred years ago. And I had a couple hundred more before it to raise up the money.”

Ranmaru can’t ignore the feelings that course through him. He wasn’t one to dwell on how long he’d have, but there’s something to this one. To the fact that he had been around for less than twenty-five years, and he’s already lived a fourth of his lifespan, if not more- compared to Ren. Ranmaru hasn’t asked Ren exactly how old he is, but Ranmaru isn’t sure that he really wants to know. 

“Let’s go in, yeah?” Ren’s hand finds Ranmaru’s upper arm. Ranmaru knows that Ren would rather grab his hand, or wrap his arm around Ranmaru’s shoulders- but it’s for Ranmaru that he doesn’t. 

Ranmaru nods, and they do. Ren’s house is nice, though it’s clear that he’s kept it updated. Ranmaru wasn’t sure if he expected it to seem ancient inside, but it… doesn’t. It looks exactly the way that Ranmaru would have expected it to look before he knew that Ren wasn’t human. 

That thought makes Ranmaru idly rub his wrist- the bruise on it hadn’t faded for a good two weeks after their encounter. Ranmaru stops when Ren glances down- because sometimes the reminder put a darker look in Ren’s eyes that Ranmaru hated to see. 

When they sat on the couch to watch TV, closer than any normal friends would be, Ren leaned into Ranmaru’s side and let Ranmaru wrap his arm over Ren’s shoulders to pull him closer. 

“You’re relaxed.” Ren mumbled, contentedly. “I like it.”

Ranmaru grunts, but Ren’s head tilts up, his eyes on Ranmaru’s jaw. It tenses as Ranmaru’s thoughts progress further, and Ren sighs, bringing up a hand to run over Ranmaru’s jaw. 

“I can tell you don’t want to speak about it.” Ren’s voice is almost mournful. “And I won’t force you. But I do hope you know that you’re looking too far into all of this. I’m not trying to force you into submission, Ran, and I wish you wouldn’t look at me like I am.”

Ranmaru doesn’t speak, but Ren doesn’t push. 

Later that morning, as the sun begins to rise, Ren stops Ranmaru on his way out with a gentle hand on his arm. “If you’d like to stay, you’re free to. But even if you’d like to leave, I do have something for you to take with you.”

Ranmaru’s eyebrows raises, and while he first glances at the door, he glances back at Ren’s face. “Yeah. I’ll stay.” Ren smiles, and Ranmaru feels like it was the right answer- because the edge in it disappears for a few seconds. It’s a shame when it returns, though Ranmaru notices the feelings in this expression. 

Guilt. 

“Come with me for a moment.” Ren takes Ranmaru’s hand, easier now that it’s just them. Ren interlaces their fingers and pulls Ranmaru into the kitchen, and he then opens a long drawer towards the top of the bottom cabinets. Ranmaru’s eyes land almost immediately on his switchblade that Ren had taken from him some time ago. “You would have gotten it back much sooner, but-” Ren eyes it, with an almost sheepish smile. “It’s pure silver. I burned my hand pretty badly, taking it from you. It was difficult enough getting it this far. Giving it back to you would have been harder. I certainly didn’t mean to steal it.”

“So silver’s another one, then? Thought that was werewolves.”

“Not all legends are perfect.” Ren’s voice isn’t quite scolding, but Ranmaru chooses to stay quiet and let Ren continue. “Silver bullets can kill a vampire. Your knife couldn’t, but it could cause some serious damage. Irreversible, if you hit the right spot.” 

Ranmaru grunts, and he takes the knife. “I’ll drop it by my shoes.” 

Ranmaru gets to skip the period of sleeping on Ren’s couch, and when he actually gets into Ren’s bed, he’s glad. Ranmaru’s bed was the most expensive thing in his apartment- a necessity for anyone that slept as much as Ranmaru liked to. 

Though, he guesses that’s a lie. Ranmaru is a hard worker, and between his job, the upkeep on his apartment, his hobby of bass, listening to music, and the occasional artistic distraction- he actually didn’t sleep as much as he claimed to. He napped on his couch when he got the chance, and he did try to get eight hours in his bed, which is where the nice bed came into play. Ranmaru was always sore from standing so long every day, and he’d never feel rested if his bed made him _more_ sore. 

Ranmaru thinks his bed is nice. It’s absolutely nothing compared to Ren’s. Ren’s sheets were silk, and the bed sunk in the perfect amount. The bed itself wasn’t hard, and while Ranmaru would have never been the one to think of silk sheets, they were pleasantly cool and the moment that Ranmaru had gotten to collapse in Ren’s bed, his thoughts towards his own had grown to be very different.

Ranmaru hears Ren chuckle. Ranmaru grumbles into the pillow he’s grabbed, though his eyes are already closed and he has no plans to open them. Not even when Ren lifts the silk sheet to pull it up from Ranmaru’s waist to his mid-back. He isn’t quite tucking him in, but the action still gets Ranmaru to press the pillow just a bit closer to his face, making another gruff, muffled noise. 

“I’ll take that as a thank you.” Ren’s voice is undeniably amused. “Goodnight, Ran.”

When Ren asks him, two days before their day off, to accompany him for a date- Ranmaru rolls his eyes. 

_“Wasn’t that what we were gonna do anyways?”_

But as soon as the next day, Ren is acting fidgety. Ren’s trying to be subtle about it, but Ren’s eyes dart around, and his tanned fingers tap an uneasy rhythm into the counter below them as he leans over. He’s laughing too much, an easy-lighthearted sound that’s too weighed down to be believable. Ranmaru gives it about an hour of this before he leans on the opposite side of the counter, his face right in front of Ren’s, so close that his nose almost touches Ranmaru’s. 

“What?”

Ranmaru’s narrowed eyes don’t seem to faze Ren in the slightest anymore. For some time after Ranmaru had found Ren out, Ranmaru couldn’t roll his eyes at Ren without Ren shifting. Now, however, Ren gives Ranmaru a grin that Ranmaru sees through immediately. “I’m just excited for tomorrow night.” Ranmaru disregards Ren’s wink. 

“‘M I that bad at ‘em?”

That gets a laugh out of Ren that’s at least a fraction more real than his previous ones. “Of course you aren’t. But I hardly ever _officially_ ask you on them.”

“I think yer lyin’ ‘t me.”

“Oh?”

“It’s written all over your face. What’s goin’ on?”

Ranmaru sees Ren’s fingers twitch, but this action is different. It seems like Ren wants to reach out to him. Ranmaru’s jaw clenches, and then he glances into the dining room. 

“C’mon.” Ranmaru’s suggestion is gruff as he begins to untie his apron. “Smoke break.”

Ren says nothing- there are no customers, and there usually weren’t this time of night. He was well aware that _neither_ of them smoked, but he could only assume that Ranmaru’s intention was to keep pressing the subject. Ren is still wearing a slight smile, as they slip out the back, but even Ren must know how far it is from convincing. 

As soon as the door is propped up and Ranmaru’s eyes trail up and down the alley to assure it’s _empty_ , he moves to press Ren against the brick wall of the cafe, his hips pressed flush to Ren’s and his hands settled heavily on Ren’s waist. This look of surprise- the widening of Ren’s eyes, it was genuine. Ren’s hands hesitate for only a second before they latch onto Ranmaru’s biceps, and then pull, to try to get Ranmaru closer. 

When their lips meet, Ranmaru goes with it, though this hadn’t been his intention. He wasn’t going to push Ren- because if Ren wouldn’t tell him, Ranmaru couldn’t make him. He had no way to do that. 

But Ranmaru’s personal complex had gotten Ren wary at touching him in general. Combining that with Ren’s increased strength, Ranmaru found himself in a position he’d never be in and that was coaxing Ren into believing that he _could_ touch Ranmaru. 

Ren was clearly more comfortable with it than Ranmaru was, but you’d never be able to tell in their relationship. 

Ranmaru’s grip tightens on Ren’s waist. He was cold, even through his shirt. Even through the chill of the air. Ranmaru is the only one breathless when Ren pulls away from him. Ranmaru’s hand trails up Ren’s back, applying a steady pressure until his hand trails up into Ren’s hair. 

“Ran!” Ren scolds when Ranmaru pulls out Ren’s hairband, letting his hair fall. Ranmaru grins unapologetically as he runs his hand through Ren’s downed hair. 

“I’m not breakable.” Ranmaru mutters, leaning in to nip at Ren’s jaw. Ranmaru had seen the cameras. There weren’t any out here. And as long as they didn’t spend an hour out here, no one would care. 

No one would know.

And Ren’s senses were better than Ranmaru’s. Ren would hear the bell. 

“Well.” Ranmaru huffs. He knows Ren isn’t very sensitive to temperature, but Ranmaru’s warm breath still makes Ren shiver when it hits his neck. “Maybe if you really tried.” Ranmaru tries to keep the irritation out of his voice, but in the same way that he sees through Ren’s expressions, he thinks Ren sees through his tone. “I get that yer stronger than me, but when it comes down ‘t it, I’m not _weak_ , Ren-”

“I wasn’t-”

“I know.” Ranmaru cuts him off. 

“No, I should say this.” Ren’s tone is stern, but Ranmaru still doesn’t cave. 

“Lemme finish.” Ranmaru presses a chaste kiss, just below Ren’s ear, and it finally quiets him down. “I’m not used ‘t any ‘a this, alright? I’m sick of you actin’ like you’re scared ‘t touch me. If I’m not, why should you be?”

“Where did this come from?” Ren’s voice sounds so tired. Ranmaru’s kisses trail to just before Ren’s collar. 

“You do this thing, where it’s obvious you wanna touch me ‘n you don’t. Obviously I’m not askin’ you ‘t grope me durin’ work, but you do it _everywhere_. If you wanna touch me, Ren, just do it.”

Ranmaru had just finished his sentence when he feels his back hit the wall as Ren turns them. Ranmaru’s head is lifted, and Ren’s touch is still too gentle but Ranmaru doesn’t think that Ren’s holding himself back- especially because when Ren goes in for another kiss, it _isn’t_ gentle. 

Ranmaru actually has to set his hand on Ren’s chest to get him to pull back when Ranmaru runs out of breath, and it takes him a second to catch it. “Fuck, Ren.”

Ren’s smile is sheepish, but his voice is teasing. “Better?”

Ranmaru rolls his eyes. “Better.” He grumbles. 

Ren laughs and it’s a bright sound. He leans in, but this last kiss is a peck before Ren slowly pulls himself back from Ranmaru. 

“We should get back inside. We must have had at least two or three smoke breaks by now.” Ren smiles, but he goes forward to open the door and Ranmaru watches him. 

The nervous edge had already returned. 

The next night was cold, though they had spoken together and had actually chosen to walk down some of the streets down towards the main town. It was nearing the winter holidays, and the busier parts of towns had been decorated with strings of lights and flowers along the edge of the roads. 

It was a sweet thought. 

Both Ren and Ranmaru had an interest in flowers. Ren had a beautiful, grand garden in the backyard of his home, and Ranmaru had admitted that before he had moved he had a habit of hiding in his family’s staff-maintained garden. Ranmaru’s eyes tended to trail towards the flowers more often than they trailed towards the lights. Sometimes he’d look over to Ren to raise an eyebrow because as far as he could tell, Ren’s eyes weren’t leaving Ranmaru’s face. 

Ren had been worse today. From the moment that Ranmaru had showed up to Ren’s house, Ren had seemed anxious. The feeling was rolling off of him in waves to the point that Ranmaru could feel a hint of anxiety growing in himself. Ren gives a muted smile. 

Ranmaru sighs, his breath fogging the air. Today had felt so much colder than any of the days before it- it was the first day of the year that Ranmaru found himself wearing gloves. He hadn’t actually brought a scarf with him, but he was wearing one now because Ren had pulled him into the house and wrapped a scarf around Ranmaru’s neck himself. Ranmaru brings his hand up to slide his glove off, shoving it in the pocket furthest from Ren. Ranmaru knows that if he leaves his hand in the open air much longer that his skin will turn red, because it’s already beginning to turn pink. 

“Ran?” Ren’s eyes glance down to Ranmaru’s gloveless hand just in time to catch Ranmaru take Ren’s hand. Ranmaru is quick to interlace their fingers and bring both of their hands into Ranmaru’s coat pocket. 

“You’ve got that look on.” Ranmaru says gruffly. “What’s goin’ on?”

Ren stays silent for a long moment, and his voice is quiet. “I don’t know.” He admits. “But I feel like something’s going to happen. ...A gut feeling, if you will.”

“Like a premonition? ‘S that somethin’ you can do?”

Ren’s laugh is weak. “I’m not magical.” Ren glances away for a moment, and Ranmaru hears his soft exhale of breath but Ren’s breath doesn’t fog up. After a long moment, Ren’s head lands on Ranmaru’s shoulder, his hair bunching up where it rests against Ranmaru’s coat. “It’s just a feeling. It just feels much stronger than it had yesterday, but I’ve been feeling off for some time.”

Ranmaru hates hearing that. He closes his eyes just long enough to let out a short sigh, but when he opens his eyes, he catches on a man. The man’s eyes are a mix of blue and violet but they’re wide and they’re frozen on Ren, his face locked in an expression that Ranmaru can only describe as _rage_. Ren straightens up when he feels Ranmaru tense, and his eyes sweep the crowd. 

Ranmaru isn’t sure what reaction he expects. 

Unease? Confusion? 

Ranmaru thought Ren was pretty annoying when they first met, but Ren didn’t strike him as a person that was easy to hate. He couldn’t even start to understand where Ren had earned this look from. 

But when Ranmaru glances at Ren’s face, it’s _broken_. His expression is helpless and childlike and Ranmaru can see _tears_ lining Ren’s wide eyes. 

Ren’s grip on Ranmaru’s hand hurts. It’s tightened to the point that Ranmaru thinks he can feel the bones in his hand shift, trying to give, and it’s enough to make Ranmaru wince despite himself but Ren is too far gone to notice. When Ren speaks, it’s to himself- it’s disbelieving. Afraid. Sad. 

“Masato.”


	3. Chapter Three

Ren’s hand releases Ranmaru’s before Ranmaru even realizes he’s doing it, and Ren is weaving himself through the crowd towards the man that had been glaring at him. Ranmaru takes one step forward, but he’s pushed back by a group of teens walking down the street, and by the time Ranmaru winds his way around them, Ren _and_ the other man is gone. 

Ranmaru tries to remember the name Ren said. 

_Masato_. 

So they knew each other? What had Ren done to that man, to get a look like that? 

Ranmaru had his phone on him, but if Ren was distracted enough to ditch him during their date, he doubted that Ren was going to stop to answer his phone call, so instead Ranmaru just finds a nook created by a post holding up one of the store fronts, leaning against the glass of the window. Most of the smaller shops in this area right now were closed, and Ranmaru wouldn’t go inside of one right now anyways, even if it was so cold outside that Ranmaru can actually feels tremors starting because of how still he’s been staying. 

Ranmaru has pulled his glove back on. If Ren hadn’t been acting as strange as he had been, Ranmaru might be pissed. He’s been left alone for what’s going on twenty minutes after his date had just up and left. But as it is, Ranmaru’s eyes are scanning the crowd for any sign of the sunset orange hair, but all he’s able to pick out are hats and colors that are much duller than Ren’s hair. Ren was fast, but he stuck out like a sore thumb, even bundled up in his coat and scarf for no other reason than to blend in because he loved to remind Ranmaru how temperatures affected Ranmaru much more than him, and he only ever reminded Ranmaru of that as an excuse to force Ranmaru to bundle up.

Most of the time Ranmaru just rolls his eyes, but every once in a while, like today with Ren’s scarf, it worked. 

“I’m sorry.” If Ranmaru hadn’t been used to Ren’s silent footsteps by now, he’d have started- but there were only so many times that Ren could sneak up on him in the kitchen before Ren’s sudden appearance no longer startled Ranmaru. “I shouldn’t have run off like that.”

Ranmaru just grunts. “Let’s go ‘t your place.” 

Ren nods, but he’s far more subdued. Ranmaru notices that Ren’s face is dark and the way he walks with his head bows keeps most of his face obscured by his hair, leaving Ranmaru unable to pay attention to how Ren’s face shifts or changes- if it even does. Ren’s hands stay in his pockets, his posture smaller, but the way he dodges any pedestrians and obstacles is with a grace and elegance that Ranmaru couldn’t even begin to copy if he tried. They’re silent until they reach Ren’s house, Ren unwilling to break the silence and Ranmaru unsure how to. Ranmaru ends up holding the door open Ren, and Ren walks in with a ducked head. Ranmaru’s eyes follow his back, even as he steps in and closes the door behind him. 

“Lock it, will you?” Ren’s voice sounds distant and almost childlike. Ranmaru has to glance over his shoulder to lock the door, and when he looks back, Ren is already out of his winter clothes. Ranmaru doesn’t bother to take anything off before he heads to Ren. Ren meets his eyes for only a second. 

Ren’s eyes could be a very bright, sapphire like blue. They could sparkle, when Ren was amused, and they could shine when he was happy- but now they were so dark that the blue seemed to borderline black. The last time Ranmaru could remember seeing Ren’s eyes this dark was back when Ren was skirting around the kitchen, staying away from Ranmaru before Ranmaru had reached out to fix things. Ren’s hands are still and steady as they move to unbutton Ranmaru’s coat, but Ranmaru doesn’t miss the way Ren’s fingers fumble through the repetitive actions. 

“Wasn’t sure you’d find me.” Ranmaru comments. 

“After being so close to you for so long-” Ren’s finishes the buttons and then slender fingers reach up to unlace the scarf, freezing fingers brushing just under Ranmaru’s jaw and making him shiver. “Your smell is engrained in my memory. The moment I returned I could trace you.” Ren takes Ranmaru’s left hand, sliding the glove off to deftly tuck it in a coat pocket. Ren grows a faint frown when he takes off the next glove, examining Ranmaru’s hand. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

“‘S nothin’.” Ren tucks the other glove in the opposite pocket, but his already existing gentleness worsens as he gently takes his scarf from Ranmaru’s neck, sending another shudder through the man as the soft scarf tickles the back of his neck. “Who was that guy?” 

Ren freezes in his motion of putting down the scarf. He draws his hand back. He folds the scarf. Ranmaru watches Ren’s adam’s apple bob with his heavy swallow and the deep, unnecessary inhale through his nose. He finally sets down the scarf and with far more robotic movements he begins taking Ranmaru’s coat. “Masato Hijirikawa.” Ren says softly. The name seems to echo through Ren’s empty tone. “If… If I’m telling you this story, I need to sit down.” 

Ranmaru doesn’t speak. He lets Ren finish undressing him, hanging his coat up with his normal swift, elegant movements, and then he turns, clapping his hands together. 

Ren’s smile flickers, off of his face longer than it’s on. “It’s getting early. We may as well speak of this in the bed.”

Ranmaru watches him, but Ren doesn’t wait for an answer, and he doesn’t wait for Ranmaru either, clearly assuming that Ranmaru is going to follow. He does. 

Ren is slow in getting undressed to get into bed. Ranmaru’s eyes furrow when Ren slips inside of his walk-in closet and closes the door to change, and he leaves in actual sleep clothes. It had been some time since Ren had slept in anything more than underwear, and oftentimes he didn’t even bother with those. Ranmaru had stopped making a big deal about it, only rolling his eyes now when Ren gets into the bed. Ranmaru doesn’t bother getting changed, or even under the covers. He just sits cross-legged and watches Ren as Ren settles into the bed, the sheet covering his legs, leaning against the wall. Ren lets his head bow, but Ranmaru reaches out, tucking Ren’s hair behind his ear because he can’t see Ren’s face through the curtain of hair. 

Ren’s eyes are closed. “I knew him.” Ren says softly. “Back when I was human. We were childhood friends. ...I had been part of an important family. Both of us were, though he was the first son, set to take over for his father and I was the third- my only real job was to stay out of the way and not embarrass my family.” Ranmaru is still, his eyes trained on Ren’s face. Ren’s face has morphed into something sad and pained, but when Ren opens his eyes to stare blankly in front of him, there’s a layer of deep burning anger that Ranmaru imagines has been there for a very long time. “When I first became an adult, I was craving attention. I felt ignored and that led me into some situations I’m not proud of, but one of them…” Ren winces, his thoughts dying for a moment, and when he speaks again it’s hardly audible. “I’ll never forget his face.” Ren gives a laugh, but it’s cold and humorless. “It was a family friend, of all people. A family friend of both families. The Hijirikawas and the Jingujis didn’t get along, but this was one of those few tying strings, and Masato and I were one of the others. But after that man had turned me, I fled. I left my home, and Masato and I hadn’t said a word to anyone. I was terrified that if I had, the man may have targeted Masato- it was obvious to both of our families we were close, whether they agreed to it or not, and the thought of Masato being hurt because of me?” Ren finally breaks, covering his face as he lets out a sob. Ranmaru doesn’t pull Ren closer to him, at least not yet, but his fingers wrap loosely around Ren’s wrist in the shadow of a comforting gesture. Ranmaru’s face has yet to change. At the moment, he’s just listening. His own thoughts and opinions will come to him later. “It obviously didn’t matter. He looked the same as the last day I had seen him. And then I left you alone to chase him and I don’t even have anything to show for it because he had slipped away before I had gotten close enough. ...Everything that’s happened up to this point has been my fault, and I just keep _adding_ to it! What if something had happened to you? I… I haven’t been _thinking_. I’m just _reacting_ and I’m making it worse.” 

Ranmaru finally pulls, nearly knocking Ren over to get him closer. One of Ranmaru’s arms goes around Ren’s shoulders, and his hand lifts to cup Ren’s face, holding Ren close to his chest. 

“He hates me.” Ren’s voice breaks. “He blames me, too. He has to.”

Ranmaru’s grip on Ren is tight. It’d probably be painful to anyone else. “I can’t say anythin’ for ‘im Ren.” Ranmaru says grimly. “But from what you’ve told me, it’s not your fault.”

“There are so many things I could have done.” Ren’s voice has slipped into something almost numb. Empty. His hand curls into Ranmaru’s shirt, over his chest. 

“Whether that’s true ‘r not, it was a long time ago, Ren. It’s real easy to find all of the things you could’ve done years ‘n years later, but you’ve _learned_ Ren. You’re not just a scared kid anymore ‘n you’re not in the situation. ‘Course you’re gonna think of things _now_.” Ranmaru’s hand moves across Ren’s shoulders to pet through the ends of Ren’s hair. “‘N don’t beat yourself over me. Nothin’ happened. ‘N even if it had, it’s on me, more than it’d even be on-”

Ren interrupts Ranmaru by letting go of his shirt and putting his fingertips against Ranmaru’s lips. “If you got hurt, it would have been my fault.” Ren says firmly. 

Ranmaru catches Ren’s hand with the one that had been cradling Ren’s face. “You’re not in charge of what other people do, Ren. And I know that it can hurt, ‘n it’s frustratin’ and you feel helpless when someone hurts someone you wanna protect, but you’re not the one hurtin’ them, Ren.”

“You’re both my fault.” Ren says weakly. “Because I _can_ protect you. I had the strength then, and I have it now.”

Ranmaru sighs, squeezing Ren’s hand but not releasing it. “Listen ‘t me, Ren. I want you ‘ta take in what I’m sayin’. Intentions feel meaningless when things don’t turn out, but they’re not. Feelings fuckin’ suck, ‘n I’m sure you can’t help but feel guilty- but I’m not yer fault because nothin’ happened, ‘n I know why seeing this Masato guy is hurtin’ you but you were hurt, too. You’ve obviously both been through a lot, and I know it’s easier fer me ‘t tell you that you were just as fucked over as he was than it is for you ‘t actually believe it-” Ranmaru trails off with a sigh. “I dunno, Ren. It sounds like it was bad all around.”

Ren grows silent. The silence isn’t nice, but Ranmaru is relieved that Ren’s finally actually taken in what he’s said. Ren had very heavy curtains in his room, but a glance to the window shows the faintest hint that it’s getting lighter out. 

“I’m gonna go clos-”

“Wait.” Ren’s voice falls just short of demanding, and instead comes across as pleading. His grip tightens on Ranmaru’s hand. “Don’t leave yet.”

“Yer curtain’s open.” Ranmaru mumbles, though he does still. “It’s gonna be light out soon.”

“It’s fine.” Ren insists. To Ranmaru’s momentary confusion, Ren actually pulls back, climbing out from under the sheets, but then he resettles himself in Ranmaru’s lap and Ranmaru’s eyebrows draw in, but Ren pulls Ranmaru’s hand closer to his waist and Ranmaru takes the cue to wrap both arms around Ren’s waist. Ren tucks his head just beneath Ranmaru’s chin, and one of his hands finds Ranmaru’s shirt again. 

It falls silent, and this is when Ranmaru starts to actually explore his own thoughts. 

Ranmaru knew nothing about Masato, but he thinks that the look of anger on Masato’s face might mean he does blame Ren for what happened. But Ranmaru can’t imagine that Masato knows the full story, because it sounds like Ren had left him with nothing and Ranmaru can’t say Masato’s anger is unjustified. 

But that didn’t mean that Ren’s actions were, either. Right now in Ranmaru’s life, had he been in Ren’s place he would have killed the man that forcibly turned him. But ten years ago, Ranmaru would have done exactly what Ren had done- he would have ran. Ranmaru can’t imagine that there’s a _right_ response to what happened to Ren, and Ranmaru can feel a burning rage, deep down in his stomach. 

Ranmaru hadn’t ever really thought about how Ren had changed. Ranmaru wasn’t even sure if that’s how it happened or if it were some rare-type of disease, because Ren tended to only make passing comments about his “condition”, and Ranmaru rarely asked questions. 

Ranmaru wonders for a second if he should have, but he decides that this was the way that the cards were meant to fall. Even if he wished this wasn’t what spurred it on. 

It takes nearly an hour for Ranmaru to realize that Ren had actually fallen asleep against him, and he’s not sure how long Ren has been out. Ren had fallen asleep first, before, but it’s never been like this. There was no question that Ren was upset, but this only furthered that point. Ranmaru is gentle when he lifts Ren, sighing when Ren holds him tighter in his sleep. Ranmaru hadn’t wanted to bring Ren with him to close the curtains, but Ren hadn’t given him much of a choice with the way he was clinging to Ranmaru. Ren gives a quiet, displeased noise when the sliver of light hits him, but Ranmaru pulls the curtain closed as quickly as he can with his awkward position. 

When he gets back to the bed, he can’t get under the sheets or pull them up- so he settles with sleeping in his jeans and sweater and for sleeping on top of the sheets. As soon as he’s down, Ren shifts, curled more properly against Ranmaru. Ranmaru sighs, but he presses a kiss to Ren’s forehead and closing his eyes. 

Ren still seemed a bit off the next night, but he was clearly less upset than he had been the night before. Ranmaru still notices how much closer Ren sticks to him for most of that night, going so far as to walk Ranmaru home. 

“Oi. Where d’ya think you’re goin’?” Ranmaru catches Ren’s arm as Ren heads towards the door. 

“Home?” Ren looks genuinely confused, and the tilt of his head only makes it worse. Ranmaru clicks his tongue.

“It’s gettin’ light out.”

“If I-”

“ _No._ ” Ranmaru pushes Ren back in the direction of his bed. “Stay ‘ere today.”

“...Alright.”

Ranmaru narrows his eyes. “You’ve slept ‘ere plenty ‘a times before. Why the hesitation now?”

“I won’t be showing up to work tomorrow.” Ren admits. “I’m going to try to find Masato.”

Ranmaru sighs. “Well you’re still not walkin’ home in the day. If you wanna go find him, I can’t stop you. But I can’t take off work either. You gonna be okay?”

“I’d rather you stay safe and out of this situation. I don’t know how he’s handled his change and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Ranmaru doesn’t say anything, but his frown is obvious. Ren quiets down as he begins to take his clothes off, to fold and leave them on the couch. Ranmaru only spends long enough to take off his shirt and pants and just lays down wearing only his underwear. He’s in bed before Ren, but he feels Ren press a kiss against Ranmaru’s shoulder. 

Ren was sweet. He was an all around good guy, and he did what he could to make sure that Ranmaru wasn’t upset- at Ren and in general. But Ranmaru hated the fact that he was weaker than Ren was, and while Ren never _tried_ to hold it over Ranmaru, Ren was protective over Ranmaru as well and in times like this, it couldn’t be avoided. 

If Ranmaru’s night hadn’t felt so long, if Ren’s soft voices and hesitant, distant smiles hadn’t stayed so long, Ranmaru would never ask this. But tonight, he does, his eyes closed and his hand gripping the pillow too tight. 

“If I asked you to change me.” Ranmaru’s voice is serious and grim. “Would you?”

“ _What?_ ” Ren sputters. “Why would you ask me that?”

“Answer my question first.”

“No.” Ren’s voice is dark. Firm. _Final_. “I wouldn’t. Face me, Ran.”

Ranmaru makes no move to and Ren’s fingers brush over the edge of Ranmaru’s jaw. When Ranmaru stays where he is, Ren gets out of the bed and he forces his way into the bed, using the small amount of space between Ranmaru and the edge of the bed until Ranmaru finally relents so that Ren doesn’t fall onto the floor- especially because the way Ren had wrapped his arm around Ranmaru, Ranmaru would likely go with him. 

When they’re both properly on the bed again, Ren doesn’t let him go, but he pulls back enough to see Ranmaru’s face. Ranmaru had opened his eyes when Ren had left the bed, and now that he’s settled he’s only now closing them again. His expression is overall calm, but his jaw is too tense. Ren’s fingers run up Ranmaru’s side, just firm enough to avoid being ticklish, until he can cup Ranmaru’s face with a hand. “What brought this on?” Ren’s voice is gentle. 

Ren feels Ranmaru’s jaw flex underneath his palm. Ranmaru normally had no problems being straight-forward, but where his own feelings came in jumbled things up. 

This was the first time that Ranmaru had jumped to this conclusion, which may have been because up until this point, he wasn’t absolutely sure that it _was_ a “turning”. Ren’s eyes stay on Ranmaru’s face, and Ranmaru can tell even with his closed eyes. He doesn’t open his eyes when he answers, his face staying nearly unreadable. “It’d solve a lot of problems, yeah? No worryin’ about me. But relax, it was just a question.”

“Ran-” Ren is trying to hide the tense tone in his voice. “You don’t want this.” Ranmaru’s eyes open, but stay narrowed. 

“You don’t know what I want, Ren.”

“I’m not trying to fight.” Ren says quickly. His voice loses the gentle edge in his rush to get the words out, but it settles quickly after, though Ranmaru is still bristled. “Please. It’s just… not what you’d think it’d be. You’re _fine_ , Ran. You’re better than fine.”

“I’m gettin’ in your way, yeah?” Ranmaru scowls. “‘Specially with this whole situation. ‘Cause you don’t think I can protect _myself_.”

“Oh.” Ren’s eyebrows lower, and Ranmaru clicks his tongue as Ren’s expression softens in the worst kind of way. “That’s not-”

“Forget it.” Ranmaru cuts him off. “We should sleep.”

Ren stays quiet for a very long time, but when his hand slowly retracts from Ranmaru’s jaw, Ranmaru turns around, his back to Ren, now on the side of the bed that Ren had just been on. 

Ren stays on his side, and Ranmaru wakes up to an empty bed.

Ranmaru felt off from the moment he had woken up to now, standing in the empty kitchen. He had already stepped outside at least three times- because he didn’t feel right about last night. It was a knee-jerk reaction, to get angry, and Ren hadn’t even been there that morning for Ranmaru to tell him that Ranmaru had been too harsh on him. To apologize. 

Not for asking, or bringing it up- but it was just two days ago that Ranmaru had asked Ren to _listen_ to him, and Ranmaru hadn’t given him the same courtesy. 

It felt like too much, dealing with that on top of running the restaurant that night by himself. Especially when some of the regulars had started questioning Ranmaru about if Ren were alright. He’d give them a gruff “He’ll be fine.” and would take their order. 

Ranmaru ends up getting out about fifteen minutes early, because the owner had stopped by and had released him after seeing how dead the place was at the time, and Ranmaru had just given a short nod as he passed the owner. 

Ranmaru wasn’t one to be snuck up on, even if his attacker _were_ much quicker and quieter than he could ever hope to be- but his downfall is his surprise, because when he reaches for his knife as he turns, he doesn’t expect to see the same dark, hate filled blueish-violet eyes, less than a foot away from him. In the second it takes to understand that this is _Masato_ , Masato has his hand wrapped around Ranmaru’s throat in a grip so tight that Ranmaru’s worried he’s planning to snap his neck. 

Ranmaru loses his footing when he’s shoved back into the side of a building, his head slamming into it so hard that he can hear a ringing in his ears. When Masato throws him to the side, further into an alley between two businesses, Ranmaru can’t stay on his feet, landing on his hands and knees hard enough to make them ache, and he begins coughing, his knife nearly forgotten in his pocket as he tries to catch his breath. Ranmaru groans in pain when Masato lands a kick to Ranmaru’s side, knocking him onto his back.

“You smell like him.” Masato scowls, his entire expression dark. 

Ranmaru’s head is spinning and his rib is bruised, at least. He’s sure his neck hurts, too, but it’s too close to his head to pick it out through the halo of pain as he pushes himself up to lean against the wall. “Wha-?” Ranmaru’s eyes narrow. 

Ranmaru was afraid- but his shaking was from adrenaline and the knowledge that this really might be _it_. And of all things going through his head, Ren was the top one. It almost gets a dry laugh out of Ranmaru, but it doesn’t. Ranmaru’s head leans against the wall behind him, and he gives a very slight, accompanying wince. 

“Why?” Ranmaru finally gets out through grit teeth. Everything in Ranmaru is telling him to fight- but even if he could stand still long enough to get his knife in Masato, it wouldn’t do much. If he hurt Masato, he’d just be killed. 

“You’re close to Jinguji, yes?” Masato walks over Ranmaru, looming over him. Ranmaru just watches him, slumped in his spot. It’s almost difficult to keep his eyes focused. Masato’s jaw tightens, seemingly considering what he should tell Ranmaru. “I was as well, at one point. I’m trying to make him feel the pain he inflicted on me, a very long time ago.”

“Huh?”

“He left, and I lost the one person I truly cared about.” Masato crouches down. Ranmaru doesn’t mind that he’s sharing, but the glint in Masato’s eyes makes Ranmaru think that this has been a long time in the making. He can only imagine that this has been bottled up- because if Masato were still this angry at Ren leaving him, Ranmaru can’t imagine he’s found anyone else. Ranmaru was well aware what it was like, to be a bitter, angry person. He still had the remnants of one, himself. “I intend to repay the favor.”

Ranmaru closes his eyes. “Do you think he meant ‘ta?”

Masato stills. “You don’t uproot yourself and start a new life by accident.”

“Are you stupid?” Ranmaru manages a scowl. “He told me this story. He’s been beatin’ himself up over it fer years. Worse, now that he knows yer not dead. Whatever you believe, he told me he was tryin’ ‘t stop this from happenin’. Sounded like he was a scared kid. Was the way he was talkin’ too. Sounded like he really regretted it.” Ranmaru opens his eyes. “He’s lookin’ for you now. Maybe just fuckin’ talk to ‘im.” Ranmaru closes his eyes again. 

He has no hopes that his speech will save his life. At this point, he’s settling. He’s accepted his fate. 

It isn’t until a few minutes have passed with nothing happening that Ranmaru finally opens his eyes, though he finds that it’s a difficult task. Masato is gone. 

Ranmaru doesn’t dwell on it much. Maybe he left to take care of Ranmaru later- because the sun was about to come up. Maybe he actually listened to Ranmaru. 

Ranmaru doesn’t move. He doesn’t feel capable right now, when all he wants to do is sleep. He probably has a concussion, but the idea of sleeping off some of this pain was too good to pass up, and he lets himself close his eyes.

He isn’t sure how long he’s asleep when he feels someone grab his arm and sling it over their shoulder, a hand settling on his waist. Ranmaru jerks, trying to pull away but only managing to send sharp pains through his head and chest, and if he hadn’t been being held, he might’ve fallen forward. He was half asleep and still unsteady on his feet without the added layer of exhaustion. He has to squint against the bright sunlight because it sends an even sharper ache through his head when it hits his face. 

“Hey, hey.” Ranmaru recognizes Ren’s gentle voice immediately. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

“The fuck ‘r you doin’?” Ranmaru’s voice is slurred and rough, and it cracks. As he speaks, his throat constricts as if reminding him that it’s hurt, too. It doesn’t stop him. “‘S day.”

“I’ll be okay. We just need to get you home, Ran.”

Ren is nearly carrying Ranmaru. If Ranmaru were in less pain, he’d appreciate the attempt behind it- to carry Ranmaru in a way that seemed _supportive_ , rather than just picking him up. It surfaces in Ranmaru’s mind to apologize, the way he had wanted to last night, but he can’t think well enough to form the right words and they reach his apartment before he has. Ren easily fishes Ranmaru’s keys from his pocket with the hand that had been on his waist and he’s smooth in unlocking the door. As soon as they’re inside, Ren flicks the lock and takes the few seconds it takes to bolt the door before he leads Ranmaru to his bed. Ren pulls back the blanket before he lets Ranmaru lay down, and then he heads to take off Ranmaru’s shoes just to set them at the end of the bed. 

The lights were off in his apartment, and while his curtains had been drawn open, Ren takes care of that quickly and Ranmaru can finally get a look at Ren. He was in something almost similar to a cloak- just by a glance Ranmaru can tell that it’s heavy, a dark black color with the hood pulled up and down to the point that Ranmaru can’t even make out Ren’s expression. When he finally begins to undo the cloak, Ranmaru notices the sunglasses as well, though those join the cloak on the couch. Ranmaru can’t remember the last time he had seen a _cloak_ , but he guessed that it was the best solution for going out into the sun.

As soon as Ren’s items are on the couch, he’s heading back towards Ranmaru. Ren was _very_ fast, as Ranmaru had found out quite some time ago, but he normally kept himself to the same pace as Ranmaru. Ranmaru notices now that Ren is by his side much faster than he should be. Ren drops into a crouch, to run his hand gently through the front of Ranmaru’s bangs, and there’s a look in Ren’s eyes that Ranmaru catches onto quickly. 

“Fuck.” Ranmaru curses, sitting up fast enough to make his head spin, and he does have to set his hand on Ren’s shoulder to help him push himself up. Ren stands to try to stop him, restraining him. “‘M bleedin’, let go ‘a me. I’ll take care of it.”

“No.” Ren’s voice is final, and he almost drags Ranmaru back to the bed to force him to lie down, this time on his side. His voice is stern, laced with concern. “You’re going to stay here, lying down. If you’re scared that I’m going to lose myself on you, I’m not. I’m so worried right now, Ran, that it doesn’t smell appetizing in the slightest. And we’ve moved past the point where I’m even worried that I’ll lose my control around you because I couldn’t live with the consequences of what may happen if I did.” Ren takes Ranmaru’s hand in both of his, kissing his knuckles. “I’m going to get a washcloth and try to wash some of the dried blood, and then I’ll help you get undressed. You can tell me what happened after you’ve gotten some rest.”

Ren is slow in letting go of Ranmaru’s hand, and Ranmaru stays quiet, staring at a spot on his wall. Ren comes back with a damp cloth and he sits behind Ranmaru, starting at the dried blood on his lower neck before gently trying to clean his hair, avoiding the spots that make Ranmaru wince. He balls up the rag, and he sets it on Ranmaru’s bedside table. Ren ends up nearly undressing Ranmaru himself, because Ranmaru’s exhaustion had returned as his initial panic died and Ren had started carefully petting through his hair as he cleaned the blood. 

Ren tucks Ranmaru in, and it sends a strange feeling through Ranmaru’s chest, his eyebrows furrowing. He can’t even remember a time as a child when he had been _tucked in_ to his bed. But when Ren settles down in the bed next to him, Ranmaru lets himself fall asleep. 

Ranmaru wakes up well past when he should have gone into work, and he’s feeling like absolute shit. He’s barely stumbled his way out of bed when Ren is back to him, pressing on his shoulders to get him back. 

“Ren, we’re real late-” Ranmaru groans. His expression sours, seeing that it’s almost four in the morning. 

“You’re not going in for the next few days. I’ve contacted the owners.” 

Ranmaru’s stern expression falls a bit flat, especially when Ren’s expression doesn’t change and he doesn’t let up on holding Ranmaru to the bed. He finally sighs. “I can’t just take a couple ‘a days off, Ren.”

“I explained that you were in an accident and would be back when you were healed.” Ren gently pets through Ranmaru’s bangs. “They were extremely worried about you, you know.” His voice softens, clearly trying to sway Ranmaru. “In fact, I think that if they saw you working like this, they’d tell you themselves not to come in. Your voice is still shot, baby.” Ren’s fingers lower, gently brushing his fingers along the side of Ranmaru’s neck. When Ren speaks, his voice is dark. “Your bruise is in the shape of a handprint, you know. And even your chef’s coat wouldn’t cover it.” When Ranmaru’s jaw tenses, it sends an ache through his head, and Ren’s fingers move to gently massage the corner of Ranmaru’s jaw until he relaxes it. “I tried to come to walk you home.” Ren says softly. “But you were already gone.”

“How’d you find me?” Ranmaru has finally stopped struggling. His thoughts were coming easier, even if he still felt sore, in pain and groggy. “You shouldn’t ‘ve even been out durin’ the day.”

“You were along your normal path home.” Ren glances over to the couch. “I had dressed to prepare to walk home, after escorting you. I thought coming to pick you up might make you angry, and I didn’t think you’d want me to stay.”

Ranmaru scowls. “I wouldn’t send you away. Even in yer getup, I wouldn’t want you walkin’ home durin’ the day.” Ranmaru hesitates, and he gives a heavy, almost irritated sigh, but his expression is a bit softer when he opens his eyes to look at Ren. “‘N about that. The day before yesterday. ...I shouldn’t ‘a gotten mad at you, anyways.” 

It wasn’t quite the apology Ranmaru was looking to give, but it softens Ren’s expression, anyways. “It’s alright.” Ren assures. Ren’s smile is edged but his sentiment seems genuine. “Nothing is ever going to be easy, and this is a sensitive topic for both of us- just in different ways.” Ren’s expressions begins to edge into a frown. “What happened?”

Ranmaru’s face becomes darker, and this time he does look away from Ren. He wasn’t sure how Ren was going to take the news. He had a feeling that the Masato he had just met wasn’t the one Ren knew. But Ranmaru wasn’t the type to lie about this kind of thing. “It was Masato.” He admits grimly. “He blames you fer leavin’ ‘im. Thinks you wanted to, ‘n he was just usin’ me ‘t try to get back at you.”

“What?” Ren’s eyes are too wide, and Ranmaru reaches out for his arm. Ren’s in too much shock to try to keep him from moving, even when Ranmaru sits up- Ren’s pressure had been consistent until that point, but it was too loose now. 

“Ren.” Ranmaru’s voice is serious. It still hurts to talk, but none of this could wait. Ren’s eyes are distant, even when they find Ranmaru’s. Ranmaru genuinely is struggling- even with his own thoughts on the situation. But he’s cut off when Ren’s face shifts, becoming almost horrified, and Ren cups Ranmaru’s face and finally goes back to lower Ranmaru. 

“My God.” Ren’s thumbs run along Ranmaru’s cheekbones. “I’m sorry. You’re the one that was attacked, I shouldn’t be-”

“Stop.” Ranmaru’s stern tone didn’t come across right, laying down. “It’s obvious you’ve both got a lot of fuckin’ issues that need ‘t be resolved. ...He was gonna kill me. He didn’t, ‘n I’m still not completely sure why, but it was right after I told ‘im why you said you left.”

“How- how do you say that so calmly?” Ren’s voice is pained. “Of course I don’t want to find out that I’ve… ruined his life. That I’m the reason he’s aggressive enough to _kill_ you to get back at me- but I… even I can’t look death in the face like that and just accept it, Ran.”

“I ‘aven’t really took it all in.” Ranmaru grumbles. “I dunno what I think of any of this. I just know that I’ve got no idea what kinda person he is, ‘n that my head hurts, ‘n you obviously held ‘im pretty high.” 

Ren focuses in on one of Ranmaru’s points immediately, bringing the backs of his fingers to Ranmaru’s cheek. “You must be feeling terrible. I’m sorry. I’m going to get you an ice pack for your head. I can’t imagine how sore your throat must be, too.” Ren’s fingers brush against Ranmaru’s lower lip. “Anything else we have to talk about can wait. You just need to rest up.”

It takes Ranmaru three days before he feels steady on his feet, but Ren turns off his alarm on the fourth night without Ranmaru’s knowledge and he ends up not going into work that night either. 

Ranmaru should have been angry, but Ren’s face had been drawn in too tight for almost the entire week. He refuses to leave Ranmaru alone for long, but Ranmaru can tell that Ren’s mind won’t leave Masato, either. It’s on their shared day off that Ranmaru gets out of bed to get properly dressed. 

“Ran-”

“Relax. We need ‘t leave the fuckin’ apartment, Ren, even if it’s just ‘t go to your house. I’m goin’ stir crazy.”

“...Just to my house.”

Ranmaru sighs, but he gives an affirmative grunt. Nods still make his head a bit sore. Just as they’re about to leave, Ranmaru feels something heavy drape over his shoulders, and then Ren slips in front of him to do up the front of the cloak. Ranmaru clicks his tongue. “‘Lil dramatic, ain’t it?”

“It’s cold.” Ren says simply, adjusting the cloak better over Ranmaru’s shoulders. “And your jacket is thin.”

Ranmaru rolls his eyes, but when they’re outside, _he’s_ the one that grabs Ren’s hand. Ren gives Ranmaru’s hand a gentle squeeze. 

They stay silent on the walk over. Over the past few days, there had been quite a few silences that had stretched over them, but all of them had been strained. 

This one was worse. Ren was clearly trying to hide it, but he had on the same expression that he had on the night that they found Masato. Even Ranmaru felt like there was something off, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. 

When Ren gets to his house, his expression changes. “It’s not locked.” He says quietly. “I’m going to walk in first. I’d like you to stay near the door.”

Ranmaru’s jaw grits. He stays silent. He’s going to listen, but he doesn’t like it. 

He doesn’t talk back, either. 

Ren opens the door, and it’s very shortly after Ranmaru had stepped inside that Ren backs up. His posture is defensive as he recoils, nearly on top of Ranmaru. Ranmaru can just see over where Ren is pressing against him, to the blue haired man standing from his spot on the couch, his chin tilted, his expression cold and distant, and his voice matching. 

“Ren.”


	4. Chapter Four

Ranmaru’s eyes glance between the back of Ren’s head and to Masato, but Masato lifts his hands, not moving closer towards the door. 

“I’m here to speak to you, Jinguji.”

Ren winces at the use of his last name, but he glances back at Ranmaru, swallows hard enough for his throat to move with the action, and he nods. “I’d like for you to stay on the chair in the corner, if we’re going to speak. ...I’m sure you know why I might be… hesitant.”

Masato’s eyes, darker in the shadowy house, glance towards Ranmaru, and he gives a short nod. His movement is stiff but elegant, and when he sits again in the chair by the opposite wall, Ranmaru is reminded of a statue. If Masato even is breathing, it’s shallow.

“Stay near me, Ran.” Ren doesn’t bother to lower his voice, because all three men in the room know that Masato would hear it anyways. Ranmaru grits his teeth, but Ren’s hand grabs onto his wrist and he doesn’t have much of a choice. Ren sits on the edge of the couch, but Ranmaru notices his posture nearly matches Masato’s. 

Ranmaru leans back into the couch, slumping into the cushion. 

He wasn’t comfortable in this situation. Ren was tense, Masato was intimidating- but there were things Ranmaru knew. 

Masato had let him live.

Masato had listened to him. 

Masato could easily kill him. 

Ren wouldn’t let him. 

This could end badly- but if they fought and Ren lost, Ranmaru would be dead. If they fought and Ren won, there would be a period of recovery for Ren, and not just physically, and Ranmaru would just do what he could to help.

Ranmaru couldn’t influence this situation, and there weren’t any words he could add to it, either. This wasn’t his fight.

“You want to talk.” Ren says finally. 

“Tell me the story.” Masato demands. “What happened before you left, why you left, and why you never bothered to return.”

Ren sighs, his shoulders slumping for only a second before he catches himself and gives a short nod. Every muscle in his body seems to be tense as he begins explaining- though the only emotion that Ranmaru can pick out in Ren’s voice is an edge of guilt he can’t seem to hide. 

“It’s a long one.” Ren’s mouth flickers. He wants to smile- something to relieve the tension, but he either can’t bring himself to, or he doesn’t think Masato will appreciate it. “But I have a feeling that you want to hear it anyways. ...You should, actually.” Ren lets out a long sigh, and his already grim features becomes grimmer. 

Now wasn’t the time to think about it, but as Ranmaru glances between the two during Ren’s short silence before he tells the story, he can’t help but study their faces. They were both pretty- the Masato man looked almost like a doll. Fragile, despite the first hand knowledge that he wasn’t. And then there was Ren. It was a strange attractiveness, and the only fitting word that Ranmaru can think of is _flawless_. Physically, both men were attractive. Almost unnervingly so. With how still the both of them were, they truly did look like statues. 

Or dolls. 

Ren begins speaking. “Shouta Hoshikage.” Ranmaru had never heard Ren’s name turn so cold. It sent a chill down Ranmaru’s spine. Masato winces, but Ranmaru isn’t sure if that’s from Ren’s tone or the name he gave. “The father of-”

“Don’t say her name.” Masato says harshly, scowling. “I’m well aware of who you mean.” 

Ren continues on, almost as if he hadn’t been interrupted, but a different expression crosses over his face. A new kind of guilt. “It was Shouta, however. I was invited to his house to sleep with him, and I went. By the time night fell, he had changed me through no say of my own. ...That was why I left, Masato.” Ren’s voice is much softer, saying Masato’s name, but Masato flinches regardless. “I was fresh, I was scared, I had no idea what had happened… He let me out in the morning and it hurt.” Ren’s hands tighten at the memory. “And then I remembered how close we were. What if he were worried I’d speak? What if he used you the way he used me? As a sick game? I wanted to protect you. I know now that I… didn’t. I’m sorry.” Ren hangs his head. “I couldn’t tell you what happened- I hardly knew myself. I only knew I didn’t want you to be hurt. I prayed, Masa.” Ren’s voice breaks. “I never looked for you because I didn’t want to find you. I wanted to believe that you were dead. That you had lived your life as you were meant to- that I was but a blip of it. Had I known-” Ren’s hands tighten into fists in his hands, and he shakes his head. His voice is so soft that Ranmaru barely catches, but he knows Masato does, too. “I’m sorry.”

Masato’s face doesn’t change. It’s closed off, and stern, and Ranmaru’s worried that he’s going to rip into Ren when he opens his mouth, but to Ranmaru’s admitted relief, he doesn’t. 

“I was told by… Mister Hoshikage, that you were ill. You had visited his home and had stayed too late and had woken up too sick to return. I fell right into his trap.” Masato’s eyes close, and Ranmaru thinks there’s pain under his carefully put together expression. “I was ambushed and changed shortly after I entered through the doorway. Among… other things.” Masato’s eyebrows pull together, and the expression of pain overtakes his face now, but he doesn’t continue that line of thought. “I was told you were in on it. I wasn’t sure if I believed that but… You weren’t there. You had left, so I couldn’t ask you. I could only assume you were… turned. So I’ve spent this long searching for you- and to find you living as carelessly as you had used to.” There’s a bitterness in his voice. “To find that you’ve replaced me!”

“I haven’t.” Ren’s eyes are wide. “Masa-”

“Stop calling me that.” Masato snaps. 

Ren winces. “Masato-”

“ _Hijirikawa._ ”

“...Hijirikawa. I never forgot about you. I can’t tell you how often I think about you. Everyday.” One of Ren’s hands loosens, to find Ranmaru’s knee, but he’s in control of himself enough to make sure his grip isn’t too tight.”Ran is incredibly important to me, but you were my first friend, Mas- Hijirikawa. I could never replace you.”

Masato’s voice is quiet. This is the most vulnerable Ranmaru has yet to hear him sound. “I don’t know if I believe you.”

Ren’s posture relaxes as he stands, approaching Masato. They both seem younger- with the way Masato shrinks as he looks up at Ren, his expression crushed, the way Ren’s face is pleading. Begging. 

“Give me a chance to make you.”

“I don’t know, Jinguji.”

“Please. You’ve been looking for me, right? Just give me a few months. That must be nothing compared to all the time you’ve spent searching.”

Masato’s head bows. “I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t.” He repeats, fully losing his composure, his pale hands gripping the edge of the chair so hard that Ranmaru wonders if it will rip. 

Ranmaru can’t hear Masato’s last response, but it must be an affirmative because Ren’s shoulders slump in relief. Ren says something so airy that Ranmaru can’t hear that either. Masato doesn’t react. 

“Ran, I-” An almost strained expression crosses Ren’s face, but he does give a smile this time. It’s not very convincing, but Ranmaru raises an eyebrow. “Would it be alright if I took you back to your home tonight?”

“Stay ‘ere.” Ranmaru brushes him off, standing up. “I’ll be fine ‘t walk five minutes back ‘n I’ve got my knife on me. I get it.”

Ren looks like he’s going to argue, but Ranmaru reaches up to unclasp the cloak. “Don’t.” Whatever Ren had been about to say dies as he switches his words. “Leave that on. It’s freezing outside.”

Ranmaru lets his hands drop, but he bites back his huff. “Look, I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”

Ren’s jaw seems to work around words, but Ranmaru is already heading towards the door. Ranmaru can tell that Ren has a million and one thoughts running through his head, and that’s why he gets out of the door alone. 

That, and Ranmaru’s most current threat was on Ren’s chair. 

On the way home, Ranmaru lets himself take in their conversation, though it’s one he isn’t sure he should have sat in on. 

They obviously both had things they needed to work out with each other. 

But for as much as Ranmaru loved Ren-

Ranmaru’s thoughts would freeze. Did he? There was no doubt that he _had_ feelings, but neither of them had yet to bring up anything further than that. Ranmaru pushes that thought away. It could come later- but not now. Not when he didn’t think that Ren could even handle the news. 

Because he could see how desperately Ren wanted the chance to make it up to Masato and how much he was hurting because he had hurt Masato. But as much as Ranmaru hoped they got themselves together, and fixed it, he knew it wasn’t right of him to be there during it. 

Ranmaru gets back to his apartment without incident, but he freezes at his door with a scowl and a sigh. This was the place he was trying to avoid. He was sick of being in his apartment, to the point that even staying inside of Ren’s house was better. Ranmaru really does stop to consider it. 

Ranmaru had never been attacked by anything supernatural before Masato. He wasn’t often attacked by anything human, either, because Ranmaru wasn’t a small _or_ friendly-seeming man. 

Ranmaru decides that’s reason enough to go out. He was an adult, and he understood why Ren was worked up over it, but his former attacker was currently in a discussion with Ren that was likely to last far longer than it would take Ranmaru to walk to the bar across the street and have a drink or two. There was money in his budget to afford that. 

But he still goes inside to at least change. 

One of the strangest things Ren had said to him was that Ren could identify Ranmaru by smell alone, and that would lead Ranmaru to assume that vampires probably had specific scents too. Ranmaru changes his outfit entirely and ditches the cloak. If he were more worried about it, he’d shower, but he really wasn’t. 

He was just doing things he knew he could throw back at Ren if Ren were to catch him- and that thought makes him freeze, scowling. 

God, he was _whipped_. 

Ranmaru switches the knife from his last pair of jeans to these ones and takes his keys and wallet and leaves the apartment. 

He’s halfway to the bar across the street when he realizes that Ren was actually right- it was freezing. And Ranmaru was wearing a fairly thin jacket. 

That’s forgotten when he enters the bar, which is much warmer, and he takes a seat towards an emptier area of the bar and he orders a beer. He didn’t keep alcohol in his apartment, usually, because he never seemed to go through enough of it and there was a cheap bar close enough to where he lived.

Ranmaru used to frequent this bar much more than he does now, back before Ren. It was his way of getting out of the house, even if he still didn’t really interact with anyone other than the bartender to get his drinks. 

Halfway through his first bottle, he notices someone looking at him from across the room. It’s an older man that glances away from him when Ranmaru looks back, but Ranmaru can tell that when Ranmaru’s eyes are off of him, the man stares. Nothing happens, but it unsettles Ranmaru. Enough that Ranmaru pays after the first beer and leaves. He keeps his hand in his pocket with his knife, just in case, but he gets back to his apartment without difficulty. It’s when he’s approaching his door that he realizes that he doesn’t have his phone on him, and that realization only comes to him when he fishes his keys from his pocket and realizes that his door won’t unlock because it _is_ unlocked. 

Ranmaru had nearly reached for his phone to call Ren, but realizing that he doesn’t have it on him, he just stashes his keys and then reaches into his pocket to take out his knife, opening the door slowly. Ren is standing near the island where Ranmaru had dropped his phone, and his phone is in Ren’s hand. Ranmaru huffs, but he slides his knife back into his pants pocket. 

“You scared me.” Ren’s voice is too quiet. “...Are you mad at me?”

That one takes Ranmaru completely off guard. “Huh?”

“I was worried that you were ignoring me because you were angry- I wasn’t able to talk to you, about how you had taken the Masato… situation.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Ranmaru says gruffly. “‘Course I’m not mad. I just went out fer a drink ‘n forgot my phone.”

Ren gets quiet, but Ranmaru closes the door and walks closer. He gets close enough to Ren to take his chin, making Ren look him in the eyes. “I’m not mad.” Ranmaru repeats. “You ‘n Masato need ‘t work your shit out. I just went across the street ‘n accidentally left my phone. That’s all there is to it. Didn’t mean ‘t worry you.”

“I shouldn’t have made you walk home alone.” Ren frowns. 

“ _It’s fine_. I’m fine, Ren.”

“Actually you’re shivering.” Ren says dryly. 

“‘N you should be talkin’ ‘t Masato.” Ranmaru says, pulling away from Ren. He strips off his jacket, taking off his shirt to throw into the laundry basket which only makes his shivering worse because he rarely ran the heater, and he always turned it off when he left. 

“He… He wasn’t exactly thrilled when I left, but I promised him we’d talk in exactly a week. I couldn’t leave you alone if there were any chance you could be in trouble.”

“Ren, until I met you, I’ve never been in this kinda danger.” Ranmaru scowls and Ren winces. “‘S not enough ‘t make me regret anythin’ so wipe that look off ‘a your face. Just… I’ve had more fuckin’ near death experiences in the past year than I’ve ever had in my fuckin’ life. If somethin’ wants ‘t kill me, I’ll be just as safe across the street as I’d be right ‘ere. Now I’m gonna take a shower.”

Ranmaru only gets a few steps when his arms wrap around Ranmaru. It makes Ranmaru shiver, but not much more than he already had been. “You’re not a replacement you know.” Ren says softly. 

“I know.”

Ren doesn’t leave that night, despite Ranmaru’s assurances that he can. 

As they’re leaving work the next night, Ranmaru stops Ren with a hand on his arm. “You’re not just leavin’ that guy in your house, right? Ditchin’ ‘im or whatever?”

Ranmaru had some sympathy for the man. If Ranmaru had thought he had been tricked and abandoned by someone- especially someone like Ren, he’d be pissed, too. But he didn’t really care about Ren ditching Masato for any reason other than not wanting Ren to lose his chance to try to get his connection back with Masato, because whether Ren showed it or not, Ranmaru knew it would kill Ren. 

“We’re meeting up next week, and I got a number.” Ren assures. “I’m not standing him up and he’s not waiting for me.”

“So he’s not at your house?”

“No.”

Ranmaru hesitates. “...Then let’s go ‘t your place.”

“Oh?”

“Your bed’s better than mine.” Ranmaru grumbles. “...’N what’s the use in havin’ a nice house if you’re spendin’ all your nights in a shitty apartment?”

“Days, you mean?” Ren smiles, just a bit. “Sure. We can go to my house.”

Until their next night off, that’s where they stay- at Ren’s house. When Ranmaru sleeps in his own bed, it’s way more uncomfortable than he remembers it being. 

The next day at work, Ren has plenty to say. Ranmaru lets him talk while he preps.

“I think there’s hope.” Ren’s grin is bright. It’s the lightest Ranmaru has seen it be in a while. Since before Masato, he thinks. It’s a relief. “He’s still mad, and I still need to call him Hijirikawa- and I can’t blame him. I can’t imagine what he must have felt. ...But he spoke to me. We had an actual conversation for the first time in hundreds of years. I really do think we can fix this, and I think even he may want to.” Ren leans forward, but there’s almost a hint of nervousness in his eyes. “Maybe, if Hijiri-”

“Hijiri?”

Ren gives a sheepish grin, but he continues. “If _Hijiri_ and I get along better, the two of you could meet? Unless you’re still nervous around him. I wouldn’t ask you to-”

“Relax. It’s fine. If you two can get ‘t be friends again, I’ll talk to ‘im.” 

Ren sighs, but he sounds relieved. Ranmaru has to stop chopping, because Ren’s grin is nearly blinding when Ranmaru looks up to see it.

The next week, it’s different, and Ren speaks about Masato more on the way to Ren’s home, the day after their meeting. This one is less excitable, and much more grim. “He was raised a traditional… vampire.” Ren says the word with something almost like distaste. “I tried to offer him a more… humane way to drink, and he couldn’t keep it down.”

“Don’t you drink from people?” 

“Sometimes.” Ren rubs the back of his neck, giving an almost sheepish grin. “But I haven’t drank from anyone since we’ve started dating.”

Ren says it so casually that Ranmaru almost brushes over it, and then he stills, falling a step behind Ren, and Ren notices, turning to look back at Ranmaru. “ _Why_?”

Ren raises an eyebrow, and then a look passes through his eyes. “I haven’t told you how people react when I feed off of them, have I?” Ren steps forward, and despite them being in the middle of the sidewalk, Ren wraps his arms around Ranmaru’s waist to pull him closer. Ren’s voice drops into a quiet purr. “I could show you.”

Ranmaru’s first instinct is no. His eyes narrow, his jaw tightens, and then relaxes, and then his mouth opens - “Alright.” 

Ren’s grin widens. “I’m classier than just taking you here in the alley.” Ren does lean in to nip at the corner of Ranmaru’s jaw and he feels his breath catch as Ren finally pulls back. “Let’s go to the house.”

Ren is quick to pull Ranmaru inside, to turn him around and press him against the door with a grin that is predatory. Ranmaru can feel his heart pounding against his chest, but he doesn’t think he could be intimidated if he tried to be. 

Ren drops his head, but Ranmaru only feels Ren’s tongue, starting at Ranmaru’s pulse spot and going to the underside of Ranmaru’s jaw, stopping to nibble at Ranmaru’s earlobe, grinning widely. “I’m going to take my time with this, baby.” Ren’s hands land on Ranmaru’s hips, pulling him flush against Ren, and Ranmaru can only bring himself to catch hold of Ren’s shoulders, pulling him closer. “But I promise you that this is going to feel just as good for you as it does for me.”

“Guess we’ll have to see.” 

Ren laughs, because Ranmaru’s voice comes out breathless. “Let’s go to the bed.”

Ranmaru can only imagine that Ren is tempted to bring Ranmaru there himself, but he settles with walking with Ranmaru, pressed to Ranmaru’s side with a hand slid into Ranmaru’s back pocket. 

“Your pupils are wide and your heart is pounding. Are you excited?” Ren grins.

Ranmaru clicks his tongue, but Ren’s smug silence shows that he doesn’t need any more than that. 

When they’re inside of Ren’s bedroom, Ranmaru finds himself on his back before he even sees the world shift around him, and his eyes widen. 

Ren was moving quickly, enough to keep Ranmaru on his toes, but Ranmaru couldn’t care. 

“Remember back when you were afraid ‘t touch me? Look at you now.” Ranmaru smirks. Ren ends up shutting him up with a rough kiss, his hand rubbing over Ranmaru’s side, firm enough to keep it from being ticklish. 

“I’m going to do more than just touch you.” Ren promises. He’s straddling Ranmaru’s lap. He leans down, to press a kiss against Ranmaru’s throat. “If you want me to stop, just push against my shoulder.” He can feel Ren smirk. “Not that I think you’ll want me to.”

Ranmaru rolls his eyes but it’s in that split second that Ren bites into his neck, getting an audible gasp from Ranmaru. Ranmaru’s hand finds Ren’s bicep, not to push, but to squeeze. 

Ranmaru’s eyes roll up into his head of their own volition, and he’s glad he can’t see himself because he knows he looks a mess. His entire body feels hot, and he feels so far gone that he can’t even be embarrassed by the soft moan that slips from his throat. Ranmaru can’t remember the last time he had lost control like this- and he doesn’t think he’s ever gotten close to it _willingly_. His grip on Ren now is to pull him _closer_. 

Finally, right as Ranmaru begins to feel light-headed, Ren pulls back, his tongue running over his red stained lips. He ducks his head again, to run his tongue along the wound he had made. When Ren really does pull back, Ranmaru lets his hand drop. He was exhausted- but somehow content. 

Ranmaru hadn’t had sex- but if it didn’t feel as good as this, he’d be disappointed.

“You okay, baby?” Ren’s voice is back to a purr. Ranmaru makes a sleep noise, and it makes Ren laugh. “Sorry, Ran, but you can’t sleep yet. You need to eat something.”

Ranmaru grunts. “Yeah. ‘N just what d’ya got ‘ere?”

“There’s a late night cafe near here.” Ren hums. 

“I’m fucked, Ren. I don’t think I could walk _downstairs_ right now.”

Ren laughs harder this time, turning to fall next to Ranmaru before moving to his side. “I can go pick you up something.”

“Yer mouth’s covered in blood.”

“I’ll wash it off.” Ren gives an amused sigh, and then something almost like a yelp when Ranmaru manages to knock Ren over, catching him and holding on. Ren gives a weak struggle, before just settling for a more comfortable position. Ranmaru knows well that if Ren didn’t want to be there, he wouldn’t be. 

“Give me a minute. I’ll see if I can find my legs ‘n walk down there with you. It’s gettin’ close ‘t mornin’ though, yeah?”

Ren quiets as he begins thinking. “It may be early enough to just order something.”

“Now you’re thinkin’.” 

Ren rolls his eyes, but Ranmaru won’t let Ren shift enough to grab Ren’s own phone, so Ren’s hand slips down to take Ranmaru’s. 

Ren is quick to order something he deems acceptable. Ranmaru rolls his eyes. “A donut?”

“And juice.” Ren adds helpfully, and then he gives a sheepish grin. “If I’m honest, I usually just recommend that people eat. But sweets and juice are what they give you at blood banks, right?”

Now it’s Ranmaru’s turn to laugh. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, Ren.”

After Ren officially orders it, he tilts his head up and smiles. “So- how did you like it?”

“Do you really need ‘t ask?”

“I always like feedback.”

“Well I can definitely fuckin’ tell you that I never thought I’d ever let anyone _drink my blood_. But it was... “ Ranmaru huffs. “...Intimate? You looked fuckin’ hot when you pulled back. Think you fucked somethin’ up in my head.” 

Ren laughs. “I’m honored that you think I ‘fucked up something’ just because you thought I was hot. It’s what every boy longs to hear.” Ren finally fully cuddles Ranmaru back. “It feels very intimate. It’s why I’ve stopped feeding from others.”

“But you’ve never asked me.”

Ren gives another sheepish grin, and an almost awkward laugh that Ranmaru can’t help but find _cute_. “I was going to ask you the first time we slept together.”

“Can you even do that?”

“I’m not getting into details on vampire sex right now, Ran. Let’s just stick with feeding for now.”

“That’s borin’.”

Ren’s voice changes into something sultry. “You’ll find out soon enough, Ran.”

They both jump when the doorbell rings. Ren pats Ranmaru’s stomach and then gets up. Ranmaru tries to follow him up but as soon as he sits up, the room spins and he has to lie back down. 

“I’ll be right back with the food, Ran. Just stay there.”

Ren is fast. Too fast. Ranmaru has barely just settled when Ren’s setting the paper bag on the table, and then he’s helping Ranmaru back up with a gentle hand on his back and offering Ranmaru the lidded juice with the other hand, straw already in place. Ranmaru gives an incoherent grumble, but he drinks the juice. He does insist he get _out of the bed_ to eat the donut. He wasn’t really in the mood for sweets, but he could tell from Ren’s reassurances alone that Ren really was worried. 

“For how often you stay over, I really need to get more food in the house.”

“I keep tellin’ you.” Ranmaru speaks with a bite of donut still in his mouth, and Ren sighs, exasperated. Ranmaru doesn’t bother to swallow before he finishes his thought. “Just lemme go get shit ‘n bring it over here. Groceries. ‘S _too_ nice of you ‘t keep orderin’ stuff in ‘n takin’ me out to eat. I get that money doesn’t mean much ‘t you, but it’s cheaper, just cookin’.”

“I can’t cook.” Ren blurts out. His face is almost a bit embarrassed. “I can’t digest anything but blood, so I’ve lost the skill.”

Ranmaru gives Ren a blank look, and Ren jumps to his own defense. 

“I understand that you can, Ran, but it still feels strange to have you over and not cook for you.”

“I’m not a _guest_ , Ren, I’m your boyfriend. I cooked fer myself at my apartment. Only difference doin’ it here is a nicer kitchen.”

Ren sighs, shaking his head, but it’s a good natured noise. “...Alright. But I’ll buy the ingredients.”

The next off-day they have, Ren spends it with Masato again. Ranmaru feels lonely, and he hates it more, because he feels like he _shouldn’t_. He sees Ren at work every day, and he sleeps in the same bed as him. But Ranmaru doesn’t like sleeping alone anymore if it’s longer than a nap, and he misses _going_ places. He’s stopped going to the bar, because the last few times he had, he had seen that strange, older man in the same spot as before, just watching him when he thought Ranmaru wasn’t looking. 

And stranger yet- Ranmaru missed Ren _feeding_ on him. It had only happened once, but Ranmaru craved the intimacy of the act. The feelings he had gotten from it. 

Ranmaru doesn’t sleep well that night, and that’s because the room feels stuffy and empty and unpleasant. He’s growing to begin hating his room- but he can’t stop scolding himself for it. 

Ranmaru had made it this long by himself, to be this hung up over Ren was ridiculous. He could survive a night. Especially when he knew that Ren was doing something important. 

He really wanted Ren and Masato to get along. 

Because it made Ren happy. It made his smiles brighter, and voice grew fonder with every meeting. 

Because from the way Ren described Masato’s reactions, it felt like Masato wanted this too. Like he really was getting something from Ren’s attempts. 

Like it really might work out. 

Ranmaru must still look tired the next night, because Ren stills in the empty restaurant when he sees Ranmaru’s face. It’s worried, at first, and then his face falls. “I’m sorry, Ran.”

“What’re you talkin’ about?” Ranmaru grumbles, pushing his way in the kitchen to begin the coffee pot. He’d need at least a full one to take tonight on. 

“I’ve been ignoring you.” Ren’s voice softens in a way that Ranmaru hates, and it makes him scowl. 

“I’m not an animal, ‘r a kid, Ren. You’re not abandoning me. I can entertain myself for a few hours.”

“You wouldn’t be so upset if it hadn’t bothered you.” Ren steps forward, turning Ranmaru by the arm to run a cool thumb under Ranmaru’s eyes. “Your eyes are bruised and you haven’t even done your makeup.”

“So I took it easy tonight. Get off ‘a my back. We’re both adults.” Another scowl, but Ren won’t let go of Ranmaru’s arm. “I mean it.”

“Maybe you should go home and get some res-”

“You can’t cook.” Ranmaru says flatly. “Look. If all you’re gonna talk about is how shitty I look, you can get outta my kitchen. I know you mean well but I don’t wanna hear it.”

Ren finally lets go of Ranmaru’s arm, but after thirty minutes of no customers, Ranmaru turns on Ren again. “If you’re gonna just stand there ‘n do that puppy dog eye shit, I don’t need that either.”

“Ran-”

“Talk about work. About Masato. Just do somethin’ that’s not you sittin’ there wondering if I’m going to fucking snap.”

“I think we should leave.” Ren’s voice drops. It’s serious. “We can close up and I’ll come back to open it before the boss gets back.”

“I’m not skippin’ work.” Ranmaru scowls, fully turning on Ren. “I’m tired. I’m fine. I’m not gonna fall asleep in the fucking fry-”

Ranmaru closes his mouth when he hears the noise indicating a customer, but his glare doesn’t lighten, even when Ren leaves the kitchen. The order ticket is left in the window. 

Ranmaru knows that his irritation at Ren isn’t fair- but he was _trying_ to get Ren to leave him alone because he could feel himself getting more and more irritated. Ranmaru hadn’t really snapped at him yet, but he didn’t want to. He wasn’t sure how well he’d hold himself back if he did. 

But he was fine. If Ren would just listen to him, he wouldn’t have kicked Ren out of the kitchen. 

It doesn’t stop Ranmaru from feeling like shit, that he was harsh enough that Ren actually _listened_ to him. It reminds Ranmaru of when Ren had revealed what he was to Ranmaru, when he avoided the kitchen for a week. 

Ranmaru’s glad he’s not in here hovering- but he’s not glad Ren’s avoiding him. 

It lasts a few hours- Ren stays in the dining room and drops tickets in the window, picking the plates up from the same one when Ranmaru’s done with them. Ranmaru chooses a time of night where it’s usually dead and he leaves the kitchen to head into the break room, stopping just long enough to catch Ren up on what he’s doing. 

“‘M takin’ my thirty in the break room.” Ranmaru grunts. “Get me if anyone comes in.”

Ren nods, but Ranmaru feels Ren's eyes follow him until he closes the door. They normally take their break together and in the dining room. Ranmaru can’t remember the last time he had used the break room. 

Ranmaru pulls two chairs together, sits in one, pulls his feet up on the other, sets an alarm on his phone and closes his eyes. 

He must get at least twenty minutes, but he wakes up feeling worse instead of better because he had dreamed of last week- of Ren, pinning him to the bed. Of the heat coursing through his body and it makes him wake up grumpier and too hot under the collar. 

And warmer in general- Ranmaru stills when he sits up and something slides off of him. One look tells him it’s Ren’s apron that Ren must have draped over him while Ranmaru was asleep. 

Ranmaru sighs. He’s not out of his bad mood, but he still has to take a minute to hold the apron in a tightly bunched fist. He sets his elbow on his knee and lets his head drop into his free hand. 

He couldn’t apologize right now for being a dick- but he would. Later. When his anger didn’t already feel like it was still building up and brimming just under the surface. 

He pushes himself up, and he reaches for his phone before his hand stills, and his eyes narrow. 

Ranmaru’s alarm never went off.

Ranmaru picks up his phone to swipe at the screen. The twenty minutes he thought he had gotten was actually _two hours_. His shift was going to end in less than an hour and a half. 

Ranmaru walks out, his eyes still narrowed, and Ren’s smile is careful. He’s waiting for Ranmaru to snap at him. Ranmaru shoves Ren’s apron against his chest- it isn’t meant to be hard but he doesn’t bother to hold back. He knew Ren would hardly notice. “You’ve got an apron fer a reason.” Is the grumble Ranmaru settles on. 

Ren doesn’t come into the kitchen until their shift is over. Ranmaru raises his hand. “I can walk myself home.”

“We should talk about this. ...After you get some rest.”

“What’s there ‘t talk about?” Ranmaru grumbles, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. “It’s nothin’ you did. I’m just exhausted. I’ll be fine tomorrow.”

The worst part of the night had been Ranmaru’s _body_. He was still infuriated. Irritated. Exhausted. 

But he was _hot_. There was a part of him that wanted to pull Ren into an alley and jump him, and the longer he was near Ren, the harder it was getting to stop himself. “Ran-”

They were just exiting the restaurant. Ranmaru finally interrupts Ren, pinning him against the wall of the closed store that was just next to where they worked. Ranmaru’s face is inches from Ren’s, his glare meeting Ren’s eyes directly, and Ren’s expression changes. His eyes are just a bit too wide, but most of the guilt, most of the concern- it was gone. “Oh.” Ren breathes out. His next comment is firmer. “Oh.”

“If you’re gonna insist on followin’ me home, you better fix this.” With that, he lets Ren go, walking to his apartment with his hands shoved in his pockets. Ren does take a few long seconds to get himself together, but he winds up back at Ranmaru’s elbow, though he’s stopped trying to get Ranmaru’s attention. 

When Ranmaru gets to his own apartment, Ren actually stops Ranmaru from opening the door at first with a hand on his wrist. Ranmaru looks at him, a wary look in his eye. 

“You don’t have to say it out here.” Ren’s voice is so low. “But I won’t do anything unless you tell me exactly why you want this.”

Ranmaru’s scowls, but he hears a noise, a door closing, from further down the hall and he opens the door as soon as Ren’s hand is off of his wrist. Ren closes, locks and latches it behind it. It had become Ren’s habit, though Ren hadn’t been in Ranmaru’s apartment for some time. 

Ranmaru goes to the fridge first, to look through what he had. There isn’t much, but he has about half a gallon of orange juice and a leftover banana from the little bit of fruit he had gotten for himself to eat the day before, and he’d decide that’s good enough. 

“It’s not because I’m just dyin’ ‘t feel like shit, Ren.”

“You told me you liked it.” Ren’s voice is almost cautious. 

“The act is. The aftermath sucks.” Ranmaru grumbles, fishing a glass from a cabinet. “Do I really need ‘t spell it out?”

“You do.” Ren’s voice is firm. “Because I don’t feel like you’re forcing yourself for me, and that’s a good thing. But I don’t want you to be hooked to the feeling, either Ranmaru. Some humans treat this almost like a drug. Most pets give up their entire lives because they’re so addicted to the feeling that they can’t focus on anything else- they’re desperate for it. And if making sure you never get that bad involves me never feeding from you again, I w-”

“I wouldn’t just go out on the street to go get a fix.” Ranmaru snaps. “It hadn’t even crossed my mind until-” Ranmaru scowls, his eyebrows knitting, his too hasty words caught in his throat.

“Until?” Ren’s urge is gentler. 

“‘Til I was by myself. The bed was empty, bein’ totally alone goin’ ‘t bed didn’t feel right. Feedin’s… it’s… _intimate_. In a way we ‘aven’t gotten close to yet, alright?” Ranmaru’s voice is a grumble, and his jaw is tight. “‘N I’m _not_ jealous.” Ranmaru’s point is firm, but it’s completely genuine. “It’s obvious you two had somethin’ goin’ on before, ‘n I haven’t cared about that once. Fer your sake, ‘n at this point for _his_ I want you two ‘t get along. You need ‘t spend time with ‘im ‘t do that ‘n I’m all fuckin’ for it. I don’t know why I’m so fuckin’ pissy- I…” The way Ranmaru trails off gets Ren’s attention, and Ren is slow in approaching Ranmaru. Ranmaru’s brain is starting to feel sluggish as it both encourages and fights the words his mouth wants to say. The truth he’s only just now beginning to realize. “Jesus Christ.” Ranmaru swears under his breath. He doesn’t even feel Ren’s hands, resting on the outside of his upper arms. Normally it would stabilize him. Ground him. But now, it doesn’t. 

_Don’t say it. Don’t fuck it up. Don’t say it. Don’t fuck it up._

It’s a mantra that Ranmaru can’t stop from going through his head, but as he comes to accept the truth, he can’t stop the words. “Fuck, Ren, I think I love you.”


	5. Chapter Five

“Oh, Ran, no.” Ren’s arms slide across his chest, holding Ranmaru tightly to him. “Don’t say it like that, please. Like you don’t think I feel exactly the same way.” One of Ren’s hands trails down Ranmaru’s stomach to take Ranmaru’s hand in his, holding onto it. “I love you, Ranmaru.” 

Ranmaru isn’t sure how he feels, hearing Ren say it as confidently as he had. Ranmaru had known his own feelings for some time, but until this very moment had refused to let them surface.

“Sleep.” Ren says gently. “You should get some sleep. If you still want me to feed off of you tomorrow, we can do that then.”

“My emotions aren’t flimsy.” Ranmaru mutters, though the harsh bite is gone from his voice at how the situation had played out. To say he wasn’t exhausted would be a lie- but his priorities lied elsewhere. “I know what I’m sayin’ Ren.”

“I believe you.” Ren shifts just enough to lay his head against Ranmaru’s back, his arms still around Ranmaru. Ranmaru can’t care enough right now to be angry at how Ren is holding him. 

Hearing Ren tell him that his feelings were returned should be a good thing. It wasn’t that Ranmaru wasn’t glad to hear it. 

“...Do you?”

Ranmaru’s question slips out too easily. It was one he hadn’t meant to ask. Ren finally pulls away from Ranmaru, but Ranmaru can’t turn. As Ren’s arms leave him, he expects something. To hear Ren moving away- though he knows that isn’t likely. 

Because he can’t hear Ren’s footsteps. Ren could get out of the door and Ranmaru wouldn’t even hear him. 

But Ren doesn’t. Ren gives Ranmaru a moment with no response and the only grip Ranmaru has is his one on the countertops. Ren finally gives in and forces Ranmaru to turn, to face him. Ranmaru doesn’t want to know what his expression looks like, but he can still picture it. 

Dark. Fallen. _Vulnerable._

“Tell me what that means, Ran.”

Ranmaru barks out a sharp laugh. He shifts his jaw, trying to force his mouth to form the words swirling in his brain, too quickly for him to truly pull them out. Some things were so easy for Ranmaru to say, because they were facts. They were things he knew- about others. About subjects. And sometimes, even about himself. But when it came to his deep-rooted emotions, when things went from anger and annoyance to _hurt_... how could he find the words? How does he admit it, even to himself?

“Why should you believe me?” Ranmaru finally settles on, gritting his teeth. He takes in a slow inhale through his nose, but it’s not enough. Ren is still silent, his eyes trained on Ranmaru’s face, taking in every expression as Ranmaru’s face shifts. As his eyebrows pull in and then release. As his eyes flutter closed for just a few seconds before reminding himself to focus. The dark, swirling emotions in Ranmaru’s grey eyes. He hadn’t put his contact in this morning. Ranmaru’s eyes flicker over Ren’s face, trying to find where his insecurity is coming from. “I’m not- I don’t think you know me.” Ranmaru finishes. 

“What do you mean, Ran? Why do you think that I don’t?”

Ranmaru hates how gently Ren is prying at him. Ranmaru wants Ren to force it. Ranmaru wants _anger_. He wants to demand Ren out of his home, the way he had all that time back. He wants to return to being _content_ being alone. Being by himself. Isolation was easier when it was his only option. When he didn’t have a choice but to be alone. It was easy to hide from himself. “I run.” Ranmaru nearly flinches at his own admittance. “I run from things _Ren_. Anythin’ I can. I fight what I think I can win and I run from what I can’t face. I didn’t- I couldn’t even fuckin’ admit ‘t _myself_ what I felt until it fuckin’ hit me in the face. Until I couldn’t fucking avoid it.” Ranmaru’s hands have found the counter behind them, shaking in his admission. His knuckles are white, and he finally gets a flare of rage. The urge to strike something- the wall, the fridge. “I don’t… fuck, Ren, I don’t _get it_.”

“Ran-” Ren’s voice is careful. Ranmaru feels like a cornered animal. 

Even Ranmaru wasn’t sure he understood what he was saying. His head was spinning, his fight or flight was in full swing and he wanted to do both. His entire body was fighting him just to stay standing and he doesn’t think that he’s ever felt this tired in his life. 

“What don’t you _get_?” 

Ranmaru doesn’t know if he wants Ren to push or if he just wants Ren to _stop_. 

“I don’t get love.” Ranmaru finally spits out through grit teeth. He racks his brain to try to figure out if he’s telling the truth. He held resentment for his father, and the state he left Ranmaru’s family in. In the state he left Ranmaru’s life in. He didn’t hate his mother, but beyond the basic level of respect he was raised to develop, he felt nothing more towards her. He hadn’t seen his sister in years. It was all obligation. That’s what family was. “I don’t know how _love someone_ Ren. ...It’s somethin’ I finally got comfortable with and it’s just- fucked now. I’ve avoided it for- fuck… how long? Until today?”

Ren’s expression softens, and for another, terrible moment, Ranmaru worries that Ren’s going to pry further. To take the cracks Ranmaru finally let show and fully break him and Ranmaru didn’t think he could handle it. His entire body feels weighed down, like he could break through the floor. His exhaustion was more than just physical, and there was nothing he could do about it, other than bear it. But he wasn’t sure how much more he could take. His shaking has travelled up to his forearms and he isn’t sure that he could release his grip if he tried. 

“Let me share something with you in return.” Ren says softly, setting his hand gently on Ranmaru’s cheek. Ren has always been cold, but now his hand feels warm and Ranmaru wonders if it’s because of _Ranmaru_. “I have lived a very long time believing that I was incapable of _being_ loved. It was all I wanted and it was something I thought I’d never get. ...And then I found one person. And I lost them. And then I lived hundreds of years on that same belief. I told you some time ago that my condition was something I’d never wish on anyone. Something I didn’t want you to even consider. For so long, all I wanted was to die, Ran. I wanted my life to be over, because I wasn’t able to make much of my human life- what could I make of this one? ...Then you came into the picture. You may have just admitted to yourself that you love me, but I’ve known, Ran. I’ve known now for months. I saw the way your expressions changed. The difference in your tone, and your words. How comfortable you’ve gotten around me- and you may never see that, but I always will. To you, it’s unfamiliar. It’s frightening. ...But to me, my love, it’s the same. I struggle, just as you do, to believe I’m worthy of the love that you’re afraid to give me. But you do. And I accept it- perhaps without knowing I am.” Ren steps forward, to press himself closer. He lifts his free hand, cupping Ranmaru’s face. “We, Ranmaru, are hurt and damaged people. We are but pieces of ourselves- but together we can make something whole. I love you. And I wholeheartedly believe that you love me, too. And perhaps, one day, we can both be content with that knowledge.” 

Ren slowly lets his hands move from Ranmaru’s face, and he presses his lips to Ranmaru’s jaw. He moves down, onto Ranmaru’s neck, and he’s gentle when he bites. He’s so gentle that Ranmaru doesn’t feel a twinge of pain- he doesn’t feel the rush of emotions. He feels Ren’s bite spot slowly warm, and he feels the lukewarm feeling spread through his body. When Ranmaru’s eyes close, they become heavy, not with sleep but with tears. He manages to release the counter with one stiff hand, just to place it lightly on the back of Ren’s head, nearly shadowing his hair.

Ren pulls back slowly, but rather than licking the bit of blood that bubbles from the bite, he swipes his thumb across the wound, carefully enough to avoid even a wince. Ranmaru’s eyes haven’t opened, but Ren’s clean thumb brushes across his cheeks, where a few stray tears have managed to fall. 

“We’re going to be okay.” Ren whispers. “You and I. It’s hard, but we’re going to do it together.” Ranmaru feels one last kiss fall against his neck. Ren’s voice raises, not by much, but just enough to edge them out of the moment. “I didn’t take much, Ran. We should lay down together. You should get some rest.”

“Yeah.” Ranmaru’s voice is a bit thick, and he clears his throat as Ren pulls back further to take Ranmaru’s hand, the one still curled around the counter. “Yeah.” Ren uncurls Ranmaru’s hand, running his thumbs into the back of his hand to try to loosen the pressure built up from how hard he was gripping the counter. 

Ranmaru feels numb when Ren lets him go and Ranmaru strips down to his underwear to climb into his bed. Ren climbs in, very shortly after, and Ren worms his way into Ranmaru’s arms. Ranmaru wraps Ren tightly in his grip, Ren’s head just under Ranmaru’s chin, his nose pressing to the hollow of Ranmaru’s throat. 

“I had a bear.” Ranmaru says, his voice already tired. “Christopher. I dunno whatever happened ‘t him. Probably got tossed, ‘r sold, ‘r somethin’ like that- but this reminds me of ‘im. Didn’t have tons of stuff I was really attached to, but he was one of them.”

Ren doesn’t need to say anything. When his hand gently brushes over Ranmaru’s hip, he can hear the unspoken words. The thank you for sharing. 

Ranmaru knows it goes deeper than just the bear. 

Ranmaru had refused to tell Ren specific details of his past. He chose to keep it in the present because _“that’s what matters”_.

When Ranmaru finally lets his eyes close, sleep comes easier. 

It’s a relief to have his mind finally shut off. 

The night before their next day off rolls around, and Ranmaru notices immediately that Ren has something on his mind as they work. 

“What?” This must be the third time Ranmaru asks this, because Ren had started helping clean the kitchen. The only time Ren started wiping the counters were when his thoughts were somewhere else, and often times when he was nervous. It was something to keep him distracted from his other distractions. The first two times, Ren had good naturedly waved him off, claiming that he just wanted to help Ranmaru. 

Just as he does now. 

“I’m just trying to give you a hand.” Ren says evenly, flashing Ranmaru a smile. 

Ranmaru clicks his tongue. “You’ve cleaned that one counter about five times. Dunno that cleaning somethin’ clean is gonna ‘help’.”

Ren gives a light hearted sigh, but he at least stops moving the rag. “I’ll tell you when we’re home. I promise.”

Ranmaru rolls his eyes and grunts before he realizes that he hadn’t even questioned or corrected Ren’s phrasing. 

Ranmaru could brush it off as Ren referring to it as _Ren’s_ home, but Ren had absolutely meant the both of them.

With surprisingly little difficulty, Ranmaru lets it slide. 

He still catches Ren wiping down that same counter two more times before their shift ends. 

Ranmaru doesn’t bring it up until they’re inside of Ren’s home, but then Ranmaru leans against the door, crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow. “‘M not goin’ anywhere else in this house ‘til you tell me what you’ve been freakin’ out over.”

Ren gives a soft huff. “Freaking out isn’t the right word.” Ren smiles, but there’s a nervous edge to it. It doesn’t drop, even when Ranmaru narrows his eyes. “You know, you’re absolutely adorable when you’re worried.” 

“Shut up.” Ranmaru clicks his tongue. “‘N stop avoidin’ my damn question.”

Ren gives a long sigh, leaning against the wall near the door in a way that mimics Ranmaru. Ranmaru isn’t sure if it’s on purpose. “I wanted to ask you what you’d like to do tomorrow. I’m more than happy to devote the day to you-”

“But?”

“...If you’d like to… _properly_ meet Masato…”

“He’s not Hijiri anymore, huh?”

“To his face he’s still Hijirikawa.” Ren’s grin comes a bit more naturally. The words, to Ranmaru, sound like a bad thing, but Ren’s expression implies that it isn’t as bad as it sounds. “But I’ve become comfortable with Masato behind his back.”

“I’m gonna guess this wasn’t _his_ idea.”

“I doubt he’ll be surprised.” Ren brushes Ranmaru’s accusation off. “After all- he’s gotten a house, only a few streets away.”

“...Huh?”

Ren gives a grin, though this one is a bit sheepish. “I wasn’t able to tell you this last week- there were more important things going on. But the few months has… extended. I’ve convinced him to stay.”

“...Shit.” It wasn’t that Ranmaru doubted that Ren could get along with Masato again- but after Masato’s deep settled rage, to see him turn around so quickly- Ranmaru barely knew the guy, but it still surprised him. 

“But if you need more time, I’ll give you all of it that you need.”

Ranmaru shrugs. It’s nonchalant, but it’s his true reaction. “It’s fine.” Ranmaru assents. 

Ren smiles, and this one isn’t edged. Ranmaru finally pushes himself off of the door. 

“You owe me dinner, though. You couldn’t ‘a given me this heads up days ago?”

Ren lets out a chuckle, but it’s clearly relieved. “I can handle that. Is a candlelit dinner alright, your majesty?”

Ranmaru groans, closing the door to the room before Ren can follow him in, but he can hear Ren laugh from behind it. 

The next day, Ranmaru winds up outside of Masato’s new house. 

Well, “new” is a nice term. It was clearly one of the oldest houses in this area of town, and it was only a bit bigger than Ranmaru’s apartment- a one bedroom, one bathroom house. 

“Masa told me he got this house specifically so that I couldn’t invite myself to stay after daylight.” 

“You sound way too proud ‘a that fact, Ren.”

Ren simply gives an amused grin before gripping the golden knocker and giving it a few good slams. Ranmaru can’t remember the last house he had been to that didn’t have a _doorbell_. 

Masato answers the door, his face a mask of cold indifference, though it shifts into one of surprise when he sees Ranmaru. Ranmaru simply turns his head to look at Ren, and Masato’s eyes shift over as well. 

“Surprise.” Ren says simply, with a much more tame smile. “I thought it was time for my two favorite boys to properly meet.” 

The eye roll comes from both Ranmaru _and_ Masato. 

Masato turns back into the house wordlessly, but he leaves the door open and Ren takes that as his invitation. If Ranmaru didn’t know Ren as well as he did, he’d wonder if they really had been having any luck reconnecting. 

“Nice house.” Ranmaru grunts. The inside looks as dated as the outside, but Masato fit right in. Ren was very out of place in Masato’s home- but Ranmaru was, too. Though Ranmaru was used to it. He stuck out in most places, with his heavy, rocker gear. 

Ren lets himself in, and Ranmaru is the one to close the door behind him. Ranmaru’s posture is stiff, but it’s Masato that comments on it. 

“Are you uncomfortable?”

“Depends on what way y’mean.” 

“Do you feel as if you’re in danger?”

“Nah. ‘S just weird bein’ in someone’s house.” 

Masato blinks, clearly not expecting that answer. Masato gives a slow, stiff, short nod. “Feel free to react in this home the same way that you would in Jinguji’s.” 

There is less malice in the name. Maybe they really were starting to get along better. 

Ranmaru wasn’t one to beat around the bush, where he wasn’t involved. And it had been Ren’s choice to let Ranmaru sit in on the conversation. 

“You two been progressin’?” Ranmaru chooses to leave out Ren’s comments that he makes to Ranmaru in private. The type of comments that make it seem like Ren and Masato were just as close as they used to be- because Ranmaru doesn’t believe that either of them think _that_. 

Ranmaru just hoped that Masato felt similarly to Ren. But Ren wasn’t dense. If Masato truly hated Ren, Ren wouldn’t tell Ranmaru that it was going well, and Ranmaru wouldn’t be standing in Masato’s house. 

“Yeah, Hijiri. Have we been?”

Masato sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose between a slender finger and thumb, his eyes closing and his eyebrows pulling in, but Ranmaru can’t help but think that some of the exasperation in his expression is feigned. Fond exasperation at the least. The kind of exasperation Ranmaru usually felt towards Ren and his sometimes stupid comments. “Would you _please_ stop using that ridiculous nickname?” Masato lets the expression slide off of his face and lets his hand drop to his side before responding to Ranmaru’s question, looking only at Ranmaru. “We’ve been… discussing things. Topics that range from the actual matter at hand to other far less important topics.”

“How many times you’ve broken your piano _is_ a very important topic.” 

“The answer was, and still is, _none_ , Jinguji.”

Ranmaru’s eyes travel behind Masato, to the grand piano. It wasn’t as if Ranmaru had missed it in his first sweep of the room, but it blended in so well with the aesthetic that he hadn’t bothered to make note of it. “‘S that yer original, then?”

Masato huffs, glancing away, and at first Ranmaru wonders if that was the wrong question, but then Ren starts laughing. “Once, then.”

“...Twice.” Masato relents, his lips pressing into a thin line. Ranmaru can’t help the snort, and while Masato glances up at the sound, he doesn’t seem offended. If anything, he just seems a bit embarrassed. 

“Sit down, Ran.” It’s Ren that finally speaks up, patting a seat on the couch. Ren was in the middle cushion. Ranmaru is silent as he does go to sit, but he sits in his normal position, slouched and seemingly relaxed. Ren’s body hung loosely, so different than the last time that Ranmaru had seen Ren and Masato in a room together, and even Masato had more liveliness. He still sat in a way that Ranmaru could only describe as polite, when Masato takes a seat on his piano bench, but his posture no longer seemed uncomfortable, and his fingers tapped an idle, mindless rhythm against his crossed leg as he watches the two men across from him. 

“Fer as much as Ren’s run his mouth about you recently-” Ranmaru grunts, no longer feeling as unsure about revealing this information. It was clear that Masato and Ren had a fair amount less strain between them already. “I don’t think I know anythin’ about you.”

“That’s surprising.” Masato’s eyebrows raise. “I know far more about _you_ than I feel I should.”

Ren gives Ranmaru an apologetic smile. Ranmaru isn’t buying it. 

Masato hums, then, and his eyes become distant for a long moment, and then he nods, mostly to himself as he gets his information straight. “In my past I was the first and only son in a wealthy family. For some time I lost most of my hobbies and interests, but I’m beginning to slowly pick them back up- things such as sewing, or calligraphy. I’ve tried my hand in baking, and I’ve attempted gardening, though I’m not nearly as good at it as Jinguji had been. Or is, if that’s still something he does…” Ren grins, and Masato just nods, accepting the answer. Masato’s hand reaches to his side, idly stroking over the pristine white piano keys. “The piano is a hobby I’ve kept for nearly the entirety of my… existence. I find it peaceful. I enjoy writing music, at times.”

Ranmaru grunts in acknowledgement. When Masato gives a long enough pause, Ranmaru speaks. “I write some music, too. ‘S been a while since I’ve played piano, but I used to.” 

Masato seems like a piano player, but Ranmaru keeps that thought to himself.

Ren wraps his arm around Ranmaru’s shoulder, and he smiles, clearly happy listening to the conversation between Ranmaru and Masato. 

Masato shakes his head at Ren, “You always have been… exceptionally affectionate, haven’t you?”

“Are you lonely, Masa? I’ve got two arms.” Ren reaches out, and Masato just covers part of his face with the hand that had just been on the piano. He says nothing about the nickname. 

He’s either not that bothered by it, or Ren’s other suggestion took priority, Ranmaru thinks. 

_Or both._

Ranmaru clicks his tongue, brushing Ren’s arm off of his shoulders. Ren does take a few seconds to take in Ranmaru’s face, but he seems content that Ranmaru wasn’t really upset. 

A fond exasperation. 

Ranmaru knew Ren. 

Ranmaru had been surrounded by cheating his entire life, but he never worried about it with Ren. If he truly thought that Ren would cheat on him- they wouldn’t be dating. Ranmaru wouldn’t be here. 

Ren was a flirt. Ren was more than happy to wrap his arm around a friend, or kiss anyone’s hand- lady or man, but no matter what he did, what he said or what he implied- he was no one’s but Ranmaru’s. 

But in the same vein, Ranmaru _knew_ Ren. 

Ranmaru had figured out that Masato and Ren must have had feelings, when they were both unchanged. They both knew of the other’s feelings, though Ranmaru had no idea if they had ever acted on them. 

Ranmaru knew that Ren’s feelings had resurfaced. 

Ranmaru still trusted Ren. He trusted that no matter how Ren had felt about Masato, that Ren would never do anything behind Ranmaru’s back. 

The only thing that didn’t settle well with Ranmaru was exactly what would happen when Ren and Masato really did get back on the same page. 

Ranmaru wondered if it would get to the point where Ren would need to choose. If Ren found that he loved both of them, but maybe he loved Masato more. 

Ranmaru isn’t sure how he’d handle it, if Ren were to approach him, to tell him that, in the end, Masato was the one he had chosen. But Ranmaru also wasn’t sure how he’d handle it if Ren stayed with Ranmaru out of obligation. If Ranmaru weren’t the one that made him happy, but Ren stayed for Ranmaru. 

Ranmaru has a feeling that’s going to be a conversation he and Ren are going to need to have eventually, but Ranmaru still hadn’t fully recovered from a week previous, and he wasn’t ready to have another painful feelings talk with Ren right now. 

“You bake?” Ranmaru finally speaks after a long moment of silence. Perhaps they had noticed the distance in his expression and were letting him work out his own feelings. 

Or maybe they just weren’t sure what to say. 

Ranmaru believed the latter on Masato’s part, and the former on Ren’s, because Ren’s eyes were locked on Ranmaru’s while Masato takes the segway easily. 

“Sometimes.”

“But you don’t eat food, yeah?”

“...Theoretically.” Masato speaks slowly, but now he has Ren’s attention, too. 

“You haven’t-” Ren’s eyes narrow at Masato, and Masato gives a bit of a dry smile. 

“Back some time ago, I was extremely fond of melon bread. I’ve found that while human food isn’t exactly pleasant _going back up_ , it’s still pleasant to eat. I have, on occasion, decided to fight my… natural instincts. It’s hard to give up a pleasure such as that.”

Ren sighs. “That can’t be healthy.”

Masato’s dry smile folds down into a frown. “As an _unfortunately_ near-immortal being, I’m not sure that eating _bread_ is going to be what’s going to do me in, Jinguji.”

Ren sighs, but he lets it drop. Ranmaru glances at Ren, and he can see in his face that Ren has more to say- but it’s too soon for Ren to push Masato. 

Ren had no problem pushing Ranmaru, where Ren felt it was important, but he hadn’t quite reached that stage with Masato. Whether or not they had been there, all that time ago. 

Masato finally sighs, and the stress in the room drops just enough with it. It takes Ren a long moment, but he gets himself back, and he smiles and claps his hands together. 

“Why don’t we all take a walk?” Ren’s smile turns teasing. “As homey as your house is, Hijiri, it’s a bit small. I think fresh air might help all of us.”

“...It’s a nice night.” Masato gives. “I suppose a walk wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

The conversation falls quiet, but not uncomfortably so. Ren sometimes makes a comment, here and there, and sometimes Masato, Ranmaru or both will make a returning one. 

The conversation picks back up a bit when they get far enough to be near Ranmaru’s apartment, when they pass the bar Ranmaru used to frequent. 

“This is where you drink, right, Ran?” 

Ren had never actually joined Ranmaru on a night out, but Ranmaru had mentioned it a few times during work, particularly before Ren’s first visit. 

“Used to.” Ranmaru shrugs. One of his hands is in his pocket, though the other had been grabbed by Ren and Ranmaru wasn’t going to deny him. 

“We could stop in.” Masato offers, almost a bit hesitantly. “If you’d like to.”

“Nah.” Ranmaru glances towards the door and then away. “‘S a bad time for it.”

“Bad time?” Ren’s eyes fixate on Ranmaru’s face, and Ranmaru clicks his tongue. 

“It’s just this old dude.” Ranmaru says dismissively. “He’s usually in there drinkin’ around now ‘n I just don’t like the way he watches me. It’s just weird. Nothin’ else- you can relax, Ren. He’s like fifty, I could kick his ass if he tried anything.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.” Ranmaru almost feels scolded, when Masato speaks. “He may be an older man, but there’s no telling if he’s really as harmless as he seems.”

“He’s been watchin’ me in the bar only.” Ranmaru says gruffly. “He’s never seen me with Ren, ‘n I’ve never seen ‘im anywhere else. Probably just a lonely, drunk guy lookin’ for some sugar baby ‘r somethin’.”

Ren frowns, but Masato had put it well. 

“I don’t go in there anymore anyways. Stop lookin’ at me like that.” Ranmaru scowls. 

Ren sighs. “Just please be careful, Ran.”

Masato stays silent, but Ranmaru notices Masato’s gaze trail on him for too long, too many times. 

When they get back to Masato’s home, they wish him off. The conversation had gone to a far more uncomfortable silence during the ten minute walk back. 

“Goodnight, Jinguji. Ranmaru.”

“G’night.”

“Goodnight, Hijiri.” 

Masato doesn’t even shake his head at the nickname. He gives Ranmaru one last long look, and then turns into his home. Ranmaru and Ren start the walk back home. 

Ranmaru’s hand was loose in Ren’s, but it was still there- particularly because of Ren. Ren’s grip on Ranmaru’s hand was actually fairly tight. 

“It just worries me.” Ren says quietly. “When you’re introduced into the world of the night, it’s hard to get out of it.”

“I worked night shift way before I met you, Ren, ‘n I made it this long.”

“Not that world of night.” Ren says grimly. “When you find that not everything is as it seems, different types of things will draw towards you. The moment you started _looking_ for others like me- even if you haven’t been actively doing it, they’ve started looking for you back.”

“That’s fuckin’ creepy ‘n cryptic, Ren. It’s fine. I’m not as stupid as I feel like you think I am.”

“That’s not-”

“Yeah.” Ranmaru interrupts flatly. “Yeah.”

Ranmaru had been a bit distant that night, but when the next night rolls around, while they’re working, he pushes it off. 

It still sticks with him. 

It takes until the middle of the week for Ren to actually speak to him about the night with Masato, but Ranmaru is put at ease, just a bit, when Ren brings it up with a soft smile. “So how did you like Masato?”

“Better, when he’s not goin’ for my throat. Literally.” Before Ren’s expression can change, Ranmaru brings his hand up to dismiss is. “Relax, I’m jokin’. He’s fine, Ren. ‘Lil early fer me ‘t be all head over heels for ‘im or anythin’, but I’m glad the both ‘a you ‘r gettin’ along better, ‘n I mean that.”

“I think the two of you can get along. If you want to.”

“I dunno what I want.” Ranmaru admits. “But I’m not gonna just pull away ‘t do it. I’m also not gonna go over ‘t his house every time you do. I think you two still need a ‘lil more… talking? Dunno what it is, but there’s still somethin’ you two need ‘t work out.”

That was a lie. 

Ranmaru thinks he knows exactly what it is- but he needs to focus on his work and making sure that Ren doesn’t take Ranmaru’s responses as angry or bitter, so he dismisses the thought. 

“This weekend-”

“I think if you’re goin’ you should go alone. Maybe in one ‘a the next few visits I’ll drop by again.”

That weekend, Ren does go alone to Masato’s house. By Ranmaru’s own request, Ranmaru stays in his own apartment to work on one of his songs, but Ren leaves him with a promise. 

Ren kisses Ranmaru’s cheek, leaning over the couch to do so. Ranmaru’s couch is littered with paper and several pens, and his bass is in his lap, a pen between his teeth as he plucks strings to try to find the right tone. 

“I’ll be back before morning. Before you go to sleep.”

“‘Hay ‘afe.” Ranmaru mumbles around the pen. It makes Ren chuckle, but he squeezes Ranmaru’s shoulder before he exits the room. 

Ranmaru spends a good few hours on his bass, but he jumps when he hears a hand slam on the door. His first reaction is annoyance. If he had been napping, he’d have been pissed. But Ranmaru stands, taking enough time to gently lay his bass on the couch before he heads to the door. On instinct, he reaches for his pocket, to feel the blade. 

There’s another knock. 

“Yeah, yeah, hold on a second.” Ranmaru scowls. 

His door had no peephole- but he at least made the attempt to not fully open the door. It was chained, so it couldn’t open more than a few inches- but Ranmaru thinks his heart stops when he sees the man on the outside of the door. The same man that he had been seeing in the bar. That had been watching him. 

Ranmaru tries to close the door, but the other man is faster. He reels back his foot and kicks at the door hard enough to break the chain holding it closed and to slam into Ranmaru’s face, knocking Ranmaru back. The pain is sharp and immediate, and Ranmaru wonders if he broke his nose. He reaches for his blade, but the man lands a blow into Ranmaru’s groin from his spot in the ground and Ranmaru can only manage a choked groan, his hands moving to cover the area and to curl in on himself on the floor. 

“You’re alone?” The man’s voice is amused, as he brings his foot up to slam into Ranmaru’s head. “Good.”


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warnings ; torture, mental/emotional manipulation
> 
> this chapter is shorter ;;;

Ranmaru wakes up with a headache, a sore throat, a sore _body_ and a leg that feels like it’s completely asleep and has been for a while. When he moves his leg he has to stop as a sharp, fleeting _horrible_ pain goes through his ankle, and when he manages to push himself up, he notices that his leg has ankle has been restrained to the bed he’s in, but he feels bile rise in his throat when he notices that his ankle is _very_ clearly broken and he has no memory of how.

Maybe it happened while he was being restrained. While he was out. 

Ranmaru was glad he didn’t remember that. 

When he searches through the foggy haze of pain that’s hanging over his head, he does at least manage to recall how he got in this situation. Ranmaru couldn’t find it in himself to be surprised that the strange man in the bar was a vampire- because it seemed like _most_ of Ranmaru’s attackers were at this point. 

But as far as Ranmaru knew, he hadn’t been seen with Ren, he had never _approached_ the man, and just couldn’t figure out why this man felt the need to get _Ranmaru_. He hadn’t even been to the bar in months. 

Ranmaru has no idea what this man’s plans were for him either. Ranmaru tries to channel fear, but he can’t. If the man were going to kill him, Ranmaru wouldn’t have anything to stop him. Ranmaru’s hand moves to his pocket but his knife isn’t there. He remembers, vaguely, taking it out of his pocket in the apartment, or at least most of the way, so it must have fallen when he was knocked. 

Ranmaru isn’t surprised this time, when he thinks of Ren. 

_At least he’ll have Masato this time around._

It’s a dry thought, but Ranmaru was in someone else’s house. There was no chance that Ren could just retrace Ranmaru’s steps to find him in the alley. 

Ranmaru still sits up when the door opens, and he doesn’t let his livid, threatening expression drop, even when his ankle pulls painfully against the rope. 

It’s the man, and he just smiles. In another situation, he might be able to pull off the part of a kind grandfather- Ranmaru would guess the age fifty, but with all of the wrinkles and conservative dress, the age could be older. 

Well- it must be. No non-supernatural fifty-something year old man could kick Ranmaru’s ass like that.

“You’re awake.” The man comments, walking closer. Ranmaru stays silent. What was he going to say? Yes? Let me go? What was the point? Ranmaru does flinch back when the man pets through Ranmaru’s hair. “Don’t worry. I won’t kill you.”

“Why?” Ranmaru scowls.

“I have other plans for you.”

“If you’re not gonna let me go then just fuckin’ kill me.” Ranmaru spits. 

“This isn’t about you.” The man says, and Ranmaru feels repulsed when the man’s hand slides down his face. He can’t resist the urge to slap at the man’s hand, just to get it off of him. The man’s hand pulls back before Ranmaru makes contact. “But you’ll be changing your tone, soon.” The man assures confidently. “Are you hungry?”

“I’m not eatin’ anythin’ you give me.”

“We’ll see.” The man calmly remarks, taking out a switchblade. Ranmaru watches it, his jaw tightening. 

“Torture?”

“Don’t be silly.” The man clicks his tongue. “That’s not how I work.” He takes a long second to release the blade. “Oh, how rude of me. You’re Ranmaru, yes? You can call me Shouta.”

 _Oh_. 

Ranmaru can’t even really take in the fact that the man knows his name, and that’s because Ranmaru knows _his_. 

Ren really did cause most of Ranmaru’s problems, didn’t he?

So many feelings go through Ranmaru. Blind, hot rage at being in such close proximity at the man that had hurt Ren. Had hurt Masato and turned him against Ren. Anger at how _defenseless_ he found himself once again. He’s unsettled, too, because now he really isn’t sure _what_ is going to happen to him. 

The man slides the switchblade over his own wrist, and Ranmaru’s eyes catch on the movement, a look of disgust crossing his face. The disgust is mixed with pain when the man’s hand reaches out to seize the hair on the back of Ranmaru’s head, holding it still, and then he tilts Ranmaru’s head back and forces his bleeding wrist against Ranmaru’s mouth. The hand holding his head snakes around, still keeping Ranmaru’s head locked between the man’s body and his arm, but his hand now prying Ranmaru’s mouth open. 

Ranmaru feels sick, but he knows that if doesn’t open his mouth, his jaw is going to go, and he’s going to getting the blood in his mouth no matter what. 

The man’s wrist stays on Ranmaru’s mouth for too long. He forces Ranmaru to swallow multiple times, and Ranmaru’s already feeling light-headed when he finally pulls back his wrist. 

“Get some rest, _little lamb_.”

Ranmaru recognized that nickname. It was one that Ren had given to Haruka during the occasional times Ren and Ranmaru would show up earlier than their shift and Ren would see her.

How long had this man been watching them?

But Ranmaru finds that he doesn’t feel well, which isn’t surprising to him. His body feels sluggish. Ranmaru’s never taken drugs, but he’d imagine this must be what they feel like. 

When he wakes up next, he’s being sat up. He still feels groggy, but he awakens quickly when he feels the man lean down, to bite into his neck. 

Everything in his mind wants to struggle, to push this man off, but his body is working against him and he just slumps and lets it happen, nothing but his panicked, livid expression showing how he really feels. 

Ranmaru’s really disgusted with himself when the man pulls away and Ranmaru tries to follow. His mind and his body aren’t listening to each other- Ranmaru was sure that he had more self-control than that. The man laughs at him, and that’s what finally snaps Ranmaru out of whatever he had gotten himself into. 

“Shut up.” He snaps, finally able to force himself to lean away from the man. The man only laughs louder as he leaves, the sound following him out of the room. 

It becomes a pattern, and Ranmaru can’t tell how time is progressing. 

The man will come in to slice at his own wrist. The next two times it happens, Ranmaru still has to be forced, though the groggy, light-headedness gets worse with each time. After the third time, however, Ranmaru doesn’t fight it. Somewhere in the back of his mind, it’s still disgusting. It’s still horrible, and gross, and God this must be unhygienic, but Ranmaru begins to crave it. His body switches from feeling unwell and light headed to just feeling _light_. 

As _Ranmaru’s_ feedings increase, he grows more accustomed to being fed from. He doesn’t push the man away anymore. 

It’s not the same as it was with Ren- the feeling is intoxicating and addicting, but it lacks the intimacy it had with Ren. It doesn’t mean that Ranmaru is even capable of telling the man to stop.

His ankle is only getting worse, and he feels weak. The only ‘food’ he’s been given has been the man’s blood, and his ankle is beginning to heal- but it hasn’t been set so it’s not healing in a way that Ranmaru could walk on it. Ranmaru finds himself sleeping in between feedings of both kinds, but when he’s awake during the times he’s alone in the room, he often finds himself inpatient for the next feeding of any kind. 

He thinks of Ren, quite often. 

Though he finds his thoughts shifting, changing. 

His thoughts go from worry- genuinely wondering how Ren was handling himself. If he were searching for Ranmaru and how safely he were doing it. If he were taking care of himself right, and if he would if Ranmaru didn’t make it, or if Ranmaru were never found. He sometimes thought about how he should have forced Ren to turn him, or how he should have asked Masato, behind Ren’s back. Because it seems like Ranmaru’s ultimate ultimatum as a human was to live and leave Ren, or to be with Ren but to die. Ranmaru was useless, when against foes so much more powerful than he could ever be. And Ranmaru had no intentions to leave Ren. It just seemed like it usually wasn’t his choice. 

But now his thoughts were different. 

He thought often about how he felt when Ren fed from him. He craved nothing more than Ren’s teeth dug into his neck, and the dire burning through his body when Ren gave him that. He wondered what Ren’s blood tasted like- if it would make him feel better than the blood of the man- Shouta. 

Ren had said a long time ago that he had planned to make Ranmaru his blood pet, but if this is what it would have been like- if it were to _Ren_... Ranmaru doesn’t think he’d mind it. Not anymore. 

Ranmaru doesn’t fight anything anymore. There’s no more disgusted faces. His body and mind are finally in sync, not interested in fighting back. 

It didn’t stop him from closing his eyes and pretending that this man were Ren. It still wasn’t the same. Ranmaru’s craving for _Ren_ grew day by day, and even the feedings he was involved in no longer felt like enough. 

Ranmaru isn’t sure just how long he’s there. He knows he’s smaller- he hasn’t eaten anything. He’s lost pounds, but he’s not hungry. He’s sore, but it’s easy to ignore when he’s asleep and he forgets it fresh after feeding. 

His ankle barely even hurts anymore. 

Ranmaru struggles himself to a sitting position when the door opens. He had been asleep, so he doesn’t bother to open his eyes- because this feeding should be _from him_ , rather than for. 

His eyes do, however, shoot open when he feels hands cup his face. Ranmaru can’t see his eyes- he can’t see how dull they seem. He can’t see the trembling in his hands, or how poorly his shirt falls on him now- how disgusting it is from wearing the same clothes for who knows how long now. Ren’s hands quickly find their way to Ranmaru’s ankle, ripping apart the rope. 

Ranmaru had just fed earlier, but his throat is dry. It’s too dry to talk. He just watches Ren- he watches the anger wash over Ren’s face when he sees how fucked up Ranmaru’s ankle really is, with rope sores that are likely infected, how it healed wrong and needed to be reset and healed properly. 

Ranmaru watches Ren when Ren moves back to Ranmaru’s head, to cradle his face before pulling Ranmaru’s head against his chest, holding it there. Ranmaru’s posture is dropped, he’s already beginning to feel tired again. 

Ranmaru almost winces at his own voice when he forces himself to talk. It rips through his throat, it’s hoarse, it breaks and it sounds nothing like him. “The guy, he’s-”

“I know who he is.” Ren says. His voice is so quiet. “He’s taken care of, Ran.”

Ranmaru tries to speak again, but Ren pulls away to press his fingertips against Ranmaru’s lips. “Don’t, baby. It’s okay. I’m bringing you back home.”

Ranmaru only stares, when he’s far back enough from Ren to do so. He doesn’t react, when Ren picks him up, bridal style, cradling Ranmaru against his chest. 

“I’ve taken care of him.” Masato says quietly, almost as soon as Ren passes through the doorway. 

“Good.” Ren’s voice is cold. Ranmaru isn’t sure why Masato is here, but he can’t care enough to ask. 

He had thought he’d feel… different. When Ren arrived. 

Ranmaru doesn’t. Really, he feels nothing. He’s just being transported. 

“Shit.” Ren curses under his breath, his eyes turning to the sky. It’s already starting to lighten. “We’re not close enough to any of our homes.”

“We passed a hotel not long ago.” Masato says quietly. “If we backtrack we can stop there.”

Ren nods. Ranmaru feels Ren grip him more firmly. Masato leads the way, and Ren follows, silent. Ren waits outside of the hotel to let Masato get him a room, just to move quickly the moment he has the key in his hand with nothing but a short nod in thanks to Masato. Ren manages to move quickly enough that he’s in the stairwell before the man at the desk looks up. 

Ranmaru can feel Ren glancing at his face, but Ranmaru keeps his gaze forward. It’s already taking effort just to keep himself awake, and he’s feeling antsy- he had gotten into the habit of the timed feedings. It was the only way he knew how much time was passing- even though he couldn’t put an exact number on it. 

Ren sets Ranmaru gently on the bed, though he doesn’t seem to be able to step away from the bed, choosing to sit instead, pressed to Ranmaru’s side. He brings his hand to stroke the side of Ranmaru’s face. 

“I won’t leave you alone again.” Ren promises quietly. “I’m sorry. That I let this happen, that I let you get hurt and that it took me so long to find you. Let me get you a drink-”

Ranmaru reaches for Ren’s wrist, and at first, Ren assumes it’s because Ranmaru doesn’t want him to leave. But when he looks at Ranmaru’s face, an almost unsettled one lands on Ranmaru. 

“Let me get you water.” Ren says gently. Ranmaru shakes his head, and the look is stronger on Ren’s face. Ren’s voice changes. “Please tell me you’re just not thirsty, Ran.”

Ranmaru doesn’t respond, but he keeps his hold on Ren’s wrist. Ren uses his free hand to cup Ranmaru’s face. 

“...Did he feed you his blood, baby?” Ren’s voice is so soft that Ranmaru nearly misses it. Ranmaru just maintains his stare. “Oh, God.” Ren’s fingers brush over Ranmaru’s cheek. “Ran it isn’t that I don’t want to help you, but it’s not… it’s not good for you to drink our blood. It messes with your head.” Ren’s eyebrows pull in. “You still need _food_ darling, but our blood makes you feel like you don’t. And you’re likely dehydrated, too.”

Ranmaru doesn’t let go of Ren’s wrist. 

“Ran, I can’t.” Ren’s voice is pained. “I want to give you what you want, but this is going to hurt you.”

“Not hungry.” Ranmaru’s words come out almost choked. He just pulls Ren closer by his arm, and Ren goes, but he’s frowning. “Feed?”

“I can’t, baby, I can’t.” Ren’s face is pained. He presses his forehead to Ranmaru’s. Ranmaru’s hand lifts with some difficulty, pulling Ren’s head closer to him, but Ren doesn’t go because he knows Ranmaru is trying to get Ren closer to his neck. “...I should bring you to a hospital.” Ren decides, his voice grim. 

“No.” Ranmaru’s voice is strained, but now his second hand is lifting, trying to pull Ren closer. “No.”

“You’re hooked, Ran. Maybe time away-”

Ren’s voice falls out when Ranmaru lets out a sound that’s almost like a whimper. Ren’s answer comes slow. “Okay. Okay, I won’t take you. It’s okay.”

Ranmaru still doesn’t let go of Ren. Ren stays for a long few moments, bent awkwardly but staying still. Ren is holding himself over Ranmaru, but he’s close enough that Ranmaru doesn’t really notice. 

When Ren is finally able to pull away, he goes to the phone in the room. Ranmaru watches him, quietly. When Ren begins to order food, Ranmaru turns his head away. 

A silent protest. 

Even hearing the names of the foods made Ranmaru feel sick to his stomach, despite Ren clearly ordering foods he knew Ranmaru liked. 

It takes less than twenty minutes for the food to arrive to the door, and Ren is the one to bring it into the room on the tray they brought for it with a quick ‘thank you’, hiding Ranmaru from sight with his body. 

When the food is in, Ren moves to close the curtains and then he’s back by the bed, to help Ranmaru sit up. Ranmaru does, but he only watches Ren’s face. His eyes haven’t dropped to the pitcher of water or to the food. 

Suddenly Ren stills, for just a second, and then his hand moves, his thumb lifting Ranmaru’s upper lip and looking at his teeth. He sighs in relief, seeing that they’re all dull, but then another frown forms on his face. “You’re human, Ran. You’re not going to make it, trying to survive off of blood.”

Ranmaru just stares blankly at Ren. 

Ren’s first priority is the water, pouring some from the pitcher into an accompanying glass. He settles back on the bed to sit next to Ranmaru, and one of his hands gently goes to the side of Ranmaru’s face, the other lifting the glass to his lips. 

Ranmaru is reminded of the first time he had been forced to drink the blood, but rather than revulsion, Ranmaru’s eyes trail to Ren’s wrist, his mouth not opening. 

“Please drink this, Ran. I know you don’t believe that it will help, but it will.”

When Ren’s thumb gently presses on Ranmaru’s chin, Ranmaru’s mouth opens before he can register that it does. 

The water is wrong. It’s cold, it’s flavorless and it’s too thin. Ranmaru makes a face after the swallow, and Ren’s eyebrows pull in. Ren forces Ranmaru to drink at least a fourth of the glass before he finally lets Ranmaru be done, though even Ranmaru can see that Ren wishes he had done more. 

An uneasy feeling settles in Ranmaru’s gut. Was he disappointing Ren?

Ranmaru reaches out, and Ren’s expression gets wary as Ranmaru pulls him closer. Ranmaru’s voice is still too hoarse, but it cracks just a bit less and sounds just a bit less painful, too. “Feed?”

“I won’t.” Ren says seriously. “I know that you feel like you need it, but you don’t.”

“Intimate.” Ranmaru mumbles. “It helps you.”

“Not nearly enough to justify hurting you.” Ren says sternly. “Just because it feels good doesn’t mean it’s good for you. I know this isn’t your fault- but this is why we do it in moderation. Because I don’t _want_ you addicted.”

“He did you a favor.” Ranmaru insists, trying to press his face closer to Ren’s. Ren is frozen, unsure of how Ranmaru is going to end this sentence. There isn’t bitterness. It’s almost matter-of-fact. “You wanted a blood pet.”

The breath Ren takes sounds like Ranmaru just punched him in the gut. 

“He broke you.” Ren says, his voice soft in the worst kind of way. He lets Ranmaru pull him into his chest. “I wish I had been able to stop it. But I haven’t wanted you to be my blood pet in a very, very long time, Ran, because I like who you are. Even when you fight with me. I want _you_. Not just a shell of you.”

Ranmaru gets quiet, but Ren stays where he is for a long moment. He finally pulls himself away, to go throw the food. 

It’s a lot of meat- most of it ordered as rare as they can safely make it to try to make the transfer as easy on Ranmaru as Ren can. Ranmaru’s stomach turns, when Ren tries to get him to eat some. 

“I’m gonna be sick.” Ranmaru tries to move away, but he can’t get far on his ankle and Ren doesn’t even let him leave the bed. 

“You need to eat.” Ren says gently. “You’ve been gone for almost two weeks. It’s a miracle you’re not in a worse shape.”

“The blood works.” Ranmaru argues weakly, turned away from Ren, curled in on himself with his back to the food. He’s trying to ignore the nauseating smell. 

“It doesn’t.” Ren insists. “It’s why you’re feeling so bad, Ran.” Ren’s hand rubs over Ranmaru’s back. “It’s why you’re so unlike yourself.”

“I’m fine.” Ranmaru’s hand moves, to grip his hair. He closes his eyes as his eyes fill with tears. “I’m fine. Leave me alone, I’m fine.”

When Ren’s hand leaves Ranmaru’s back, Ranmaru turns, painfully, and his response is almost a gasp. The closest he’s gotten to hysterical yet. “Wait! I didn’t mean it.” Ranmaru’s eyes are almost wild, and Ren can see the tears brimming in his eyes now that Ranmaru is facing him, grasping at his wrist, trying to pull him closer. “Don’t leave. Don’t leave.”

“Ssh, I won’t.” Ren assures. “I’m not going to leave you. I’m going to stay right here.”

“Lay down?”

“Of course I will.” Ren’s voice is back to the soft tone that is wrong in all of the worst ways. Ranmaru scoots back before Ren can stop him, but Ren gives in and climbs in to the area Ranmaru just moved from. Ranmaru moves into Ren’s arms, letting Ren hold him- as an apology for snapping at him. As a reason to make Ren stay. Ranmaru feels Ren hold him tightly. “We’ll fix this, baby. We’ll fix this.”


	7. Chapter Seven

The rest of the night is spent terribly. When Ren finally pulls away from Ranmaru, he forces him to eat. When Ranmaru gets sick off of the food, Ren forces more water into him and tells him that they’ll try again later. 

It was a promise, but to Ranmaru, it sounds like a threat.

Ren gets on the phone to call Masato. Ranmaru doesn’t listen to the conversation, tethering on the edge of consciousness, but he hears Masato’s name. He hears, a few moments later, the door open, and he hears quiet talking. Masato’s new presence in the room wakes Ranmaru up enough to listen to their conversation. 

“I understand he needs help, Jinguji, but don’t be an idiot.” Masato says sharply. 

“I won’t step out of the hotel.” Ren assures. “I’m just going to find the first aid kit and I’ll be back. I just can’t leave him alone.”

“...I understand.”

“Just watch over him.” There’s a short silence, but Ranmaru doesn’t open his eyes to see why. “Please.”

“You’re leaving.” Ranmaru’s voice is low, his fingers gripping into the sheets. He doesn’t hear footsteps before there are hands on his cheeks. 

“Only for a moment.” Ren’s voice sounds almost pleading. “I’m going to be right back. I’ll be back, and Masa will stay with you.”

Masato says nothing about the nickname. Ranmaru’s eyes don’t open. 

Ren finally, slowly pulls away. When the door closes, Ranmaru’s eyebrows furrow and he swallows hard, his fingers not loosening in his sheets. He does, however, open his eyes when there’s pressure on the bed by his hip. 

Masato is watching his face. Ranmaru tries to match his expression. 

“This is the most expression I’ve seen on your face since your rescue.” Masato says quietly. “You look scared. ...It’s hard to blame you. But he will be coming back.”

“How do you know?”

Masato winces. Ranmaru’s expression doesn’t change. “He will.” Masato’s voice drops. “He’s changed. And the way he adores you is clear. It wasn’t easy to find your location, but he showed up, did he not? Let that be enough.” Masato’s voice breaks. He pauses, for a long moment, and then he closes his eyes. “Now may not be the best time to tell you this- but I will, anyways. It’s going to be some time before Ren lets you out of his sight again, I think.” Masato drops his head in his hands. Even in Ranmaru’s current state, he notices the use of Ren’s first name. “When Ren and I were young, he looked at me in the way he looks at you. ...I ignored it. I believed a man and a man couldn’t love each other and I gave up on him. I forwent my feelings, and his feelings- and I was set to marry a woman.” This is the darkest Masato’s voice has gotten yet. “Siera Hoshikage. The daughter of the man that had taken you. ...I cannot speak for Ren, but I fear that the reason Ren was turned was _me_. He was acting out because my marriage and my rejection hurt him. But I learned the difficult way that my choice was wrong. And now that look is at you- and you shouldn’t just ignore it. I know my friend. It isn’t easy, for him to give himself to someone. Let him.”

“Why didn’t you marry ‘er?” 

Masato’s laugh is dry. “When Ren began sleeping around, she tried to sleep with him. Ren told me, and I called off the wedding.” Masato stays silent for a long moment, and then he sighs. “It hurt, to be left. But he was bitter because my choice to marry someone else hurt both of us. I wasn’t happy, and I had hurt him, too. We both made mistakes. ...And I’ve never properly apologized for trying to kill you.”

There’s silence. 

Any other time, Ranmaru would have forgiven him. Ranmaru wasn’t particularly angry right now, either. He just didn’t have it in him- to say anything, at this point. Masato lets silence fall, but only for a moment before Ren comes back in. 

“An entire kit?” Masato’s eyebrows raise. “And just how did you get ahold of that?”

“They keep several stashed away. It was simple enough.” Ren closes the door behind him, and then moves to the bed, to lay the kit down. 

“Shouldn’t he be going to a hospital?” Masato frowns. 

Ren’s expression matches. Ranmaru just closes his eyes. “He insisted that he doesn’t go- but…” Ranmaru’s body tenses, “Ran, your ankle is broken- you need a cast, baby.” Ren’s hand moves up Ranmaru’s uninjured leg, starting at his ankle and stopping below his knee. 

“No.” Ranmaru’s voice comes out just a bit too soft. He wanted it to sound firm, but he can’t bring himself to say it again.

He wasn’t upset that Masato had thrown part of his past onto him, but it was too hard to really think about it right now. Ranmaru’s thoughts were hard to stick on- he just felt _tired_. 

“...I’ll reset it.” Ren’s voice is too grim. “But if your wound gets any worse or your ankle won’t heal right, I won’t have a choice. ...But you have to try to eat, baby. You’re not going to heal if you won’t eat. I’ll help you, but you can’t keep fighting me on this, darling.”

Ranmaru’s free hand digs itself into the comforter. His stomach churns- but of all things, he thinks of Masato’s warning. To not ignore the way Ren’s looking at him- treating him. It’s hard, but Ranmaru finally nods. Ren sighs in relief. 

It isn’t perfect, but it’s something. 

“I’ll do it.” Masato says quietly. “It’s going to be unpleasant, but I can only imagine it will be easier on both of you if you’re not the one snapping his ankle.”

Ren gets quiet for a moment, but Ranmaru feels Ren settle on the bed. When Ren’s arms wrap around Ranmaru, it’s both to comfort him and to keep him still. Masato’s hands land on Ranmaru’s ankle. 

When Masato snaps it, Ranmaru is incapable of staying quiet. He _wasn’t_ tortured, in the classic way of constantly being in pain. His ankle had even stopped bothering him, in the haze of feeding and being fed on- but this pain was sharp and Ren barely gets his hand over Ranmaru’s mouth before he yells in pain. 

It’s worse when Masato sets it. 

Ranmaru doesn’t realize that he’s crying until he’s quiet and Ren is wiping the tears from his face with his fingertips. Masato is quiet as he begins to clean the wound on Ranmaru’s ankle, and that burns, too, the pain at the forefront of Ranmaru’s mind. 

Ren is keeping Ranmaru still, when he tries to squirm away from the pain, and he isn’t sure if it’s better or not.

Masato bandages the actual wound first, and then wraps a heavy layer of bandages around Ranmaru’s ankle. 

“We don’t have any types of splints. You shouldn’t step on your ankle _at all_ until it’s healed, Ranmaru, if you’re insistent on not getting a real cast.”

A fleeting question passes through Ranmaru’s mind, of how Masato seemed so naturally inclined to healing, but he can barely hold onto the question through the pain. Ren doesn’t let go of Ranmaru, but he’s not holding him down anymore. 

Masato’s eyes glance between Ranmaru and Ren with a conflicting look in his eyes. Ranmaru’s eyes have been open, panicked, for a long moment during the worst of it but now he’s exhausted, and he finally lets his eyes close. 

“I’ll be off.” Masato says quietly. “Get me tomorrow night, before you leave. It would be better to have an extra pair of hands. I’m sure you’ll have your own hands full, R- Jinguji.”

If Ren reacts to Masato’s near slip, he doesn’t show it. He simply responds, his voice smooth. “Thank you, Hijiri. ...Your help has been invaluable.”

The door closes very shortly after Ren’s words. Ren’s hand raises to pet gently through Ranmaru’s hair. 

“We should change your clothes.” Ren murmurs. “But not yet. Not now. Sleep, baby. Get some rest. I’ll wake you up to eat before we leave, and then we’ll go home.”

Ranmaru listens. His eyes are already heavy and just listening to Ren had started to get difficult. He was more than happy to let himself go.

Ren wakes him up during the last of daylight. 

“We’re going to leave soon.” Ren says softly as Ranmaru stirs. The heavy, strong craving is back and Ranmaru isn’t sure which way the craving is going. Ranmaru fumbles, but when he finds Ren’s wrist, he sees Ren’s face fall through his barely opened eyes. “I can’t, Ran, I can’t.” 

Ranmaru is extremely slow to let go of Ren’s wrist, but he finally does. Ren sits up, and he pets through Ranmaru’s messy hair. 

It’s only now that Ranmaru wonders how disgusting he must be. He really hadn’t had a _chance_ to take care of himself. He hadn’t had a chance to look in the mirror, either. 

“I want you to try to eat.” Ren’s voice is soft, but it’s clear that he had moved the food closer to Ranmaru. 

Ranmaru doesn’t want to eat. He feels sick. But when Ren looks at him, his chest hurts. Because Ren’s look is too soft- and Ranmaru has the feeling that if Ranmaru played his cards right, he might even be able to push this off. 

Ranmaru doesn’t want to do this- but he can’t bring himself to try to get Ren to let him out of it, either. In a moment of clarity, he is once again reminded of Masato’s words yesterday. 

“...Fine.”

The relieved look on Ren’s face does quell a lot of Ranmaru’s unease. It doesn’t help his nausea, but today he manages to keep the food down. The water makes him feel just a bit less sick- but in managing to eat the food, he also begins to feel how much his body really had been missing. It’s not something he brings up to Ren. 

“I’m going to have to carry you home.” Ren speaks, his hand stroking over Ranmaru’s pants. “...I didn’t want to ask this of you like this, Ran, but will you live with me? I… don’t like the thought of you alone in your apartment.”

Ranmaru shrugs. Ren frowns, but he accepts it as Ranmaru’s answer- and it might be because it really wasn’t a question. 

Ren might accept Ranmaru staying in his apartment, but he wouldn’t accept Ranmaru staying alone.

Ranmaru finds himself hoping that Ren wouldn’t accept him staying alone.

The thought sends a horrible, dark feeling through him. What happened? Had he really accepted that he _needed_ protection? That he was incapable of taking care of himself?

Ranmaru had felt helpless for weeks, but until yesterday, he hadn’t realized the _extent_. 

“Ranmaru.” Ren says gently, turning his head. “Talk to me.”

Ranmaru just stares.

Ren sighs, but he lets Ranmaru turn his head back down. Ren takes his phone out, but he only sends a text, rather than calling Masato. It’s an assumption, as to who Ren is contacting, but when there’s a knock on the door and Masato enters, Ranmaru is proven right. 

Ren picks Ranmaru up before Masato is fully in the room. Ranmaru’s dark expression shows on his face when Ren picks him up bridal style, and Ren’s expression flashes- apologetic for a long few seconds, but he doesn’t let Ranmaru go. 

The walk back is silent. Ranmaru’s gaze is similar to last night, staring in front of him blankly. 

Only, tonight his thoughts had changed. Ren may have told him that the blood affected his brain- but should it have? He had given in so fast. To a man he knew had hurt both Ren and Masato. He sees Masato give him a glance. 

Ranmaru felt strange, looking at him, too.

Ranmaru wonders if Masato helped him for Ren. It feels like the obvious solution- but Ranmaru can’t ignore that Masato _did_ help. 

Ranmaru doesn’t entertain this thought for long. Why should he send himself down a path worse than the one that he was already going down?

Masato doesn’t look away when Ranmaru’s eyes meet his. There’s something there, hidden in his expression, but Ranmaru can’t read it. Ranmaru’s eyes slide away from Masato’s before Masato breaks the shared gaze. 

Ranmaru should be relieved when they make it back to Ren’s house, but he isn’t. Masato opens the door for them. 

“Reach out if you need anything, Jinguji. Ranmaru.”

“Thank you.” Ren’s voice is soft. Masato closes the door behind them, but he doesn’t follow them in. Ren is quick to head upstairs. “We should wash you off and get you changed, Ran.”

“Alone.” Ranmaru insists. It’s a miracle he got that out, because the feeling in his chest becomes overwhelming. 

Ren pauses for a long moment, but he swallows hard and he nods. “...Okay. Alone. But you can’t walk on your foot- will you call me in when you’re done getting changed?”

“...Alright.”

Ranmaru is released, sat on the toilet seat. Ren is slow to leave the bathroom, but he does, closing the door all but a crack. 

The feeling changes- and it develops into something akin to fear. Ranmaru takes in a breath that is meant to be deep but comes out shaky and shallow. They have a shower tub, and Ranmaru would rather take a shower, but he’s going to have to settle with a bath because he doesn’t have the strength or ability to stand for a shower. He manages to get himself up standing on one foot, the knee of his injured leg bent and resting on the edge of the tub as he turns the handle to the tub to let it get warm. He doesn’t sit until he’s peeled his shirt off of himself, wincing at the fabric that sticks to him. He lowers his pants just enough to take them off when he sits back down. 

“Fuck!” Ranmaru’s teeth grits- because the pants stick on his legs and it makes him antsy and impatient. When it sticks on the bandages around his ankle, he begins pulling more firmly, enough to hurt. 

Ranmaru manages to get his pants past his ankles, trying to ignore how badly it aches. 

Ranmaru gets up to stop the tub and he just stands there, waiting for it to fill. When he’s in the water, he keeps his foot raised, out of the tub, to avoid wetting the bandages. For a long moment, he’s still. He’s as still as Ren sometimes gets, when he’s lost in his thoughts. Ranmaru hadn’t even thought it possible of himself to be as still as he is now. 

He watches the faucet, and the one drop that continues to form and fall until he feels his chest tighten, his hands clenched into fists, growing tighter with every drop. 

He’s still too on edge when Ren knocks on the door. 

Ren’s words are lost on Ranmaru as he feels his heart stop. The knocking has stopped but his head is pounding so loudly that it’s almost as if the knocking hadn’t stopped. 

In his mind, he’s back in his apartment. It’s different, though. Ranmaru wasn’t afraid, answering the door. 

But now, knowing what would happen, he wants to ignore it. He wants to have done something differently. He wants to have never gone to the bar in the first place, or have taken Ren’s offer to go visit Masato. 

Ranmaru’s position has changed and Ranmaru hasn’t even realized it. Both feet are in the tub, pulled to his chest, and he’s curled over, his hands hovering over his head, not quite grabbing his but close. His eyes are wide, staring at the water in front of him. 

He doesn’t hear Ren drop besides the tub, and he doesn’t snap out of his panic until he feels hands on him, gripping his arms. 

“ _Ranmaru_.” Ren’s face is twisted in worry. “Ran, look at me. Talk to me, baby.”

Ranmaru tries to exhale, but it’s shaky. He shakes his head, “Fine.” It’s more of a gasp than anything. Ren’s face makes it clear that he doesn’t believe it.

“Ah, I shouldn’t have left you alone. I’m sorry.” Ren’s eyebrows pull in. “It’s only been a day.”

Ranmaru shakes his head again, and while Ren’s expression does sadden, understanding flashes in his eyes. 

“I won’t wash you, Ran. I’ll just sit in here, alright?”

Ranmaru hesitates, swallowing hard, but he nods. Ren moves to the toilet seat to sit down. Ranmaru notices clothes, thrown onto the counter. It must be why Ren entered. Ren doesn’t watch Ranmaru- so Ranmaru takes a few seconds to get himself together before he really does try to wash himself off. It’s a slow process and the water is cold enough to make him shiver when he’s done. Ren glances at him while he struggles to figure out the best way to wash his hair, and he sighs. 

“I know you want to do this yourself, baby, but can I at least help you wash your hair?” 

Ranmaru doesn’t give him a verbal answer, but he hangs his head and lets his arms fall to the sides of the tub, and Ren stands. Ren is fast but gentle, and he takes the showerhead off of the wall to wash the suds out of Ranmaru’s hair. 

When Ren is done, Ranmaru unplugs the tub. Ranmaru sees Ren shift his weight next to him, not yet sitting down. 

“You want to help me up.” Ranmaru mumbles. 

“...I do. I’m afraid you’ll slip, climbing out of the tub on one leg.” 

“...Okay.” 

Ren does seem relieved. He helps Ranmaru by lifting him to his foot under the arms, just supporting him as he steps out, the knee of his bad leg on the edge of the tub. Ren is fast to wrap him in a towel and settle him on a toilet lid. 

“I’ll let you dress yourself.” Ren promises quietly. “But I’m going to stay in the room.”

Ranmaru nods. Ren offers him a second towel, to make it easier to dry himself off. Ranmaru is slow in dressing himself. The loose, band shirt he had been given was easy to slip on. It was his- he had some spare clothes he had left over some time ago, but as he grabs the sweat pants he realizes that these are Ren’s. It’s easier to get it over his uninjured foot, though his injured one is a bit harder, between his broken foot and his sodden bandages. Ranmaru manages to pull his pants mid-thigh and then gets stuck again because he needs to get rid of the towel and pull them up the rest of the way. 

Ranmaru’s eyes close. 

He grits his teeth, takes in a breath, and opens his eyes. “Will y’help me stand up, Ren?”

Ren does. His expression doesn’t change, but Ranmaru knows him well enough to know that Ren is glad he asked, but is hiding it for Ranmaru’s sake. 

Ren walks over, to help Ranmaru stand- but the way he’s holding Ranmaru lets Ranmaru fix his own pants. Ranmaru goes back down to sitting on the toilet seat as Ren heads under the sink. 

“I’m going to have to change your bandages. _But_.” Ren turns to Ranmaru, and his expression is serious. “You aren’t weak, for needing my help, Ran. I’ll say that as many times as I need to. It wasn’t your fault this happened- and it was all… bad luck. And now you’re hurt, and the only way you’re going to get better is by not pushing yourself. I’ll do my best to not treat you like you’re helpless, my love, but I can’t stand by and watch you struggle, either. It won’t be this way forever.”

“Somethin’s gonna give.” Ranmaru mumbles. “Fer better ‘r worse.”

Ren sets the first-aid kit he had boughten specifically for Ranmaru, just in case, on the counter, and then he kisses his forehead. “Let’s hope for better.”

Ren unbandages and rebandages Ranmaru’s ankle. It hurts, but not nearly as bad as yesterday. When they go to the bedroom, Ren leads and supports him, rather than carries him. 

Ranmaru’s silence changes, but Ren waits to ask until Ranmaru is tucked into the bed, his injured foot outside of the blanket and on a pillow. “What’s on your mind?”

“...Masato talked ‘t me about some things.” Ranmaru says, his voice quiet. “‘Bout Siera.”

Ren winces. “I imagine that was a lot to throw on you. And I’m guessing that you want to hear my side. I’m… I don’t know why Masa chose to tell you this now, but I can’t. I promise I’ll tell you the story when you’re feeling better, Ran, but I won’t make anything harder on you right now. You’ve been through a lot. I don’t want to force my old problems on you right now.” Ren reaches out, to squeeze Ranmaru’s arm. “I’m certainly not hiding it, but I want to worry about you right now.”

Ranmaru’s mouth turns down, just a bit at the corner, but Ren clearly isn’t going to bend on this. 

“Masato was real good at fixin’ my leg.”

Ren sighs, shaking his head, but it’s good natured. This one, however, he does answer. “Masa worked as a nurse for a point in his life. I know he doesn’t feed from bags, but it was an easily accessible form of feeding. No more questions about us, Ran.” Ren pets through Ranmaru’s hair. “Get some rest.”

Ranmaru turns his head, and his jaw tightens and relaxes and tightens, and then he sighs. “Will you get me a glass of water?”

Ren sighs, very obviously relieved and unable to hide it. He gives Ranmaru a smile. There’s still strain in it, but it’s the most natural one he’s seen in some time, and he’s already climbing out of bed. “Of course I will.”

Ren does his best not to hover, but there’s still a relieved expression on his face when Ranmaru drinks most of the water. He still makes a face, but it’s still getting better. 

“We can do this.” Ren murmurs softly. “Get things better. It’s the second day, baby, and you’re already doing better. It’s not going to be easy- but I’ll be here. Every step of the way. I promise.”


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a longer one!! and thank you to everyone leaving comments! i really love reading them!! i appreciate it!

Ranmaru slowly begins to improve- particularly with his eating. It didn’t stop him from craving Ren’s blood, or to miss being fed from- though Ren wouldn’t entertain the thought of either. 

_”Maybe, in a time far from now, we can start the **occasional** feeding again, Ran, but I will not be giving you any of my blood. There is no moderation in that- it isn’t good for you, darling._

Masato had begun stopping by Ren’s house more often. Ranmaru would even go so far as to say that their conversations flowed easier- the talks between Ren and Masato. Ranmaru had been quieter than he had been before. Ren always sits too close, and while he tries to avoid giving Ranmaru the feeling that Ren is hovering, Ranmaru knows he is. 

Ranmaru still hasn’t gone back to work. It’s only recently begun to start bothering him. 

_”You’re not ready to go back, Ran.” Ren’s eyebrows furrow. Ranmaru’s ankle was mostly healed, though he still walked with a bit of a limp and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to walk right again- it wasn’t helping but it was something he was forced to deal with. “But I’m glad that you want to. It means you really are getting better.”_

“Oi.” Ranmaru’s voice is muted. The sun is up, but Ranmaru is still wide awake. Ren is laying down, but Ranmaru isn’t sure that he’ll be going to sleep until Ranmaru does, but that could be a while. Ranmaru had been better with asking Ren for help, but he’d recently begun focusing on getting himself back to a place where he can be independent, too. Ranmaru sits up, to get out of the bed. “I’m goin’ for a walk.”

“Ran-” Ren’s voice is uncomfortable, but Ranmaru lifts his hand, waving off Ren’s concerns. 

“It’s day.”

“...Vampires may not attack you, Ran, but-”

“I know.” Ranmaru’s voice drops. “But regular crime’s gonna be less too. I’ll stay outta dangerous areas.”

“And your ankle? It’s not fully healed yet-”

“Doubt it’s gonna get better ‘n this. It’s fine, Ren.”

Ren gets out of the bed, and he’s around it too fast. His hands are on Ranmaru’s cheeks, and his face is pleading. He leans in to brush his nose against Ranmaru’s. “Please wait until tonight. I’ll take you out.”

“I’m not a pet, Ren.”

“That’s not what I-”

“Not what you meant.” Ranmaru grumbles. “I ‘aven’t been out durin’ the day in _months_ , Ren.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Ren’s hands lower, around Ranmaru’s shoulders, to pull him into a hug. He’s trying to keep his voice calm, but Ranmaru can hear the edge to it. “But please stay in, Ran. I’ll answer you any questions you have and I can put on my cloak and we can sit on the porch.”

“Why’re you that against it?” Ranmaru’s voice is low. Flat. “I’d be gone fifteen minutes.”

“...I… Ran, you were the one that was taken, and you were the one that was hurt. I don’t want it to seem _at all_ like I’m making this about myself- but losing you was difficult. The thought that you might be gone- and that I had done nothing to stop it… One day I’m going to have to let you back out to do things alone. I can’t hover over you for the rest of your life- but it’s still so soon, baby. Please give me this.”

“If I said no-” Ranmaru’s voice is more than flat- at this point, it’s empty. “Would you force me to stay? Would you get mad?”

“What?” Ren seems genuinely taken aback. 

“Would you leave?”

Ren freezes, his eyes too wide, and then his hands are back to holding Ranmaru’s face. “No, no. No, of course I wouldn’t.” Ren leans forward, to press a short kiss to the tip of Ranmaru’s nose. “I’m asking this of you because I want to keep you to myself for a very long time, Ran.”

“...This could’ve been avoided.” Ranmaru says grimly. Ren freezes. He knows where this is going- he must, with the way his body has completely frozen. “I wish he would’a turned m-”

Ren’s hand covers Ranmaru’s mouth, his expression blazing. For just a few seconds- an expression crosses Ranmaru’s eyes that feels, to him, like an ‘I told you so’. It was a matter of time before Ren would be angry at him. Ranmaru thinks he even may have been trying- but that didn’t mean his sentiment wasn’t true. “Don’t say that, Ranmaru.” Ren’s voice is stern. “It’s an incredibly painful experience. And while I can’t even begin to explain how happy I am that I met you, I would give anything to meet you in a different way. With a different life. One where I could get to grow old with you- to live a normal life, to die with you. It isn’t easy. Learning how to control yourself, limiting yourself- watching the world around you change. You feel like you’re left behind. Masato right now is struggling with how to get over how he was raised as a vampire, because in his own words, he was _ruthless_. I gave him blood bags recently and he was sick. The same way you were, when I first got you back. You can barely keep control of yourself, especially at first. Everything is strange, you feel like a _monster_ \- I’ve _killed_ , Ran. I still feel guilty for every single human I’ve fed on and _haven’t_ killed and- and… you’re not exempt either. And that’s why I’m never going to turn you. I will be with you for every moment of your life that you will have me, but I will never damn you.”

“You had a life.” Ranmaru’s voice is empty. It’s not angry. “You had everythin’ goin’ for you ‘n it was taken-”

“I will not discuss this with you.” Ren cuts him off, his tone final. “Masa and I do suffer from being turned in a terrible way- but I am the happiest I’ve been in my entire undead life, and I still wish there were some way I could just _be_ human again.”

Ren’s last sentence- the reminder of his _human_ life forces a question to the forefront of Ranmaru’s mind. “Siera. I only ever heard one side ‘a that story.”

Ren breathes out heavily, and it shakes. “Before I answer any more questions, I need to know that you’re not just going to storm outside after I answer them. My deal still stands, Ran.” 

Ranmaru stays quiet for a long moment, and then he finally scowls. He turns, heading towards the door. His limp is heavier with his angry stride. Ren follows him, even though he clearly thinks that Ranmaru is going to head out the front door. “Grab yer cloak.”

Ren’s sigh is relieved, just a bit of tension releasing from his shoulders. He does grab the cloak from the closet, though he’s a step behind Ranmaru right after, already fastening the cloak to himself. It makes it a bit harder to see all of Ren’s expressions with the heavy shadow over his face, but Ranmaru felt like he _needed_ sun. It’s been a long time since he’s even seen it from a window. 

Or maybe it’s the air he’s craving. The room had felt suffocating and Ranmaru can feel his heart pounding too fast from the anxiety quickly growing in his body. Ranmaru is fast to settle in a chair on the porch. Admittedly, he hadn’t sat on the swing, settling for a lone chair, but he had taken the chair nearest the sun. It was uncomfortably hot against his back, but it blocked some of the sun from reaching Ren, who has taken his seat on the furthest edge of the swing in as much shade as he can get. 

“Siera.” Ren sighs. “I’m sure you know most of the story. Masa was set to marry her. We both liked each other, and we both knew that we did- but Masa was scared and it was safer, to marry a rich woman. I was hurt, and I was _livid_. It was one thing to deny me, but to feel for me as strongly as I had felt for him, and choose to marry someone for status and not love? I didn’t know Siera well at the time, but I do know now that had he gone through with it, he would have been miserable and mistreated. At the time, I just knew that he was hurting both of us for reasons I couldn’t relate with. Ones I couldn’t truly comprehend. I started sleeping around, in hopes that he’d hear and he’d be hurt, too. ...Though that wasn’t… the only reason.” Ren bows his head. “I had denied so many women- so many offers of affection. For most of my life, the number one thing that I’ve craved has been affection. Love. And I was hoping that with time, Masa would give that to me. So when I knew that he wouldn’t, I searched for it in other ways. Siera must have found out- she approached me, to try to sleep with me. I, of course, had let Masa know. I may have been promiscuous, but I have never and will never be a homewrecker. Disloyalty to your partner is something unforgivable- even a playboy like me knows that much.” Ren lets out a deep exhale. He’s so still it’s almost unnerving, but Ranmaru is still, too. “Masa broke it off. ...But I’m sure you knew most of that. If you’re wondering why I slept with her father-” Ren looks up. Ranmaru can’t see his eyes, but he can see Ren’s dry smile. “It wasn’t as a disrespect to Masa. It was my way of telling Siera that I was more attracted to her father than I was to her. That I’d sleep with a man forty years my senior before I’d sleep with her. It was stupid, I was angry- and I hadn’t even bothered to consider what Masato would think, when he found out. ...But you know what happened after that.”

“Shit.” Ranmaru mumbles. He brings his hands up, to run over his face. “‘Ave you told Masato that?”

“I haven’t. It’s enough that he doesn’t hate me right now. And at the end of the day- I did it. And it hurt him. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, after all.”

“Dunno I’d call that good intentions. ...But who knows how it would’a turned out. If it didn’t turn out like this.”

“Yeah.” Ren says softly. “...Who knows.”

Ranmaru leans back in his chair, and he closes his eyes for a long moment, and then he finally opens his eyes. Ren is focused on a spot on the floor in front of him. Ranmaru’s voice is unreadable. “You like Masato.”

Ren’s head snaps up, and then his eyes fix on Ranmaru. “We’re friends.” Ren says, his voice wary. 

“‘N you’re lyin’.” Ranmaru’s eyes narrow. “I’m not accusin’ you of cheatin’ on me. I believe that you wouldn’t. But I see the way you look at ‘im, ‘n I see the way you talk about ‘im. I saw how upset you were when he first showed back up, ‘n I think that was the moment I knew that you were still in love with ‘im.” Ren’s hands move to pull down his cloak, and Ranmaru sits up. “Oi. Leave that on.”

Ren shakes his head, lowering it anyways. Ren’s face is genuinely terrified. It’s _heart-broken_. “Are-” Ren’s voice breaks on the word, and his next words are too soft. “Are you going to leave me because of it? Are you bringing this up to break up with me?” Ranmaru does try to answer, but Ren speaks too quickly for Ranmaru to get a word in. “I’m sorry. I can’t control it- I can’t control how I feel, but I love you, Ranmaru.” Ren stands, and he moves over to Ranmaru so quickly, to hold onto Ranmaru’s arms and press his forehead to Ranmaru’s. There are tears in Ren’s eyes. Ranmaru lifts his arms to push him back, to get him out of the sun, but Ren recoils, misunderstanding. “Please believe me.” He pleads. Ranmaru can see him shake. “I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose either of you, but I would never do anything, and my feelings for you are no lesser.”

“ _Ren_.” Ranmaru says sharply, finally getting a word in as he stands. He limps his way over. Ren has a few inches on Ranmaru, but the way Ren is pulled in, Ranmaru feels taller. Ren’s face already has a light dusting of pink- the beginnings of a sunburn, so Ranmaru forces down Ren’s hood, and grabs his arm to lead him inside. He finally continues when they’re both inside of the house. “If I were gonna break up with you because of it, that’s not how I’d bring it up. It’s- it’s obvious, Ren.” Ranmaru goes a bit quiet. “It’s startin’ ‘t be obvious on his side, too.”

Ranmaru had thought that he was ready for this, but his head was starting to pound. 

“I- look.” Ranmaru’s hand raises to run through his hair. “It’s gonna need ‘t be addressed. I’m not breakin’ up with you, but I just-” Ranmaru’s eyes burn, and that’s the first thing that flares his anger. He stumbles forward, his foot not quite working with him. Ranmaru shakes his head, raising his hand in a dismissive wave. 

Ranmaru seems _pissed_. He doesn’t feel good about it- because he didn’t bring it up to make Ren feel bad. He brought it up because it was obviously something that Ren and Masato needed to talk about. Something that needed to be figured out. It was meant to be productive. 

Ranmaru makes it to the couch. He doesn’t have it in himself to force himself up the stairs. The lights aren’t on inside, but he’s starting to get a migraine. He hadn’t felt _right_ since his initial fight with Ren, over changing him, but this was on another level. Ranmaru turns to face the couch cushions, to try to shadow his face more. 

“Ran- if you don’t want to sleep in the bed with me, _I’ll_ take the couch.”

“Not angry.” Ranmaru grunts through gritted teeth. “‘S fine. Just feelin’... not great.”

Ren is over by him in an instant, one hand on Ranmaru’s chest, one on his back. “God, I’m sorry. This was too much for you- I’m sorry.” Ren’s hand is careful, lifting from his back to brush his hair away from Ranmaru’s face. “I should have stopped it earlier.” Ren murmurs. “It’s alright. I’m going to carry you upstairs.”

Ren picks up Ranmaru carefully, and he’s practically cradling Ranmaru when Ranmaru is properly in his arms. Ranmaru doesn’t open his eyes. Ren moves slowly, and Ranmaru can find it in himself to appreciate it, because he doesn’t think he could handle moving too quickly right now. His body is heavy, his head hurts, his ankle is killing him and he really just wants to sleep. Ren gets him into the bed, tucking him in. 

It isn’t a question anymore, if Ren will be sleeping on the couch, because now that it’s turned physical, Ren isn’t going to leave. 

Ranmaru forces through the pain of his migraine to think through what just happened. He believed that Ren loved him. He knew Ren loved Masato. Ranmaru may have felt differently if the situation were different- but Ren had been very open about loving Masato, back so long ago, that Ranmaru didn’t feel like Ren had lost interest in him. 

And selfishly, Ranmaru would rather work something out than lose Ren. Before Ren, Ranmaru thought that anyone that claimed that they’d never love anyone if their partner left them were dramatic- but Ranmaru couldn’t say he felt the same. 

He was doing better than he was a month ago- but he still had days. He wasn’t perfect. In his opinion, he was still _sensitive_ and he hated that. But he still doesn’t think that he could handle losing Ren right now. And even if he could, he doesn’t think that he’d be interested in finding another partner. 

Ren doesn’t settle into the bed. He sits at Ranmaru’s feet, one hand on Ranmaru’s uninjured leg until Ranmaru falls asleep. 

_Ranmaru groans, sitting up. His headache was still prominent, but it’s not enough for him to not immediately realize that he isn’t in the right place. He recognized this room easily, because he had spent weeks here, in and out of consciousness._

_Ranmaru opens his mouth to call Ren, but his throat is too dry and he can’t form words. Ranmaru sits up, and he winces with his foot pulls against the rope. It’s broken, healed in the wrong direction._

_The door opens. Ranmaru’s heart stops beating when Shouta walks in the room. He smiles at Ranmaru. “I was wondering when you’d wake up. You missed your last feeding.” Shouta’s hand goes into his pocket, to take the pocket knife. “I guess we’ll just have to do both today. I thought I lost you for a moment- but that wouldn’t have been good.”_

_Ranmaru’s stomach turns when the blood bubbles up on Shouta’s wrist, but everything else in his body is moving him closer to get it. Shouta obliges. Ranmaru’s brain has returned to being disgusted, but his body was clearly still hooked. Ranmaru thought of Ren- Ren had **come**. Ranmaru had passed this point. _

_Ranmaru shouldn’t be here. Ranmaru shouldn’t be in the shape he is now- too small, his ankle horrifically broken- without Ren._

_Maybe Ren hadn’t actually been able to find him. Maybe it had been some near death dream- but if that were true… why couldn’t he have just **died**? _

_Maybe Ren really wasn’t going to come for him. It had been strange, that Masato had showed up for him. Before the tears forming in Ranmaru’s eyes could fall, Shouta has tilted Ranmaru’s head to feed, and for a few blissful moments, Ranmaru’s mind is almost empty. But then Shouta leaves, and Ranmaru is thrown back into his thoughts._

_As Ranmaru’s tears return, his panic does. Ranmaru had been through this. Ranmaru should be done with this. Ranmaru twists, and he can’t helped his pained yelp when it twists his ankle._

_Ranmaru needed to leave._

_Ranmaru takes a deep breath, he closes his eyes, and he rolls- he goes off of the bed, hoping with everything that he has that his ankle will snap in the fall- that the rope will break or that he can pull his further broken ankle out of the bond. He hadn’t considered what he’d do next, but he needed to do **something**._

_Ranmaru hits the floor with a scream he can’t help._

“Ran!” It’s Ren’s voice. There are arms wrapped tightly around Ranmaru, but the pain in Ranmaru’s ankle keeps Ranmaru’s eyes closed. He’s on the floor- the wood underneath his hip is cold. “My God- Ran, wake up, please.”

Ranmaru can’t slowly open his eyes. When he finally manages it, they fly open- wild, afraid. He’s so out of it that it’s hard to focus on anything. Even Ren, who is cradling Ranmaru to his chest. Ranmaru reaches up, trying to grab something of Ren. He settles on clasping the side of his neck, his fingers wrapping around the back of his neck, some strands of orange hair still pinned to the back of it. 

When all of it hits Ranmaru- he cries. 

Ren shifts so that he can pull Ranmaru into his lap, to properly wrap his arms around him. He lets Ranmaru continue holding onto him, but Ren’s thin fingers lace themselves in Ranmaru’s hair to cradle his head. “You’re safe.” Ren says quickly. Quietly. “You’re safe. You’re with me. You fell and you hurt yourself, Ran, but you’re okay. No one is going to hurt you. It was a bad accident.”

“I was-” Ranmaru’s voice is almost a gasp. His throat feels sore. 

“It was a nightmare, my love. It was a nightmare. You’re here. You’re with me. No one is going to hurt you.”

“I’m thirsty.” Ran mumbles. The pain is fading- maybe it’s shock? Ranmaru can’t see his foot to see how badly he’s injured. “Please.” Ranmaru’s voice breaks. He manages to bring his face closer to Ren’s wrist, and Ren stills immediately. 

“Baby, baby, no, please. It was a bad dream, they’re residing feelings. You were so good, baby, I can’t get you hooked again. It feels hard, but you’re going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.”

Ren pulls back his hand, but it lands on the knee of Ranmaru’s injured leg. The first thing Ranmaru notices is Ren’s grim expression. The second is the way that his previously broken ankle is bent- in an unnatural position. A way it shouldn’t be. 

A wave of something that is desperately trying to be anger surfaces in Ranmaru’s chest. How had he broken his ankle _again_? But he can’t quite muster it. 

Ren lifts him, and while Ranmaru’s arms grab him to hold on tight, he tugs, trying to get Ren to answer his unspoken question. 

_What’s going on?_

“I don’t have a choice.” Ren says softly. “We’re going to a hospital. Your ankle needs a cast, Ran.”

Ranmaru can only hold onto him tighter. Ranmaru hated hospitals in general, but there was fear of going to a hospital and being stuck there. 

“Ssh.” Ren shifts Ranmaru so that he can kiss his forehead. Ren manages to get his own shoes on without setting Ranmaru down. “They won’t keep you more than a night, baby. You look better. You just need to cast your ankle. Even your scar is almost gone.”

Ranmaru doesn’t speak. He really doesn’t feel well enough to. He feels the way he had when Ren and Masato had taken him out of the situation in the first place. It’s just growing to be night. Ranmaru and Ren get some looks, but Ren doesn’t care and Ranmaru is still too out of it to be bothered. And it doesn’t help that the shock is starting to wear off and the pain is beginning to return.

Ren isn’t forced away when Ranmaru is let back, but Ranmaru doesn’t start wondering _why_ until he’s been given pain killers. He wonders if it really weren’t a big deal- either because of the injury or the time of night, or if were Ren. Ren was naturally charming, but Ranmaru was thinking more along the lines of something vampiric he had yet to be told about.

And then he starts wondering about his nightmare, leaning back in the cot as he waits to be casted. He’s thinking of how he felt, before he went to sleep. Was it a sort of warning that the dream _was_ going to happen, or did the dream happen as a result of how he felt? It left him exhausted, but he didn’t want to sleep in the hospital bed. He was already taking up a bed he didn’t feel he needed to.

Ranmaru is relieved to be let out only a few hours later. Night is nearing an end, but there’s enough time for them to get back to the house without cutting it close. Ranmaru is given crutches, put on his bill, and they’ve given him his prescription of painkillers from the pharmacy in the hospital before he’s left. He’s started to become more aware, especially with his mind clear from the pain, but he hadn’t gotten shoes before he left and Ren wasn’t fond of him using his crutches all the way home anyways, so Ren picks him up.

Ranmaru stays quiet about it, but he’s back to not quite feeling right about it- but Ren doesn’t let him go well until they’re back into Ren’s house. 

“I know you didn’t want to go.” Ren murmurs. “But this is for the best.”

Ranmaru wants to argue. He wants to grumble- but he holds himself back from it. Ren only lets him go when he sets Ranmaru down. 

“You didn’t get much sleep last night.” Ren smooths down Ranmaru’s hair and kisses his forehead. “I’ll lay down with you. I’ll wake you up if you have another nightmare.” 

Ranmaru’s response comes slowly, but it comes. “...Thanks.”

Ren gives him an edged smile, but while there’s a lot of conflicting feelings, there’s almost a bit of relief, too. Ren leans in, pressing a soft kiss to Ranmaru’s lips. His hand moves to pet through the ends of Ranmaru’s hair. “I don’t say this enough.” Ren says softly. “But I love you.”

Ranmaru answers, just before Ren gives up on getting an answer. “I love you, too.”

Ren’s hand is slow to leave Ranmaru, his fingertips sliding across Ranmaru’s neck before finally leaving. Ren ensures that the lights are off and the curtains are pulled and then Ren climbs into the bed to pull Ranmaru close. “I’m sorry I let you fall.” Ren mumbles, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll be more careful.”

“Dunno that it was your fault.” Ranmaru’s eyes are already closing. Ren’s leg wraps over Ranmaru’s hip and one of his hands rubs Ranmaru’s back. 

“Are you going to be alright, Ran?”

“Probably.” Ranmaru sighs, keeping his eyes closed. He can feel Ren wrapping himself tighter around Ranmaru. “...Think I owe you an apology. Fer earlier.”

“Water under the bridge.” Ren says quickly. “Don’t stress yourself out about any of it, please.”

Ranmaru sighs, but he drops it. Ren gets quiet when Ranmaru does. 

Ranmaru falls asleep- and while he doesn’t dream, he still wakes up feeling uneasy. 

“You still look so tired.” Ren mumbles, frowning. He’s sitting up, leaning against the headboard but he pets through Ranmaru’s hair. “I think it would be best if you stayed in bed today.”

Ranmaru’s eyebrows furrow, even as his eyes close again. “We’ve got shit ‘t talk about.” 

“Not today we don’t.” Ren’s stern tone doesn’t quite hit the mark, but Ranmaru understands what he’s trying to do. “Even if you insist on getting up, we’re not having any serious discussions today. ...You reverted bad last night, baby. I know it was the dream- but it upset you enough yesterday when we talked about it. I’m not putting you through that again.”

“Just ‘cause I’m not feelin’ great doesn’t mean life pauses, Ren.”

“This is nothing imminent, Ran. Whether we speak about it now or in three years, it’s going to be the same. There’s no time limit.”

“I’ll… drop it today.” Ranmaru shifts, his arm wrapping around Ren’s waist, pressing his forehead to Ren’s thigh. “I- fuck.” Ranmaru presses his forehead just a bit harder into Ren’s leg, his face grimacing. 

“Please don’t upset yourself.” Ren mumbles. “But-” Ren sighs. “If it’s something you really need to tell me, please do. If it’s going to upset you more keeping quiet about it.”

“It’s stupid.” Ranmaru says gruffly. He’s speaking more like himself, but the feelings coursing through him were closer to how he felt when he was first saved. “But I can’t help but wonder.” Ranmaru is tense. It was hard to express feelings- especially ones like these. Ones that made him feel desperate and weak. “Are you stayin’ because I’m broken and you think that it’s your fault? If you could walk away from me, right now, with how I’m actin’, and have no repercussions- would you want to?”

“When I tell you I have no plans to leave you, Ran, I mean it. It hurts me to see you like this, but even if this _hadn’t_ been my fault, I’d never leave you because of it. ...You’re different. It’s hard not to tell- but you were hurt, honey. And you’re not nearly as different as I believe you think you are. I think you’re too hard on yourself- it’s been just over a month. You’re doing far better than anyone, yourself included, should have any right to expect.”

Ranmaru quiets down again, and Ren lets the silence fall for a long moment. Ren _is_ the next to speak, and his voice is gentle. Soft. 

“You _are_ strong, you know. I know you don’t often believe that- but it really isn’t fair. To bully yourself like this. I know you care about physical strength. By nature, I may have more of that than you- but in all of my years of living… there are so many times that you’ve proven yourself strong emotionally. Stronger than me. There are situations you’ve handled so well. So… maturely. You’ve been kind to me in times that I’ve had no right to expect you to _not_ be angry with me, but you’ve dealt with them. And everytime you open up to me, you’re doing better and better. You’re growing, and you’re becoming stronger, and that’s admirable. Because you may not value emotions, Ran, but they’re a fact of everything.” Ren lets out a long, distant sigh. “But you should get some rest. I just want to remind you that I care for you. And I’m going to- in your best times and your worst, Ran. And you apologized to me last night, and when I said it was water under the bridge, I meant it- but there are going to be times we’re frustrated with each other. It’s bound to happen. But I hope that you remember that even when we fight, I’m still going to care for you. And I know that you still care for me.”

Ranmaru doesn’t move when he closes his eyes. He keeps his position with his face against Ren’s thigh. He isn’t fast to fall asleep, but Ren keeps quiet and eventually Ranmaru’s mind finally clicks off. 

He had, before he fell asleep, been going over Ren’s speech in his mind. It wasn’t an easy thing, to open up to anyone. But even with his seeming difficult, Ren was, in theory, easy to talk to. Especially when Ranmaru can’t think of a single other person that he’d breathe a word of any of this, too. Though his options were limited- the only two people he could think of were Haruka and Masato, and Haruka wasn’t even a friend.

Ranmaru knew, logically, that he judged himself harsher than Ren ever would for telling Ren how he was feeling- but it was still a boundary that Ranmaru felt was getting harder and harder to cross. 

But Ranmaru is thankful when his mind quiets, and he’s relieved that his next nap is more restful than the sleep before it. 

When Ranmaru wakes up, Ren is standing by the door with it cracked open, speaking in a low voice. Ranmaru winces at his sore body when he sits up, rolling his shoulders. It’s when he stands, unsteady on his casted foot, that Ren turns around. His eyebrows furrow, to go force Ranmaru back into the bed. Ranmaru goes with a wordless grumble, though he only sits on the edge of the bed. He glances towards the door to see Masato, and Ranmaru’s eyebrow raises. He glances at Ren. 

“He was actually asking about you.” Ren says softly. 

“I saw the both of you, making your way to what I assume was the hospital.” Masato’s eyes glance down to Ranmaru’s cast. “I didn’t bother you then, but it was clear something had happened.”

Ranmaru pauses. He’s almost a bit surprised that Masato came asking about him. He had no reason to think that Masato or Ren would lie to him about this. Ranmaru finally clears his throat. “‘M fine. Just fell outta the bed.”

Ren’s hand traces the side of Ranmaru’s face with his fingertips. “A nightmare.” Ren says grimly. Masato seems to understand immediately. 

“I see.” Masato sighs. “Well. I think it’s a good thing that you’ve finally gotten it casted. It’s your best chance of getting your ankle to heal semi-properly. It’s just a shame it took this long.” Ranmaru blinks at the scolding, looking at Masato with furrowed eyebrows. 

After a long moment, Ranmaru grunts. “Thanks fer checkin’ in, I guess.”

Masato gives a muted smile. “I won’t stick around long. I really just dropped by to check on things.”

Ren gives a small smile. Both Masato and Ranmaru see the strain- Masato must assume it’s in regards to Ranmaru, which isn’t entirely wrong, but Ranmaru knows the truth. Masato bows his head as he excuses himself. 

The rest of the day is spent not doing much. Ren has slowly been learning how to cook more, considering Ranmaru’s condition, but Ranmaru usually sat in a kitchen chair. Earlier on, he really only helped taste test, but now he occasionally gives Ren instructions to help. That day was another day that Ren cooked. Ranmaru had started actually helping a bit more- but now that his ankle was reinjured, Ren brought the dining room chair back into the kitchen. The only benefit of going to the hospital is that Ren lets Ranmaru traverse downstairs with his crutches- though he wouldn’t even bring them upstairs because he had a feeling that Ranmaru might try to go downstairs and Ren was paranoid that he’d fall. 

Ranmaru _didn’t_ think he’d fall- but he lets Ren have that one, and it’s partially because Ren’s not entirely wrong. Ranmaru probably would try to go downstairs at some point.

Everyday, Ranmaru tries to bring up the Masato point. He’s shot down for a week- and then finally, Ranmaru changes his tactic. 

“Y’should invite Masato over.” Ranmaru comments. Ren looks at Ranmaru, watching his face. 

“Oh?”

“‘S been a while. You’ve been hoverin’ over me, ‘n he hasn’t come over since last week.” Ranmaru shrugs. 

“...Alright.” Ren can see through Ranmaru. He knows Ranmaru has a plan and he isn’t sure what it is and if he should trust it. But Ranmaru also knows that Ren is desperate for Ranmaru and Masato to get along. Ranmaru has nothing against Masato. He seems fine- he likes him, from the amount that they’ve talked. But their personal relationship wasn’t growing much stronger while Ren and Masato’s main focus was on repairing their own. “I’ll invite him over.”

“If he’s free tonight, that’s fine.” Ranmaru stretches his arms above his head and then crosses his arms. Ren and Ranmaru are on the couch, Ranmaru’s feet in Ren’s lap and Ranmaru’s head on the armrest of the couch. “I’m gonna nap. Wake me up if he comes over.”

Masato does come that night- though Ranmaru figures out pretty quickly that Ren had given Ranmaru a good hour or two to nap before he even reached out to Masato, because Masato had shown himself very shortly after his invitation, and Ranmaru had managed to wake up by himself. Masato bows his head to Ranmaru as he settles on the chair in Ren’s living room, and Ranmaru just grunts in acknowledgement. 

“This was unexpected. ...Thank you for having me.”

“It’s been some time.” There’s still some strain in Ren’s smile. “But the credit for the idea goes to Ran. He was the one that suggested I invite you over.”

Ranmaru just grunts, to save Masato a response. 

“Have you been up to anything?” Ren asks, his eyes on Masato. Masato gives a short nod. 

“I’ve found myself a job. It’s a mere volunteer one- I work a few hours every week as a nurse. If… If you need any packs- I know you’ve told me you spend an awful lot to get them.”

Ren smiles. “Thank you. Have you grown accustomed, or…?”

“I don’t often drink from people anymore, no. It still tastes stale-”

“But you’re doing well.” Ren compliments. “Trust me. It’s better for your psyche, Hijiri.”

A short silence falls, and Ranmaru breaks it. “Alright.” Ranmaru has been sitting up for some time now, and he leans back, draping his arm over the back of the couch, his injured leg spread out in front of him. “Here’s the facts. Masato.” Masato’s eyebrows furrow, and Ren stills. Freezes. “Ren likes both of us-”

“What?” Masato sounds surprised. Ranmaru just continues. 

“He’s into both of us.” Ranmaru repeats. “It’s obvious that you’re into ‘im. Am I right?” Masato’s stunned, nearly guilty silence is answer enough. “I like Ren. I don’t wanna lose Ren- Ren doesn’t wanna lose you or me. What’s our win-win situation? Where do we go?”

“How- how do you speak like that?” Masato sounds incredulous. “How do you _calmly_ say aloud that your partner is interested in someone else? Aren’t you hurt? How… How do _win_ in a situation like this?”

Ren watches Ranmaru. There’s hurt- there’s fear that Ranmaru can see in his eyes. “You’ve got history I can’t even hope ‘t fuckin’ compete with. It’s not like Ren’s got his eye out on anything that moves- he felt strongly fer you then, it makes sense he’d feel that way now. What’s the point in gettin’ angry? I lose Ren, ‘n eventually the both of you figure your shit out. But it’s gonna make Ren unhappy, havin’ feelings for you, ‘n then bein’ returned and having nothin’ he can do about then. And you’re in the worst position outta the three of us. It’s worth a talk.” Ranmaru lifts his hand in a dismissive wave. “So talk.”

It’s quiet for a long moment, but one glance at Ren’s face shows that he’s thinking of something. 

“What?” Ranmaru’s head turns to Ren first, but then Masato’s attention turns to him, too. 

Ren sighs, “This is an awfully selfish suggestion- but there _are_ polyamourous relationships.”

“A… polyamourous relationship?” Masato furrows his eyebrows. Ranmaru is silent for a long moment. 

“That’d be the easiest solution.” Ranmaru gives. “But I’ve never once looked at Masato like that.” Ranmaru cuts Ren off, before Ren can backtrack. Ranmaru can almost hear his words. _I understand_. “I’m not sayin’ I’m can’t, but I’m sayin’ I need a chance ‘t try. Doubt Masato’s ever really thought about it before, either, yeah?”

“I haven’t.” Masato affirms. 

“...A date?” Ren’s smile is sheepish. “Maybe the both of you could do something together. I certainly don’t want to force feelings if they’re not there- I’d never want or ask that of either of you. But if you’re willing to give it a try-”

“A date works.” Ranmaru grunts, agreeing. Masato nods. 

Masato stays for some time after that, though it takes almost a half an hour for Masato and Ren to get back into dialogue that’s any semblance of ‘comfortable’. Ranmaru didn’t regret bringing it up. Ranmaru understood why Masato _wouldn’t_ \- Ranmaru hoped it was respect for Ren. And Ranmaru knew that Ren wasn’t going to bring it up, because he didn’t want to do that to Ranmaru. 

Ranmaru doesn’t blame Masato- but he wishes Ren would have faced it without Ranmaru forcing him too. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand- and he knew Ren didn’t want to hurt him, but Ranmaru wishes he had been more thorough in explaining how he felt about this. Maybe Ranmaru wouldn’t have had to be the one to bring it up.

Ranmaru lets his thoughts drop as Masato leaves. 

It didn’t matter. The situation was solved now. 

Ranmaru almost has a heart attack when he gets a call from Masato a few days later- the contact already in his phone. Ranmaru narrows his eyes at Ren as he answers, and Ren’s sheepish smile answers all of Ranmaru’s questions. Ranmaru doesn’t know _when_ Ren got ahold of his phone- but he drops that train of thought to answer the call before it ends.

“Hullo?”

“Ranmaru.” Masato greets. “Apologies for the unplanned call, but Ren gave me your number.”

“‘S fine. What’s up? ‘S this about the date?”

“It is. Would you care to join me for dinner, two days from now at eight?”

“Yeah. Sounds good ‘t me. Where should I meet you?”

“I can pick you up and we can go together. It shouldn’t be too far for you to walk if you bring your crutches.”

“I can do that.”

“Thank you.” 

Ranmaru snorts. “Y’don’t need ‘t thank me for goin’ on a date with you. But I’m lookin’ forward to it.” Ranmaru’s accompanying eye roll is amused.

“I am, too.”

“See ya in two days, Masato.” 

“See you then. Goodbye, Ranmaru.”

Ranmaru dresses fairly casually for their date because he isn’t sure how Masato wanted him to dress. He does go darker- black jeans, black jacket. It’s been some time since he’s last had an actual reason to get dressed. He had been able to push off how stir-crazy he felt until now, but being given the opportunity to leave was reminding him.

Ren smiles at him while they wait downstairs, and he shifts, to pull Ranmaru closer to press a kiss to his cheek, and then to the corner of his lips. Ranmaru’s eyebrow raises. “You look good.” Ren compliments, resting his chin on Ranmaru’s shoulder. “Thank you. For trying this for me.” 

“‘S not just for you. Like I said the other day. Masato gets the worst of it. But I’m still not makin’ any promises.”

“I would never ask that of you.” Ren sighs, holding onto Ranmaru a bit tighter. “If you were to decide right now that you don’t want to go through with even trying, I’d never blame you. The thought in itself means enough.”

There’s a sharp knock on the door, and Ranmaru gives a good natured huff.

“Well I’m not standin’ him up now.”

Ranmaru groans as he gets up from the couch, but Ren is already up to offer Ranmaru his crutches. Ranmaru gives a wordless grumble, but he makes his way to the door. Masato is waiting patiently, though he bows his head just a bit in greeting. 

“Good evening.” Masato gives a small smile. “Shall we?” 

Ranmaru grunts in agreement. Ren settles behind them, waving. “Have fun you two.”

Ranmaru clicks his tongue, but Masato can see his face enough to know that the sound is amused, and Ren doesn’t need to see his face to know. Masato closes the door after Ranmaru’s left, to save him the struggle of doing it himself and Ranmaru grunts in thanks. 

“I reached out to Ren, to ask him what sorts of food you liked. I hope the place I picked will suffice.”

“‘M sure it’ll be fine.” It doesn’t escape Ranmaru, that Masato did his research. He doesn’t think Masato needed to worry about it- but it was still a nice thought. “Dinner was an interestin’ choice. You can’t eat food, right?”

“Not without getting sick.” Masato admits. “But this is a special kind of restaurant.”

Ranmaru’s eyebrow raises, looking at Masato. 

“Not everyone… like Ren and I only spend time with others like us. And there are always humans that are… underneath us, as well. In our control, if you will. So there are restaurants that cater to both.”

“Huh.”

“It’s discreet.” Masato reassures. “I don’t frequent these types of restaurants, but it shouldn’t be an issue.”

Ranmaru shrugs, the best that he can with his crutches under his arm. Masato wasn’t lying when he said that the place wasn’t far, because they only had to walk for about five minutes to reach it. Ranmaru’s almost hesitant to enter it- because the cool night air was almost intoxicating after so long of being inside. Masato holds the door open for Ranmaru and Ranmaru nods his head. 

Masato follows him in, and he speaks quietly to the host. “Hijirikawa, reservation for eight.”

“Of course. This way, please.”

The woman leads them into the restaurant. Ranmaru wonders if he’s going to get looks, considering he’s a human in a place that Masato confirmed serves vampires, but no one looks at him. Ranmaru makes a soft, amused noise when Masato pulls out Ranmaru’s chair for him. 

“Thanks.”

“Of course.” Masato offers him a small smile. The hostess leaves them to themselves as Masato settles into his chair and Ranmaru props his crutches against the chair next to him. 

“‘N just so you know.” Ranmaru’s eyes meet Masato’s and they stick there. “I’m sure we both want this fer Ren. I dunno how this is gonna end up, ‘n I mean that. But don’t force yourself. That’s not the point ‘a this.”

“As surprising as this may sound.” Masato’s voice is dry and his eyebrow quirks up. “I have no issues with you as a person. I’m not faking my friendliness.”

That actually does get a laugh from Ranmaru, the bit of scolding in his tone gone. “‘S long as we’re on the same page.”

Masato shakes his head and sighs, almost a bit exasperated. He doesn’t pick up the menu, leaving his on the table as Ranmaru flips through his own. 

When the waitress comes by, Ranmaru has settled on a burger. He still eats his burgers more rare than he used to, but he brushes that thought off. 

“Midnight wine.” Masato hands over his menu and Ranmaru has to resist the urge to laugh. Masato catches the expression, but waits to ask until the waitress has left. “What?”

“ _Midnight wine_?”

“It used to be red wine, but more than a few… mishaps came from that.” Masato’s voice is amused. 

“Well.” Ranmaru sets his arms on the table. Masato glances down, but he doesn’t say anything about Ranmaru’s table manners. “I ‘aven’t been on a date in a while. With this whole house arrest thing.”

Masato makes a sound that’s almost a snort, but that flusters him and he quickly covers his mouth. To regain himself, he takes his napkin and puts it in his lap. “Ah, yes. ...Ren means well- but I can’t imagine staying in one place for that long has been easy.”

“Tell me about it.” Ranmaru groans. “I’ve got two weeks ‘til I get this cast off. Gonna go… do somethin’. ‘Aven’t gotten that far yet.”

Masato smiles, entertained. “I can’t say I’d suggest any marathons.”

“Maybe a strip club.”

That one gets an actual laugh from Masato, and Masato doesn’t bother covering his mouth for this one. “A lovely date night idea. Shame I hadn’t thought of it first.”

Ranmaru grins. “Plans could change. Sure Ren’d love to hear that story. Of how I managed ‘t drag you there.”

“And without him? You’d never hear the end of it.”

The waitress comes back over to drop off Ranmaru’s coke and Masato’s glass of wine. It really could be mistaken for actual wine on sight alone- but Ranmaru still has to look away. It didn’t bring back _strong_ cravings, and it may have been because it _was_ human blood, but he could still feel uncomfortable feelings stirring in the pit of his gut. Perhaps noticing this, Masato speaks. 

“Are you planning to go back to work?”

“Thinkin’ about it. Ren never makes any type ‘a deal about money, but it doesn’t feel right. ‘N I know the old folks runnin’ the place would like it if I were back. They’re good people. Hate leavin’ ‘em in a hard place.”

“And the work?”

“I like cookin’. Hasn’t really been on the top of my mind lately, but I wouldn’t mind gettin’ back into it.”

Something flickers through Masato’s eyes and it makes Ranmaru narrow his. Masato smiles, and it’s _too_ innocent. “Do you only cook, or do you have some experience in baking as well?”

“...Some, I guess.”

“Have you made melon bread before?”

Ranmaru’s knee-jerk reaction is to laugh. He manages not to, but he can’t keep his hand down, choosing to instead pinch the bridge of his nose. “You really shouldn’t be eatin’ that stuff. Ren would kill me if I made you some.”

“...He doesn’t need to know.”

Ranmaru does laugh at that, but it hits him just how _different_ Masato was. When Ranmaru looks at Masato, he can’t see the hatred and hurt in his eyes that he used to. When Masato speaks of Ren, there’s so much less anger. Ranmaru can barely draw a connection to the man in front of him and the man that had nearly killed him in an alley some time ago. “You shouldn’t make yourself sick.”

“It still tastes good.” Masato insists. “It’s the one exception I make.”

Ranmaru rolls his eyes, and then he sighs. “When’s your birthday?”

Masato’s smile is the widest it’s been yet. “December 29th.”

“I’ll consider.”

Ranmaru’s meal is set in front of him. Masato’s lack of ordered food hadn’t gotten any strange looks from the waitress. It was still strange for Ranmaru, a restaurant that catered to both vampires and humans. 

“So what about your job? Ren’s told me some about it.”

“At the moment, I’m merely a volunteer nurse. It’s primarily because I don’t work for money. And with my time restrictions, it’s awfully difficult to work a twelve-hour day.” Ranmaru takes advantage of Masato’s spiel to begin eating his food. Masato willingly takes over the conversation, likely to let Ranmaru eat. “I’ve grown now, as opposed to when I used to work- because my primary focus really is on helping people. I avoid blood to some extent, but my control has been steadfast for some time. It’s easy to build control when you’re not worried about if you do or don’t have it- so I suppose it helps now that I actually practice it. Though I’ve always been a fairly disciplined person.”

Ranmaru pushes the bite of food in his mouth further into his cheek, speaking around it. Another look from Masato, but he once again chooses not to speak on Ranmaru’s complete lack of manners. “Here’s a harder question. Why didn’t you kill me?”

Masato stills. He had taken the second of pause to lift his glass, but he freezes so suddenly that the blood sloshes in the cup. Masato sets it down, clearing his throat. A look of unease does cross his face, and his voice is quiet. “Because you brought up some points I desperately wanted to believe was true. And it was… strange. You were about to be killed- you were hurt, and yet you were trying to appeal to me- to defend Ren in your last moments. ...And if you were right, I would have no chance to make anything up with Ren. I wasn’t sure if that really was what I wanted at the time, but even with all of the time we were apart, I knew Ren well enough to know that if I really did kill you, he wouldn’t forgive me.”

“And then this last time. Why’d you come help? ...Wouldn’t it ‘ave been easy ‘t let me die?”

That one gets a sharper look from Masato. “I know that Ren told you I had helped you for him, but that wasn’t entirely true. We’re friends, Ranmaru. I wouldn’t like to see anything happen to you- and especially not at the hands of that monster that had already hurt both Ren and I. And even if you truly don’t believe that’s enough of a reason for me to help- I don’t know that I’ve ever seen Ren as upset as I had seen him when he realized you were gone. He was… frantic. For those weeks we didn’t have you, it was so obvious. You were going through a lot, but had you not been as out of it as you had, you would have realized just how horrible Ren looked. So yes, I did help you to help him- but I helped you because I wouldn’t like to consider the alternative, either. ...Of course I like Ren. You’ve clearly figured that out. But I respect you, too. For _both_ of you, I’d never do anything to you _or_ your relationship. To have Ren to myself wouldn’t be worth the pain it would cause the both of you.”

Ranmaru hadn’t eaten at all, too caught off guard by the way Masato’s eyes were blazing as he spoke. 

Speaking of respect- Ranmaru held it for Masato. But if anything, it strengthens, hearing him speak. Finally, Ranmaru nods. “I needed ‘t know.” His voice is serious. “But I’ve got my answers.” Ranmaru goes for another bite, and Masato takes a drink to calm himself down. 

“Are you content with them?” Masato’s voice is just a bit dry when he finally speaks. 

Ranmaru grunts. “I guess. ‘S one ‘a those questions that I’d have ‘t accept the answer. Can’t really do anythin’ about how you feel. But they’re better than they could’a been.”

“I guess that will have to suffice.” 

A silence falls as Ranmaru finishes eating and Masato focuses on his drink. After the topic Ranmaru had just brought up, he’s almost shocked that the silence isn’t uncomfortable, but he takes it. 

When Ranmaru’s finally done, Masato makes an amused noise. He takes his napkin from his lap, reaching across the table to wipe at a spot beneath Ranmaru’s lip. “Ketchup.”

“Thanks.” Ranmaru mumbles. Ranmaru had always been a bit of a sloppy eater- and Ren had pulled that move on him once or twice- but it was one of the few things that genuinely could fluster Ranmaru.

“We should leave.” Masato manages to keep himself from sighing, but with the way his breath hitches for just a second, Ranmaru can tell. “This restaurant gets busier the later it gets, and I’d hate to deny someone a table.”

Ranmaru nods, grabbing his crutches to prepare to stand. “Nice place. Wouldn’t mind comin’ back here.”

“I’m sure Ren would enjoy it.”

“Meant with you.” Ranmaru says gruffly. “But ‘m sure Ren wouldn’t mind bein’ invited along, too.”

There isn’t a lot of surprise, but there’s still some. Though in the end, Masato ends up smiling. “It would be a nice outing. Perhaps I’ll look into another reservation some time in the future.”

Ranmaru is out of his chair before Masato can help him, though he does open the door to the building just as Ranmaru gets there. Ranmaru nods. 

Ranmaru then stills, his eyes narrowing, not at Masato but in front of him. “Did we just dine ‘n dash?”

That gets a short laugh out of Masato. “We didn’t. I’m not quite that exciting.”

“When the fuck did you pay? I know I didn’t.” 

“With the reservation. You put down a generous amount of money for a deposit and they reimburse you for whatever you didn’t eat. It’s an awfully popular place.”

“No kiddin’.” Ranmaru mumbles, shaking his head. “If it’s real expensive-”

“Don’t worry. If you really don’t feel comfortable with me paying, I’ll let you cover the next outing. That is, if you’d like to go on another date with me.”

“Guess I’ll cover the next one then.” Ranmaru finally starts moving again, but he does flash Masato a smile. 

When they get back to Ren’s house - Ranmaru’s, too, he guesses, Ranmaru stops in front of the porch. “Oi.”

Masato turns around, his hand hovering over the doorknob. Ranmaru nods towards the steps. “You wanna sit out ‘ere for a minute? ‘S a nice night.”

“Sure.” Masato relents, heading back to sit on the steps. 

Masato holds onto Ranmaru’s arm as he awkwardly lowers himself down. Masato’s hand is cold, but the support helps. Ranmaru sighs, his eyes on the street, watching the occasional car pass. 

“I used ‘t smoke, y’know.” It’s a casual passing comment. 

“Really?”

Ranmaru grunts. “Ended up stoppin’ because the habit got expensive. I’ve been havin’ real bad cravings for ‘em lately, but I don’t have the money ‘r a way ‘t get ‘em. ‘Ve never actually told Ren. Never seemed important.”

“It seems like a bad habit. Cravings or not- it may have been for the best that you stopped early. But why pick it up to start with?” 

“Good stress relief. Dunno that I’ve ever _not_ been stressed. ‘Course, it’s only a relief fer about the five minutes you’re smokin’.” Ranmaru rolls his shoulders and then sets his hands behind himself as he leans back. “Don’t tell Ren, though, alright? Guy knows enough about me as it is.”

Masato lets out a soft laugh, but there’s something else to it. 

It wasn’t a _great_ fact- but it was something new that no one else, not even Ren, knew about Ranmaru, and that was enough. 

And then the door opens. Ranmaru leans his head back to see Ren. Masato turns. 

“Did I keep him out past curfew, Jinguji?”

Ren smiles. On the surface, it’s calm, but Ranmaru can see the excitement underneath it. “Is it a crime to check on my boys?”

“Okay, Mama bird.” Ranmaru rolls his eyes, but he does move to get to his feet. He’s sure that Ren would give them more time if he asked, but it was obvious that Ren wanted to know how the date went and Ranmaru decided to take pity. Ren steps forward, but Masato is the one to help Ranmaru to his feet, a hand back on his upper arm. Ranmaru grunts.

“Have a good night, Ranmaru. Jinguji.”

“Good night, Hijiri.” 

“‘Night.”

Ren closes the door when Ranmaru is inside and Masato is well on his way to being gone. 

Ren doesn’t even need to say anything. Ranmaru just speaks as he leans his crutches against the wall and limps his way to the couch to sit down. “It went fine, Ren. We’re not in love ‘r anythin’, but it was nice. I’m sure we’ll end up goin’ on another date, soon.”


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been almost a month, and this chapter is not nearly long enough to make up for that- but I'll do my best to get another chapter out soon. Sorry about that!

One of the first things that Ranmaru does, as soon as his cast is off, is actually to call up Masato. Masato had been over more often, and he, Mastao and Ren had been spending more time together- they had actually gotten fairly close. Ren had a fondness for teasing both of them, but sometimes it was fun, to turn the tables- because when both Masato _and_ Ranmaru turned on Ren, they could get him _very_ flustered.

But in one of the moments where Ranmaru had gotten Ren to leave him alone, he had called Masato to make a plan. Because he _had_ remembered the idea of bringing Ren _with_ them on a date, and it had been a very long time since Ranmaru had gone on an actual date with Ren. Clearly they spent a lot of time together (and as much as Ranmaru loved Ren, it may have been a bit _too_ much time), but living their lives together was far different, even to Ranmaru. 

In short, Ranmaru knew Ren would appreciate it. And he was well aware that Masato would appreciate a date with Ren. 

It was a fact, in Ranmaru’s mind, that Masato would never feel the same way about Ranmaru that Masato did about Ren. And it was the same for Ren with Masato. Ranmaru never brought it up to Ren, because he knew Ren would be upset to hear it. It wasn’t that Ranmaru had any doubt that Ren cared for him, or that Masato could- but how can you be hung up on one person for hundreds of years with developing something deep? Especially when it’s pining- when nothing had ever come of it, despite both of them wishing they had a way to make it. Because Masato may have denied them back then, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t want it. It just meant he hadn’t acted. 

When Ranmaru and Masato planned, Ranmaru actually had brought up the idea of just Ren and Masato going out, and Masato had gotten quiet. Ranmaru could picture his uneasy expression, or the way Masato would shift, and Ranmaru nearly rolls his eyes. Masato, in the end, had expressed that he thinks it would be best to put that off- so Ranmaru went with his plan B which was all three of them. There was still hesitation, but it was much easier to talk Masato into this one. 

In the end, they had chosen the restaurant. Neither man would tell Ren what to expect, and Masato would show up in three days, when Masato had gotten the reservation. 

_”I have it booked.” Masato says smoothly. “Thursday at nine.”_

_“How the fuck?” Ranmaru’s eyes narrow at the wall in front of him. “It’s been two minutes, Masato. ‘N isn’t that place usually packed? Thought you said it was hard ‘t get into. That’s a real fast reservation.”_

_“It’s a quick access thing.” Masato says dismissively. “And I have contacts.”_

_Ranmaru has to take a second, and then he clicks his tongue. “Really? ‘I have contacts’? What are we in, a fuckin’ spy film?”_

_Masato gives a short laugh. “I know the owner of the restaurant. That’s all, Ran.”_

When Thursday had rolled around, Ranmaru had clapped Ren on the shoulder on his way into the living room. “Go get dressed.”

“Hmm?” Ren’s a bit taken off-guard, looking at Ranmaru questioningly. 

“Trust me. Just go.”

“Al...right?”

Ren’s glances towards Ranmaru don’t stop until Ren is on his way upstairs. Ranmaru is already dressed, and Ren doesn’t take very long. He’s dressed no nicer than Ranmaru is, but he hovers near the couch, near Ranmaru’s shoulder. 

“There’s still some time. Relax, Ren. It’s nothin’ bad.”

“Where are we going?” Ren does make his way around the couch, and he sits near Ranmaru, thigh to thigh. When he leans back, he leans into Ranmaru and Ranmaru wraps his arm around Ren’s shoulders. 

“Out.” 

Ren gives a playful pout. “Please tell me?”

“It’s nowhere bad.” Ranmaru assures. “You’ll figure it out when we go.”

Ren sighs. Ranmaru knows he had gotten closer to try to get to Ranmaru, but he doesn’t pull away, even when it’s clear that Ranmaru won’t tell him. It’s less than a half an hour later when there’s a knock on the door, and Ranmaru gently nudges Ren’s shoulder. “Y’should go answer that.”

Ren’s eyebrows raise. Ren was usually the one to answer the door (by his own preference and because Ranmaru was still nervous to open the door if he weren’t expecting someone), but Ranmaru had already been acting suspicious. Ren still does get up, and Ranmaru can see Ren’s eyes narrow, clicking pieces together in his head. His voice is still friendly. 

“Masa.” Ren glances over his shoulder, at Ranmaru. “What a surprise.”

“Ren.” Both Masato’s nickname and Ren’s first name was a new addition between the two. It had only happened within the past two weeks. “Is Ranmaru ready, too?”

“He is.” Ren says slowly. Ranmaru stands, to walk over to the door. He doesn’t think that Ren caught the edge in Masato’s voice- the implication that Ranmaru had set Masato up, but Ranmaru’s eyebrow is already arched as he makes his way over. The slight change in Masato’s expression is only noticed by Ranmaru, but it relaxes, seeing Ranmaru dressed to leave. 

“Shall we?” Masato asks. Ranmaru nods, and Ren looks between both of them, confused but slowly growing less so. 

Ren is unnaturally quiet as they walk, and Ranmaru and Masato don’t make much conversation themselves. When they approach the restaurant, Ranmaru can immediately tell that Ren is excited, but he’s trying to push it down. When Ren speaks, his voice is _too_ cool. Too practiced. 

“If you wanted to go on a date with me, you could have just asked- and skipped the kidnapping.”

“That was the best part.” Ranmaru scoffs, playfully. “Not often we get ‘t one up you.”

“I could have acted surprised.” Ren grins. Ranmaru just shakes his head, and Ren laughs as they enter the restaurant. 

“Masato Hijirikawa, reservation for nine.” 

The hostess nods, smiling at the three of them, leading them to a table towards the back. Ranmaru takes the outside seat at the booth they’re given, Masato taking in the inside across from him. Ren stands on Ranmaru’s side, and for a long few seconds they stare at each other until Ranmaru finally stands so that Ren can sit on the inside of the booth. 

Ranmaru hadn’t fully recovered from when he had been taken. He was often nervous in public areas, he wouldn’t walk around by himself at night and he still had a lot of nightmares. He had moments where he’d draw into himself and he could tell it worried Ren every time- but he _was_ doing better. And he had gotten back into some of his old habits, like trying to take the dominant position when they’d cuddle, or sleeping closer to the door and sitting on the edge of the booths. The little things that made him feel better. 

Ren was more than happy to let him do the small things like that- especially now.

“I’ve never been here.” Ren hums, opening the menu. “I’ve heard of it, but I’m not one to go to restaurants alone.”

Ranmaru stares at him hard for a moment, and Ren takes Ranmaru’s hand to squeeze it for a moment. “We had found plenty of other things to do. It simply slipped my mind to try this place out.”

Ranmaru rolls his eyes, but when Ren squeezes his hand again, he lets it go and goes back to his menu. Ranmaru knows what he’s going to order, so instead he goes to the back of the menu. The “midnight wine” isn’t a secret menu item- written right on the menu towards the bottom of the wines. 

The description is, in Ranmaru’s opinion, stupid. 

_“A blood-red wine best for children of the night. Ask your server if this is right for you.”_

“That’s stupid.” Ranmaru almost has to laugh. “Can’t they be a ‘lil more subtle with this?”

“”It’s fairly obvious.” Masato seems to be holding back a smile. “But if it were less so, I imagine some people wouldn’t know what to order.”

Ren listens to their conversation, and seemingly taking it as a bit of a challenge, looks through the menu to find the item they’re talking about. It takes him a moment, but his hum shows that he found it. 

The waitress comes back over. 

Unsurprisingly, their order is two midnight wines, and then Ranmaru’s burger and coke. 

“So the two of you planned this, hm?” Ren’s smile is teasing, leaning his elbow on the table and his chin on his hand as he leans in closer. 

“It was Ranmaru’s idea, really. I just set the reservation.”

Ren’s attention turns to Ranmaru, and Ranmaru rolls his eyes, sipping on his coke the waitress had brought him less than a minute ago. “‘S borin’, bein’ in the house. ‘N you’ve gotta be just as bored as I am.”

Ren’s expression stays teasing, but there’s something soft in Ren’s eyes. “Really? That’s your only reason?”

Ranmaru is momentarily saved a response as the waitress comes back, setting down both Ranmaru’s food and two wine glasses. Ren has specifically requested that his be saved until the food was served, and Masato had asked the same, after hearing Ren’s request. Ranmaru was planning to use eating as an excuse to permanently be saved from a response. 

It wasn’t that he was ashamed or embarrassed- it was that Ren liked to tease him, whenever Ranmaru got really soft on him. 

Ranmaru _is_ spared an answer, but Masato doesn’t take pity on him. “He told me that he felt that it had been too long since you’ve been on a date. He thought you missed it, and that you deserved to go out.” Masato drinks from his glass, his expression smooth. Ren’s grin widens. 

“That’s playin’ dirty.” Ranmaru mumbles, half a bite of burger still in his mouth. Ren laughs.

“So it’s true.” Ren’s smile is almost smug, leaning close enough to Ranmaru to press his shoulder to his. “And sweet.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Ren and Masato keep the conversation going between them as Ranmaru eats- it’s easier to chat between sips than it is between bites. 

“Fuck.” Ranmaru grumbles in between bites, getting the attention of both men. “I was supposed ‘t pay.”

Masato sighs, shaking his head. “It’s fine, Ranmaru. I don’t mind covering it.”

“I can get half of it.” Ren offers. “I’m sure this wasn’t cheap.”

“It’s no problem.” Masato insists. “I have more money than I know what to do with. I can afford taking the two of you out to dinner.”

“Still doesn’t change that _I_ was supposed ‘t pay fer our next outin’.” 

“I did say _our_ next outing. This is different.”

Ramaru just clicks his tongue, returning to his food. 

They do sit at the table a bit longer than they should- and part of it is because Masato and Ren order another glass each. Ranmaru joins in on the conversation more when his plate is empty, though it’s kept light and casual. 

The walk home is slower than the walk there. The conversations come naturally. Easily. And Ranmaru is glad when he glances at Ren’s face and sees that it’s _bright_. It’s nice, seeing Ren happy. When they get to their home, Ren and Ranmaru go to Masato’s house to wish him off in front of his door, but when Ranmaru and Ren get home, Ren pins Ranmaru to the door as soon as they’re inside the home, pressing his lips to Ranmaru’s. Ranmaru’s hands find and settle on Ren’s waist, surprised but not displeased. When Ren pulls back, his eyes are wide, and there’s more emotions in them than Ranmaru can count. The blue is dark, but the one that really catches Ranmaru is the _lust_ he can see in them. The want.

“Ran, I need you to be entirely honest with me.” Ren breathes out. “Would you be able to handle it if I fed on you?”

Ranmaru’s eyebrows shoot up, but he’s got enough respect for what Ren is trying to do that he actually does consider it. Finally- he nods. “Dunno if I could do it a lot without gettin’ too into it, but I don’t think I’m gonna revert from one time.”

Ren’s hands raise, cupping Ranmaru’s face. “Can I sleep with you, baby?”

Ranmaru is only slightly more surprised by this question than he was by the last, but he leans in, to kiss Ren- a bit more aggressively than he means to. It’s confirmation, and Ren understands it. 

They’re both down to their underwear by the time that they’re in the bedroom, not making it more than a few steps before either Ranmaru is on Ren, or Ren is on Ranmaru. Ren is fast to bring Ranmaru to the bed, but he lets Ranmaru pin _him_ , at least at first. 

There are a few things that Ranmaru learns, sleeping with Ren. Ren’s bodily reactions are under his control- while Ren could get it up, that was all he really could do. His orgasms were dry, though Ranmaru thinks it was still one of the hottest things he had seen. And the lack of mess was pretty nice, too. 

Ranmaru also learned that Ren could sometimes forget that he _was_ stronger than Ranmaru- Ranmaru could feel himself bruise from times when Ren’s grip would get too tight, though Ranmaru can’t find himself to care during or after. 

And when Ren bites him, it’s as Ranmaru is in his own orgasm, and it’s a miracle he hadn’t blacked out during it. Ranmaru hadn’t thought himself capable of the moan he made during it. 

Ren doesn’t drink very much from Ranmaru, after having just fed, but when he’s done and they’ve both finished, Ren lays down next to Ranmaru and holds him tightly, stroking so gently over his forming bruises and kissing his forehead. “I’m sorry, Ran. I hadn’t meant to go that hard.”

“‘M fine.” Ranmaru mumbles tiredly. “Worth it.”

Ren sighs, but it’s almost amused. He pulls the blanket over Ranmaru, and when he speaks his voice is musing. “If you say so. ...I’m glad we did this, Ran. Thank you.”

Masato still comes over often though Ranmaru actually had gone back to work, and Ren had joined him, but Ranmaru is only working two days a week. The couple were fine with it, and it’s at least _something_ , even though Ren seems on edge. 

It’s only a few weeks after Ranmaru had gone back to work that he had reached out to Masato. 

“So what do you think about a date?”

“...What?” Masato sounds both amused, and maybe a warning, too. “I trust that _you’re_ inviting _me_ , yes? I’ve already told you my opinion on you trying to send me out with Ren at the moment.”

Ranmaru clicks his tongue. “Yes, Masato. ‘M askin’ _you_ out.”

“Then, in that case, I accept. What would you like to do?”

“I’ve got an idea. I’d offer ‘t pick you up-”

“But Ren wouldn’t like you walking out at night. And frankly, I’m not sure I would either.”

“Yeah. So will ya come over tomorrow? Whenever you’re ready. Figure it’d be better the sooner ya come over ‘t it bein’ dark.”

“I can do that. I’ll be over around seven then.”

“Sounds good. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Ranmaru is already dressed, washed and ready to go. He had let Ren know he and Masato were going on a date, but he hadn’t told Ren anymore than he had told Masato. When there’s a knock on the door, Ren follows Ranmaru to it. It wasn’t to be hovering- and Ranmaru didn’t mind it. When he opens the door, Masato bows his head in greeting, Ren squeezes Ranmaru’s shoulder. 

“You boys have fun, alright?” Ren smiles, and then he gives a teasing wink. “Be back before midnight.”

Ranmaru gives a good natured groan, and Masato’s lips quirk up in a smile. “Alright, dad.” Ranmaru gives a playful huff, but he has to hold back a laugh when Ren gently shoves him forward, not so subtly groping his ass as he does. “Oh my God, Ren.”

Masato shakes his head. He hadn’t seen Ren’s movement, but it’s clear that he knows what Ren was doing, anyways. He must have known him long enough. 

Ranmaru offers his arm, and Masato takes it with a raised eyebrow. Ren sees them off with an almost teasing smile, but both Masato and Ranmaru can see that he really is happy to see the two men getting along this well. 

“Am I allowed to ask where we’re headed?” 

“Not yet. It’s a ‘lil bit of a guess, but it sounded interestin’.” Ranmaru admits, shrugging the shoulder of the arm that Masato’s not holding onto. “If you don’t like it we can always figure out somethin’ else ‘t do. It’s still pretty early.”

Masato nods, but he continues casting interested glances towards Ranmaru’s face. It isn’t a very far walk, and for the most part they stay in a comfortable silence, but Masato’s eyes light up in interest when they begin to approach the zoo. 

“They’ve got this zoo lights thing goin’ on for most ‘a this month.” Ranmaru explains. “Figured you ‘n Ren probably don’t really get ‘t visit the zoo. ‘S not the same as goin’ durin’ the day but-”

“I’ve never been.” Masato admits quietly, his voice almost a bit awed. “Even back when I could travel during the day- they were much harder to get to. And any of the light shows around here always seem to be pretty.” 

Ranmaru is reminded of when he and Ren walked down the streets, covered in lights, but he doesn’t let that thought stick long because that night hadn’t ended as well as Ranmaru wishes it had. Wishes it could have. 

Ranmaru would go so far as to say that he’s _enamored_ when he walks through the zoo with Masato. Most of the animals are asleep, barely even reacting to the guests walking through the park, but Masato must have at least three or four facts for every animal they pass- picked up from years of reading the various books he could get his hands on over the years. Ranmaru is quiet, but he’s more than happy to listen to Masato rambling off his animal facts. 

Masato spends a long time at every cage, just silently watching them. At some point he had taken Ranmaru’s hand and has yet to let it go. 

They spend hours there, but it’s over far too quickly for Ranmaru’s liking. Ranmaru stops Masato when the reach the cage of the tigers, empty at the moment, aside from them.

“I’ve got somethin’ serious ‘t ask you.” Ranmaru leans against the railing, to look Masato in the eye. Masato’s head turns, his attention on Ranmaru, though his expression becomes cautious. Ranmaru was good at bringing up things that Masato was uncomfortable with, after all. “I wanna go steady with you.”

Masato blinks, and then his eyes slowly widen. He looks like he’s seen a ghost. Ranmaru stays patient, letting Masato think through it. Finally, Masato says weakly, “That isn’t a question.”

Ranmaru scoffs, good-naturedly. “If you need time it’s fine. ‘R if you don’t actually feel the same.”

“No… no. It’s not that.” Masato mumbles. “It’s just… I hadn’t expected it- but… yes. I’ll go steady with you. Have… does Ren know?”

“Not yet. But that was the whole point ‘a the dates, yeah? ‘T get ‘t this point? Figured I’d spring it on you before I let Ren in on it. Because if you _didn’t_ say yes- I didn’t want you ‘t end up doin’ somethin’ you didn’t want just because you thought Ren would want it, y’know?”

“That’s… thoughtful.”

“I’m askin’ you ‘t date me, Masato. If I didn’t care about how you felt, I’d be a real fuckin’ ass.”

“I’m still surprised. That we’ve reached this point- I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve any kind of kindness _or_ feelings from you. ...By God, we met because I _attacked_ you, Ranmaru. You had every right to ask Ren to stop seeing me, when you realized that I still had feelings for him. You were so… calm. Learning your significant other had feelings for someone else, too. It’s a bit... “

“Crazy?” Ranmaru answers, maybe a bit dryly. He shrugs. “It worked out ‘n that’s what actually matters, yeah? But now.” Ranmaru pushes himself off of the railing. “We’ve still got a couple ‘a hours before the zoo closes. We’ve got enough time ‘t do another lap ‘fore it does.”

“...” Masato flashes Ranmaru one of the softest smiles Ranmaru had seen from him. “Thank you, Ranmaru.”

On their way back, they had discussed how best to break the news to Ren. 

“You wanna tell ‘im ‘r should I?”

“That’s… difficult.” Masato admits. “I’d say that it’s best coming from you, but you’re a bit… blunt.”

Ranmaru lets out an amused scoff. “Well, it ain’t like this is _bad_ news.”

“I’d imagine he may be beginning to suspect it.” Masato admits. “Or at least that something was about to break. I think that if this topic were less sensitive that he’d have said something about it already.”

Ranmaru grunts. 

“But in the end, I do think it may be best if you’d bring it up. You told me, before, that I had the worst end of it, but I really think that was you, Ranmaru. I’d like to believe that you’re alright with this. You _did_ ask me out, so I’d like to believe that you really have developed feelings for me- and that _you’re_ not doing this just for Ren… but you feeling genuinely confident about this is the most important part. ...And in all honesty, you told me that you hoped I was being genuine. I hope that you are, too. And I think that Ren would be the best judge of that.”

Ranmaru gets quiet, but it’s almost a bit thoughtful. Honestly- he was serious. He wouldn’t ask Masato to date him if he wasn’t- because he didn’t want to be in a relationship where he didn’t care about who he was dating. If he felt nothing for Masato, he’d probably have had to give Ren his only other option- an open relationship. To let Ren be with both of them, but separately. 

This was far more preferable to that. 

Especially because the last time Ranmaru had brought up his Plan B to Ren, Ren wasn’t happy about it. 

_”If this whole datin’ thing with Masato doesn’t work out, you could always see ‘im on the side.”_

_“You wouldn’t be happy with that.”_

_“But you would.”_

When Ranmaru enters the house, Masato follows him. They hadn’t actually unlinked their hands from the zoo. 

Ren’s eyes do glance towards their hands from his spot on the couch, and his smile seems to come easy, seeing them. “Not ready for your date to end?” Ren teases. “Or have you just both come to see me?”

Ranmaru ends up brushing off Ren’s teasing, to instead be very direct. “I asked ‘im out.”

“I… said yes?” Masato glances at Ranmaru’s face after Ranmaru paused. Ren’s teasing smile has fallen, and it’s become more serious- but Ranmaru can see the hope underlying the expression. 

“And… and you’re both happy with that?” Ren’s voice is soft as he sits up on the couch, to carefully watch both of their faces. 

“Yes.” Masato’s answer is verbal. Ranmaru nods- not to lessen his reaction, but because it had been his first reaction.

Ren’s smile is slow to grow, but it’s very bright when it has. In an instant he’s on his feet, wrapping his arms around both Ranmaru and Masato. Ranmaru feels Masato being pressed to his shoulder, in the same way that Ren is pressing Ranmaru to his chest in his constricting hug. “I’m glad.” Ren sighs, almost sounding relieved. “I’m very, very glad.” Ren presses a kiss to Ranmaru’s temple and then squeezes both of them. Ranmaru’s hand pats Ren’s back, and Ren gives an almost breathless laugh. “I’ll take it slow.” He promises. “I’m just glad that we can give this a chance. That the two of you can care for each other.”

“‘M sure it’ll work fine.” Ranmaru grumbles. “But can ya loosen up a bit? Yer crushin’ me.”

Masato shows up, just a bit more now. Ren slowly starts making his own moves on Masato. 

It takes some time- but just before the nighttime zoo exhibit closes, Ranmaru manages to convince Masato and Ren to go out on a date of their own. He was well aware of how much Masato had loved the zoo, and he thought that Ren might feel similarly. 

Based off of Ren’s happy rambling when he got back, he had. 

And then, as time progresses, Ranmaru ends up spending a night with Masato at his house. It was a first- but it was a way to have a casual date just to themselves. All three of them could agree that it was important to spend time both together, and amongst themselves- to make sure it all felt even. So that they all felt like they were there for each other. 

And at first, it had been calm- Ranmaru and Masato had actually played the piano together. Ranmaru had been pretty rusty at it, but he had gotten back into it quickly, and Masato had managed to teach him a few new techniques. It wasn’t his bass- but Ranmaru didn’t mind getting his hands back on the piano. 

But the peace hadn’t actually lasted all that long- and it admittedly was Ranmaru’s fault. He and Masato had been on the couch, and Masato had suddenly gotten too quiet. 

“...We’ve spoken of this before.” Masato says softly. “But how do you really feel about all of this? About… Ren and I. Our three person relationship.”

Ranmaru lets out a sigh, but he shrugs. “Honestly, I’ve accepted it.” His voice _isn’t_ flat, or upset, or even defeated. It’s very matter-of-fact. “Ren’s not gonna care about me like he cares about you. ‘N yer never gonna feel the same way about me that you feel about him. I could be upset about it- but what’s that gonna do? ‘S not like I don’t think Ren cares about me. ‘N hell, it’s not like I think you don’t either. But how the fuck can I compete with the both ‘a you knowin’ each other fer so long? I’m just doin’ what I can, Masa.”

There’s a hard to read expression on Masato’s face, but there’s a lot of conflict, Masato’s eyebrows lowered. “You… you don’t think that Ren cares for me more, do you?”

“I do. But I’m not blamin’ ‘im for it.” 

Masato frowns. “And have you told Ren about this?”

“What’s the point?” Ranmaru grunts. “I don’t blame ‘im because I don’t think he can help it. He panicked when I brought up that I knew how he felt about you in the first place ‘n that was somethin’ that we could _do_ somethin’ about. What’s there ‘t do about this?” Ranmaru sighs, and he reaches out, ruffling Masato’s hair. “Relax, Masa. It’s fine.”

“It’s not. You shouldn’t feel that way. It’s not true, and I know it. And I’m sure it would break Ren’s heart to hear that you feel this way so strongly.”

“‘N that’s why I’m not gonna tell ‘im.” Ranmaru says, his tone final. “I was answerin’ you honestly because you asked. I wasn’t lookin’ fer a fight, ‘r fer pity. It’s not a big deal.” Ranmaru raises his hand dismissively before Masato can argue it further. “It’s startin’ ‘t get pretty early. We should look into gettin’ ‘t bed, yeah?”

Masato doesn’t seem happy dropping it, but he finally gives a short nod and Ranmaru pushes himself up to go get ready for bed. 

He doesn’t notice anything off until the next night, when Masato drops Ranmaru off at Ren’s house (which still almost reminds him of a child, being dropped off from one divorced parent to another) and Ren is too close to the door, waiting for them. Masato glances between Ranmaru and Ren, but just as Ranmaru realizes what had happened, Masato is already excusing himself. 

Ranmaru’s eyes close and he sighs, already feeling tired as Ren walks closer to him, cupping his face. Ren’s expression is almost hurt. “Talk to me, Ran.”

“You ‘n Masa ‘r both just blowin’ this outta proportion.” Ranmaru grumbles, breaking away from Ren’s grip to start to make his way to the kitchen. Masato didn’t keep human food in his home, because Ranmaru didn’t stay over there very often. Ranmaru would rather eat than have this conversation _again_. Especially with Ren. “I can figure out what he told you, but it doesn’t matter, Ren.”

“Of course it matters.” Ren’s eyebrows are drawn in. “You may be talking about this calmly, but how can that… it’s… you’re wrong.” 

Ranmaru just gives a sigh that’s mostly a huff, stopping in front of the fridge. “It is what it is, Ren. It doesn’t matter.”

“It does.” Ranmaru finally glances at Ren, because Ren sounds almost _angry_. “It does matter, Ran, because you’re completely off. I _do not_ care more for Masato than I do for you. Just because I haven’t known you for the same amount of time doesn’t mean I feel any less about you. That’s not how feelings work, Ranmaru. I hate using this as an example, but if I had… had I had to choose… it would have been you, Ran. And of course, especially now, that decision feels so much harder- and no. I’m not willing to let either of you go… but he’s not above you. I love you, Ranmaru Kurosaki, and I do not say that lightly.” Ren steps forward, and he pulls Ranmaru back, away from the fridge and into his chest, wrapping his arms around Ranmaru, one on his stomach and one on his chest, and Ren sets his chin on Ranmaru’s shoulder. “It hurts, to hear that you really don’t feel like I care about you just as much as I do, and it hurts that you never told me, too. But I adore you. And you absolutely mean just as much to me as Masa does. ...And whether you’re honestly not bothered or not… you should be.” Ren’s voice drops. “If you really do believe that. Because you’d deserve more than that, if it were true at all. There’s no excuse.”

“Ren-”

“No.” Ren says firmly, and his grip tightens, just a bit more. “Give me tonight. Give me tonight to show you just how much I absolutely adore you.”

“You don’t need to.” Ranmaru sighs, turning his head, but Ren’s hair brushes his neck when he shakes his head. Ranmaru speaks before Ren can. “I doubt Masa told you this part.” He grunts. “But I don’t blame you, Ren. I’m not… holdin’ it against you. You don’t-” 

Ren finally cuts him off again, and this time he lets Ranmaru go, to turn him around to kiss him. This kiss reminds him of the first real kiss they had shared, outside of the restaurant, and when he pulls away, his face is stern. “You’re wrong. _Listen to me_.” Ren’s next three words are all broken, one word coming and a kiss following it. “I. Love. You.” Ren’s hands cradle Ranmaru’s face. “And if you don’t believe that I love you just as much as I do, then I do need to show you. Because it’s what you deserve.” Ren’s voice has now turned pleading. “Let me.” 

Ranmaru’s eyebrows draw in. “You don’t need to.” He repeats firmly, and then he sighs. “This is why I told you both it didn’t matter- you don’t need ‘t get this worked up over it, Ren. ...But if it’s botherin’ you that much, I’m not gonna say no.”

Ranmaru isn’t sure exactly what Ren’s plan is- but he’s still surprised. Because while Ren’s expression is very sad for a long moment, he ushers Ranmaru to their bedroom. There’s nothing sexual- there is no feeding. 

It’s a night where Ren holds Ranmaru- there’s a lot of soft speaking that night, when Ren isn’t pressing his lips to anywhere he can reach on Ranmaru. He does get Ranmaru out of his shirt, to give him more area, but when his mouth isn’t busy, he’s talking. He’s telling Ranmaru what he loves about him- why Ren had grown so fond of him. Why Ren would never want to lose Ranmaru. Why Ren loves him, and just how much he does. 

Ren keeps it soft- but he doesn’t avoid the harder subjects either. He explains to Ranmaru exactly how helpless and lost he had felt when Ranmaru had been taken. How the thought of anything happening to Ranmaru again gives him actual, physical pain. When Ren starts crying. Ranmaru can feel his own eyes burn against his will. He wants to comfort and calm Ren, but Ren won’t let him. Not now. 

When Ren stops speaking, hours have passed. It’s not quite morning, but Ranmaru already feels tired. He isn’t sure when he had curled into Ren, but that’s where he is now, still wrapped tightly in Ren’s embrace. Ren’s lips finally press to the top of his head. 

“This isn’t going to be the last time.” Ren says quietly. Softly. “That we do this. Because I want to continue to remind you how important you are to me. That you’re no lesser. Because love is something that is stronger than time, my love, and it’s strong. It’s boundless when it needs to be, and that’s how it is now. I love Masa. And I love you. And both are absolutely true at the same time. It’s no less, Ran. And I should have done this sooner. I’m sorry I couldn’t see how you were feeling.”

Ranmaru can’t talk. He’s lost the energy. All he can do is press his forehead to Ren’s collarbone, curling in closer. Ren’s hand rubs slowly over Ranmaru’s back. 

“Let’s take a nap, darling.” Ren says gently. Ranmaru manages a nod. The last time he had reacted like this had during the period after he just been saved by Ren and Masato. 

Ranmaru had convinced himself that it hadn’t bothered him. The knowledge that Ren loved Masato more. But something about tonight, about Ren’s reactions, had Ranmaru’s stomach twisting uncomfortably. 

Ren hums, his hand not stilling on Ranmaru’s back, and it does help quiet Ranmaru’s thoughts some. Enough for him to sleep. 

Ren seems to be more careful with Ranmaru, especially in the next few days, but while he does calm some, he still is careful to make sure to dote on Ranmaru. To give him reminders that he loves him. 

It’s nearly a month later when Ranmaru and Masato go on a date by themselves- to a movie, of all things. There had been one that Masato had seemed interested in, and Ranmaru was more than happy to take him. It had been some time since he had last been in a movie theatre, after all. 

The movie itself was actually a mystery movie- not one that Ranmaru would usually go for, but it was interesting enough. Luckily, it was well done, and the mystery wasn’t as simple as it could have been- though it wasn’t surprising to Ranmaru that Masato had figured out the answer pretty quickly in. It was a midnight movie, and the theatre had been fairly empty. Empty enough that Masato had few reservations about leaning in close enough to Ranmaru to murmur his guesses into Ranmaru’s ear. Empty enough that Ranmaru’s quiet, amused noises weren’t distracting to anyone, because no one was near enough to hear them. 

Empty enough that Ranmaru could raise the armrest between Masato and wrap his arm around Masato. No one saw Masato, cuddled into Ranmaru’s side. No one cared. 

It was something that Ranmaru planned to do again, when he got a chance. When another movie came out that Masato was interested in seeing. Ranmaru would be keeping his eye out, in the same way that he keeps his eye out on events like the zoo- in the hopes that he can find something that Ren and Masato might not normally get to experience. 

As they leave the theatre, Ranmaru squeezes Masato’s arm. 

“I’ll be right back. Just gonna hit the bathroom ‘fore we leave.” 

Masato hums, nodding, and he settles on the wall, nearer to the theatre, than the bathroom, as Ranmaru heads into the men’s room. 

He’s unable to see what happens outside- when Masato is stopped by a figure that brushes past him with an almost venomous smile. How Masato freezes, as the woman slips, unnoticed, into the men’s room. 

Ranmaru is stopped on his way out- a fist in his hair as his head is slammed into the wall. 

He’s out, drug through a window only just big enough to fit himself and the woman dragging him, before Masato has managed to regain himself enough to move into the men’s room. 

It’s already empty.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a minute ;;;   
> But I have the rest of the story planned out. Three more chapters to go!   
> I definitely plan on finishing this story, and hopefully soon!   
> This chapter does have some serious injuries heavily implied (though non-descriptive) sex in it, too

Ranmaru is woken up with a heel, driven straight into his cheek, and it turns him to his side, his hand over his now cut cheek. When he opens his eyes- he freezes. Because he recognizes this room. He had seen it every day for two weeks, and it was the sole location of his frequent nightmares. 

He never thought he’d find himself in the room again. He pushes himself up, but he can’t help how terribly his body is shaking. The way his eyes are wide, thrown back to the worst time of his life. Ranmaru’s throat is dry. 

He gets the toe of a shoe straight to the side, knocking him back down. “What does he even like about you?” A woman spits. “A weak, spineless, pathetic little toy like you? He couldn’t have made it any easier to finally pay him back.” Another kick knocks Ranmaru to his side. He thinks he might have a broken rib. The woman lets out an angry, frustrated screech, twisting her features into something demon-like. Maybe she was pretty. It was hard to tell- from Ranmaru’s anger, fear and from the nasty look of hatred on her face. 

She slams her foot into Ranmaru’s stomach. By the fourth or fifth time of stomping on him, her heel _enters_ his stomach. 

He was going to die, he realizes through the pain. There was no way this woman wasn’t going to kill him. And it didn’t take much of an educated guess to assume that this woman was likely Siera. 

“I should rip your head off and leave it at his stupid door.” Siera growls. She brings her bloodied foot back to instead grab Ranmaru by his hair, lifting him by that. Ranmaru manages to get his legs underneath him just in time to avoid his hair literally being ripped out by the weight of his body. 

This was all moving so fast. 

There was no talking her down. Ranmaru wasn’t sure who “he” was, if it were Ren or Masato, but clearly it was one of them. Both of them had wronged her- it was impossible to tell. And, Ranmaru realizes, his hand moving over his hurt stomach, they killed her dad. 

Not that he didn’t deserve it. 

Her lips pull back, her fangs showing in a snarl. If Ranmaru could regain himself- if he could think over the panic and pain and fear, he’d have glared at her. 

“Or maybe I could just leave your broken, dying body.” There’s a glint in her eyes- something mad. Evil. Terrifying. Resentful. There were so many words and all of them were terrible. “I’ll carve my name into your chest and throw your eyes through his window. I’ll record your screams so he can listen to them, over and over as he stands over your dead body."

When she throws Ranmaru to the side, his body _flies_ like it was nothing but paper. Like he were nothing but some fabric doll, and he can feel something in his back _snap_ when he hits the wall and he lets out a noise like a wounded animal. Siera stalks over to him, and she bends his head to the side as she crouches down over him, and she digs her teeth into his neck hard enough to hurt. She stays until Ranmaru can barely keep his consciousness. Can barely even feel the pain. 

What had he done to deserve this?

Why was this how he was going to die?

Was this really how he’d be seen last? By Ren? Or Masato? Or heaven forbid both?

When she pulls away he thinks she may take a chunk of his neck with her. This situation was all moving so fast. She reaches down, and she grabs him by his ankle. Her grip is so tight that he can feel the bones in his ankle break, and crush. It must be nothing but dust now, but he’s so out of it that all he can do is suffer in silence. Everything in his body hurts, and it hurts worse when she throws him over her shoulder like a backpack. Like nothing. 

Everything hurts. Ranmaru is bleeding, and he’s not even sure how he can tell, because everything is spinning so quickly that he can barely hold on to where he even is. His head is pounding, and it feels like it’s disconnected from his body. 

He’s freezing. His body is trembling and it’s making everything worse. 

This is the first time that he’s actually felt _afraid_ to die. All of his near death experiences had taken _some_ time. Masato had been fast, but he had given Ranmaru time to process it. When Masato spoke, he made sense, even as bitter and hateful as he had been. He had given Ranmaru the time to realize, sitting against the wall, in pain, that he likely wouldn’t be making it. 

Masato had given him time to talk to save his life. 

The man, Shouta. This woman’s father. Ranmaru had been alive for weeks. But even before that, he had been given time after he had woken up to accept that he’d likely die. 

Siera hadn’t given him _any_ time. Ranmaru had just enough time to realize that he was going to die before she was in the process of killing him. And now, being carried by his hopelessly injured ankle like he was dead already, he can’t even think straight enough to come to peace with his inevitable death. 

He didn’t want to die. 

Ranmaru couldn’t see a way out of it. There was no silver lining. He desperately wanted to lose consciousness, but he knew for a fact that if he did, he wouldn’t wake back up. He knew that Ren wouldn’t be able to help him. There was nothing Masato could do. But selfishly, if he had to die, he’d like to at least see one of them first. Whichever one this woman was bringing him to. 

He learns, when he’s slammed onto his back on the doorstep of Ren’s house. As a last message, a marking on a piece of meat, Siera rips into his shirt, opening it up at the middle. 

In the center of his chest and going down to his stomach, she carves her name with an already blood red nail. 

Ranmaru can only accept that it’s happening. There’s no fighting, no crying, no screaming. He can feel every bit of pain radiating from his entire being, and there’s nothing he can do. 

She rings the doorbell. Ranmaru blinks. He opens his eyes to see that she’s already gone. 

When the door opens, Ranmaru isn’t in a position to see who opens it- but he can only assume that it’s Ren. Who else would open Ren’s door?

Ranmaru isn’t sure how long he was out but he can see that daylight is finally starting to break. He may have even been gone for only a night- and he thinks that’s likely. 

Ren doesn’t kneel, when he lowers himself next to Ranmaru. He falls. Ranmaru can’t reach up. He can get his fingers to twitch, but they won’t move. He wants to say something, but when he lets out a low, choked, pained sound, that’s a miracle in itself. Ren’s hands hover over Ranmaru’s face, and Ranmaru can finally see the real fear on Ren’s face. There are already tears. 

_It’s interesting._ Ranmaru thinks mutely. _That they can cry._

It wasn’t Ranmaru’s first time seeing Ren cry, but he had never really thought much of it, until now.

“No. No, no, no, no. God, this is all my fault.” Ranmaru hears Masato. He hears his choked voice- he can hear the kind of pain that would probably show in his own voice, if he could manage to speak. 

“I can’t… he won’t heal from this.” Ren’s voice is almost inaudible. It’s childlike and lost. 

“I don’t know how to save him.” Masato sobs. “I want to. I want to.”

Ren understands. Ren bows his head. “I told you I wouldn’t, Ran. But I don’t have a choice.” He says softly. “I need to start it now. I’m sorry, baby.”

Ranmaru doesn’t understand. It’s obvious. He knows that it is- but Ren’s face is starting to blur and his voice is starting to lose meaning. 

The tone of his voice, as hurt as it is, is nice to listen to. Ranmaru lets his eyes close. 

They don’t open when he feels teeth in his neck, but they do when everything starts to hurt _worse_. The amount of pain he was in was unlike anything he had ever felt. He thought he was in the worst pain of his life, but that was before this- this full body burning. Ranmaru shouldn’t be capable of writhing, but he manages it anyways. Ren only picks him up now, just before Ranmaru manages to knock himself off of the porch.

Ranmaru is brought to the bed upstairs. He’s probably ruining the sheets with his blood, but it’s hard to think about that- it’s hard to even feel Masato, holding onto his arm with an almost crushing grip. Ranmaru somehow manages to close his eyes, but the pain isn’t relieved in the slightest. 

It goes on for three excruciating days. Ranmaru isn’t left alone at all over the time- and usually it’s both of them, hovering over him, but if Ren or Masato need to leave to do something, even to sleep, one of them stay awake and with him. 

It isn’t until it’s nearly morning on the third day that things start registering. When Ren pets through Ranmaru’s hair, he finally starts to feel it. 

He starts to hear the words that Ren whispers when he lays his head on the center of Ranmaru’s chest, his voice shaky. “I love you, Ran. You’re going to be okay. You have to be.”

Ranmaru tries to raise his hand, but he fumbles, nearly smacking Ren. It wasn’t his intention, but he manages to slow his hand in time, landing his hand limply on the side of Ren’s face without opening his eyes. Ren lets out a noise that must be a relieved sob, and his hand covers Ranmaru’s on his face. 

“Oh thank God.” Ren presses his head into Ranmaru’s chest. Ranmaru expects pain, but there is none. His entire body is still sore, and he feels so exhausted- he doesn’t think he’s slept in three days. 

He manages to turn his head, and then something _burns_ and he makes an uncomfortable noise, and Ren is off of him in an instant. Ranmaru tries to reach out blindly, but Ren is back only a moment later. 

“I just closed the blinds. I’m still here.” Ren reassures quickly, taking Ranmaru’s hand in both of his. “It’s okay.” Ren’s hand gently raises to Ranmaru’s cheek, but Ranmaru notices that he’s touching the cheek that Siera had cut with her heel and there was no pain. 

And then Ranmaru freezes, tensing up as he pictures what had happened. The pain. The attack. _The room._

Before Ranmaru can get up, to move, to react- there’s someone on top of him, pinning him down, and on impulse, he struggles. He’s held down, but it’s barely. 

“Ran. Ran- I need you to focus. Listen to me, baby, you’re safe. Calm down, please- you’re going to hurt yourself-”

Ren does seem to be having some trouble keeping Ranmaru still, but when Masato is alerted with the noise, he’s over in a second to help Ren. Ranmaru is far stronger than he had been, but he’s not strong enough to fight both of them and they manage to keep him down until his struggles finally stop. Ranmaru’s body goes limp, staring blankly at the ceiling in front of him but he’s not _over_ his panic- instead, the fear has become like a blanket, keeping him trapped in it. He feels heavy, too heavy to even tremble. The pain is over but the ghost of it is still weighing heavy on him. Ren and Masato haven’t let him go yet but he doesn’t see them.

And then- it gets worse. Because he can hear noises outside- it sounds like there’s some kind of construction going on but it’s giving Ranmaru a migraine already, a stab of pain shooting through him with every hit of the hammer. He can hear every car going by as if he were laying in the middle of the road. His eyes are open, but that’s a mistake because even with the lights off in the room, the little bit of light that isn’t blocked by the curtain burns his eyes. The feeling of Ren and Masato hanging off of him feels like it’s too much- everything is so sensitive. His mouth is so dry and his throat aches. 

“Get off.” Ranmaru’s voice is hoarse but his demand falls short and only sounds pleading. Masato and Ren are both very slow to move, but they manage to pull themselves off. Ranmaru isn’t watching them but he knows that they’re both watching _him_.

As soon as they’re far enough away, Ranmaru turns onto his side, holding his hands over his ears, his hands in fists so tight that it hurts. Ranmaru curls in on himself the best that he can, but it doesn’t help very much. He can still hear all of the noises as if they’re right there in the room with him and the sound is hardly dampened by his hands. 

“Go get the headphones by his bass over there.” Ren’s voice is a soft mumble. It still sounds like he’s shouting. Ranmaru doesn’t even want to consider what Ren would sound like, speaking normally. He’s glad he didn’t have to hear it right now.

Ranmaru can hear Masato’s footsteps. Normally, when Masato moves quickly, it’s silent. It sounds like he’s stomping, now. 

After only a few seconds, Ren forces Ranmaru’s hands down and Masato gets the headphones over his ears. Ranmaru’s eyes open in genuine fear for a few seconds, but he notices that the headphones aren’t plugged into anything. 

These over-the-ear headphones were _very_ sound resistant. He liked to use them when playing the bass, and it actually does help. The noises aren’t gone, but they’re much more muted. Ranmaru still doesn’t feel like he can sit up. His hands move to grip his hair, only curling in a bit tighter on himself. 

After a few minutes of the overwhelming feelings- he cries. 

He doesn’t mean to start, but he begins sobbing, he can’t stop. Ranmaru was confused- he couldn’t think straight. There was too much going on. 

“Ran-” Ren’s voice is still soft, but it’s pained. Ranmaru doesn’t have trouble hearing him, even while wearing the headphones. Even though Ren’s voice was hardly a whisper. “I know it’s a lot, but can I touch you?”

“I don’t know.” Ranmaru winces when he speaks. “It’s too much.”

“I’ll be careful.” Ren assures. He gently takes Ranmaru’s hand, to try to uncurl it from Ranmaru’s hair. Ren starts by doing nothing but holding Ranmaru’s hand. “Try to focus on this, Ran. I know that it’s hard- but try to focus on one thing.”

Ranmaru gives it a half-hearted attempt, but his head is racing despite the fact that no thoughts are forming. Asking him to focus felt like an impossible feat. Ren’s thumb runs across the back of Ranmaru’s hand in a very slow and repetitive movement. When Ranmaru’s eyes glaze as he finally starts to begin to focus on the feeling, Ren’s hands move from his. 

“Wait.” Ranmaru’s voice is strained, trying to reach for Ren. It was still a lot, and he can’t say that it was necessarily pleasant, but Ren’s touch was far preferable to any of the loud noises. 

“It’s okay. I’m going to try something I think might help.”

Ranmaru’s voice is still hovering near Ren, wanting to hold on to him but worried about the feelings in doing so. Ren’s hand lands gently on Ranmaru’s head, his fingers laces in Ranmaru’s hair but giving Ren room to begin to stroke his thumb over the spot on Ranmaru’s forehead just in between his eyebrows. 

Ranmaru’s eyes are still closed, but it actually does help him. 

“You’re a lot more sensitive now because you’re tired.” Ren explains. “When you get some rest, it’s still going to be a lot- but it isn’t going to be this bad. Your body has been through so much trauma, Ran… you need to rest up through it. When you’re up, we’ll feed you. But I think it might be too much right now.”

Ranmaru’s soft sound is almost a whimper. Ren takes Ranmaru’s hand with his free hand. Ranmaru knows that Masato is behind him, but Masato is afraid to touch Ranmaru and make it worse. It was nearly too much with just Ren touching Ranmaru. 

Ranmaru isn’t sure if he wants to fall asleep, but with Ren’s thumb steadily rubbing between his eyebrows, it’s comforting enough to help Ranmaru fall asleep. 

He sleeps for nearly four days. His body needed the rest from the change, and from the rapid healing. He had been dying, after all. Apparently becoming a vampire wasn’t a magic fix-all. 

When Ranmaru wakes up, it’s still unbearable- but this time it isn’t because of the feelings, or the noises. There was an ache in his throat that was painful enough to wake him up. When he tries to sit up, he’s stopped. Ren and Masato are both holding onto him, their arms across his chest. Ren seems more like he’s pinning Ranmaru down, though Masato seems to be clinging to Ranmaru. Ren wasn’t quite asleep but he rouses quickly when Ranmaru moves. 

“Food.” Ren mumbles, glancing at Ranmaru’s pained expression. Ranmaru was still wearing the headphones. “I’m going to grab you something that will help. Stay here, baby.”

Ren is already out of the bed before Ranmaru could even try to respond- though with the pain in his throat he doubts that he’d actually be able to answer if he tried.

Masato is awake, too, curling closer to Ranmaru. Ranmaru doesn’t push him away, so Masato doesn’t move. 

“I’m so sorry, Ranmaru.” Masato’s voice is softer than even Ren’s had been, and it trembles when he speaks. “This was all my fault.”

Ranmaru wants to respond, but he doesn’t feel capable. Luckily, Ren is back in the room. Ren’s voice is sad, even as he continues to make his way to the bed.

“It wasn’t, Masa. You didn’t ask for this. You didn’t want this to happen to him. There’s only one person at fault and it’s her. Now I’m going to help you sit up, Ran, I have something for you to drink.” 

Masato pulls back enough to help Ranmaru sit up, both Masato and Ren’s hands on his back. When Ranmaru is sitting, Ren lets him go, letting Masato help Ranmaru stay upright as Ren fidgets with something in his hand. Ranmaru can tell with just a glance that it’s a bloodbag. 

Keeping his eyes open is easier now- it’s night. The room is extremely dark and the noises outside are nearly nonexistent, especially while wearing the headphones. 

Ranmaru hadn’t really considered what he’d feel, drinking human blood. If he didn’t have a past history of having been fed blood, maybe he’d think differently about drinking this, too- but that isn’t the case. Knowing that it should help the pain in his throat is enough to get Ranmaru to not fight Ren on drinking it. Ren holds the opening in the bag to Ranmaru’s mouth, and Ranmaru’s body is too exhausted and he’s in too much pain to fight Ren from feeding it to him. 

It’s cold. Somewhere in Ranmaru’s mind, that’s strange. Shouldn’t blood be warm? But the way it cools his throat is nice enough that the thought leaves his mind quickly and before he’s halfway through the bag he lifts his hand to take it from Ren, desperate for it. 

“If you need more, I’ll get you more.” Ren says gently. “But you do have to take a bit of a break between bags. If you get yourself sick it isn’t going to help you.”

Ranmaru only partly hears Ren, too focused on the blood that’s currently cooling his throat. It’s addicting, though in a very different way than the blood he’s had before. 

It’s like being stuck in the desert and finding an ice-cold bottle of water after two days of nothing. 

Ranmaru feels capable of speaking, after the blood bag is gone. He feels like he should be out of breath after draining the container, but he realizes that he hasn’t _been_ breathing. 

That would take some getting used to. 

Ren clearly isn’t planning to get up just yet, though Ranmaru is definitely planning to ask for another. It sends a bit of an uneasy pang through his stomach, but knowing that it would get rid of some of the discomfort he still had was enough to get him to push the thought away. 

“Can I touch you, Ran?” Ren’s voice is careful. 

“I think I can handle it.” Ranmaru’s voice is gruff, but it’s not nearly as hoarse as it had been. Ren lifts Ranmaru’s arm and moves it over his shoulder, leaning into Ranmaru’s side. Masato’s arms wrap around Ranmaru’s other side. Ranmaru manages to work his arm out of Masato’s grip to wrap that arm around Masato, the empty bag now in his lap. 

“What the fuck happened?”

Ren sighs, turning his head to press his cheek to Ranmaru’s shoulder. “That’s part of what I had hoped to ask you. What do _you_ remember?”

“Some chick knocked me out. Didn’t tell me ‘er name but-” Ranmaru tenses, his jaw gritting as he remembers. His mouth didn’t feel right, but it was only strange- it wasn’t painful. Thank God. He was so done with all of the pain. “Pretty obvious who it was. ‘Cause she took me back ‘t the house of that Shouta guy.” Ranmaru’s hand has started to grip Masato’s sleeve. Knowing that Ranmaru wasn’t actually gripping Masato kept him from removing his hand. It was a hard scene to remember. “She beat me up pretty good ‘n then dropped me at your door.” Ranmaru’s last sentence is spit out, the rage obvious and building up heavily in his chest. He was always fast to anger but this rage felt different. “‘Member seein’ you two ‘n that’s it. Then it was just a lotta pain.”

“I changed you.” Ren’s curls in on himself, too small. “I said that I wasn’t going to, but I wasn’t willing to lose you. Not this soon. Not when I’ve barely even had you. Not when Masa was behind me, just as upset as I was- he wanted to save you, too, but he didn’t know how. ...That’s why you were in so much pain. It hurts so badly to change. But there was nothing I could do to help you heal, baby. You were dying and this was the only way I could save you. You’ve been out of commission for almost a week. But the worst of it is over- it’s just a lot of learning now. Of… adjustment. But Masa and I are going to be here for you through all of it.”

“‘S what I wanted, yeah?” Ranmaru’s voice is so dry and flat that Ren doesn’t seem to be able to even argue with him on it. “‘S not like it matters, anyways. Least I’m not fuckin’ useless anymore. Wasn’t your fault that it happened, Masa, it was mine.”

“What?” Masato sputters, his eyes too wide- and then a look of something that’s almost anger crosses his face. “Don’t you dare blame yourself.” Masato’s voice shakes and comes out unsteady. 

“You weren’t useless, as it was, Ran.” Ren’s tone is stern. “And it certainly wasn’t your fault. You were _attacked_. And it wasn’t your fault, either, Masa, because you aren’t _her_. She was the one that hurt Ran. And that’s not forgivable- but I… don’t know that we could have avoided it, either, baby. Maybe we could have now- but she was looking for him. ...Ran wouldn’t have stayed with us forever and I don’t think she had any plans of giving up on attacking him. I can’t believe I’m saying that we were lucky that she left you with us the way she did- but you were still alive, even if it were barely and that’s the only reason that you’re still here with us.”

“I don’t get why.” Ranmaru says dryly. “Seemed like she was thinkin’ I’d die there.”

“I don’t think she thought I’d change you.” Ren admits softly. “She obviously knows about our relationship- but you’re still human, even with all the trouble we’ve gotten you into. ...I told you I wouldn’t. I promised. I’ve never changed anyone, Ran. I never thought I would.”

“I was going to.” Masato admits. “If I had known how I would have changed you myself.”

“How’d you do it?” Ranmaru’s eyes glance to Ren’s face, but Ren only frowns. 

“Masa already saw how it happened and that was more than I wanted. Changing others isn’t an easy thing for your psyche Ranmaru. ...I can’t say I regret doing it, because if I hadn’t…” A darker expression crosses Ren’s face as he continues. “I don’t regret it, but I wish I could have avoided it. ...I’m never going to forget that I’ve damned you. I don’t want you or Masa to ever have to experience this.”

“You’re contradictin’ yourself.” Ranmaru’s voice is mostly just tired. He’s not quite looking at Ren, focused on a spot in front of him. “You can’t both not regret doin’ it ‘n also regret it.”

“I don’t regret that you aren’t gone.” Ren is still keeping his voice low, but his tone is sharp. “I _do_ regret the pain you went through and knowing that I caused it. Knowing that in a hundred years when the novelty wears off and you hate what you are that you might hate me for making you this. That you may grow a deep seated resentment towards me for turning you and that I deserve it.”

“This isn’t like when you were changed, Ren.” Ranmaru’s jaw is tight. “‘R when Masa was. I wasn’t _tricked_ ‘n turned against my will. If I would’a been alright enough ‘t talk ‘t you ‘n if you would’a asked me if I wanted you ‘t turn me, I’d ‘ve said yes. Whether you agree with it ‘r not, I’d ‘ve wanted you ‘t turn me even if I weren’t dyin’ on your fuckin’ doorstep. Because I didn’t want ‘t grow old ‘n die ‘n put you both through that. Dunno if you knew this- but I wasn’t doin’ _anythin’_ ‘fore you, Ren. ...I was dealin’ with some real hard depression. The kind you don’t even know that you have because you’re just in it so deep. Didn’t even realize I wasn’t even happy, ‘fore you. ...There’s a reason I’m here, Ren. If I weren’t happy with you I wouldn’t fuckin’ stay. Because no matter how strongly I feel for you, ‘r for Masa- this is… what? My third near death experience? ‘N technically- this one worked, yeah? ‘M not _dead_ dead… but I’m dead. When it came down ‘t it, I knew that my choices were bein’ with you ‘n riskin’ my life, ‘r leavin’ you ‘n goin’ back ‘t my life before you. Which was… what? Livin’ paycheck ‘t paycheck? Sleepin’ on my off days, ‘r maybe goin’ out ‘t get groceries. Spendin’ all ‘a my free time playin’ my bass. Sometimes I’d work seven days straight ‘cause if the ol’ couple I helped out needed me, what the fuck else did I have to do? I cooked, I played, I worked, I slept. That was my entire fuckin’ life summed up ‘n there was nothin’ I was doin’ that was gonna change that. ‘M not really the type ‘t think that a relationship is my entire life- ‘m not really the kinda person ‘t devote my entire life ‘t a relationship- but ‘s far as _any_ relationships go… _fuck_. I hadn’t even realized how lonely I was until I wasn’t anymore. ...I _like_ bein’ with the two of you. ‘N yeah, you don’t like it- but your situation isn’t gonna change. ‘N I’m glad you both still would’a had each other, but it wouldn’t ‘a been easy on you two ‘n it wouldn’t ‘a been easy on me, either. Dyin’. Leavin’ you two. ‘N maybe it wouldn’t ‘a mattered how I felt ‘cause I’d be dead- whether it be soon ‘r dyin’ from fuckin’ old age, but it’d… suck. ...Sides. I feel guilty anyways. You’ve fuckin’ saved me how many times? ‘N all I’ve managed ‘t do was get myself into trouble. Least now, even I still can’t _protect_ you, you’re not gonna need ‘t protect me anymore.”

“There’s a lot to say.” Ren’s voice sounds very strained. “About everything you’ve just said. Of course I’m happy that we met and I’m happy that you were happier. I will always wish that we met in a different way. I will always wish that we could have lived a normal, mundane life- that we all could have grown old together. And while I will never be sad that we’ll have you with us for as long as we all live, I’m still never going to be happy that you’re damned the same as us. ...While I do absolutely believe you’re happier… I know well that you’re depressed, Ran. You have a lot to work through- and I think all three of us do. ...I suppose we’ll have plenty of time to work through it together, now. And dying or not, your feelings will always matter. ...They would have, at least, if we would have had to deal with it. It would have been unpleasant no matter how the cards fell then. And you don’t need to feel guilty. ...While I do hope that you have… less problems now- I’m never going to stop trying to keep you safe, Ranmaru. Should you become stronger than both Masa and I combined, it wouldn’t stop me. Because I love you. And I know you’re protective and I know your strength means a lot to you but you’re my _partner_. Your wellbeing means everything to me because _you_ mean everything to me.”

“You may be stronger than you were.” Masato’s voice is still soft in the worst kind of way. “But you don’t know how to use it yet, Ran. ...And if… _she_... knows that you aren’t dead, she may return to finish the job.” Masato’s voice speeds up when he continues, but it becomes harsher, more of a growl than anything else. “Not that we’ll let her.”

“...Why ‘r you two avoidin’ sayin’... ‘ _her_ ’ name? You’ve been steppin’ around it since we’ve started talkin’.”

“...You panicked, Ran.” Ren admits. “When you woke up last time. Of course, you were still exhausted- but… it’s as you said. That was your death. And sometimes memories of your death, or bad memories in general can make you… lose yourself. Especially in the beginning. ...They did when you were human, too. Like the nightmare you had, some time back, when you last broke your ankle. And it’s difficult to calm you down right now- because you _are_ stronger. I’m terrified that you’re going to hurt yourself, if you disassociate the way you have before. The way you had a few days ago.” Ren sighs, finally reaching out, resting his hand on Ranmaru’s stomach. Until now, Ranmaru hadn’t even realized that he was undressed, down to his underwear. The sheets seem like they’re clean, too, so he can only imagine that they had changed them at some point or they’d probably be covered in dried blood. “Now- this was a hard discussion, but I’d have to imagine you’re still hungry. Do you want me to get you another pack?”

Ranmaru nods, but is otherwise quiet. 

“Can we move you back first? Or do you need to lay down while I get it?”

“I can move back.” Ranmaru mumbles. Masato and Ren do help him, Ren mostly moving him and Masato quickly moving the pillows to help prop Ranmaru up. When Ren slides out of the bed, he takes Ranmaru’s trash and Masato returns to cuddle back up against Ranmaru’s side. When Ren is out of the room, Ranmaru reaches out for Masato until he gets Masato on his lap, holding the man tightly to his chest. 

“Ren said this a lot.” Ranmaru’s voice is low. “But I don’t think I’ve gotten ‘t say it yet for real. Don’t beat yourself up over this. First of all- no matter what you ‘r Ren think, you both _aren’t_ responsible for everythin’ that happens ‘t me. Just because you’re in my general area doesn’t mean that anythin’ that happens ‘t me falls on you. ‘S not like either of us had any reason ‘t think that somethin’ was gonna happen. Hell- she was on me ‘fore I even realized anyone was there.”

“You don’t understand.” Masato’s voice trembles, and when he curls into Ranmaru’s chest, Ranmaru realizes he’s started crying. It makes Ranmaru’s eyebrows draw in. “She passed me. I should have reacted. She should never have gotten into the bathroom where you were- I _froze_.”

“Sounds like I freaked out, last time I woke up. Did ya blame me?”

“Of course not.”

“Then don’t blame yourself for that. She fucked you over ‘n fucked you up. ‘S simple as that. She was a bad memory for you. Can only imagine how she approached you ‘n I really don’t blame you for reactin’ badly, babe. Sides. I dunno what you think about all this- Ren made it real obvious that he doesn’t like the situation- but it ended how it ended, yeah? I’m ‘ere. ‘N I’m plannin’ ‘t stay here for a long fuckin’ time.”

Masato’s crying gets harder when Ranmaru presses a kiss to the side of his head. “You shouldn’t be comforting me.” Masato’s voice is weak, but despite his protest, he’s curling into Ranmaru further. 

“You’re upset. ‘N I don’t like watchin’ you blame yourself, either. Not when I don’t. Not when Ren doesn’t. It’s not your fault. Just a lotta bad happenin’ real fast. ‘N you don’t need ‘t feel bad about bein’ upset, either.” Ranmaru’s arms wrap just a bit tighter around Masato, one hand raising to cradle the side of Masato’s face. Reminded of the fact that he is stronger, he’s more careful than he’d usually be doing this. “I’d rather comfort you than have you not feelin’ right ‘n hidin’ it. Wasn’t an easy situation for any of us. I don’t even wanna imagine what I’d feel like, if I were in your place.”

Masato’s cries don’t quiet, though his words do. He just lets Ranmaru hold him. Ranmaru sets his chin on Masato’s head, though when he glances up he sees Ren, waiting in the doorway. Ranmaru was too focused on Masato to hear Ren’s footsteps, but he thinks that Ren has been there for a few minutes. Ren walks closer to the bed, setting the blood pack down on the end table so that he can rub Masato’s back. 

It takes a long few minutes for Masato to calm down, but both Ranmaru and Ren stay next to him on the bed, Ren shifting so that he can press the side of his face in between Masato’s shoulder blades, his arms looping around Masato’s body but his hands resting against Ranmaru. 

Ranmaru lifts his head when Masato’s crying is nothing but sniffles. 

Ranmaru’s throat was still burning. He presses a kiss to Masato’s head, his voice a mumble. “Think I’ve gotta drink the pack.” Already sensing Masato’s panic flare, Ranmaru’s grip tightens in a squeeze. “Stay ‘ere. I’ll just drink it around you. I’d rather you stay here.”

“Are you sure?” Masato’s voice is a bit hoarse. 

“Course I am. Ren, will- yeah, thanks.” 

Ren had already been moving from when Ranmaru had mentioned the blood pack, opening it as Ranmaru spoke to Masato. Ranmaru had been offered the blood pack before he had even finished asking for it. 

It’s not that difficult to drink it with Masato in his lap. It feels strange, just holding the bag, but when it soothes his throat further, he can still get past the feeling of drinking blood. It wasn’t like it tasted disgusting either- as he had thought before, it was almost addicting. It satisfied him in the same way that a good meal did. 

Something about that thought must cross his face because he feels Ren rub his back. 

“What’s wrong, Ran?” 

Ranmaru gives himself a moment before he actually pulls the bag away. “‘S gonna suck. Not bein’ able ‘t eat.” 

Ren frowns, though he doesn’t stop rubbing Ranmaru’s back. “I wish that there was a way around that, but I’m afraid there isn’t.”

Masato stays quiet, but Ranmaru thinks that’s purposeful. Masato hadn’t brought up wanting to eat anything in quite some time, but Ranmaru knew it wasn’t because he didn’t think about it. He just didn’t feel like being lectured. 

Ranmaru is quiet again as he finishes the pack, though he slows significantly when he gets to the end of the pack. Ren seems to notice, taking the pack when it’s done. 

“I know you’ve slept for quite some time, Ran, but it might be helpful to sleep a bit more.”

Ranmaru sighs, but he does feel tired. 

“Your body is adjusting.” Ren reminds. “We’ll work more on everything else once you’ve got the energy to do it. Right now- I don’t think your body has caught up with itself.”

Ranmaru doesn’t say anything, though with some difficulty he brings Masato down with him before Masato can even try to get off of his lap. It takes some adjustment between the both of them, but Ranmaru finally gets Masato wrapped up in a more comfortable embrace and Masato clearly doesn’t have the heart or the want to fight him on it. 

Ren joins them in bed after taking care of the trash, his arms wrapping around Ranmaru’s waist. 

It takes longer for Ranmaru to get to sleep, but he does, eventually. 

It takes Ranmaru a full week before he can actually take off the headphones. He had nearly broken down in the first shower he had taken because without the headphones, the water was deafening. Ren and Masato had both been concerned. They had made an attempt to not _too_ obvious, but Ranmaru saw right through it. 

It doesn’t necessarily get better, but he does start to adapt to his oversensitivity quickly- enough that he doesn’t break down anymore. He’s started taking naps with the headphones during times where it’s starting to get too much for him and it’s helped him control his emotions. 

Most of them, anyways. Unfortunately both Masato and Ren had gotten good at reading Ranmaru’s face, though Ren was still the best at it. Ranmaru had gone to the bedroom for a nap, but when Ren had walked in he had seen through it. Ranmaru had his eyes closed, but he wasn’t wearing the headphones. He could hear Ren come closer, and when Ren’s footsteps stop and Ranmaru opens his eyes, Ren is crouching in front of him. 

“What’s wrong, baby?”

Ranmaru sighs. “Think I’m gettin’ sick ‘a that question.”

Ranmaru’s answer makes Ren frown. “You’re going through a lot right now. It was important for you to talk to me and Masa before, but it’s even more important now.”

“What _isn’t_ wrong, Ren? I’ll get over it.” 

Ranmaru tries to turn onto his other side, but Ren is quick to meet him there, climbing into the bed this time. It wasn’t really helping Ranmaru right now. 

“Please speak to me.”

Ranmaru scowls. “It’s nothin’.”

“Ran-”

“Why’re you that insistent ‘t know?”

“Because if you’re keeping it from me then it must be something really bothering you.”

“There ‘r some things I should just get over. By myself.”

“But you don’t _have to_.” Ren’s voice has turned pleading. “And the last time I can remember you being this resistant was when you thought I didn’t love you.”

“That wasn’t what I said then, Ren.”

Ren’s sighs. “That I loved you less than Masato. But that was serious. And I can’t imagine that this isn’t going to be because _you_ , my love, are a serious topic. I’m not sure if you hide these things because you think you’re weak for saying them or because you think you’re going to be problematic if you do- but you aren’t. Because while I wish you didn’t need someone to worry over you, if you’re not happy then I want to worry over you. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again- I think all three of us have things that we need to work out. But if we could figure them all out ourselves, then we’d all be just fine now.” Ren’s hand lifts, resting on Ranmaru’s face. “Please tell me?”

Ranmaru lets out a heavy sigh, closing his eyes. “‘S not as serious as you’re makin’ it out ‘t be. I just realized that now that ‘m not human I don’t really have anythin’ ‘t give you.”

“Anything to give…? I don’t understand.” Ren’s eyebrows pull in. “What do you mean?”

“Y’can’t feed off ‘a me. Masa ‘asn’t yet, but he’s not gonna be able ‘t even if I let ‘im.”

“That’s- Ran, that wasn’t why I was dating you.”

“I know it wasn’t.” Ranmaru’s voice comes out a bit harsher than he means for it to be. “Doesn’t change the fact that I can’t anymore.”

“...Is it the feeling? Is that why you’re bringing this up.”

That makes Ranmaru open his eyes and his jaw tighten. “No.” His voice is low. “You-” Ranmaru scowls, but Ren’s thumb runs across his cheek, trying to calm him. “Obviously there’s the entire fuckin’ _feedin’_ part ‘a it- the only way I’ve _ever_ been able ‘t care for you. But unless y’were lyin’ ‘t me, you thought it was intimate, too, yeah?”

Ren’s entire face softens. “The first thing that I need you to know, Ran, is that feeding was _not_ the only way you’ve cared for me. We’ve spoken before about your… emotional maturity.” Ranmaru’s eyes narrow at that. “Don’t give me that look. Ranmaru, you’ve been through more than any _creature_ should go through and you’ve handled most of it better than anyone could ask for. You have been my emotional support for a very long time and it’s been _invaluable_. Masa and I would never have gotten along if it weren’t for you.” Ren shifts forward, his nose brushing Ranmaru’s. “And we wouldn’t have Masa if it weren’t for you.” Ren’s expression then shifts, and becomes hesitant, for just a second. “Ran- physically. How much do you think you can handle?”

Ranmaru’s eyebrow raises. “What d’ya mean?”

“I want to show you something. But to do it, I want to take it further with you. And if you can’t handle that, I’m not willing to do it.” 

“‘S this because I mentioned intimacy?” Ranmaru’s tone is careful. 

“Yes and no.” Ren admits. “If you’re asking that because you think I’m doing this only for you- that’s not it. Because if you want it, I do, too.”

Ranmaru is quiet for a long moment, but Ren gives him time to think. “Think I could handle it.”

“If it gets too much- tell me. And I’ll be careful with you, too.” Ren leans in, keeping his kiss soft. It almost reminds Ranmaru of the very first kisses they shared- but he knows that’s not quite right. Because this wasn’t Ren being afraid to hurt him. 

Ranmaru could feel it in the kiss. The hidden edge of desperation. 

Ren and Ranmaru had only slept together once, but it hadn’t been weighed down the way that this one had. It had been less than a month since Ren had seen Ranmaru, nearly dead. Ranmaru can only imagine that there must have been a thought that he _was_ , at least at first. This was a lot of leftover feelings from that. Of being relieved that he _hadn’t_ lost Ranmaru. 

When Ren gets Ranmaru onto his back and hovers over him- Ranmaru lets him. Ren is quick to get both of them undressed, alternating between stripping them both and returning to the soft kisses against Ranmaru’s lips and jaw and throat. 

And then Ren ducks his head, pressing a kiss to Ranmaru’s throat, where his pulse had used to be. 

“I’m going to bite you.” Ren warns. 

Ranmaru doesn’t say anything to stop him, and that keeps Ren continuing, but Ranmaru is confused.

It feels almost the same as when Ren had bit him when he was a human. Ranmaru’s hands find Ren’s shoulders, his eyes fluttering closed- the only thought in his mind right now was Ren. Ren’s tongue runs over Ranmaru’s neck, over the bite spot, though when he pulls back and Ranmaru opens his eyes, Ranmaru sees a different expression in Ren’s. His eyes were dark- almost black but clearly full of lust. An expression that Ranmaru had never seen before. 

Ren’s hair brushes Ranmaru’s jaw when he leans in- until Ren lowers himself onto one arm and brushes his hair back with the other, clearing it from his neck. 

“I want you to bite me.”

Ranmaru, on instinct, feels almost uneasy. He can’t help but remember all of the times before when Ren had refused to feed Ranmaru his blood. “...Are you sure?”

“You’re like me now, baby. It’s not going to hurt you the way it would have before.”

After a long few seconds, Ranmaru lifts his head. He copies Ren- pressing a kiss to Ren’s neck before he cautiously bites down. It’s a bit strange, and he’s glad that Ren can’t watch him because he’s far more overdramatic than he likely needs to be in his attempt to actually bite into Ren’s neck, but the action is just instinctual enough to get him through it. 

Ranmaru immediately understands the look in Ren’s eyes. 

Ren’s blood is still addicting. It tastes almost the same as Shouta’s blood had when he was human, though he genuinely felt like it was better, considering it was Ren’s. It made his head feel fuzzy and his stomach feel warm. His grip on Ren changes- it tightens, trying to get Ren closer to him. It wasn’t just the blood- _Ren_ felt intoxicating. Ranmaru wasn’t sure how much he had taken from Ren and that’s the thought that makes him draw back. 

Ren gives a breathy laugh. “I can’t remember the last time someone fed on me. I forgot how good it felt.” 

Ranmaru’s tongue runs over the wound on Ren’s neck. It doesn’t heal it, but it wipes away the blood. When Ranmaru leans back, Ren takes him in a kiss. It’s not as soft this time but Ranmaru doesn’t know that either of them can help it. When Ren pulls away, he’s smiling. 

“Our blood is an aphrodisiac to our kind. It’s a drug, really, no matter how you look at it- but while it may be making you feel good now, you’ll be back to normal later. That’s why it’s not dangerous, like it when you’re a human.”

Ranmaru lets him finish, but when Ren is done talking, he’s pulled into another kiss. 

It’s strange- sleeping with Ren. And it does take Ranmaru a moment to figure it out, but he manages. The light, airy feeling doesn’t fade until they’re done, though it’s replaced by an incredibly sleepy feeling afterwards. 

Ren is hanging off of Ranmaru, pressing sleepy kisses of his own to Ranmaru’s shoulder and neck. 

Ranmaru had wondered if it really might be too much for him, sleeping with Ren- but he finds that it isn’t, after drinking Ren’s blood. The want had far overshadowed the oversensitivity of his body. While he was sure that it affected how exhausted he felt afterwards, it had felt incredibly good in the moment. 

“Are you okay, baby?” Ren mumbles, his hand settling on Ranmaru’s chest. “It wasn’t too much, was it?”

“‘M fine.” Ranmaru assures. His arm is wrapped around Ren, his hand resting on Ren’s side, though his eyes are closed. 

“Then I hope you know why I did this.” Ranmaru doesn’t need to see Ren to know he smiles. “Other than just wanting to sleep with you, of course. It’s been far too long.” Ren shifts, cuddling closer to Ranmaru, and Ranmaru’s arm tightens, holding Ren even closer. 

“Was the feedin’ thing, yeah?”

“Yes.” Ren hums. “I may not be able to _feed_ off of you, anymore- but now we can _both_ get a lot more from it. And I don’t mind blood packs. I’ve gotten used to them, since we’ve started dating. Even Masa has, and Masa used to hate them. ...Ran… what do you feel about the blood packs?” 

“Helped the first time. ...Sometimes it feels weird, thinkin’ about it- but my throat starts ‘t hurt if I don’t drink any of it for a while so it’s reason enough ‘t do it.”

“...And taste wise?”

“It tastes fine? Hits the same cravin’ spots as a good meal did. Why?”

“I was curious.” Ren admits. “When you start feeding on humans, it’s a very difficult transition, to go to blood packs. Both because of the temperature and because it isn’t fresh. If it tastes good now, Ran- I hope that you don’t feed off of people. Blood packs don’t hurt anyone to get- and while you can feed on humans without killing or hurting them, of course… it’s better. To just stick with the packs.”

“Don’t forget where I learned most ‘a my info, Ren. When I think about feedin’ from strangers, I think about you, tellin’ me that you stopped ‘cause it felt too intimate. ‘N because the packs taste fine, ‘s not like I’ve got cravings. I’ve got no plans ‘t feed from people.”

“Good.” Ren finally closes his own eyes, his leg hooking around Ranmaru’s. “Everything is going to work out fine. I know it isn’t an easy adjustment, but you’re getting better.”

“‘S no harder than a couple ‘a months ago.” Ranmaru’s voice is dry. “If I got past that, I doubt this’ll be that hard.”

Ren winces at the reminder and Ranmaru’s hand runs over Ren’s side.

“Not tryin’ ‘t upset you, Ren, but it’s true.”

“...You healed very well from that.” Ren admits, though his voice is soft. “Beyond a few days here and there- you’re the same Ran you’ve always been and I’m always going to be grateful for that. You’re… incredibly strong, Ran. Unbelievably so. And I’m very happy to say that and mean it.”

“But now.” Ranmaru’s voice is gruff. “We’ve had too many fuckin’ hard conversations recently and you took it outta me. I’m exhausted.”

“Do you want me to grab your headphones?”

Ranmaru stays still for a few seconds, considering, and then he makes a denying noise. “If y’stay here, I think I can fall asleep.”


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two more chapters left!!
> 
> also! happy birthday masa!! <333  
> i wish this was a happier chapter for his birthday, but there's still some masa appreciation in this (it was pure happenstance that i planned his birthday to take place in this chapter and i managed to actually get it out on his birthday, haha)  
> i hope he has a wonderful day

Over the next few months, things do start improving. It’s a slow process, but the headphones are the first to go. It only takes a few weeks for Ranmaru to start actually taking in everything happening without it becoming overwhelming. 

He’s not allowed out of the house alone for quite some time, either- and while Ranmaru had been a bit grumbly at first, he understood. 

Ranmaru thought that he understood. 

“I’m not gonna fuckin’ frenzy.” Ranmaru scowls. 

“I know you’re not hungry.” Ren’s voice is gentle. “You’ve been very, very good with keeping yourself fed, and that, in itself, is wonderful.” It’s unspoken, but Ranmaru knows what Ren is thinking. What Ren _didn’t_ say. _I thought that feeding was going to be a problem._ “But when I walk down the street, even when I’m full, I can tell where humans are. I can smell blood, and I may not be hungry… but it doesn’t stop smelling _good_.”

“Ren’s right.” Masato’s voice is quiet. Grim. “To put it in a way that I believe that you would best understand it… imagine that you’ve just eaten a very large steak in a restaurant and you feel full- but then the waiter walks by with a dessert cart and you start believing that you could easily make room for just a bit more.”

For a split second, Ren watches Masato, but then he seems to figure out something he can add to Masato’s example. “Masa’s right, baby. And if you give in to that- a few bites of that… dessert… could convince you that finishing it is the right idea. ...And then you’ve eaten an entire dessert and you feel sick after it, too.”

“And that turns into regret.” Masato sighs. “It’s far more helpful to have a friend to remind you that you don’t _need_ that dessert.”

“‘M not a dessert person.” Ranmaru scowls. 

Ren’s eyebrows draw in. Ranmaru knows that _they_ know that he understood their far too involved example, but that he’s choosing to ignore it. “Why are you fighting us so hard on this? We just want to go with you.”

“Because it’s the _same fuckin’ thing_.” Ranmaru’s glare is in their direction, but it’s not even necessarily at them. “I can’t be human ‘n I can’t be a fuckin’ _vampire_ without doin’ somethin’ wrong ‘r needin’ a babysitter.”

“No.” Ren says quickly, his eyes just a bit too wide. He steps forward, cupping Ranmaru’s face to recenter Ranmaru’s gaze on Ren’s face. Ranmaru’s glare doesn’t disappear, but it does soften, just a bit. Ranmaru’s pissed. He’s angry, and livid- but there’s enough rational thought there to understand that it’s _not Ren’s fault_. Ranmaru feels like a child right now, but he knows that isn’t how Ren is meaning to treat him. Ren’s intentions are good, Ranmaru just doesn’t like how he’s handling this. Ranmaru _misses_ his independence. He’s glad he had Ren and Masato, but he doesn’t like how he’s become entirely dependent on them the further in they get. Wasn’t the point of him becoming a vampire to no longer need them hovering over him? “No, Ran, that’s not what we’re trying to do. That’s not what we’re trying to say. You’re not doing anything wrong, and we’re not trying to babysit you. You’re _new_ baby. Everything right now is going to be so, so much and we just want to make sure you don’t do anything that’s going to be hard on _you_.”

“Ren’s right.” Masato’s voice sounds almost a bit uneasy. He glances away from Ranmaru, but when his eyes lock on Ranmaru’s again, Ranmaru’s glare falls and not of his own accord. There’s such an _intensity_ in Masato’s violet eyes that it might knock the breath out of Ranmaru if he were still breathing. “I had to figure things all out by myself- and I know that Ren went through the same thing, but I… Ran…” Masato’s eyebrows furrow. “I wasn’t necessarily short tempered before I was turned. Not in the way that you are. That you… were…” Masato sighs, his shoulders slumping. Ranmaru almost wants to go to him. He doesn’t like the defeated look that Masato is wearing. “But when I did grow anger and resentment, I went hundreds and hundreds of years making all of the wrong and cruel decisions that I could. Until recently… I hadn’t even felt guilt over it. I’m still not over it. I still have some violent tendencies and it takes me more time than it should to remember that I’m wrong to have them. I’m glad that I’m where I am now, but I almost wish I wasn’t. I nearly wish that I were still in that blissful, ignorant state because being forced to deal with the idea of _morality_ is so, so difficult and it’s very, very hard to handle. You’re going to slip up. I don’t know that it is possible to keep yourself clean for the rest of your existence- but let us help you. _Please_. If you must deal with the guilt of your actions… I want you to be able to choose. I don’t want an _accident_ to be what begins your downfall- whether it become a slope of not caring or it be the weight of a life that you’re not ready to deal with. Ren and I won’t be leaving you, my love, no matter what route you choose to follow… but we want you to _choose_. Eventually, what you are will not control what you do- but that isn’t the case right now.”

“You panicked.” Ren looks down. Ranmaru hates that expression, too. Ranmaru doesn’t say anything about it, unwilling to cut them off, but he wants a break. He wants to be able to take in everything Masato said, but Ren has something to add and he clearly plans to add it. Ranmaru’s starting to get a headache, and he hates that his body is actually proving Masato’s point and hurting Ranmaru’s own. “When you first changed. And it was nothing that was your fault, but your body and your mind and your personality are all at odds right now, baby, and you need more time than you’ve spent so far to actually get yourself together.”

_Give me a second._

That’s what Ranmaru should say. 

He should sit down, take in what they said, and form an opinion- because right now his mind hasn’t moved on from his previous thoughts. He doesn’t want to be hovered over. 

Ranmaru feels a sense of hopelessness wash over him instead of his previous anger. His head is pounding painfully. 

His scowl comes slowly, but he turns. 

“Fine. Do whatever the fuck you want.”

Masato and Ren are quiet, and Ranmaru adds guilt to the feelings that he has. 

Ranmaru begins to replay the conversation in his head as they walk, and it’s a mistake. He should have stayed home to understand why they said what they did because his emotions are raging and they’re so hard to control. 

God, he was an asshole. 

Masato had opened himself up and had spoken about a part of his life that was hard for him to relive, now. It was hard for Ren to hear, too, Ranmaru knew, but Ren pushed that away to try to help Ranmaru understand where they were coming from. 

They both wanted the best for Ranmaru. They may have understood the difficult transition Ranmaru was going through… but Ranmaru didn’t. 

Ranmaru was stronger. Ranmaru didn’t have the same human weaknesses- there was no breathing, or sensitivity to cold. His senses were sharper. He expected that.

But Ranmaru’s emotions were so strong and hard to control. Every sound and sight hurt- it was night outside and Ranmaru almost wishes that he had a pair of glasses. When Ranmaru accidentally glanced at the streetlights it felt like he was staring directly at the sun. He didn’t expect that. 

Why was it so hard? Why couldn’t he just handle it? Shouldn’t he be able to?

He was drinking blood like he was supposed to. He had been changed for what was going on about three weeks. 

Ranmaru is reminded of their dessert example when Ranmaru catches a whiff of a human in the alley. His mind wanders, and he almost considers checking out the smell. His eyes glance in the direction. He can smell the disgusting, sharp scent of nicotine and realizes that they must be smoking. He can see a faint glow- maybe the lit end of the cigarette? 

But Ranmaru’s eyes turn back to the street in front of him. He shoves his hands in his jeans and resists the urge to wince as the fabric brushes harshly against his skin. His shoulders hunch. He passes the alley. 

Ranmaru hadn’t missed the way that Ranmaru and Masato had both tensed, prepared to stop him. Ranmaru’s anger tastes like iron in his mouth, but less like the iron laced in the blood he drinks and more like shoving an entire iron bar straight in his mouth. They don’t trust him. 

The entire walk has been silent and Ranmaru considers turning himself back around so that he can go home and sleep off this absolutely terrible headache that is starting to trail down his neck and to his shoulders. It’s still fairly early in the night, but sleeping helped the pain from oversensitivity. Ranmaru’s considering wearing his headphones, too. It’s bad tonight. 

And it’s far worse when there’s a gunshot. It’s nearly two blocks down but Ranmaru starts so hard that he nearly falls down. He would have, too, if Ren hadn’t managed to catch him before he had fallen backwards. 

Ren says his name- but between Ren’s hands, pushing the itchy fabric of the inside of his jacket against the bare skin of his arms and Ren’s _voice_ , only a worried, normal volume tone that sounds like Ren is shouting into Ranmaru’s ear, doesn’t form _words_. It’s just another loud noise, like the gunshot. 

“Stop.” Ranmaru’s demand is desperate. He tries to pull away from Ren, panicked, but when he gets out of Ren’s grip he hits the ground and the thud he makes is like a jackhammer and it gets Ranmaru writhing in pain, his hands over his ears and his eyes closing tightly. 

Ranmaru hears a heartbeat. It can’t be his- his heart isn’t beating. It can’t be Ren’s, or Masato’s, because they’re in the same boat as him. But then Ranmaru registers blood. He also registers noise, and the following pain, but somewhere in his panicked brain he remembers the last time he was in this pain. He remembers Ren feeding him blood. He remembers the way that it helped him. 

Ranmaru’s throat didn’t really hurt, but when Ranmaru starts remembering the relief from the pain, the lack of a solution gets an ache starting in his throat. Ranmaru’s eyes open, currently too distant. It’s so difficult to form ideas, but he’s starting to form one now. This wasn’t a blood pack- blood pack’s didn’t talk. They didn’t walk. They didn’t have a disgusting smell of smoke surrounding themselves- but Ranmaru knew how to feed. He had fed off of Ren, after all, and it was so easy. 

Ranmaru wouldn’t kill them. He didn’t have to. It was like Ren, right? Ranmaru would take enough to stop being in pain and then he would just… stop. 

Masato and Ren are speaking- it’s mostly Ren, but Masato backs up his points. Most of Masato’s reactions at the moment are glancing at Ranmaru- Masato is crouched besides Ranmaru but afraid to touch him and make it worse. Ren is trying to convince the man to leave. He’s making some excuse, something about Ranmaru being drunk, but Ranmaru has managed to focus on a single thought and he’s planning to follow it. He wants the pain to stop. 

Ranmaru’s gaze is unfocused when he stands, but Masato is quick to his feet when Ranmaru zeroes in on the man. Ranmaru can’t even take in what the man looks like. All he can see is the pale, smooth skin of his neck. He’s wearing a jacket, but it’s low enough that Ranmaru won’t need to move it, and his shirt is a V-neck. Perfectly out of the way. Ranmaru’s vision is sharp enough that he can actually _see_ the man’s pulse point. He can see the vein pulsing in his neck. 

Ranmaru knows where he needs to bite. Ranmaru hardly remembers that Masato and Ren are even with him. He’s too far gone to realize that he’s going to be stopped. 

His entire body pulls away from Masato’s touch when Masato grabs his wrist, but Masato is prepared and he won’t let Ranmaru go. The man begins to back up, growing uneasy at Ranmaru’s response, and all Ranmaru can think about is how he’s about to get away. 

Ranmaru tries to move forward. Maybe Masato’s grip wouldn’t hurt if Ranmaru could just feed. Vampires needed blood, right? 

Ranmaru can’t even remember why they’re stopping him. 

But then Ren joins, too, before Ranmaru can try to get any closer. Ren keeps one hand pressed to Ranmaru’s shoulder. Ren is whispering to Masato. It’s a nice thought, trying to keep his voice quiet enough to not make things worse, but Ren’s hand and Masato’s grip on his wrist are too much already and the volume isn’t making things better or worse. 

The consensus is to get him home, but Ranmaru’s too far out of it. He’s trying to pull Ren’s hand off of him with a grip on his wrist, but the loud sound of a nearby closing car door stops Ranmaru’s pulling, replaced now with a tight grip as Ranmaru tries to steady himself. 

Ranmaru’s head drops and his teeth grind when he feels tears beginning to burn his eyes. 

Later, he would curse himself for how much he’s been crying. For how hard it’s been to keep himself together. 

Right now… he just cries. 

It’s too much. 

Everything is still too much, but he can understand what Ren whispers in his ear, his voice as quiet as he can make it while still speaking but still so, so loud- “This is going to be hard, but I’m picking you up. Just try to stay with us, baby.”

It should be a good reassurance. Maybe later, it would be. Right now, Ranmaru can hardly understand the words. His brain is moving too fast and it isn’t moving at all. 

Masato’s hand leaves his wrist and Ren’s leaves his chest, but then Ranmaru is _lifted_. 

Ranmaru wants to fight. He wants to trash, and he wants to get away- but somewhere in his panicked, pain fuddled mind, he realized that if he’s not careful, he could actually hurt Ren. That thought actually almost makes him sick. That thought is stronger than the pain, and the desperate want to be let go, and the absolutely encompassing want for something to end his pain. 

They hadn’t gotten as far away from the house as Ranmaru had thought they had, but right now it’s for the best. Ranmaru is dropped off in Ren’s bedroom but Ren continues to hover, letting Masato go find Ranmaru’s noise cancelling headphones to try to give Ranmaru some relief from all of the intense sounds. Ren only works on getting Ranmaru’s jacket off when Ranmaru tries to tear it off of himself. Ranmaru is sweating. 

Not many fluids seemed to form in a vampire’s body, but blood, spit, tears and sweat seemed to be some of them. Ren takes the headphones from Masato when Masato returns with them, and at first, Ren winces when Ren puts them on Ranmaru, but then it helps. Unfortunately, it’s only minimally. 

It’s at least enough for Ranmaru to try to form words.

“Blood.” Ranmaru’s hand lifts to his throat, afraid to touch the skin, but enough to get the point across. Ren and Masato share a look- Ranmaru was very good at keeping himself full, and while Ranmaru didn’t feel like he was… he _was_. “Blood.” When Ranmaru repeats, more desperate this time, Masato heads out the door once more.

Ranmaru downs the entire pack of blood when he gets it. Ranmaru expects that the blood would be too much going down his throat, but there was actually just a bit of relief-

For a minute. 

“Trash-” Ranmaru manages to choke out, and Ren brings him a trash can just in time for Ranmaru to throw up most of the blood he had just downed. Ren clearly wants to touch him, to try to comfort him, but he doesn’t want to make it worse on Ranmaru, either. When Ranmaru’s thrown up most of what he’s just taken in, he falls back against the bed, just barely hanging onto the trash can with one hand, though Ren takes it from him to set it down. 

“Try to get some rest, baby.” Ren murmurs. He’s standing as close to Ranmaru as he feels comfortable doing so. Masato hovers just over Ren’s shoulder. “Rest will help you feel better.” 

Ranmaru stays quiet, but he doubts Ren’s claims. It had been weeks, and clearly he wasn’t getting used to his oversensitivity very fast. Ranmaru turns to his side, curling in on himself with his back facing them. Later on in the night, they’d get into the bed with him, but when he wakes the next morning they’re still careful not to touch him. 

Ranmaru wakes up in a poor mood, but it’s not the same as his mood yesterday. Today, or tonight, rather, he feels guilty. The bit of light that shines from the edges of the curtains burns, even as dull as it is. It must be nearing evening but Ren and Masato are both still asleep, Masato clinging onto Ren’s side. 

For some time Masato still lived in his own home but would spend most of his time here, with Ren and Ranmaru, though after Ranmaru’s transition he had slowly started moving some of his things here, to properly move in with them. At this point, Masato very rarely goes to his old home.

“Are you okay, baby?” Ren’s voice is still a murmur, though it’s a bit slurred from having just woken up from sleep. His eyes are just opening, but he must have felt Ranmaru’s gaze on him. When Ranmaru doesn’t respond, Ren begins to wake himself up. His voice shifts, becoming serious. “How are you feeling?”

“I dunno.” Ranmaru admits flatly. “‘S less overwhelming, but still like shit, I guess.”

“We shouldn’t have given you that last pack of blood.” Ren’s tone is grim. “I’m sure that throwing it up likely made you feel much worse.”

“Felt like I needed it.” Ranmaru sighs. “Last night kinda feels like a blur- least the part ‘a it. But I remember… needin’ it. Thought it’d help the pain.”

“It… can.” Ren speaks slowly. “But not if you aren’t hungry. Blood helps, but it isn’t a fixall.” There’s a long pause, and then Ren carefully reaches out. Ranmaru doesn’t flinch away when Ren touches his arm, so Ren’s grip turns a bit more firm, running up Ranmaru’s arm to hold onto his bicep. “But there’s something else. I can see it in your expression.”

Ranmaru sighs, his eyes closing for a few long seconds, but he opens his eyes again. He feels tired. “I was bein’ a bitch, yesterday. ‘N I’m sorry about that. ...I feel like a kid. I hate feelin’ like I can’t… control myself.” Ranmaru’s expression darkens. “But I’m an adult ‘n I shouldn’t be takin’ it out on you ‘n Masa.”

“We understand.” Ren’s voice is gentle. Ranmaru catches sight of Masato for just a second over Ren’s shoulder as Ren moves closer, just long enough to see that Masato _is_ awake. “We’ve been there, Ran.” Ren’s hand lifts off of Ranmaru’s arm and onto his cheek, carefully cradling his face, but he makes sure that Ranmaru’s headphones stay in place. His voice is quiet and his touch is careful, not wanting to send Ranmaru over the edge again. “It may have been a very long time- but you’ve… you’ve been _reborn_ , for lack of a better word. You may be an adult, but you’re being thrown back into a state very similar to being a child. You’re being forced to take in the world in a new way, in the same way that a child does- but it’s worse. Your emotions are more complicated than a child’s, as are your thoughts, but when you’re overwhelmed, it affects how you handle your feelings, too. It’s so much, baby, and we know that. And you _will_ get used to it- but it’s hardly even been a _month_. It’s a difficult adjustment.” Ren smiles, meant to be teasing but just missing the mark. “I knew you’d be a pain in the ass sometimes, baby. If I were in your place, I’d be, too.” Ren’s smile fades, but he leans forward to press a gentle kiss in between Ranmaru’s eyebrows. “You may not feel like you’re doing well, but you are. You may be fighting us, but it could be worse. You haven’t attacked us. You haven’t threatened us. You’ve given us _attitude_ and that’s nothing compared to what it could be.”

Ranmaru frowns. “I wouldn’t. You don’t…” A flash of discomfort crosses through Ranmaru’s stomach, making him feel sick. “Y’don’t expect me ‘t try to hurt you, do you?”

“Of course we don’t.” Masato speaks up. “You may be emotional right now, Ranmaru, but you’re still _you_. You had very impressive self control before this, and while that may slip sometimes, I know it won’t slip like this. Ren and I both know that we’re safe around you.”

“Masa is completely right.” Ren’s voice is almost stern, though the gentle movement of his thumb over Ranmaru’s cheek offsets it just a bit. “You have the _capability_ , but I don’t believe, at all, that you would.”

Ranmaru sighs, his eyes sliding closed. Ren’s hand doesn’t leave Ranmaru’s cheek. 

“You’re going to be okay.” Ren’s mumble is very gentle. “Masa and I are going to help you, and you’re going to figure it out, and then we can really start _living_. We can go out and do things, again. We can live our lives together, normally. No more… danger around every corner. We can have less hard conversations and we can worry about just being together.”

Right now- that sounds like a dream. Something unattainable and far away. But it’s a goal, Ranmaru decides. 

And maybe, they’d manage to achieve it.

Ranmaru does get more cautious about going outside, but he gets _better_ with Ren and Masato when they insist on going out with him. Sometimes he’ll feel his anger flare up, but rather than snapping at them or storming out, he’ll _mention_ it. 

_”Forget it- I’m…” Ranmaru scowls at the ground. His head is starting to pound. “I’m gonna… stay in. My head’s startin’ ‘t hurt.”_

It usually wasn’t the most gentle way that he could handle these situations- but it was better than getting angry with _them_. And when he mentioned that he was feeling unwell, they took it seriously. It helped lessen his breakdowns, and even in the times that he still had them, they were more controlled when he wasn’t out in public. 

Of course, there were times where Ranmaru’s anger wasn’t present enough that he couldn’t push it down and still be alright. Ren and Masato had gotten to the point where they’d only tend to let Ranmaru outside if he _didn’t_ start getting upset, because if he could stay calm _with them_ , he could handle going outside. 

For the most part, Ranmaru was responsible. 

Other times… not as much. 

Ranmaru was careful, when he snuck out. He was full, he avoided the smell of blood outside, and he wore his headphones. Sometimes, he’d even wear sunglasses- he may have looked like an asshole, wearing them at night, but it helped him keep his cool. 

The first reason he had gone out was admittedly a _terrible_ one. One that had him kicking himself the entire time he was leaving and the entire time he was out. 

Ranmaru had went to gather ingredients to make melon bread. There was very few human food items in Ren’s house now. He had only trashed the things that would spoil, and while no one was _supposed_ to be eating any of the dry, cabinet food, Ren had yet to actually get rid of it. Which might be better, for Ranmaru’s _stupid_ plan of making Masato melon bread. 

He didn’t want to make Masato sick, and he didn’t want to encourage Masato to _make_ himself sick… 

But he knew it would make Masato happy. It was a hard situation. Ranmaru was going to try it this one time, but he promises himself that if Masato doesn’t take to it well that it will be the very last time Ranmaru does it. 

...Maybe. 

Masato was a very serious man- but sometimes he was downright adorable and his begging often got to Ranmaru. Sometimes even quicker than it got to Ren. If this were _dangerous_ , Ranmaru would never do it. Unfortunately, Ranmaru knew that it wasn’t. 

Ranmaru attempts to make his trip to the grocery short. There were very few people there, at four in the morning, but he still avoids aisles with people and he uses the self-check out. He had been lucky that Ren and Masato had chosen to go to bed early. Really, he had been lying in bed with them until he knew that they were asleep. 

On one instance of trying to avoid people in aisles, he ends up sending himself down the butchery aisle- and one cut of raw meat catches his eye. It’s a steak, wrapped in plastic, but even through the plastic, Ranmaru can’t look away. He tries to convince himself to leave it, but when he leaves the store it’s in his bag. 

Ranmaru wonders if Ren or Masato are going to be waiting for him when he gets home, but he’s thankful that they aren’t. 

Ranmaru doesn’t quite get away with it, however. It’s starting to get light outside, but Ranmaru knows that he needs to put away the ingredients _now_ , before Ren catches him with shopping bags. He tries to convince himself to put the steak into the fridge, but he doesn’t. 

Instead, he puts away the melon bread ingredients and unwraps the steak. For a long moment, all he does is stare. He reminds himself of when he threw up the blood. He reminds himself of how unpleasant that was and how long the sick feeling stuck with him. 

When he reaches out for the steak, he doesn’t feel like he has control of his hands. 

Ren walks in on Ranmaru, down in the kitchen, tearing into the raw steak with his teeth. 

“Ranmaru.” Ren’s voice is scolding, and it’s enough to get Ranmaru to look up. There’s blood from the meat, trailing down his chin, and the cut of meat itself is not holding together well from the way that Ranmaru had ripped into it. “You’re going to get sick.” Ren moves closer, but Ranmaru’s grip on the meat doesn’t loosen. 

“Then it’s too late.” Ranmaru’s voice is gruff. “I might as well as finish it.” 

Ren sighs, bringing a hand up to rub at his eyes. “You shouldn’t be eating.” Ren drops his hand, his entire expression remaining stern. “And we need to have a discussion about how you got this, too, but there are wide windows downstairs and the curtains aren’t going to stop enough sun for you yet. We need to go upstairs and get in bed.” 

Ranmaru’s jaw tightens, and he glances away from Ren. Ren tenses, expecting Ranmaru to attack him, but Ranmaru’s voice comes out as a mumble. “...I wanna save it. The steak.”

Ren’s expression is hard to read, but it’s almost a bit shellshocked. He clearly hadn’t expected that reaction.

Finally, Ren sighs. “I’ll let you save it, Ran, but I don’t promise that I’ll let you finish it. We need to talk about this. But not right now. Not until tonight.”

Ranmaru finally nods. He sets down the rest of the steak back onto the styrofoam it had come on, but Ren had ushered Ranmaru to wash his hands and Ren had rewrapped it and stuck it in the fridge. 

Masato is still asleep when they go upstairs, so Ren keeps his voice very quiet. “I would like you to sleep in the middle, Ran. I’ll keep a trash can on my side of the bed.”

Ranmaru doesn’t say anything, choosing to instead just get into bed. He finally speaks, once he’s in the bed and Ren is behind him, keeping him between Masato and Ren. 

“I don’t feel sick.” Ranmaru’s comment is almost gruff. Ren’s sigh is exasperated. 

“It takes longer than a few minutes, Ran.”

“‘S it really that bad?”

“I don’t want you getting sick.” Ren’s arms wrap around Ranmaru. “Eating _is_ a problem- it’s not the biggest one I have right now, but it’s the easiest to talk about. You’re going to get sick, baby, because we don’t digest anything but blood. It’s not going to hurt you, but it’s going to be unpleasant.”

Ranmaru falls quiet. Ren isn’t going to get into his main concern tonight and Ranmaru doesn’t really want to hear the lecture right now anyways. 

He wouldn’t regret it, though. 

After all- nothing had happened. He had taken precautions and it went fine- asides from the steak hiccup. He couldn’t really bring himself to regret that either. 

It still tasted good. 

The thought of eating raw meat was strange, but it had hit an urge in Ranmaru that he didn’t even realize he had. 

Ranmaru falls asleep, just before the sun begins to shine through the corners of the curtains. 

When Ranmaru rouses, it’s very clear that Masato has been filled in on Ranmaru’s escapades, because when he notices that Ranmaru is awake, he’s already wearing a frown. 

Ranmaru just closes his eyes again, biting back a groan. 

“Nothin’ happened. I went out. I came back. ‘M sorry I didn’t let you two know but I didn’t do anythin’ stupid.”

“Beyond eating food.” Ren adds dryly. 

“I feel fine.” Ranmaru wasn’t lying. He didn’t feel sick to his stomach. He hadn’t woken up to get sick. Honestly- he wanted to go downstairs and finish the rest of his steak. 

Masato does search Ranmaru’s face, but whatever he’s thinking remains unspoken. Ren sighs behind him, pressing his forehead in between Ranmaru’s shoulders. 

“I’m very glad that nothing happened, Ran, but that was dangerous. What if things had gotten to be too much and you happened to have a breakdown? I won’t give the list of what could have happened, but I hope you know that it wouldn’t have ended well.”

“But it _didn’t_ happen. I felt fine. I was careful.”

“It was lucky.” Masato agrees grimly. “But you know very well that controlling yourself is difficult.”

Ranmaru frowns, and when he goes to turn to his back, Ren backs off enough to let him. Ranmaru doesn’t actually look at either of them, looking up at the ceiling. “Can we not fight over this? I feel like everythin’ we ever talk about since I’ve changed ‘s just been…”

_You gettin’ on me._

Ranmaru doesn’t say that, but he can’t help but think it. Instead, he settles on, “Fightin’. ‘N I’m not sayin’ I’m an innocent party, but… _fuck_.” Something strikes Ranmaru, and he brings a hand up to run it over his face. “Y’know- I dunno when the last time any of us ‘ve even said _’I love you’_.”

Ranmaru really wasn’t bringing it up to try to change the subject. He wasn’t trying to be manipulative- and while he certainly wasn’t implying that they didn’t care for each other… it was always one of them at the other’s throat- and it was usually Ren and Ranmaru. Masato really only joined in the tension because he was usually on Ren’s side. 

Ranmaru’s statement sends a silence through the room for a very long moment, and then Ren’s head lands on Ranmaru’s shoulder. 

“I just want you to be safe, Ran.” Ren’s voice breaks, his own arms moving to wrap around one of Ranmaru’s. 

“I know.” Ranmaru’s eyes close. “I’m not doubtin’ that you care. ‘N I hope y’know I still care, too. I’m gonna be honest, Ren.” As Ranmaru speaks, Masato gets closer to him, too, on the other side. He has the same type of solemn silence that had just passed through the room. “I could do better in respectin’ your worries. They’re valid- it’d be bullshit if I said they weren’t. _But_ I don’t want you takin’ what I’m doin’ in the wrong way either. I know you’re worried, but how long has it been since I’ve been able ‘t do _anythin’_ by myself? I know you’re worried, but there’s gotta be a line. You could come up with reasons ‘t be right by me for the rest ‘a our lives if you tried- but there’s a lotta of it that’s real concern ‘n there’s some of it that’s you bein’ scared. ‘N that’s not just you, Ren. Nothin’ that’s happened ‘t me has been _your_ fault directly. Not yours, Ren, ‘n not yours either, Masa. ‘M happy with both of you, but I need… somethin’. We _all_ need a ‘lil bitta time where we aren’t up each other’s asses.”

The silence turns different. It’s heavy in the air. Something that’s almost akin to fear. Ren’s pitch is just a bit too high. 

“Are you asking for a break?”

“‘S not what I said. This isn’t supposed ‘t be a breakup conversation, Ren.” All Ranmaru can do is to turn his head, resting his chin on Ren’s hair. Ren has one of Ranmaru’s arms in his grip, and Masato has begun to curl himself around Ranmaru, pinning his other arm. “I just think we need time to _ourselves_. I’m not sayin’ that we should drastically cut down our time together, ‘r that we need ‘t change stuff like livin’ together and bein’ together- but we need ‘t take a couple ‘a hours where we’re just _ourselves_. I love you, Ren, ‘n I love you, too, Masa- but it’d be a real good thing for all of us ‘t not be hoverin’ over each other every day.”

Ren’s voice is quiet. It’s almost childlike. “I don’t want you leaving the house alone right now, Ran.”

“I wanna change that.” Ranmaru admits. “But we don’t haft’a start there. Let’s just start with separatin’ ourselves in the house for now.”

After another long pause, Ren finally speaks. “...Okay.”

“Masa?” 

Masato had been very quiet. Masato’s own answer comes slowly. “...Only in the house.”

For now- Ranmaru takes it. He understood why they were afraid and he knew that his breakdowns were only a small part of it. He knew that Siera was a large part of it. 

Siera probably thought he was dead- but she was still out there. Unlike Shouta. There still was a danger to Ranmaru- theoretically. 

The conversation should have been over. They were done speaking. They should have gotten up, to start doing things. To start their night. But when Ranmaru started dwelling into thoughts about Siera, he had started _trembling_. 

“Ran?” Ren’s head lifts, his own attitude changing. At first, he thinks that’s it’s fear- but when he looks at Ranmaru’s expression, it’s pulled in tight. It’s angry. Livid. _Enraged_. 

Ranmaru has never felt anger the way that he feels it right now. The full body encompassing, shaking rage. Ranmaru had heard the phrase ‘seeing red’, but right now that was true. Masato is alarmed now, too, sitting up in the same way as Ren. Ren still has a hand on Ranmaru’s arm and the other settles on his stomach. Masato copies Ren’s position, though rather than setting a hand on his stomach, he sets it on Ranmaru’s chest. 

“Ranmaru.” Masato’s voice is slow. It’s almost a command- he’s trying to get Ranmaru’s attention. To snap Ranmaru out of the state that he’s gotten himself into, but it’s not that easy. 

Ranmaru isn’t blind enough to try to attack Ren and Masato, but all he can think about is _Siera_. About what he’d like to do to her if he’d find her. About how badly he wants to. 

All of the pain she had made him feel… he wanted her to feel it tenfold. He wanted revenge for himself. He wanted revenge for how she had hurt Masato. He wanted revenge for how her father hurt both Ren _and_ Masato and he wanted revenge because she forced Ren to turn Ranmaru. 

Ranmaru wanted Ren to turn him- but he didn’t want it like that. He wanted Ren to be willing. Not forced. 

Ranmaru wanted revenge because she wanted to force Ren and Masato to watch him die. 

Ranmaru hadn’t done anything to her. Masato and Ren hadn’t done anything in years and years- hell, Masato hadn’t really done _anything_ , and as far as Ranmaru knew, Ren was petty, but all he had really done was expose her for who she really was.

Wishing death on someone was something that Ranmaru has never truly thought about. He’s hated people, of course. There are people that he wishes weren’t around- but he’s never actively wished for someone to die. 

He’s never been so ready to kill someone himself. 

And that’s the thought that finally breaks him out of his rage. Ren and Masato hadn’t stopped trying to get his attention, but he only now starts to hear them. Masato is cupping Ranmaru’s face and Ren is holding onto Ranmaru’s biceps, his grip tight. 

“Ranmaru, I need you to focus on us.” Ren is speaking louder than he normally does, but his voice stays steady and serious. “I need you to tell us what’s wrong.”

The relief is very slight when Ranmaru starts taking them in again, but it’s clear that they’re relieved to see his eyes moving and taking them in.

Ranmaru has to decide what reaction he’s going to have because he has a few that are all struggling to come out. 

He could hold onto the fleeting anger. Anger was an emotion that he was used to and it wasn’t hard to call up. 

He could deny. He could do his best to try to forget the strong feelings he had just had and could try to find an excuse to dismiss his strange reaction. 

The one that ends up being strongest- the one that he ends up going with, is an almost childlike one. 

It hit him hard, the thought that he was so ready to _kill_ someone. 

As much as he hated to admit it… it scared him. 

It _terrified_ him.

Ranmaru reaches out, trying to hold onto Masato. The panic that is beginning to grow is showing in his eyes. Masato lets go of Ranmaru’s face, but Ren lets go of Ranmaru’s arms to let Masato get closer. Ranmaru stays on his back, but he holds onto Masato tightly. 

It reminds him of being a child, back when he had his bear, Christopher. Ranmaru buries his face in Masato’s neck, but as his shaking slows, Ren turns to comforting, rather than trying to get his attention. Ren gently pets through Ranmaru’s disheveled hair and Masato just holds onto Ranmaru in return, the best that he can with Ranmaru’s tight grip on him. 

When Ranmaru’s grip loosens, it doesn’t release. He keeps holding onto Masato, even as he starts to come down. Ranmaru is breathing, very obviously, as a way to try to forcibly calm himself down and it is helping. 

“What happened, baby?” Ren’s voice is so gentle. His hand doesn’t still in Ranmaru’s hair. Ren is sitting towards the top of the bed to give himself easy access to Ranmaru’s head. 

Ranmaru’s voice is unsteady. “I’m not used ‘t how _strong_ anger feels now. Siera.” Ranmaru’s words turn uncertain. “I wanna kill ‘er. That’s... “ Ranmaru’s grip tightens again on Masato, again. Trying to use Masato to help keep him calm. “It’s not right, yeah? I shouldn’t be thinkin’ like that. ‘N it’s not… it’s not just _idle_. I _want_ to kill her.” 

Masato’s arm worms its way out of Ranmaru’s grip enough to cup his face. Ren’s hand has stilled in Ranmaru’s hair. 

“I don’t know.” Ren’s voice is grim and quiet. “I don’t want to see you kill her, Ran. I don’t want to see you kill anyone. But she hurt you. And it’s not strange that you feel that way.”

“She deserves it.” Masato’s voice is cold. “If there’s anyone that deserves to die, it’s her.” Ranmaru is so out of it that he doesn’t even feel unnerved at the way that Masato is speaking. Ranmaru doesn’t often think about how he met Masato, but Masato’s current way of speaking is more in line of all that time back. “I don’t think you’re wrong to feel the way that you do. We are… near perfect killing machines. We are designed to hurt, and to live by taking from others. ...Ren is proof that you can live without doing so- but that isn’t _her_. What goes around comes around, Ranmaru.”

Ren’s voice is almost a bit unsettled, when he speaks. “We won’t let her near you.” Ren promises. “...But I don’t know that I agree with Masa entirely. I don’t know that we’re built to kill- though that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t. I don’t think that you’re wrong in your feelings, Ran, but I hope that you don’t do anything rash, because you feel like this.” Ren’s fingers slowly start winding through Ranmaru’s hair again, brushing his bangs back and away from his face. “I know you’ve always been an angry person, baby, but I think it would be better to try to keep yourself calm. Especially involving… this.” Ren moves his hand from Ranmaru’s hair to lean down and press a kiss to Ranmaru’s forehead. “It’s going to be okay.” Ren’s voice is gentle. “We’re all going to be okay.”

Ranmaru quiets down, but it takes him a very long time to release Masato. 

That day, Ranmaru _isn’t_ left alone. He had scared them too much for them to feel comfortable leaving him by himself, but his anger had exhausted him enough that he was content to just stay in bed. Even when he had let go of Masato, Masato had just laid next to him and Ranmaru had wrapped Masato up in his arms once again, cuddling rather than cradling.

He _is _given a few hours alone the next day. He isn’t sure what Masato or Ren are doing, but all three men are in separate rooms. At first, Ranmaru had chosen to try to play his bass. It was still a lot- but if he kept his headphones on and not plugged in he could handle playing his instrument. It was took some focus to not panic himself, but the relief in playing his instrument won out, in the end.__

__However, there was an urge stronger than playing his bass after so long of not touching it, and that urge just so happened to still be waiting for him in the fridge._ _

__Ranmaru had started with occasional glances, mostly around him, trying to make sure that Ren or Masato wouldn’t just appear from nowhere as both men often liked to do. It then turned to Ranmaru putting his bass down, slowly making his way towards the kitchen while finding other things to do in between, should he be stopped. He’d fix a chair in the dining room, or he’d take a second to look out the window near the kitchen._ _

__Slowly but surely he makes his way to the fridge._ _

__Ren hadn’t gotten to throwing out the meat yet._ _

__Ranmaru hadn’t gotten sick last time, and he had eaten a good portion of the steak. Maybe it was a fluke, or maybe it really was safe… but it was enough to convince Ranmaru to let himself have the rest of it._ _

__Ranmaru hadn’t drank anything in over a day, either. He felt like he was starving._ _

__When it came to drinking blood, two packs a day was typically a good amount. He needed a bit less than he needed to eat as a human, but it was still a very common thing._ _

__His hunger had really affected him as soon as he had gotten the steak unwrapped. He had _ravaged_ this piece of meat, ripping and tearing off chunks, desperate to _eat_ it. _ _

__At first, all he can think is how it helps. He’s not full, but he’s not starving right now, either, as he nears the end of the meat. However, when he hears Ren clear his throat from the entry way to the kitchen, Ranmaru feels like an animal. Especially when he looks up, a large chunk of meat still in his mouth. Ren is frowning._ _

__Ranmaru is still frozen when Ren walks towards him, still frowning. Ren’s thumb reaches out, swiping below Ranmaru’s mouth and bringing a fair amount of blood with it. “If you’re really going to insist on eating, Ran, I wish you’d at least take the time to get a fork and knife.”_ _

__Ranmaru finally the bite he hadn’t quite finished, though when he speaks, there’s still some steak in his mouth. “‘Ve always been a messy eater.”_ _

__“Well you’re especially messy when you’re devouring it in the middle of the kitchen. ...I don’t understand why you’re so insistent on eating. You and Masa both. I’ve never once had a craving for human food. ...I ate human food _once_ , before I figured out what I needed, and it was unappetizing even as I was eating it.”_ _

__“This helps.” Ranmaru admits, finally swallowing the piece. “I miss food. ‘N I really miss meat- but I ‘aven’t had any cravin’s that were hard ‘t ignore ‘fore this.”_ _

__“Just because you have cravings doesn’t mean it helps.”_ _

__“I didn’t get sick last time.” Ren quiets down, clearly wanting to dispute Ranmaru on it but not having a good argument. “Think it’s the blood, honestly. I’d probably get sick, eatin’ cooked meat.”_ _

__Ren gives a heavy sigh, shaking his head. “If you _do_ get sick off of the meat, Ran, I’m setting my foot down. ...Until you do, I’m not letting you go full in. If you’d like to have it once in a while, I won’t… stop you. But this isn’t going to be a replacement for blood.”_ _

__“I can live with that.” Ranmaru relents. Ren shakes his head once more, but he goes to wash his hands of the blood he had gotten from Ranmaru’s chin._ _

__Ren speaks from the sink. “I was serious, though, about the plate.” His voice is almost a bit stern. “If you’re going to insist on eating the meat, I don’t want to see you shoving it down your throat in the kitchen.”_ _

__“Dunno what’s the big deal with it.” Ranmaru admits, though he takes another bite of the steak. It was almost gone at this point. Getting a plate would be useless. “Sides. I was mostly eatin’ it in the kitchen because you didn’t like seein’ me eat it in the first place.”_ _

__“I know you were hiding from me, Ran.” Ren’s voice is a bit exasperated. “But regardless of what your opinions are, and I say that because I’m not sure that I know them- we aren’t animals. _You_ are not an animal. I can’t change the fact that you’re a messy eater, but I’ve never once watched you eat a steak with your bare hands before and I’m not about to entertain it.”_ _

__Ranmaru shakes his head, but he doesn’t push. And the main reason he doesn’t is because one of Ren’s points strikes him- and not even because of _Ranmaru_. It was the way Ren had said the animal comment. Ranmaru hadn’t thought much about if he’d consider himself closer to an animal than a human, and maybe that was because he _didn’t_. He viewed Ren and Masato far closer to people than animals- but maybe Ren struggled with that. The way he said it and the bitterness Ren was trying to hide in his statement made Ranmaru think that he was probably right. _ _

__“Alright, alright. I’ll use a plate next time.”_ _

__Ren’s sigh this time is at least softer. “Thank you.”_ _

__Their few hours of alone time continues on for nearly a week- though on Christmas, Ren insists that they spend their day together and Masato and Ranmaru don’t have any complaints. It was a cold Christmas, but they certainly didn’t have any plans to leave the house as it was._ _

___And_ Ranmaru had learned that while Ren had always been cheeky, he wasn’t lying. Temperature bothered Ranmaru far less than it had when he was human. In fact, Ranmaru thinks that Ren has left the heater off for the entirety of Ranmaru’s time being a vampire and Ranmaru hadn’t ever noticed a difference. _ _

__It was actually kind of nice._ _

__Ranmaru wondered if it would be nice in the summer, too. It was never particularly hot where they lived, but Ranmaru had learned last summer that sometimes cuddling under the covers could get a little _too_ hot, and that was when he was cuddling with someone that ran cold._ _

__The nicest part about Christmas was the normality of it._ _

__There were no hard discussions. No periods where Ranmaru got lost in thought or had to struggle through thoughts that he didn’t want to have in the first place. He wasn’t given any sad or worried looks._ _

__Actually, Ranmaru realizes that it had been a very long time since he had last heard either of them laugh, but that day had been full of it. Ren had a talent for picking out the most godawful Christmas movies and they had spent most of the day on the couch watching them, with Masato’s head on Ren’s lap, his torso on Ranmaru’s and his legs on the couch, Ren leaning against Ranmaru with his head on Ranmaru’s shoulder._ _

__Ranmaru doesn’t know that he had ever seen Masato laugh hard enough to cry, but that night he had. Ranmaru doesn’t even remember what exactly had struck Masato so hard, but when Masato had started laughing, Ren had joined in. The two had fed off of each other until Ren was bent over Masato and Masato was curled in on himself, now almost completely supported only by Ren and Ranmaru’s laps. Ranmaru hadn’t joined in on their laughing fit, but he had found himself with a _very_ amused grin that had refused to fade until long after their laughing had died down._ _

__By the end of their third movie, Ranmaru had found himself with Masato asleep on his lap and Ren asleep on his shoulder. To think that _he_ would be the last awake was impressive. _ _

__Normally, he’d probably have lifted Masato to bring him to bed, letting Ren follow him after Ren would subsequently fall onto the couch. Tonight, he’s nice enough to lift Masato up in his lap to position Ren in a way that won’t lead to him face planting into the couch before he stands. While Masato is in Ranmaru’s lap, he curls in further, a pale, slender hand curling tightly into Ranmaru’s shirt, and Ranmaru can’t help the way his own lips curl up into a soft, adoring smile._ _

__Looking over at Ren made Ranmaru’s smile softer. Both Masato and Ren were cute in their sleep, though the way Ren’s hair was mussed up from laying on Ranmaru’s shoulder and how he was curling up, trying to get himself back to Ranmaru in his sleep, was adorable._ _

__Ranmaru brings Masato upstairs first, tucking him in and pressing a kiss to his forehead before he goes downstairs to get Ren, too._ _

__Ranmaru tries to get Ren into the bed, but he finds that it’s a useless attempt because Ren gets very clingy in his sleep and even clingier when he wakes up, but only a little bit. He’s still mostly asleep, but he’s just awake to not want to let Ranmaru go any further. Luckily, they hadn’t gotten out of their pajamas. It isn’t that big of a loss to just climb into the bed with Ren. As soon as Ranmaru is in, however, Masato joins the bundle, cuddling up to Ren but reaching over him to cling to Ranmaru’s sleeve._ _

__Both men are still mostly asleep, so Ranmaru keeps his chuckle quiet, but he takes a moment to appreciate the position he’s in. Even on the edge, both of them are close to him, Masato almost laying on top of Ren, and it truly is adorable. Ranmaru shouldn’t- but he can’t help himself when he presses a kiss to Ren’s forehead. He’d kiss Masato, too, but he couldn’t stretch that far without leaning heavily on Ren._ _

__Ren doesn’t quite wake up from Ranmaru’s kiss, but he does cuddle closer to Ranmaru. Ranmaru hasn’t been able to properly pull the covers up, but he’s not necessarily cold._ _

__It isn’t hard for him to fall asleep._ _

__When he wakes up, he’s somehow gotten to the middle. He wasn’t necessarily surprised- it happened sometimes. Ranmaru could be a very deep sleeper and when Ren and Masato both woke up before him they’d sometimes get him into the middle. Usually, Masato would end up curled into his chest and Ren winds up against Ranmaru’s back, holding him closely._ _

__That’s how it is today._ _

__When Ren realizes that Ranmaru is awake, he presses a kiss to the back of Ranmaru’s neck, his voice gentle. “I love you, Ran.”_ _

__“I love you.” Masato mumbles, his face still buried into Ranmaru’s chest._ _

__Ranmaru’s voice is slurred with sleep, his arms wrapping tighter around Masato. “I love y’both, too.”_ _

__It’s only a few days later when Masato’s birthday arrives._ _

__Ranmaru had gotten up earlier than them both to sneak down into the kitchen, though when he comes back up a few hours later, Ren is on Masato already, hovering on top of him. Today, Ranmaru doesn’t get a lecture about being out of bed and that’s likely because Ren’s focus is on Masato._ _

__One look at Masato’s face shows that he was likely woken up by Ren pulling this. Ranmaru can’t help the chuckle as he heads to the bed, kneeling down besides Masato. Ren is kissing down Masato’s neck, and Ranmaru brings his hand up to brush back Masato’s bangs. Masato can’t seem to decide where he should be looking._ _

__Ranmaru can’t help but lament the fact that Masato doesn’t seem to be able to blush, because everything else about his response makes it seem like he should be. His eyes are wide, his pupils dilated and his mouth is open, just a bit. If he needed to breathe, his breaths would likely be coming heavier. It was a nice sight, anyways._ _

__Ranmaru loses the sight when he ducks down to press his lips to Masato, applying quite a bit of pressure in the kiss. Masato’s returning kiss is still a bit sleepy and Ranmaru has to be careful to not bump into Ren as Ren continues down to kiss just above Masato’s shirt._ _

__Ranmaru’s favorite part about not needing to breathe is the fact that he can stay in the kiss for as long as he wants, and Masato doesn’t stop him, either. Ranmaru absolutely takes advantage of this, staying for quite a few minutes. Ren has lowered himself further down Masato’s body, pushing up Masato’s shirt to start pressing kisses to his side and stomach over his pajama pants._ _

__When Ranmaru pulls away, it’s only a few inches. Masato can almost feel Ranmaru’s smirk. He can feel Ranmaru’s cool breath against his lips as he speaks._ _

__“Happy birthday, babe.”_ _

__If Masato has words, they don’t form. All that comes out is a sigh- the breathy, needy sigh that Ranmaru likes to hear. Ranmaru chuckles as he pulls away and Ren is fast to take Masato’s lips instead. Ren’s hands run over Masato’s side, up his shirt and onto his chest._ _

__Ren takes advantage of the situation, too. Ranmaru thinks that he holds the kiss longer than Ranmaru had._ _

__Ranmaru leans down, pressing a kiss to the side of Ren’s neck. “I’m gonna hang downstairs for a while. Give you two some time together.” Ranmaru catches Masato’s expression, and he manages to move quick enough to press a kiss to the corner of Masato’s mouth just in time to keep him from frowning. “We’ll all spend time together tonight. ‘Sides. I wanna steal ya for an hour ‘r two ‘t myself this afternoon, too.”_ _

__The reassurance seems to sit better with both of them- enough that Masato’s frown doesn’t form and Ren doesn’t stop Ranmaru. With the way that Ren is looking at Ranmaru, Ranmaru thinks that it’s a good thing that he’s giving them some time alone._ _

__It seems like it’s going to be put to good use._ _

__Ranmaru makes good use of his time downstairs, too._ _

__When Masato comes down, he’s still in his pajama pants but he’s wearing Ren’s sweatshirt. Ranmaru thinks he knows what went down in the bedroom, but Masato comes down alone._ _

__“For your birthday, I’m gonna be a dick.” Ranmaru sighs, though he pulls Masato closer, pressing his lips to Masato’s forehead._ _

__Masato’s confusion only lasts a few seconds, because he can see what’s waiting on the counter over Ranmaru’s shoulder and his eyes widen. His entire expression is excited, like a child on Christmas morning._ _

__“Don’t tell Ren.” Ranmaru’s really trying to hide some of the amusement in his voice. He didn’t want to make Masato sick, especially not on his birthday, but Masato looks so excited that Ranmaru is having trouble regretting it._ _

__Instead of an answer, Masato chooses to cradle Ranmaru’s face, beginning to press kisses anywhere that he can reach- on Ranmaru’s forehead, cheeks, temple, chin, lips and nose. When he’s done peppering Ranmaru’s face with kisses, he hugs Ranmaru tight and he finally speaks, his voice soft but clearly happy. “Thank you, Ran. I’m incredibly excited to eat it.”_ _

__“I can’t do this too often.” Ranmaru warns. “I don’t like makin’ you sick-” Ranmaru sighs, but he kisses Masato’s head. “But just because today’s your birthday.”_ _

__“It will be very worth it.” Masato says adamantly. “And I’m glad that I get to try your baking as it is.”_ _

__Ranmaru’s next sigh is a bit amused, but this time he cranes his head to press another kiss to Masato’s temple, his voice now a mumble. “Y’better eat it fast. ‘Fore Ren catches wind of it.”_ _

__It’s only a few hours later when Ranmaru is leaning against the bathroom counter, Ren is holding back Masato’s hair and Masato is bent over the toilet._ _

__“You two are both children.” Ren sighs, his free hand moving to rub Masato’s back._ _

__“It was worth it.” Masato says weakly._ _

__“I told ‘im I wouldn’t be doin’ it often.” Ranmaru promises. Ren narrows his eyes at the word _often_. _ _

__“I asked.” Masato defends. “And it’s my birthday. You aren’t allowed to blame him.”_ _

__Ren shakes his head, though his hand hasn’t stilled. “You’re trouble. The both of you.”_ _

__“I’ve learned from the best.” Masato’s head tilts back over the toilet, as soon as he’s done speaking._ _

__Ranmaru feels better that the sickness had started right before Masato had thrown up and had ended as soon as the bread was all out of his system. He certainly hadn’t wanted to ruin Masato’s birthday- though Masato insisted that having the bread made his birthday far better._ _

___”Vomiting is a very small price to pay.”_ _ _

__Ranmaru wasn’t sure that he agreed, and he would be keeping his word that he wouldn’t be making the bread very often._ _

__It was a harder promise to make himself than he thought it would be- but the way that Masato’s face had lit up was such a sweet reaction._ _

__The rest of the night was spent watching a mystery movie of Masato’s choice. This time, Masato is the only one of the three that falls asleep, leaning against Ranmaru’s shoulder with his knees bent and his feet in Ren’s lap._ _

__“Who’s gonna lift ‘im?”_ _

__“Considering you usually get the honor-” Ren’s voice is teasing, but his sentiment is genuine. “I think I’ll take it tonight.”_ _

__Ranmaru can’t help but snort. “Feel free.”_ _

__Ren gets Masato upstairs and in the bed easily, though Ranmaru helps by pulling back the blanket and tucking Masato in. Masato hardly even stirs._ _

__Masato is set in the middle tonight, and Ranmaru and Ren are both quick to get in bed with him, Ranmaru in front of him and Ren behind him, both of their arms wrapping around Masato._ _

__Masato doesn’t awaken- but he does make a noise that Ranmaru could only describe as happy._ _


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is really angsty, and there is death in it, and also injuries.

The oversensitivity of being outside had become far more manageable, just over the course of a few months, though Ren and Masato still preferred Ranmaru to take someone with him. 

That wasn’t always the case. 

Ranmaru sometimes ignored their concerns and insisted on heading out alone, and sometimes, if he argued his case calmly enough, they’d actually let him. It was usually begrudgingly, but Ranmaru often brought up the need for all of them to have some personal space from each other. 

He loved them. He genuinely did- but he had grown as an independent person and it wasn’t an easy task to just change that. He didn’t like being _dependent_ on Ren and Masato. He certainly didn’t mind occasionally relying on them, but he hated not being able to do most things on his own. 

He wanted _support_. Not a _crutch_. 

Ranmaru hadn’t missed the person near him, but he hadn’t thought much of it. Their blood didn’t smell _that_ appetizing and even if it had, he wouldn’t have attacked them. He’d never get out alone again if he did. 

He didn’t think that they were following him. By the time he started wondering if they were, he was already unlocking the door to Ren’s house. 

Ranmaru couldn’t even close the door before he was being rushed. 

Ranmaru’s first reaction is to push them back. When he turns behind him, he notices that it’s a man, heavily clad in black and covered with what Ranmaru can only assume are tools. He can’t get a good look at them because when his hand lands on the man’s chest, over whatever he was wearing in the leather strap over it, it _burns_. 

“Shit!” 

Ranmaru takes a step back, further into the house, instinctually pulling his hands back and away from the man. The man unsheathes a gun, and Ranmaru’s eyes immediately go wide. He’s trying to figure out what he should do through the nearly incapacitating anger that is washing through and over him. 

Should he dodge? Rush him? Ranmaru wasn’t sure if vampire hunters were a thing that existed in this world, but if they did, this man was probably one of them. 

But Ranmaru, Ren and Masato hadn’t hurt anyone. Why were they targets? 

Ranmaru chooses to rush the man, to try to disarm him, when the direction that the man is aiming the gun switches. He pulls the trigger just as Ranmaru reaches him- but it wasn’t in Ranmaru’s direction. 

Ranmaru shouldn’t lose focus on the man, but when he hears a cry of pain, he turns his head. Masato was on the stairs, sprawled across several of them, holding onto his side. Ranmaru could already see the blood. He could see Ren’s horrified expression, quickly turning angry. Ranmaru’s anger is drowned out with fear. So much fear that he can’t feel the burning of the silver beneath his hands. He can’t feel the man shifting and he can’t see Ren’s look shift to him, torn between helping Ranmaru and helping Masato. 

Ranmaru’s fear isn’t enough to block out the pain of a silver blade, digging into his side. 

But Ranmaru is too big. He’s too heavy- the stab doesn’t actually send him off of the man and the pain reignites his anger. 

This man hurt Masato. If this man could kill Ranmaru, he might use it to go finish off Masato. To go hurt Ren, too. To kill him. Ranmaru’s hands find the man’s neck. His palms hurt, but it’s only tightening his grip. 

The man’s eyes roll into his head. Ranmaru can feel his pulse rush under Ranmaru’s hands. 

If Ranmaru tightened his grip, just a little bit, he might even break the man’s neck. If he left his pressure as it is now, he would suffocate the man. Ranmaru feels the pain as the man stabs the knife into his side, again and again, each stab weaker than the last as his strength leaves him. 

Ranmaru is going to kill him. 

Ranmaru’s fingers spring apart when the realization hits him. The anger is gone, the fear is back, and his entire body is cold. Ren has finally reached him, but he’s pulling him away. Ren pulls him back before the man can re-aim the knife at Ranmaru’s chest.

As soon as Ranmaru is pulled back, he feels something in his chest snap. He doesn’t normally need to breathe, but now his chest is moving shallowly. His eyes are wide and open but he isn’t seeing anything. 

He couldn’t finish off the man- so does that mean that the man would finish off _them_?

Ranmaru’s own death was something else entirely. It wasn’t that Ranmaru wanted to die, but he could accept that he was going to, in the times that his life was threatened. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, but it was something that he _had_ accepted multiple times. Sometimes, even without fear. Sometimes, with only a grim understanding. 

Sometimes, it was his fault that he was going to die. 

Like this time. But this time, he was going to be the reason that Ren and Masato died, too. Because Ranmaru had the chance to protect them. The need to. And Ranmaru messed it up. 

Ranmaru’s shaking this time comes from the oncoming panic attack. 

Ranmaru should put himself in front of Ren, or in front of Masato. To try to give them some sort of chance. To try to give them a few more minutes. 

Selfishly, so that he didn’t have to see them die. He’d rather go first. He’d rather go, pretending that he was doing something to help them. But he couldn’t. His body was rooted in place. He couldn’t even move his eyes enough to look at Ren, near the man, or Masato, on the stairs. The man could have pulled the trigger ten times over now and Ranmaru doesn’t know that he would hear it. 

Ranmaru’s hands move on their own accord to grip at his shirt, over his chest. 

It takes a long moment before he registers the sapphire blue eyes, inches from his face. Ren reaches forward to cradle Ranmaru’s head in his hands. 

_It’s too much._

Ranmaru can barely remind himself that his thought is wrong. It isn’t too much. Ren’s touch hasn’t been too much in quite some time. He doesn’t need his headphones outside. There are no more sunglasses when walking at night. Even blood doesn’t distract him anymore, so long as he’s properly fed. 

“Masato.” Ranmaru’s voice is a gasp. 

“It’s not fatal.” Ren’s voice is soft, but it shakes. Ren is scared, too. “He’s sitting up. He’s moving. He’s hurt but he’s going to be okay. But where are you hurt?”

 _I don’t know_. 

But that’s only partially true. Ranmaru can hardly even feel the pain- at first. But Ren’s reminder that he’s hurt refreshes the pain in Ranmaru’s mind and his face changes, now turning pained. 

He must have been stabbed at least four times. One of the stab wounds feels very close to his lungs. Another may have even pierced a kidney. Ren’s expression becomes alarmed when Ranmaru’s expression changes. 

“I messed up.” Ranmaru gasps. He’s starting to rock, but that hurts so, so bad. Ren scrambles to force him to still. “I got Masa hurt. I messed up. I failed.”

“No, no, no, Ran, you didn’t. Listen to me, baby, you didn’t do anything wrong. Masa will be okay. We’re going to make sure you’re okay. Can I pick you up? I want to bring you to the bed. I want to check on you.”

Ranmaru whimpers. 

It was a noise he’s made very, very few times in his entire life, but it’s the only noise he’s capable of right now. If Ranmaru were in a better place, he’d wonder if he could hear Ren’s heart break at the sound.

“You’re okay.” Ren whispers. “It’s okay. You’re okay. I know it hurts, but we’re going to make it okay. We’re all going to be okay.”

Ren is very gentle when he lifts Ranmaru. If Ranmaru were a bit more aware, he’d see that the front door is closed and that Ren had already brought Masato upstairs. Ren had checked on Masato long enough to ensure that he wasn’t hit anywhere that could kill him, and then he had laid Masato down. After that, he had gone directly downstairs to worry over Ranmaru. 

Masato was in a state of shock, too, but not nearly as bad as the state Ranmaru had gotten himself in. 

Ren brings Ranmaru upstairs, laying him next to Masato carefully. Instinctually, Ranmaru reaches out. He wants to touch Masato. He wants to know for himself that Masato is actually okay- but he jerks his hand back just before it lands on Masato because Ranmaru doesn’t remember where Masato is hurt. He believes Masato had gotten shot somewhere in the side, but Ranmaru doesn’t even remember _which_ side.

Ren is by Ranmaru’s side quickly, trying to still him. He squeezes Ranmaru’s hand as he catches it, but then he puts Ranmaru’s arm back down to his side. 

“Masa is right beside you, baby.” Ren hesitates, but then he sighs. “I think he might be doing a little worse than you.” Ren’s voice is extremely grim. “Will you stay still for me? I need to start fixing the both of you up.”

“The guy-” Ranmaru’s voice comes out strained as he tries to force himself up, but Ren is fast to force him back down. 

“He’s taken care of.” Ren’s voice is almost a coo. The tone doesn’t match what he’s saying, but in Ranmaru’s still panicked state, Ren’s tone gets through better than Ren’s actual words, anyways. “We’re all going to be safe. But I can’t have you moving around right now, Ran- I need to care for Masa but-” Ren’s eyebrows furrow. “You’re bleeding very heavily and it’s only going to be worse if you keep moving.”

It’s not easy for Ranmaru to stay still, because he wants to worry over both Ren and Masato. Ranmaru feels a light pressure on the hand nearest to Masato. Ranmaru manages to turn his head enough to see Masato. 

Masato’s eyes are closed and he’s too still. Masato was the palest of the three of them, but he seemed even paler now- he looked _dead_ and that terrified Ranmaru. Ranmaru could only see blood, staining most of the front of Masato’s shirt. Masato’s hand is on Ranmaru’s, his fingers curled around Ranmaru’s hand. His pressure is too light, but there’s enough to let Ranmaru know that Masato is still conscious. 

Ren said that Masato was worse than Ranmaru, and Ranmaru can see why- but Ranmaru was in a lot of pain. It truthfully scared him to think about how much pain Masato must be in. 

That’s what gets Ranmaru to finally still, enough that Ren can pull himself away, not worried about Ranmaru hurting himself. 

Ren is fast in moving around the room. Fast enough that Ranmaru, in his state, can’t even try to keep up. Ranmaru slowly calms down the rest of the way from his panic attack, and Masato is helping, with the way that his fingers start brushing over Ranmaru’s palm. It’s a slow movement, but it’s steady. 

As his panic dies down, his guilt and pain grows. He’s starting to really feel where his own wounds are. He’s starting to think about everything he could have done, but that almost makes him feel worse. He’s reminded of his conversation with Ren, so long back, where he had mentioned to Ren that he shouldn’t feel guilty about what he hadn’t done. 

It was easier to know what you could have done when you could no longer do it. 

But it wasn’t the same, he thinks. Because Ranmaru hadn’t _grown_. He wasn’t a scared kid, like Ren had been. 

“‘M sorry.” Ranmaru grunts. Masato’s fingers have slowed, but because Ren hadn’t reacted, Ranmaru assures himself that Masato is only asleep. Ren wouldn’t be as calm and focused as he was now if Masato weren’t just asleep. Ren’s hands don’t still, but he glances up at Ranmaru. “I should’a focused more on the gun. Masa should’ve never taken that bullet.”

“Don’t.” Ren’s voice is too weak. “Don’t do that yourself. I have… a lot to say about this, Ran, but not right now. I don’t want you stressing yourself out right now. You and Masa both need to focus on healing and I’m not going to entertain anything else.” Ren closes his eyes, completely stilling for a long moment, and his voice breaks when he talks. “I think that you’ve been injured more often than you’ve been healthy this past _year_ , Ran, and I just… I just want us to be safe and happy.” Ranmaru manages to turn his head to look at Ren as Ren opens his eyes, and Ren’s eyes are shiny. “And now you’re both hurt, and it isn’t your fault- but if you won’t drop this right now for _you_ , then do it for me, baby, please. I just want to worry about the both of you until you’re both better.”

Ranmaru’s expression darkens, but he looks away. When Ren speaks again, he’s changing the subject but his voice is still so soft. 

“Don’t fall asleep on me yet. You’re still bleeding.”

“Don’t think I could right now.” Ranmaru’s voice is gruff, though he’s telling the truth. Ranmaru could usually fall asleep anywhere, no matter what- but the pain was intense. It wasn’t the worst pain he’s felt, but it’s up there. When he closes his eyes, he can only focus on the pain. He thinks it was better when he was panicking. 

“I’m going to get over there soon.” Ren promises. “To fix you up. I just have to stitch Masa up.”

Ranmaru stays quiet so that Ren can focus on Masato. At least until Ren is done stitching Masato up. 

It’s hard to talk, but it’s better than sitting in silence and focusing on his thoughts and pain. He speaks when Ren is bandaging Masato. 

“When did ya learn how ‘t do all ‘a this? Thought Masa was the medical one.”

“You’re a magnet for trouble. And it was even more dangerous when you were human. I had Masa teach me a few simple things, just in case I needed to help you and he wasn’t here to do it.”

Ranmaru’s eyes search the ceiling, trying to draw something else out. Ren sounded stressed, but Ranmaru hated the quiet. When he wasn’t speaking, he could only hear the blood rushing through his ears. But Ren wouldn’t entertain the idea of anything serious. 

“Who d’ya think Masa has connections with at the restaurant?” It was a completely absurd line of thought, brought on by nothing but a desperation to think of something to talk about. “Last time, when we took you there, he got reservations in like two minutes flat but apparently the place is usually hard ‘t get into.”

Ren stops bandaging Masato for a few seconds to look up at Ranmaru. Ranmaru expects a bit of exasperation, or maybe a flat expression, but Ren just looks bewildered. “How much blood have you lost?”

Ranmaru gives a weak, amused noise that does hurt but is easy enough to brush off. “‘M serious. I’m suspicious.”

Ren returns to bandaging Masato, finishing it up. “I’m sure that Masa and his restaurant owner friend have very nefarious plans.”

“Supposin’ there even _is_ a restaurant owner friend.” Ranmaru points out. “Maybe Masa just _owns_ it.”

“I may be immortal.” Masato mumbles, though his voice does sound weak. His eyes haven’t opened, and while his hand is still in Ranmaru’s, it’s still. “But I assure you I haven’t used my years to secretly open a restaurant chain.”

“That’s exactly the kinda answer someone who secretly opened a restaurant chain would give.”

Ren gives an amused sigh, but he cleans up his workstation enough to take the medical kit to Ranmaru. His voice softens and becomes more serious, however, when he kneels down next to Ranmaru to start to take care of Ranmaru’s side. 

“Masa, baby, if you can stay awake I’d like you to. We should get some blood in you- and you, too, Ran- but I’ve left your wounds unattended for too long as it is.”

“You’re one person. ‘N I’m not dyin’.” Ranmaru assures. The way he’s looking at the ceiling now is different. He’s trying to ignore the pain from Ren cleaning and beginning to stitch his wounds. 

Ren does frown at that. Ranmaru hadn’t meant to kill the slightly lightened mood, but it was unavoidable, unfortunately. “Your wounds are still serious, and immortal isn’t quite the right word for us. It’s not impossible to kill our kind, Ran, and this man got very, very close. With you, too. Not just with Masa.”

“Y’told me my switchblade couldn’t kill you.”

“It can’t. But that blade is tiny, baby. It can hurt pretty badly, but you’d need a lot of power to kill one of us with it. If you were still able to hold it- you’re strong enough that you’d likely be able to kill someone with it now, but humans don’t have enough physical strength to kill something like us with something like that. The blades he used weren’t tiny switchblades, baby- they did some real damage. These aren’t going to heal overnight. You’re going to heal from these just as slowly as Masa is going to heal from his wounds. It just means that you both need a lot of feeding and a lot of rest. I’d say three bags a day.” 

“Won’t we get sick?”

“When you got sick from that last bag, it was because you didn’t need it. Your brain was overworked but your body was fine. This time, your body really does need more.”

Ranmaru gets quiet again when Ren finally starts bandaging his wounds. 

“If you can stay awake, Ran, I’d like to see you eat, too. As soon as I clean up, I’ll be bringing up some blood. Masa, baby doll, are you awake?”

Masato makes a short noise- pained and sleepy, but showing that he’s awake. 

“Give me a few minutes, tops.” Ren pauses, and he glances between both of them with just a bit of a frown. “How much pain are you in?”

He doesn’t ask a specific person, but both of them answer in their own way. 

Masato’s face finally changes, only for a few seconds. It’s a twisted, pained expression that he drops quickly because even that takes too much energy. 

“It hurts like a bitch.” Ranmaru mutters. “But I’ll get over it.”

“I think I know a way to help both of you.” Ren’s voice is extremely grim, and Ranmaru isn’t sure why. It makes him nervous, but Ren starts moving before Ranmaru can ask. 

When Ren comes back, a few moments later, Ren looks just a bit strange, though he’s also carrying two bags of blood. 

Ren’s expression is… exhausted. His eyes are lidded and his shoulders are dropped, and the corners of his mouth are lowered as he can’t possibly lift them. 

“Ren?” Ranmaru’s voice is uncertain. Ren can’t quite lift his mouth in a smile, but he makes his way to Masato’s side table, setting the blood packs down. Ren is moving slowly, but he settles himself on the edge of the bed. 

“I’m fine.” Ren’s voice is a bit slurred. Ren leans over, and while his voice is a mumble in Masato’s ear, Ranmaru can hear it. Masato has managed to blink his eyes open, and while his face is blank, Ranmaru can see concern in Masato’s eyes. The same concern that Ranmaru feels, seeing Ren acting like this. “Bite me, Masa. It will make you feel better.”

“What did you do, Ren?” Masato’s voice is soft with pain but it’s also uncertain. 

“I took some painkillers.” Ren admits. 

“Why?” Ranmaru is extremely confused. Why wouldn’t Ren just give them the painkillers directly.

“It’s the only way it will help you.” Ren is holding himself over Masato, but his free hand pets through Masato’s hair. “I’ve already done it, baby, please just feed. Just take as much as you feel like you need.”

“I still don’t get it.” Ranmaru manages a weak scowl. “I don’t get why y’drugged yourself. ‘S obviously workin’ on you.”

Masato has gingerly bit into Ren’s neck, still clearly unsure. Ranmaru can see Masato’s face relax after only a few seconds of biting into Ren, but he holds it for a bit longer before he lets his head fall back. Ren’s face hadn’t changed much, though he pets through Masato’s hair. Before he answers Ranmaru, he mumbles to Masato. “I’ll get you your real blood in just a second, honey.” Ren pushes himself up on unsteady legs and finally answers Ranmaru. “I took a whole bottle, Ran.”

“ _What_?”

“It’s the same as food.” Ren sits down on the bed next to Ranmaru. “I’ll explain more in a second, Ran, but it’s going be easier if you feed from me right now.” 

Ranmaru is almost a bit begrudging when Ren leans over, but he does. Ranmaru feels it almost immediately- the relief of the pain. Ranmaru has to pull himself away not very long in because it was _strong_. Ranmaru already felt exhausted. 

“I’m going to get sick.” Ren admits when Ranmaru finally pulls away. Masato is quiet, but he’s watching Ren, though it’s clearly difficult for him to fight off sleep, too. “If I gave you a normal dose, it would help for a minute and then you’d throw it up. If I had taken a normal amount, I’d throw it up but you wouldn’t be able to get any of medication’s effects. I took enough for both of you to get the effects from _my_ blood- so you won’t get sick and it still works.”

“But you’re gonna get sick.” Ranmaru mutters.

Ren sighs. “It’s no worse than Masa eating his melon bread.” Ren’s lecture is very weak right now. “I’m willing to get sick if it helps the both of you. But now- I’m going to get blood in the both of you before I _do_ get sick, and then you both need some rest.”

Masato’s recovery goes a bit slower than Ranmaru’s, and for the most part, they’re both forced to stay in the bed. Ranmaru sleeps a lot during it, but he had always been inclined to napping. Ren pulls his medication trick three more times. Ranmaru and Masato both tell him that he shouldn’t, every time he does, but when he’s the only one that’s (according to him) allowed to move freely around the house, it’s hard to stop him. 

Ranmaru and Masato both try to hide the pain when Ren’s near, but Ren can see it in their expressions when they’re asleep. They can’t deny Ren, either, once he’s already done it- because he’s going to be sick whether they feed or not, though Ranmaru has considered. 

The only reason Ranmaru hasn’t pushed through and denied Ren is because he thinks Masato might, too, and it’s very clear that Masato is helped by the pain medication. 

Though, to be fair- Ranmaru is, too. 

He just hates hearing Ren get sick. He didn’t like watching Masato, on Masato’s birthday, either, but at least there, Masato had _gotten something_ out of it. Ranmaru is sure that Ren would consider Ranmaru and Masato being in less pain to be worth it, but it still didn’t set well with Ranmaru. If it weren’t for Masato, Ranmaru wouldn’t go along with it.

At a period where Masato is still on strict bedrest (on Ren’s orders), Ren goes to get Ranmaru. 

“Lettin’ me up?” Ranmaru’s eyebrow raises. Ren had still been keeping Ranmaru in the bed, almost as much as Masato. 

Ren smiles. It’s unreadable, but it makes Ranmaru suspicious. “I have something for you, but I can’t give it to you in bed. If you’re not feeling well-”

“‘M fine.” Ranmaru’s already starting to get up, eager to stand before Ren changes his mind. Ren does make him slow down, taking Ranmaru’s arm to try to help him move. Ranmaru _wasn’t_ healed yet. He wasn’t even sleeping as much, either, because Masato had healed enough to not sleep as much. Masato had far more trouble napping than Ranmaru did, but Ren wasn’t always in the room, so Ranmaru did his best to stay awake with Masato. It was boring, being there, in pain and with nothing to do. Most of Masato’s hobbies weren’t things he could while bedridden, though he had picked up cross-stitching. Right now, it wasn’t something he could do very long, however, because it was still hard to do when he could hardly even prop himself up. 

Ranmaru waits to say anything until they’re outside of the room. “...I know you wanted ‘t wait, Ren- but I think we should talk about all ‘a this now.”

“Masa is still sick, Ran. And you are, too.”

“...I don’t really wanna talk ‘t Masa about this.” Ranmaru admits with a sigh. They’re traveling to the dining room. “Don’t think he deserves my shit on top ‘a me gettin’ ‘im shot, too.”

“You didn’t get him shot.” Ren says sharply. “That wasn’t your fault. And Masa has a right to know about how you’re feelin’.”

“Maybe I’ll eventually tell him. But it’s…” Ranmaru’s words die out, turning into a grim silence. 

Ren’s voice is soft. “What, baby?”

“It’s been buggin’ me.”

Ren sighs. “I wish that you would wait, but if it’s bothering you, we’ll talk. But that isn’t why I drug you out of bed. We can talk- but after.”

“After?” Ranmaru raises an eyebrow, but he realizes why they’re heading to the dining room when he sees a plate set up. Ranmaru can’t help the nearly amused smile, lifting a corner of his lips. “Did you cut the meat up?”

“I wasn’t so sure that you’d actually do it.” Ren’s voice is just a bit teasing. “And maybe I was trying to go a little soft on you. I’d still like you to use a fork though.”

“Dunno that you’ve ever _gotten_ me meat before. You feelin’ bad?”

“A little.” There’s more truth to Ren’s phrase than his lighthearted tone lets on. “But let’s get you sitting down.” Ren pulls the chair out for Ranmaru, and Ranmaru doesn’t hesitate to sit. He personally wouldn’t use a fork- especially not with the bite sized pieces the steak had already been cut up into, but because Ren had done this for him, he entertains Ren and uses the fork. 

“I know it’s your side that’s hurt, but try to eat slower.” Ren reminds. “I’d hate for you to make yourself sick from _pain_.”

Ranmaru grunts, but he does stay mindful of how quickly he’s eating. He notices that this cut of meat is far bloodier than the one he had bought for himself. “‘S a good cut. ...Thanks.”

Ren chuckles. “I got it from an actual butcher’s shop. It’s a bit fresher than the cooler steak that you had gotten.”

“...I feel bad for Masa. ‘Bout this stuff.” Ranmaru admits. “Think I got real lucky that I’m into stuff like this.”

Ren sighs. “It seems awfully lucky that you can digest raw meat. I wish we could find a solution for Masa, but I’m afraid that there’s not much we can do about bread.” 

“Not that he cares.” Ranmaru mutters, shaking his head. “Think if he could actually bake the stuff, ‘n if he weren’t livin’ with us, too, that he’d be eatin’ it a lot more.”

“You’re right.” Ren says dryly. “But it’s a hard situation.” Ren pinches the bridge of his nose. “I don’t blame him. I can’t. I may not have the urges, but clearly you do- and it isn’t as if I wouldn’t eat food if I could. And he could certainly choose to do things far more dangerous…”

“‘S not fun ‘t see ‘im sick. ...But it’s nice ‘t see ‘im, happy, too. Think there’s a balance we’ve gotta find.”

“It seems like you’ve found it.” Ren admits. “If he’s going to insist on eating it- I’d say that special occasions are a good time for it. It was nice to see him happy. You’re right.”

Ranmaru falls quiet as he continues eating, though at a point, Ren actually reaches over. Admittedly, he looks a bit hesitant, but Ranmaru can’t help some amusement when Ren eats it. 

“Thought y’were a fork fan.” Ranmaru teases. “Only _I’m_ not allowed ‘t eat with my fingers?”

“I found you bare handing an entire cut of meat in the kitchen, Ran. I think you _need_ a fork.” Ren shakes his head. Unlike Ranmaru, he had finished the bite of meat before he spoke. “But I was curious. I can’t say that I actually understand.” Ren tilts his head, resting his head on his hand and his elbow on the table. “I can see why you don’t get sick- it seems like it’s mostly blood. Especially on this specific cut. But I don’t know that _I’d_ necessarily like to eat it very often… but I actually feel better. Giving it to you.”

“What?” Ranmaru can’t help his grin. “You think I’ve been pukin’ in the bathroom behind your back?”

“I was wondering.” Ren rolls his eyes, but he does have a small smile. “I’m glad to see I was wrong.”

Ren’s smile finally drops and settles into something more serious when Ranmaru finishes his food. 

“Alright.” Ren’s expression is growing more grim. Ranmaru’s matches the serious mood that’s taken over. “Let’s talk about this on the couch. I’ll take care of the plate after.”

Ranmaru nods, though as he stands, Ren is already by his side to help him out of the chair and lead him to the couch. Ranmaru lets Ren settle him down. Ranmaru has to lean back into the couch because if he leans forward too much it _hurts_. 

Ren’s hand lands on Ranmaru’s knee. “What’s bothering you about this, Ran?” Ren keeps his voice soft. 

Ranmaru closes his eyes for a long moment, frowning, but he opens his eyes before he speaks. He doesn’t actually look Ren in the eyes. “‘S bad enough,” Ranmaru is trying very hard to keep his voice steady. “That I can’t protect myself. That I’m _still_ so fuckin’ weak- but it wasn’t just me this time. My fuckin’ incompetence got Masa hurt, too. I could’ve gotten all three of us killed, Ren- ‘n then I had the chance to fuckin’ finish it ‘n I couldn’t even do _that_.”

“It wasn’t you.” Ren’s voice this time is just… sad. He stands, so that he can sit on Ranmaru’s uninjured side, to cuddle into him. “It was a hunter, baby. They aren’t usually problems- I don’t know what got this one’s attention about us but it was bad luck. It happens sometimes, but you didn’t know. You couldn’t have. We’ve never talked about them. ...Honestly… I hate that Masa was hurt- don’t get me wrong. That isn’t your fault- it was the hunter’s. It was something that shouldn’t have happened because we haven’t done anything to deserve it- but… if you hadn’t led him here, Ran…” Ren curls into Ranmaru tighter. “He’d have killed you, baby. He was waiting to see where you’d go, and if you had gone somewhere too out of the way... Because you led him here, we all made it. You wouldn’t have. If he had gotten you off-guard…” Ren holds Ranmaru as tightly as he dares. “And you’re not weak. You almost beat him. And I don’t consider it weak, that you couldn’t kill him. That you didn’t. It’s not an easy thing, Ranmaru, and killing people isn’t normal. Just because we live longer doesn’t mean we’re better than them- and I’m ashamed to say that it took me quite some time to come to that conclusion. ...Until I really started to care for _you_ I hadn’t realized how… easy it was. To hold myself to the same standard a human would. To come to the idea that I can have a morality even if I’m _not_ strictly human. I love that you’re human, baby. Even if you’re not really, anymore- I like you. I think you’re a good person. I think you have a good moral. And I’m never going to want you to change that. Just because we- you, Masa and I, have the _capability_ to become a monster doesn’t mean that we have to be.” Ren’s fingers gently stroke over Ranmaru’s uninjured side. “Masa isn’t your fault.” Ren says finally. “You didn’t pull that trigger. You’re not weak, either. ...You can’t control other people. You don’t ask people to hurt you. You don’t do anything to deserve it. The world is a dark place and some people are just cruel.” Ren’s head tilts up nuzzling into Ranmaru’s neck.

“I wanna do somethin’.” Ranmaru says grimly. “‘T try ‘t get stronger.”

“I don’t know what you can do.” Ren sighs. “You already know how to fight, baby. And you’re _not_ weak. Just give yourself time. Besides, I shudder to think of you in a few years from now.” Ren gives a weak, teasing smile. “The older you get the stronger, Ran. You’re going to be _unstoppable_ in ten years from now.”

Ranmaru gives a huff that’s almost amused, but he finally moves, to sling an arm around Ren’s shoulders, holding him tightly. 

“I hate to say it…” Ren’s voice turns serious. “It may have been better. That Masa weren’t here for this conversation. I know he’d tell you everything that I told you- but it’s harder for him. And it’s harder for him because I was in a dark place, too, but nowhere near where he had been, and for far longer. I was no saint, but…” Ren’s eyes close, his expression darkening. “I hate to say that I’m glad seeing Masato regret how he had been, but I am. Guilt is a very strong emotion- but when it’s felt correctly, it shows that you’re capable of change. And I like seeing Masa as he is now.” Ren’s smile is still dark. It’s still sad. “Christmas? And his birthday? That Masa I saw on those days was the same Masa I knew when we were kids. The part of Masa I feel in love with. Back then and right now and every single day.” Ren opens his eyes, but the expression is a bit distant. “But he deals with so much. I know you see both sides of him, too. I just… I wish I could help him. I wish we could. But there’s so much he still needs to work through.”

“We’ve got the rest ‘a our lives ‘t do it. ‘N it sounds like that’s gonna be a real long fuckin’ time. We’ll get more Christmas moments, Ren. Masa wants ‘t change. He’s doin’ real good with it, too.”

“I’m glad I was the one that took care of the hunter.” Ren’s voice is almost a whisper. “I’ve been thinking about it. I don’t like killing people. I may have killed before, but I’ve never _liked_ it. ...I don’t know what state Masa would be in, had I been shot and had he been forced to deal with the hunter. I think it would have sent him miles back from how well that he’s doing.”

“He didn’t.” Ranmaru’s voice is a bit empty. 

Ren agrees weakly. “He didn’t.”

Ranmaru ends up being stuck in bed for another good week before Ren starts letting him around by himself again, though Ren had started getting nervous, if Ranmaru goes near the door (though he’s yet to go to the door with intent to leave). 

_”You’re still hurt.” Ren’s voice is gentle. Ranmaru sighs._

_“‘M not leavin’, Ren.”_

_“Good.” Ren’s voice is just a bit more firm. “I’d prefer you not to leave by yourself for a while.”_

_“Figured you’d say that. Relax. I don’t really wanna leave right now anyways. ‘Sides. Wouldn’t want ‘t leave Masa right now. Even if I **were** goin’ alone.”_

Ranmaru is relieved when Masato starts moving around more. Ranmaru had realized, on his own side, that the scars were already turning faint, so he hoped that the same would happen to Masato. He had seen Masato’s scar, and at the moment, it was still nasty and very noticeable against Masato’s pale skin.

“Ranmaru.” Ranmaru had been taken off guard when Masato had approached him one night, his voice and expression very serious. Ranmaru had just been sitting on the couch by himself- he wasn’t sure where in the house that Ren was, but he wasn’t with Ranmaru. 

“Huh?” Ranmaru doesn’t move his body, but his head turns towards Masato and follows Masato as Masato makes his way in front of Ranmaru, and then onto the couch next to him. Masato reaches out, cupping Ranmaru’s face and forcing Ranmaru to look directly at Masato. 

“I wasn’t in the state to say much, when you brought it up a few weeks ago- and I’m sure that Ren has pounded this into your head, and I certainly hope he has. You are not at fault for me getting hurt. Truthfully, this situation likely wasn’t avoidable. I feel that if Ren or I were in your place, that it still would have played out nearly the same. I don’t want you kicking yourself over this.” Masato’s voice is stern, as is his expression. His violet eyes are almost blazing. 

Ranmaru sighs, raising his hand to cover Masato’s, squeezing his hand gently. “I appreciate it, Masa, but your right. Ren’s really been hammerin’ in that point. I dunno that I can totally agree. I still think there ‘r things I should’a done ‘n actions I should’a taken- but it’s… done. There’s nothin’ else I can do.”

Masato pulls Ranmaru’s face closer, pressing their foreheads together. Masato’s gaze is both intense and nearly intimidating. “It’s not your fault.” He repeats firmly. 

“Masa-”

“It’s not your fault.” Masato’s eyes narrow in a glare. “I’ll say that as often as I need to. As many times as you need to hear that. Because I feel that you blame yourself for far too many things and I feel that Ren and I have only heard of half of it. And when I blamed myself- when you were hurt before, _you_ were hurt but you wouldn’t entertain the idea. You were going through the worst experience of your life and you were concerned for me and how I was feeling in that situation. This time- unfortunately you were hurt as well… but you’re blaming yourself for why I was hurt. And as the injured party in that situation, I can tell you not to blame yourself. I was shot. And there _is_ blame to assign, Ranmaru, and it isn’t at _you_. It’s at the person that shot me. This isn’t a hive mind, Ran. It isn’t as if you wished ill-will towards me, or that you hoped for me to be hurt. And even if you had, it isn’t as if that would have been the cause of it, anyways. The gun wasn’t yours.” Masato is pressing his forehead against Ranmaru’s so hard that it aches. “It’s not your fault. And you should believe that sentiment when it comes from me because there isn’t anyone that can mean that as much as me in this situation.”

Ranmaru wants to shake his head, and he would if Masato didn’t have his face trapped. He finally settles with, “Jesus, Masa.” 

“This isn’t a negotiation.” Masato says sternly. “No blaming yourself.”

Masato pulls back his own head, but he ends up bringing Ranmaru’s head lower, to cradle Ranmaru’s head against Masato’s shoulder. 

“If you really have more that you want to say-” Masato mumbles. “I’ll listen. But I’m not changing my mind. Until I blame you, you aren’t allowed to assign yourself the blame.”

All Ranmaru can manage right now is another sigh. The position that Masato is holding his head in isn’t painful, though it is a bit awkward. It isn’t enough to make Ranmaru try to move and Masato clearly has no intentions of letting him go.

Ranmaru isn’t sure that his opinion truly changes- but he knows that Ren and (especially) Masato’s weren’t going to change either. Further discussion on it didn’t really seem worthwhile because all three men were stubborn and Ranmaru didn’t really have anything new to add. 

He did understand. He _wasn’t_ the one with the gun. Had he known the man was a hunter, he’d have never dared go near his own home. But it was hard for Ranmaru to not feel that it was his fault. 

Even Ranmaru understood that a lot of the blame lied on Ranmaru’s _strength_. Ranmaru had proven that he could have killed the man. Ranmaru wishes he acted before Masato had been hurt. He wishes he hadn’t snapped himself out of it. 

Ranmaru didn’t necessarily want to kill anyone- but when that man had hurt his boyfriend and attacked _both_ of his partners and himself without any real provocation. 

It hits Ranmaru, one night. He had gone to the bathroom to take a shower and the thoughts that had crossed his mind were strong enough that he had actually managed to break off part of the linoleum that stuck out of the shower wall to hold the soap. He held the piece in his hand like it was putty. It was giving under his grip in the same way, even disconnected from the wall. 

There was someone that knew where Ren and Masato lived. There was a chance that Ranmaru hadn’t even led the hunter to his own home- maybe the hunter had already known and had just happened across Ranmaru on the way. 

Maybe Siera actually knew Ranmaru was alive. 

Maybe she didn’t and the hunter was actually there to attack Ren and Masato. 

Ranmaru didn’t have any proof. It made sense to him, but it could just as easily be a stretch of his imagination. 

Ranmaru was, once again, seeing red. 

The anger was one of the hardest things to deal with, but this anger was always different, when it came to Siera. Ranmaru doesn’t know how on Earth this type of anger is worse than the kind he felt when Masato was shot, but it was. 

Or maybe it wasn’t worse. Maybe it was just different.

The more often he had started to deal with it, the more comfortable he was getting to be in it. He doesn’t know that he’d be able to stop himself from killing Siera. He wonders how he would take it if he did. 

He wonders if there may even be relief. 

But even if there wasn’t, even if he found it hard to live with the weight of someone’s life on his hands, even someone as disgusting and despicable as hers… at least she’d be gone. That would be enough. That would be worth it.

Ranmaru hadn’t heard how loud the breaking of the shower piece was over the static he was hearing, brought on by his anger, but Ren had been very quick to enter the shower. Masato still hadn’t seen Ranmaru naked, even after all this time of dating, but Ren had no shame in it, anymore. Ranmaru isn’t sure if Ren was even registering the fact that Ranmaru was naked, too distracted by the linolium in his hand. 

Ranmaru’s anger dies down with his realization that he had _broken_ part of Ren’s shower.

“Shit.” Ranmaru’s mumble is almost too flat as the shock kills the anger like a rush of cold water. Ranmaru’s hand opens, but Ren reaches through the stream to take it from him, Ren’s eyebrows drawn in. “Sorry, Ren.”

“Don’t be.” Ren reassures quickly. “I care more about you than I do about this.” With that, Ren tosses the piece towards the trash can, hardly giving it a glance. It wasn’t fixable. “What’s wrong, Ran?” As Ren speaks, he’s reaching to turn off the shower water. 

Ranmaru’s jaw grits, trying to push his anger back down, but he closes his eyes and forcibly releases some of it with a sigh. It was too short of a time to get himself worked up over it, so it wasn’t nearly as difficult to force down his anger to a more manageable level. “Just lost my temper.” Ranmaru grunts. “That’s it.”

“Why don’t we get you dried off and we can talk about it?” Ren’s hand moves to Ranmaru’s arm, to start to help him out of the shower. Ranmaru shakes his head. 

“‘M sorry about the shower.” Ranmaru’s free hand lifts to pinch the bridge of his nose. “But ‘m calmer.” Ranmaru promises. “‘N I think that talkin’ about it is gonna piss me off again ‘n it’s rough. The ups ‘n downs. I just wanna finish my shower ‘n forget about it.”

Ren hesitates, clearly not exactly happy with Ranmaru’s answer. There’s a frown on Ren’s face. “...If you really won’t tell me, I really want to stay in here with you."

Ranmaru hesitates. He wants to tell Ren to not bother. Ranmaru isn’t trying to pick a fight- he knows that Ren is just worried. But Ranmaru is telling himself that he’s calm again and he knows it’s going to be boring, just sitting there and waiting for Ranmaru to finish with his shower. Or stressful- because maybe Ren is waiting for Ranmaru to snap again. “You really that worried?”

“I am.” Ren admits, his frown still there. Especially when he sees the look in Ranmaru’s eyes- but then he seems to get an idea. His smile is still just a bit strained, but it’s less so, with his suggestive question. 

“Would it make you feel better if I got in the shower with you?”

Ranmaru blinks, almost a bit surprised. It _was_ a better solution than Ren just sitting there, doing nothing. And Ren’s suggestion makes it easier for Ranmaru’s eye roll to come good naturedly, and that sets Ren just a bit at ease. “Should’a seen that one comin’.” Ranmaru grumbles. “If you’re gettin’ in, get in. ‘M startin’ the water.”

Ranmaru’s anger comes and goes, but when the anger has anything to do with Siera, he won’t talk about it. He doesn’t like to bring up her name for quite a few reasons- but he has two main ones. 

The first reason is Ren and Masato. He knows that they like hearing her as much as he liked talking about her, and it isn’t that they won’t listen, or that they don’t want to- but she’s an unpleasant topic. A trigger. Just her name alone sets them on edge, for both themselves and for Ranmaru. 

The second reason actually is himself. The more he thinks about her, the more angry he gets. He imagines that it’s largely because she was the reason for his change, and his death, and the majority of the worst pain that he’s felt. Ren and Masato were hurt by her, too, and the thought of that floods him with rage as well. 

When Ranmaru encounters Siera again, he had assumed that he would but had hoped that he wouldn’t. 

There was no evil plan on her part. There was no stalking the three of them, or “coincidentally” showing up in the same places as them. There was nothing to tell Ranmaru where she would be- a note, or a messenger. 

Ranmaru had caught sight of her, parting ways with another woman on the way out of a bar. Siera hadn’t noticed the three men on the other side of the road, heading home from the butcher’s. They didn’t often go, for very obvious reasons, but Ranmaru had been having cravings for meat, and Masato had actually gotten curious. Masato wasn’t a very big meat person, but considering they helped Ranmaru’s cravings for food, Masato was willing to give it a try. He hadn’t felt disgusted, looking at the meat, though none of the cuts had called to him. Ranmaru, on the other hand, had been attracted to all of them. 

Ren was with them because Ren didn’t want them out alone. And, Ranmaru knew, Ren wasn’t overly enthusiastic about being left home alone, anyways.

Ranmaru is the first one that stops, though Masato and Ren immediately catch onto what is going on. For just a second, Ranmaru feels… lost. 

Ranmaru forgets everything but the feeling of fear, and the feeling that he’s going to die. That he’s about to be in pain. 

And then that stops and he’s heading across the street, his entire body feeling like it’s been lit on fire. Ranmaru is lucky that Siera’s friend has already headed in her own direction and that the street is empty, because when Ranmaru grabs Siera by a fistful of her hair and pulls her in between two buildings, he isn’t looking to see if anyone else is watching him attack this _seemingly_ innocent girl. 

Masato and Ren had been frozen, but not for very long after Ranmaru had started forward. Ren is at his elbow and Masato is just behind his back, even after Ranmaru has grabbed Siera. He can see Ren’s fingers wrapped around his bicep, but he can’t actually feel it. If Masato is touching him, he has no idea. Siera is speaking, or screeching, or cursing but Ranmaru doesn’t know and Ranmaru doesn’t care. 

Ranmaru gets Siera pinned to the wall easily. He lets go of her hair to pin her by the throat, and he can see actual fear in her eyes when she realizes that she _can’t_ get his hand off of her throat. 

Ranmaru finally speaks when he sees her open her mouth to scream. Ranmaru’s voice is a growl. “If you make any noises, I’ll rip your fuckin’ tongue out ‘n shove it down your throat.”

Ranmaru will be glad, later, that he can’t see Ren’s face. That he can’t see Masato’s. 

Masato is struggling right now- because he wants what Ranmaru wants. He wants to see Siera pay. He wants Siera to get what’s coming to her, and that’s death. Siera hasn’t proven herself worthy to live, in Masato’s opinion or Ranmaru’s. But Masato has never seen Ranmaru act like this and that isn’t lost on his face. 

Ren had _really_ never seen Ranmaru act like this. Ren hates Siera. He hates Siera for how she hurt Masato. He despises Siera for what she did to Ranmaru. Ren doesn’t think she deserves to live, to just continue on hurting people. Ren finds it hard to believe that he, Masato and Ranmaru are the only ones that she has hurt or screwed over. But thinking about what Ranmaru may do has put a sad look on Ren’s face. He doesn’t want to see Ranmaru’s hands dirtied. Especially not by the likes of her. 

When they speak, Ranmaru finally hears them. It’s like an angel and a devil on his shoulder- though if Ranmaru had thought of this situation before, he wouldn’t have thought that _Masato_ would be the devil. 

Masato is the first to speak. “I want her dead.” Masato’s voice is cold. “And I know that’s what you want, too. You have every right to kill her, Ran, and you have every right to make it as slow and painful as she tried to make yours.”

“I won’t tell you not to kill her.” Ren’s voice is gentle. They’re speaking as if she isn’t there- but she doesn’t have a choice in this, anyways. Ranmaru wants to hear nothing from her. He’s shaking in his anger. “I can’t say that she deserves to live and I can’t say that you don’t deserve to be the one to finish her- but make it humane, Ran, please. Do it quickly. Don’t let her turn you into her. You’re not a monster. Not the way she is.”

When Ranmaru feels uncertain- it isn’t in the way he had felt when faced with killing the hunter. There isn’t hesitation in wondering if he should because his mind is made up. He has known for a very long time that when he ran into Siera, he would kill her. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. 

But he’s reminded of Ren, telling him how he was glad Masato hadn’t killed the hunter. 

How Ren had told him how he was in love with the part of Masato that _wasn’t_... this part of him. The part that was supporting Ranmaru’s wish for her slow, cruel death. How Ren had said that he loved the part of Ranmaru that was… human. 

Ren wouldn’t want to watch Masato kill anyone because he was worried of how Masato would take it afterwards. Of who he would become. 

Who would Ranmaru become, if he killed Siera the way that his rage was telling him to? If he ripped her apart and made her feel the same pain he had felt. 

She was a monster. There was no doubt about that. 

Did Ranmaru want to be one, too?

Masato wasn’t. Masato may be supporting it, but he had changed. Ranmaru didn’t want to reenforce Masato taking a step back, by feeding into Masato’s own desire to see her suffer. 

She deserved to die. Ranmaru didn’t deserve to stoop to her level. 

Ranmaru hated playing the victim card- but that’s what they all were. They were _her_ victims. 

Ranmaru’s anger and hate and rage wasn’t gone, but there’s a cold feeling going through his veins. 

“I want you both ‘t turn away.” He says grimly. 

“Ran-” Ren’s voice is uncertain. Masato is frowning. 

“I mean it.” 

Ren’s hand slowly moves away from Ren’s arm. Masato slowly takes a step back. When neither of them are watching, Ranmaru’s hand moves from Seira’s neck to her shoulder. 

“You can’t do it.” She hisses. “He may have turned you, but you’re still nothing but a blood bag. Just as broken and dying as you were the last time I saw you.”

She’s aiming to hurt. She knows she can’t plead her way out, but she knows her words will do something. They may hurt him, enough to distract him. Enough to get her out of this. Or they won’t, and he’ll have to ponder over them, after she’s dead. She’ll have the last word. 

Or so she thinks. 

Ranmaru doesn’t care. 

His free hand finds her hair. 

Ranmaru can’t say that he feels weak when he pulls her head from her body. 

There wasn’t any coming back from that. 

Ranmaru just scowls at the head, still held in one hand, even as her body falls. He drops her head in disgust, not wanting to look at it any longer.

“We should go.”

Ranmaru’s anger was finally fleeting. He was feeling empty now. She was gone. He wondered if she’d finally stop haunting him now. Maybe he could start getting his absurd anger under control now. 

Ren looks worried, as he turns. Ren looks at Ranmaru, before he looks at Siera. 

Masato takes a very long look at Siera’s body, only moving when Ranmaru finally does, to leave the alley. Ren is holding on tightly to Ranmaru’s arm. 

Masato had been carrying the bag with the meat, and it’s still there, dropped across the road. Ranmaru heads over there, almost numbly, picking up the bag before continuing on the route home. 

“Are you okay?” Ren is holding tightly onto Ranmaru’s arm. Ranmaru just makes a noise. It’s hard to read. 

It’s no harder to read than Masato’s face. There’s no malice, or satisfaction, or remorse or disgust. It’s doll-like. 

Ranmaru is quiet, too, even when they get home. Ren won’t let go of him, clinging to his arm. 

Ranmaru puts away the meat, and Ren doesn’t speak again until Ranmaru has. 

“We should talk about this.”

“Tomorrow.” Ranmaru grunts. “Can’t think about it right now.”

Ren doesn’t seem to like that answer, but he doesn’t push it now. 

It’s strange, when they get into bed, because both Ranmaru and Masato are acting robotic. Masato gets to the edge of the bed and he lays so that his back faces Ren and Ranmaru. Ranmaru doesn’t argue when Ren coerces him into the middle, but Ranmaru stays on his back, staring at the ceiling. Ren lays on the edge, curled into Ranmaru’s side, holding him tightly. 

They’re all dealing with the scene in their own way. 

Ranmaru is reminded of the Ren he had been afraid of, and he can hardly see the comparison. It’s laughable, thinking that Ren wanted Ranmaru as a blood pet. That Ren used to feed off of humans. That Ren was a killer, at some point- because in Ranmaru’s opinion, Ren had turned into the most human of the three. Right now, the Ren that Ranmaru was seeing is the Ren that Ranmaru imagined he was before he was turned- or very shortly after. The Ren that had been hurt and betrayed and scared. But that wasn’t quite right, either, because this is also the Ren that wants to protect Masato. The Ren that now wants to protect Ranmaru, too. Ranmaru’s worried that Ren may think he failed. 

The Masato laying in the bed with them now reminds Ranmaru of the one he had met at first. The cold, hurt and bitter Masato. The one that wanted nothing but to make Ren pay- but that wasn’t right. Masato didn’t hate Ren. Masato wasn’t hating Ren right now, but he was still clearly stuck in the past. Masato was hurt right now- but Ren was worried about Ranmaru and Ranmaru felt lost. They both want to help him, but right now, neither man knows how. 

And Ranmaru… Ranmaru wasn’t sure who he was. He was glad that he didn’t listen to Masato. He was glad that he didn’t listen to himself. He still had specks of blood on his shirt and even that was far too much- but it was nothing as opposed to what Ranmaru could have been covered in. As to what Ranmaru wanted to do. Her death was quick, compared to what he could have done. Ranmaru hadn’t turned into a monster, the way that Ren had feared. The way that Masato had encouraged. But Ranmaru couldn’t pretend that he was human anymore. He had been afraid of Ren, at first- but Ren hadn’t done anything like what Ranmaru had done. Ranmaru didn’t need to kill her. Ranmaru could have kept walking. He was unprovoked, technically. Yes, she deserved it. All three men thought so. But this wasn’t self-defensive. This was an attack. 

This was revenge. 

Ranmaru isn’t sure how he falls asleep, but he does. 

He wakes up to four hands on him and a very heavy pressure on his stomach. When his eyes fly open, Ren is straddling him and Masato is hovering over him. They’re holding him down. 

Ranmaru’s thrashing takes a few moments to stop because when his body is in attack mode, his brain is telling him that he should stay in it. There’s a threat, he’s sure, but he isn’t sure what that threat is. 

“Ssh, baby, you’re okay, calm down.” Ren’s voice is as calming as it can be, but it’s loud enough to try to get through to Ranmaru. “Please calm down.”

What calms Ranmaru- no, not calms. What _stills_ Ranmaru is the mark on Ren’s cheek. It’s dark. It’s not quite a hand shape, but Ranmaru feels certain that he made it. 

Ranmaru’s body goes limp with the realization. 

“You’re okay.” Ren’s voice finally drops into a mumble. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. We’re all okay.”

Ranmaru’s eyes find the ceiling. He only takes a second to get himself together, but he’s moving slower and they don’t stop him, until he gently tries to get Ren off of him. Ren won’t move. 

“Ran-”

“I hurt you.” Ranmaru spits the words out, disgusted at himself. He may not have meant to- but it didn’t change that the mark on Ren’s face was entirely Ranmaru’s fault. “You shouldn’t even be near me.”

“That wasn’t your fault.” Ren’s voice is weak. “It was a nightmare and it could have been worse.”

Masato is still quiet, in the same way that he had been before Ranmaru had woken them up. 

“Let go ‘a my arms.” Ranmaru’s voice is a bit weak, but whatever Masato hears in it gets Masato to sit up and give Ranmaru enough slack to lift an arm. Ren’s expression is still cautious. He hasn’t moved and he doesn’t seem to have any intention to- but there’s poorly hidden surprise when Ranmaru cups the uninjured side of Ren’s face. “C’mere.” He mumbles. 

Ren listens, lowering himself down, though he’s careful when he lays on Ranmaru’s chest. Ranmaru’s hand laces through Ren’s hair, holding Ren to him. When Ranmaru reaches out for Masato, Masato moves, too, laying his head on Ren’s back. Ranmaru settles his hand on Masato’s back.

Ranmaru uses the moment of silence to try to calm himself down. He can’t remember his nightmare and he’s not trying to. Recalling it could end badly, if his temper _or_ fear flares, as proven by the mark on Ren. That thought gets Ranmaru to turn his head, pressing a kiss to the side of Ren’s head. 

“I’m sorry.” Ranmaru repeats. “Whether y’blame me ‘r not, I still hit you.” Ranmaru’s voice drops further. “I’ll be more careful.”

“You were asleep.” Ren’s own voice sounds weak. “And I can’t say that I’m surprised you’re having nightmares. Your responses to them are because of what you are, Ran. I know you didn’t mean to hit me. That’s enough.”

Masato’s hand finds Ranmaru’s chest, trying to offer him some comfort. One of Ren’s hands lands over Masato’s. 

“I’m not gettin’ back to sleep.” Ranmaru finally sighs. It had been at least a few moments of absolute silence in the room. 

“Maybe we should talk about earlier.” Ranmaru can feel Ren squeeze Masato’s hand. “I think that there are things we all need to discuss.” Ren’s voice then softens. “I didn’t sleep very well either. And I’m worried about you, too, Masa.”

“You might be right.” Ranmaru’s voice may be a mutter but his tone is grim. “Think there’s some stuff ‘t talk about ‘n I think it might be important to say now.”

“Are you alright, Ran? You were the one that did it. And you were the one that has been hurt the most by her.”

They haven’t moved their positions, though Ranmaru’s arms tighten around his partners. “I dunno.” He admits. “She’s gone ‘n I’m glad for that. ...I’m glad I listened ‘t you, Ren. I wanted ‘t make her suffer ‘s much as you did, Masa, but I don’t think that was the right way ‘t go because I _don’t_ feel better that she’s dead. I can’t say I feel bad for killin’ ‘er- but I dunno that I would’a felt any better about it if I gave in ‘t what I thought I wanted. ...I’m glad I don’t have that feelin’. I know the way I killed ‘er wasn’t… good- but…”

“It was fast.” Ren says softly. His voice is almost childlike. Masato may have been acting the most openly affected, but Ranmaru is reminded that Ren is affected, too. “You didn’t drag it out and that’s what matters.”

“I disagree.” Masato’s voice has taken on the cold tone again. The one that throws Ranmaru back to the time he _met_ Masato, in the alley. “I wish you would have taken proper revenge. She deserved worse than what you gave her.” Masato doesn’t even pause as he continues. “I think you were wrong to ask him not to, Ren.”

“He wasn’t.” Ranmaru speaks up before Ren can. “‘N I don’t want _anyone_ fightin’ over this situation because she’s caused us enough problems when she was _alive_. We don’t need ‘er fuckin’ with us after her death, too. But think about it, Masa- ‘n I know it’s unpleasant for both ‘a you to think back ‘t your past, but you need to, now. ‘Cause she _is_ the cause ‘a most ‘a yer problems. She’s the one that started the issues between the two ‘a you, ‘n that’s what led you both ‘t turnin’ into what you are now. She started a snowball that really fucked both ‘a you over. ...I hate ‘t use the word _monster_ , Masato, but what you turned into after you changed wasn’t what you are now. I hate puttin’ it like this- but you weren’t _human_. Livin’ the way you were, lookin’ for nothin’ but revenge ‘n hurtin’ people at your own will. ‘N you’ve proven ‘t me ‘n Ren that that’s not how you are. ‘N I’m raggin’ on you, but I don’t think Ren did all that well either- he fucked up, but he fell into the same downfall you did. Indirectly, she got ‘im changed, too. Even if he got changed because he was bein’ _petty_ ‘n _stupid_.” The scolding in his tone is a bit stronger with Ren than with Masato, but it leaves his voice quickly. “But the real reason I’m glad Ren stopped me from doin’ what both you ‘n I wanted ‘t do to her Masa… she knew she wasn’t makin’ it out. Her last fuckin’ words were tryin’ ‘t get ‘t me. Tryin’ to get me mad ‘r ‘t hurt me. ‘N if I would’a done half ‘a what she did ‘t me when she killed me, I would’a been a monster, too. Just like her. You’re mad now, Masa, but you won’t always be. You’re never gonna forgive her. I’m never gonna forgive her. Ren’s never gonna, either- but take this as peace. She got what she deserved. She’s done hurtin’ people. We don’t need _revenge_. We don’t need ‘t get down ‘t her level- not when we’re turnin’ into what she is ‘t do it. We met when you tried ‘t kill me, Masa. I don’t ever want you goin’ back ‘t that place. I want you ‘t keep movin’ forward.” Ranmaru’s teasing tone is weak, but he ruffles Masato’s hair. “I don’t like scary Masato. I like the Masa that fell asleep on my lap during Christmas ‘n got all bright ‘n happy when I made ‘im melon bread.” Ranmaru’s voice softens, and his hand stays in Masato’s hair. He can slowly see Masato’s mask breaking. Masato’s violet eyes are shining with tears. “Ren’s lookin’ out for both ‘a us. ‘N after a while, when we’re in a normal fuckin’ lifestyle without all of this shit surroundin’ us, we’re gonna be real glad about that. You’re not a monster, Masa. ‘N I don’t think I am, either. But I’m glad we didn’t let her make us one.”

Masato’s face is twisted as he tries to keep in his tears but it’s a losing battle. Ranmaru lowers his hand, trying to pull Masato closer, and Masato pulls his hand back to move. He ends up cradled against Ranmaru’s side, his head on Ranmaru’s chest. It gives Ren the chance to put his hand on the side of Masato’s face. 

“She can’t do anything anymore.” Ren agrees. His smile flickers, but it’s there. “It’s just us. And what I think we should especially focus on is exactly what Ran said. Maybe now we can just enjoy ourselves. We can have a normal relationship- a normal life for the first time in how long?”

Silence falls, but the time is used in comforting Masato. Ren works his way down Ranmaru’s chest so that he’s still lying on top of Ranmaru, but he can be face to face with Masato, pressing his forehead to Masato’s. Ranmaru’s hand rubs up and down Masato’s back soothingly. 

“I revert so quickly.” Masato says quietly. His voice is empty and Ranmaru hates hearing it. It sends a pang through his chest. “Will I ever truly be able to live normally?”

“What’re you talkin’ about?” Ranmaru tries to keep his voice light hearted. “You were good, Masa. Hell- you were fine yesterday, yeah? You were good all the way goin’ ‘t the butchers. You aren’t _revertin’_ , because you bounce back. ...I couldn’t see it the way ‘m sure that you two do, but you mentioned it yourselves- ‘bout why you didn’t like ‘t mention Siera around me. It’s _trauma_. But I’m gonna bet that your moments ‘a backtrackin’ ‘r gonna get better. My moments ‘a rememberin’ are probably gonna get better, too, yeah? We’ll work on it. Think Ren’s mentioned before about how we all need a lotta fuckin’ help, ‘n he’s not wrong. So we just… work on it. Together.”


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the final chapter!!!! 
> 
> happy birthday mimi! you are the reason that i managed to finish this story instead of pushing it off for a hundred years  
> you deserve very good things and i really hope that you think this chapter was worth the wait, haha  
> i hope that today is good and that things continue well. i hope camus is kind to you and thank you for pushing me. im very very very glad that youre my friend <33333

It isn’t a quick transition, to actually begin to help each other get over it- but it does start happening. 

It isn’t easy, but Ren is the one to start leading them down the right path. Ren keeps it simple- he insists that they start returning to normal. To get back to the “mundane” though at this point, that isn’t how Ranmaru would describe it. 

When Ranmaru thought of Siera, he no longer felt as if he were seething. It wasn’t that no anger came to the surface, but he was well aware that there was nothing else for him to do about her, but knowing that she was gone helped him feel… well, not helpless. He felt ready to move on. 

So he did. 

They still had the meat in the fridge, though Ranmaru had drifted away from the steaks and had gotten several burgers. They may be different cuts of meat, but he assumed that raw meat was raw meat and the burgers were still bloody. It had actually been Ranmaru’s idea, to sit at the table with Masato and try to eat with him. At first, Masato hadn’t touched the steak that he was interested in trying, though Ranmaru was already tearing into one of the burgers. 

“What happened to our fork rule?” Ren raises an eyebrow as he sits down at the table with Masato and Ranmaru. His eyes are on the meat in Ranmaru’s hand. 

“It’s a burger.”

“That has no bun. You’re still just grabbing a fistful of raw meat, Ran.” When Ranmaru just stares, Ren just shakes his head. “I’ll give you a pass this _once_ \- but I’d like it if you’d eat your next burger with a _utensil_.”

With _Ren’s permission_ , Ranmaru takes another bite from the burger in his hand. That thought almost makes Ranmaru roll his eyes- but as much as he hates to say it, Ren actually might have a point. The burger depressed in his hand and melded to the shape of his fingers, and it was actually starting to get to be a pain to eat it with how much it gives. He wasn’t about to go get a fork now though. 

Not that he’d care that much about an “I told you” from Ren, but he was still going to try to avoid that. Even if it meant that he was virtually eating the meat off of his fingers. 

Ren must know what Ranmaru is thinking because there’s very clear amusement in his eyes as he watches Ranmaru struggle. Masato is watching Ranmaru, too. 

“You gonna eat yours?” Ranmaru asks Masato, once he notices Masato’s attention on him. Masato hums, resting his head on his hand and his elbow on the table. Usually, he was the best of the three about manners, but there’s a bit of a nervous expression on his face. 

“I know that you can eat yours without difficulty…” Masato trails off but Ren and Ranmaru both get the implication. 

“Y’don’t have these reserves with eatin’ melon bread, ‘n that _does_ make you sick.”

Masato gives a sigh that Ranmaru considers overdramatic. “That feels worth it- but being sick is still being sick and that’s unpleasant. I’d like to eat it- but I just worry that I may get sick off of it. I’m trying to determine whether it’s worth the risk.”

Ren hums, but then he slides Masato’s plate over to himself and cuts two pieces with the knife and fork that had been on the edge of Masato’s plate. Ren stabs a piece of meat with the fork and offers it to Masato, who slowly takes it. Ren takes the piece of meat that he had cut in between his thumb and index finger. He’s about to talk, but Ranmaru cuts him off, the teasing tone strong in his voice. 

“What happened to the fork, Ren?”

“You’re licking burger off of your palm, Ran. I still don’t think you’re one to talk.”

Ranmaru makes a noise that’s almost a snort, but he returns to finishing what’s left of the raw patty. 

“Why don’t we try together, baby?” Ren asks, looking at Masato. “Ran hasn’t gotten sick yet- but if he’s special and we’re not, then we’ll get sick together.” Ren grins, but it is a teasing expression. Masato rolls his eyes, but he does lift the fork closer to his mouth. When Masato eats his piece of steak from the fork, Ren pops his piece into his mouth. 

Ren’s expression is a bit apprehensive as he chews. Masato’s is almost curious. Ranmaru watches them both, but neither man seems to have much of an adverse reaction- though Ranmaru can see something sparkling in Ren’s eyes as he finishes his bite. Ranmaru narrows his eyes, watching Ren’s face. 

“What’s that look for?”

That gets Masato’s attention. Ren gives a sheepish smile. “I wonder how my body would take to _spices_. ...I used to have quite the affinity for spicy foods.”

“Is that what you’d call it?” Masato’s eyebrow arches. “As far as I recall the food you ate tended to be _inedible_.”

“Just because you don’t have a palette for spice doesn’t mean that others don’t.”

“Ren, I’m shocked that you have a tongue left after the things you ate when we were young.”

Ren laughs, and Ranmaru actually finds himself with a smile. It wasn’t often that he heard them talk about their past in a _good_ light. It was nice to hear. 

“If you’re willin’ ‘t risk gettin’ sick…” 

Ren looks at Ranmaru a bit curiously. “I’m surprised.” He admits. “I thought you’d be against me trying.” Ren’s still grinning, though. 

Another thing that didn’t often happen. Usually one of the three weren’t happy when they spoke about food. To have all three of them eat something was strange- to have Ren, talking about wanting to risk getting sick _eating_ was strange, but it was all light hearted up to now so Ranmaru wasn’t going to change it. 

“I’ll eat plain meat if it’s all I’ve got- but it’s a ‘lil bland, yeah? If spices won’t make us sick I wouldn’t mind havin’ somethin’ with flavor.” Ranmaru shrugs, and then glances at Masato. “If you wanna-” Ranmaru finds himself with a grin, too. “We can try together.”

“I’m out.” Masato sighs, shaking his head, but there’s still amusement there. He pulls the plate back from Ren. “But I think I’m going to have more of this.”

“Glad you like it.” Ranmaru chuckles, finishing off the last of the burger on his hands as he stands. “Think I’m gettin’ another patty. You wanna split it ‘n experiment, Ren? I’ve got plenty ‘a spices still in the drawers.”

Ren chuckles, but he pulls his hair back and ties it into a ponytail. He speaks when he notices Ranmaru looking, flashing Ranmaru a charming smile. “I’m getting prepared.”

“Sure.” Ranmaru honestly thought it was adorable. Masato glances up, but he’s mostly focusing on picking delicately at the steak beneath him. 

That was cute, too.

Ranmaru leads the way into the kitchen, sliding open the drawer that he had put all of his spices in. Ren sets his head on Ranmaru’s shoulder, looking into the drawer from behind him. 

“What would you suggest, Mr. Chef?”

“That’s a ‘lil redundant.” Ranmaru comments. His voice is dry, but Ren takes it as the joke that he’s meant to. “Let’s see.”

Ranmaru sets out a few spices, some on the left and some on the right. He didn’t want to do spicy, but he had chosen some of the hottest spices that he had in the drawer. They weren’t typically spices he’d use together, but he was pretty sure that they’d taste fine together. He’d normally bite the bullet and just taste the spices to see if they’d work, but if they would make him sick, he at least wanted to get sick off of the spices _he_ wanted to eat. 

Ren moves away from Ranmaru to go get the burger as Ranmaru slides the door closed. When Ranmaru turns his head, he notices Masato occasionally looking back, too. He also notices that Masato has half of the steak finished. He seems to be enjoying it. 

“If this works.” Ren hums. “Or maybe even if it doesn’t- we could have dinners together.” There’s excitement in his voice. “It’d be nice if we can work with spices, but even if it’s just plain meat… it might be nice. To just sit down at the table once a night to eat together.” 

Ranmaru watches Ren for a long moment, enough that Ren actually seems to start getting sheepish, but then Ranmaru grunts. “That sounds like a good idea.”

Ren’s smile turns happier. 

“It’s a good way to start gaining some more normality.” Masato agrees. “Although speaking of dinner- perhaps I should look into scheduling another restaurant visit.”

Ranmaru makes a noise in agreement. “Zoo’s open again this time ‘a night.” Ranmaru glances at Ren’s face. “‘N dependin’ on how you feel about it, Ren- we could probably all go check out the lights again.”

Ren’s expression softens. “I’d… like that. After all, I still want to make up for how it went last time.”

“Maybe we should do it.” Ranmaru says firmly. “But that’s for later. For now- hand me that burger.”

They find that spices actually settle with them fine. They have to be careful not to overdo it- but they can add enough spice to enjoy it. They’ve been making dinner a regular thing- they’ve even become regulars at the butcher’s shop. Masato still chooses to eat his own cut of meat without seasoning, but he’s become more comfortable with eating it and not worrying about making himself sick. 

Meat wasn’t melon bread, he had told them, but it was nice to have food. 

Ren was of the same mindset. He could easily do without it, but it was something nice to have. And he had forgotten how much he enjoyed spicy food. 

Right now, Ren was wrapping Ranmaru up in a scarf. 

“Ren.”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t need the scarf.”

“It’s cold outside.”

Masato is quiet, but he’s watching them. Ren had already insisted on bundling Masato up, too, though Masato had just stood there and let him. 

Ranmaru’s expression is pure exasperated amusement. “You used ‘t love to remind me how you weren’t affected by cold.”

“I guess I could take off the scarf- but if you don’t wear it, then I can’t do this.” Ren pulls Ranmaru closer by his half wound scarf to press his lips to Ranmaru’s. 

Ranmaru is torn between rolling his eyes and pulling Ren closer, but in the end, he decides to take Ren by the hips to pull him closer. 

“So you’ll keep the scarf?” Ren mumbles against Ranmaru’s lips, the second the kiss ends. 

This time, Ranmaru _does_ roll his eyes. “I’ll keep the damned scarf.”

Ren grins. It’s warmer than the scarf. 

The walk down the light covered street is beautiful. There’s a light dusting of snow, but it’s not deep enough to make walking difficult and while Ranmaru is sure that the air is probably cold and bitter, he doesn’t feel it. It’s no more than a tad bit chilly- and Ranmaru will begrudgingly admit that maybe the scarf may have even helped a little bit. 

Similar to the first time he and Ren had walked down the street, Ranmaru takes Ren’s hands and sticks it in his pocket. Ren squeezes Ranmaru’s hand. 

Only this time, Ranmaru takes Masato’s, too. 

The lights above the street are bright. Not long ago, they may have been too much- but Ranmaru can handle it now. He can handle the feel of the air, nipping at his face, and he can handle Ren and Masato’s touch. He can handle the sound of Christmas music, playing somewhere that should be too far for him to hear but isn’t now. There aren’t as many people out as there had been the first time they had gone, but the smell of blood isn’t overwhelming at all. 

They had just eaten dinner before they left. 

But the best part of it all was when Ranmaru had turned his head and had seen Masato’s eyes. 

The very familiar violet eyes are open wide, almost awed as he takes in the scenery. The last time he had been here, he certainly hadn’t taken in the sight. The multi-colored LED lights shine in his eyes, and there’s nothing but appreciation there. 

Masato is happy. 

There is no hatred or rage in Masato’s eyes. They don’t send a chill down Ranmaru’s spine. If anything, it sends a warm feeling shooting through his chest. 

And then Masato’s eyes shift to Ranmaru’s face, just in time to catch his soft smile. It seems to fluster Masato, but Ranmaru keeps the expression. 

They both miss Ren’s- bright and happy, watching the both of them. 

They stay out longer that night than they mean to, but they’re content as they go home, just before dawn breaks. 

“This was a good idea.” Ren mumbles. He’s in the middle of the bed, his arms wrapped around Masato. Ranmaru is holding onto him from behind. “And I’m glad we did it.”

“We can keep it up.” Ranmaru promises. “Even when winter ends there’ll be different stuff for us ‘t do.”

“We can start figuring out date nights.” Masato agrees, though his tone almost makes Ranmaru laugh. He sounds half asleep. “But it’s early and the both of you are loud.”

Ranmaru really does have to stifle a laugh at that. “Sorry, babe. We’ll stay quiet.”

Ren chuckles, squeeing Masato. “Good night, baby.”

It’s a mere two days later when the snow begins falling heavier. It turns into a blizzard, piling high in front of their doors, and even to their windows, keeping them stuck in the house. 

“It’s a good thing that we’ve stocked up.” Ren sighs, glancing at the snow covered window. “We’d be in some trouble if we hadn’t.”

Their fridge was well stocked. They usually had far more blood than they’d ever really need, just in case anything happens. Anything like this. It definitely worked out now. 

They had also gone to the butchershop, just yesterday, and Ranmaru knew that was what Ren really meant. Ren enjoyed the dinners together the most out of the three of them, and Ranmaru knows that Ren is glad that they won’t have to change their schedule while they wait for the snow to melt. 

And being stuck in the house together wasn’t really a problem. It wasn’t as if they weren’t already together almost all of the time anyways. 

Ranmaru grunts in agreement with Ren. “Better hope the power doesn’t go out.”

“I have a generator.” Ren assures. “We’ll be alright as far as power. If we lose service, I have a DVD player and some movies, too.”

Ranmaru smirks, a teasing tone creeping into his voice. “Sounds like you planned for somethin’ like this.”

“I was hopeful.” Ren admits, his smile cheeky. “Who wouldn’t want a chance to be trapped in a house for a few days with no one but their handsome,” Ren moves closer to Masato. Masato was closer than Ranmaru. “Sexy,” Ren’s hands find Masato’s waist to pull him backwards, into Ren. “Boyfriends.” Ren lands a quick kiss on Masato’s neck, and Masato half-heartedly swats at Ren who laughs and lets him go.

“You’ve got weird fantasies.” Ranmaru rolls his eyes, leaning his hip into the table and crossing his arms. “We’ve just gotta hope ‘s only a few days.” Ranmaru wasn’t really all that concerned about it- and Masato didn’t look it either. Neither men looked as excited about it as Ren did, though. 

“I’m sure it won’t. But we should take advantage of it while we can.” Ren insists. “It’s like an extended Christmas.”

“You sound like we’ve all got busy lives ‘n don’t see each other most ‘a the night every night.”

“It’s different.” Ren’s voice is resolute. 

“Because we’re not always _forced_ together?” Masato raises an eyebrow, turning his head to properly, full on face Ren. 

Ren gives a playful huff. “That’s not what I mean.” Ren gestures to the snow covered window. “This is like a scene from every winter, Christmas rom-com. Just think of all of the romantic moments we can have while we’re snowed in.”

“Of course you of all people would take a severe weather condition and turn it into a romance movie.” Masato sighs, but it’s empty of any real negative emotions.

“Entertain me.” Ren doesn’t say it like a question, but he’s waiting for an answer. Ranmaru shakes his head but pushes himself off of the table. 

“Fine.”

Masato’s answer comes slower. “Alright.”

They wind up on the couch fairly quickly. Ren settles himself on the couch, and he lets Ranmaru and Masato sit besides him, but that’s not where they stay for long. It starts with Masato. 

Ren reaches out, at first casually putting an arm on his waist. The TV is on, but while they have reception still, it’s just on whatever it was on when Ren turned it on. He’s not really watching it. Ranmaru is acting like he is, but most of his attention is on what Ren is planning. Masato is on Ren’s lap very quickly. 

That’s where Ranmaru starts paying less attention. He’s expecting an arm around the shoulders, or for Ren to take his hand- he’s not actually expecting Ren to set his hand on Ranmaru’s waist. While it could be a way to just cuddle, Ranmaru knew this. 

Ren was going to pull Ranmaru onto his lap. 

It wouldn’t be the first time, by any means. Ren had a thing for it, Ranmaru had learned. He’d settle for sitting on Ranmaru’s lap, but he preferred when Ranmaru sat on his, or Masato. 

Or, tonight, both of them. Ranmaru gives Ren an incredulous look, but Ren doesn’t even need to speak to manage to convince Ranmaru to try. It’s a tight squeeze, and Masato is now partially on Ranmaru’s lap, too. 

“This can’t be comfortable for you, Ren.” Ranmaru has started holding Masato, but it’s mostly to keep Masato from just falling onto the couch. When Ranmaru glances over his shoulder, Ren has a happy smile on his face. It’s almost goofy, but Ranmaru thinks it’s cute. Ren leans his head forward enough to rest his chin on Ranmaru’s shoulder. 

“I’m comfortable.” Ren insists. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be than here, with the both of you this close to me.” 

“That’s cheesy.” Ranmaru comments. 

“But it’s true.” Ren’s voice is smooth. One of his arms is around Ranmaru and the other is around Masato, holding them both tightly. “You know.” Ren’s voice softens. “You both seem so much happier.” Ranmaru doesn’t respond, at first, but he turns his head to watch Ren’s face better. Masato’s eyes flicker to Ren’s face, too. “It’s nice to see it. We’ve all been stressed. The _both_ of you have been hurt more than you ever should be… and especially you, Ran. But we’re here now. I’ve gotten to see both of you smiling… we’re… getting to a place of normality. And I love you both and seeing you happy is what makes me happy. I’m not trying to make anything too serious and I’m definitely not trying to weigh anything down-” Ren sighs, but it isn’t a sad sound. “It’s just nice. I like this. And we’re going to keep it.”

“Yeah.” Ranmaru agrees. “We are.” Masato hums, glancing at Ranmaru’s face. Ranmaru then speaks again. “But now we’ve gotta address the fact that the TV’s playin’ an infomercial ‘n the remote’s on the other couch.”

The rest of the night is spent on the couch. They switch positions multiple times, though most often, Ren keeps at least one of them on his lap. Ranmaru had shot down Ren’s idea of just watching the hour long ad about a hair dryer, though as soon as he was up, Masato had gotten locked further into Ren’s grip. 

The next time Ren had gotten Ranmaru back on his lap, at the start of a movie, he had insisted that both of his partners stay on his lap and Ranmaru begrudgingly allowed it. 

Ren ended up really winning on this front for a while because when Masato fell asleep, Ranmaru didn’t really want to move and wake him, even though he was sure that Ren’s legs were well past asleep at this point. It was hard to tell because Ren hadn’t lost the small smile that he’s been wearing for what has probably been hours at this point. 

And when Ranmaru finally relaxes back into Ren, Ren starts _beaming_.

“I’m glad.” Ren sounds emotional, but he’s clearly very happy. He’s keeping his voice soft so he doesn’t wake Masato. “When we first started dating, you’d start getting nervous if I even put my arm around you. ...I hope you believe me when I say that I like this side of you- but you’re not weak for having it. For letting me dote on you. It goes both ways, baby.”

There actually is a bit of embarrassment, but Ranmaru pushes it down, clicking his tongue. “I’m…” Ranmaru closes his eyes for a few seconds as he tries to decide which angle he wants to approach this from. In the end, when he opens his eyes, he chooses the truth. If his heart beat, it’d likely be beating too fast now. “I wasn’t used ‘t it.” Ranmaru voice is gruff. “‘S not that I’m… _that_ against it. ‘N I know you’re a pretty physical person- but you were my first real boyfriend, Ren. Which sounds stupid- but it took me ‘til pretty recently, even, ‘t get used to any of it.”

“I understand. I’ve have flings here and there but I’ve only ever had real feelings for two people, Ran, and both of them are here, in my lap right now. I’m just glad that you’ve come around to it. Because I was never trying to make you uncomfortable.”

“Y’weren’t, Ren. Bein’ awkward ‘n bein’ _uncomfortable_ are two different things.”

“You can be a bit awkward.” Ren teases. “But I’m also a bit glad to hear that’s the extent of it.”

“‘M mostly over it because I know who you are.” Ranmaru closes his eyes, but this one isn’t because of the admittance. This is because he’s planning to take a nap when he’s done talking. “I get it now, that stuff like this makes you feel better. ‘N the same way that I’m never gonna stop tryin’ to be your tough boyfriend.” Ranmaru gives a half hearted smirk. “I’ll protect ya from anyone, yeah? You ‘n Masa. Even if you guys could kick their ass yourselves.”

Ren chuckles. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

The snow lasts for nearly three days before it dries up enough for them to actually leave the house- though the time goes by quickly. It doesn’t bother any of the three men. 

It’s only the second day when they try something new. They get out of the bed once, to eat, and for the rest of the night, they don’t leave the bed. 

Ren had slept with both Ranmaru and Masato, but Masato and Ranmaru hadn’t had the chance to take it further yet. 

Masato wasn’t necessarily experienced. He was conservative, but not quite as conservative as he sometimes acted, or sometimes presented himself. It wasn’t that Masato was against sex, but it was still fairly unexplored territory. 

Ren had been his first, and they had only slept together once, on Masato’s birthday. 

Masato had been engaged, and Siera was certainly promiscuous, but in the time that they had grown in, it was still commonplace and proper to save yourself for marriage. That had been Masato’s plan. 

Ren, clearly, hadn’t been as concerned about that. Ren had only slept around from the hurt of being denied, but Ren had admitted before that if Masato would have slept with him earlier, Ren would have gone for it. But even after losing Masato, Ren hadn’t necessarily stopped seeking people out. 

It was lonely, he had said, spending hundreds of years without a deep connection. He hadn’t found a real connection until Ranmaru, but it was easier to deal with his obnoxiously long life when he had partners now and then, even if they were only for a night. 

Masato was too set on revenge to care much for using humans as anything but a food source. 

Ranmaru was in the same boat as Masato. Ren had been his first, too. 

Both Masato and Ranmaru’s relative inexperience didn’t matter much, when Ren was with them. Ranmaru was admittedly a little apprehensive with how their threesome would work, but by the end of it, he had crashed hard, the three of them lying closer to each other than they usually got. 

When Ranmaru woke up the next night, the first thing that he’s thankful for is that there aren’t any liquids to clean up because they’d be _everywhere_. There’s nothing there and he’s still disgusted just at the thought. 

He’s almost in the middle, but all of them are, a little bit. Ren is almost entirely on top of Ranmaru, still, and Masato is somewhere in the pile, mostly on Ren but also on Ranmaru. It’s a pile, and Ranmaru thinks he’s at the bottom. It’s hard to tell when he can barely even tell which arms or legs are even his.

It takes them a few minutes to separate and Ren isn’t much help in it. 

Ren isn’t much help in the shower, either, when they make the questionable decision to take it together. It didn’t help when Ranmaru offered to get out, to give Ren and Masato room to do things such as move or clean themselves, or even to change the water temperature, and Ren had chosen to insist that Ranmaru doesn’t get out. Ren had held on and had held on tight and Ranmaru’s pretty sure that when they get out of the shower that they aren’t clean- they’re just wet. 

Ranmaru’s complaints didn’t feel very serious, and he guesses that really, they weren’t. 

The last step that leads to Ranmaru’s realization that he really is happy comes when they start actually getting back to their lives. 

Masato doesn’t go full-time as a nurse, but he does start going part-time again. Ranmaru hadn’t ever caught the price of the blood bags that Ren had been getting, but he knew very well that it was a good thing that Masato went back because with the amount of bags that Ren bought, Ren’s probably lost at least fifty years of income. 

Even with Masato working, Ren still bought bags, to make sure they were stocked. Ren liked having extra. 

At least he was buying less.

Ranmaru reaches out to the older couple, too- and they’re fast to accept him back. 

They’re quick to accept Ren back, too. 

Ranmaru learns that Haruka had returned to the night shift, and that her now fiancee, Otoya, had taken on a job as the chef- but neither of them loved the shift. They both preferred day, and were more than happy to give Ren and Ranmaru their shift back. 

Working made Ranmaru much, much happier. He still spent an absurd time with Ren, considering the fact that Ren never left the damn kitchen, but having something to do was very good for Ranmaru’s psyche. 

Getting to stay with Ranmaru, to watch over him, was good for Ren’s. 

Not to mention that the couple really appreciated it. They seemed glad to see Ranmaru, too, healthy and alright. Ranmaru was glad to help them, too. 

It’s almost been two months of working (though they’ve cut it down to the usual five days of seven instead of six) when Ren starts disappearing for short periods of time and won’t tell Ranmaru where he’s going. 

Masato clearly knows whatever Ren is doing, and he isn’t concerned- so instead of being worried, Ranmaru was just grumpy about Ren’s secrecy. He was quick to give Ren a hard time, but Ren never budged. 

Ranmaru hadn’t actually learned why Ren had started leaving until his birthday. Ranmaru had rolled his eyes before he had even seen what Ranmaru had gotten him. 

“So whatever this is is why you’ve been spotty recently, yeah?”

“Spotty?” Ren is holding a bag in one hand but he places his hand over his chest with the other in mock offense. “I haven’t been missing _that_ much. Besides-” Ren grins. “I think you’ll like this. It was worth all of the work and effort I had to put in to get it, too.”

Ranmaru’s eyebrow raises, but he takes the bag when Ren hands it to him. Ren speaks as he opens the bag. 

“This was incredibly difficult to find.” Ranmaru feels frozen, when he sees what’s actually inside of the bag. Ren’s smile is almost a bit sheepish now. “But look who I found.”

Masato is watching from the bed, quietly, as Ranmaru takes the brown bear out of the bag. He still had the red ribbon around his neck- but the real giveaway is on the bear’s foot. A very, very faded _RK_. 

Ranmaru reaches forward, taking Ren by the front of the shirt to pull him into a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it! :') 
> 
> ^_^ thank you for everyone that has read or commented on this  
> it's my first full fic that i've actually finished and its only because of my friend mimi but i think it ended up being worth it?   
> i hope you enjoyed!!!


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